Chapter 10 #2
“Yes, since I’m still living in a halfway house. I’m fine taking them.” He set his untouched coffee on a small wooden table next to the couch and faced her. “I’m doing good, Jade. Real good.”
“Then why were you in such a hurry to see me? I thought you were in trouble.”
“I figured you would.”
“Logan—”
“Because I knew you’d believe that before you’d believe I was clean, sober, and gainfully employed.”
He had a point.
“I don’t blame you for thinking the worst of me. I spent so much of my life being wasted, trying to figure out how to get wasted, or hustling for money to stop being wasted. But I know better now. Being clearheaded is amazing. I didn’t realize how much of a foggy, angry mess I was.”
“You drove all this way to tell me this?”
He nodded. “I wanted you to see I’m sincere this time. I’ve turned my life around for real. And I’m going to fight to keep on the straight and narrow for good.”
“I’m so happy for you,” she said. It was like a miracle. No, it was a miracle.
Logan grinned. “I have you to thank. If you hadn’t cut me off, I probably wouldn’t have hit rock bottom.
Not as fast as I did, anyway. It was either stay locked up, OD, or do something with my life.
I got into a good rehab program and finished it this time.
Graduated with flying colors, according to my counselor. ”
Jade wanted to weep. While she’d held out a sliver of hope that her boundaries would help him, she had done it more for herself.
“I didn’t want to,” she said. “I really wanted—” Her voice caught.
Talking about the failed adoption at this point was useless.
But maybe they could be the tiny family she’d always wanted, now that he was on the right track.
She set her drink down and sat beside him, putting her arms around his shoulders. “I’m proud of you, little brother.”
He hugged her back. “Thanks, sis.”
They let go of each other, and Jade was ready to pepper him with questions about his new life when she noticed the apprehension in his eyes. It triggered her own nerves. “That’s not all you wanted to tell me, is it?”
“No.” He drew in a deep breath. “Your mother wants to talk to you.”
Jade froze. Even her heartbeat went almost completely still. She couldn’t have heard him correctly. “Lydia?” she squeaked out.
“Wants to see you.”
“No.” She jumped up from the couch. “No, no, no—”
“Jade, just listen—”
“No!” She spun around. “How do you even know what she wants?” She gasped. “You’ve been talking to her? Why would you do that?”
Logan went to her. “We met in rehab. Ironic, isn’t it?
Out of all the rehab places in Little Rock, Lydia and I would be at the same one at the same time.
We got to talking after group one day and put the pieces together.
She misses you, Jade. She knows she has a lot of making up to do, and she wants to start the process. ”
“Don’t listen to her. She’s a liar, drug addict, an alcoholic—”
“Me too,” he said quietly. “I was and am all those things.”
“But you were just a kid.” Her voice quaked. “You had a rough life—”
“So did you.”
“Because of her!” She backed away. “Would you have contacted me if she hadn’t manipulated you into it?”
“She didn’t manipulate me. I offered.”
Jade noticed he didn’t answer the first part of her question.
“Lydia’s changed. You have to believe me.”
“No, I don’t.”
He stilled. “You’re right. You don’t have to. Go see her and find out for yourself. Then you’ll see she’s different.”
“She’s making you do her dirty work. If she wanted to reach out to me, she would have.”
“Would you have let her?”
They both knew the answer was no.
“I want to pave the way. That’s all. Just give her a chance.”
“How long were you in rehab together?”
“Two and a half months. But we’ve kept in touch ever since.”
“You’ve known her less than a year?” She threw up her hands. “What did she do to get to you?”
“She got sober,” he said, his expression pleading. “Just like me.”
Jade shook her head, not only at Logan’s words, but to ward off the tiny part of her heart that wanted to believe him. She could tell he had changed, that he was different. And while she knew he would forever struggle with his addictions, she felt in her soul he was sincere.
Her mother never had been. “She used to say that to me too, Logan. She’d get clean enough to pull me out of foster care and back home.
Things would be okay for a little while.
But it never lasted long. She’d have men over, get drunk, do drugs.
The school or a neighbor would call Child Protective Services.
..” Jade whirled around, fighting for composure.
He didn’t need to hear all this. His early childhood had been similar.
But that didn’t stop the memories from assaulting her—the CPS people picking her up, taking her to a home, starting the cycle all over again.
Once she’d called them herself. There were visits with social workers, going to court, seeing Lydia in jail.
That had stopped when Jade turned sixteen. She was done .
“Jade...”
Her brother’s gentle voice brought her to her senses. She swallowed her anger, like she always had, and turned to face him. “I understand what you’re trying to do,” she said, her tone icy steel. “The answer is no.”
Defeat crossed his features. “Is that what you want me to tell her?”
“I don’t care what you tell her.” She snatched her purse off the couch and walked to the door, then turned around. “I hope you can stay sober, Logan. I believe you want to. But if you don’t, I won’t be there to pick you up.” Her heart burned inside. “I can’t.”
“Understood. I have to earn back your trust, and I will.”
More than anything, she wanted to run and hug him again. But she couldn’t, thanks to Lydia. Any sign of weakness could be seen as a softened stance, and she couldn’t give in. Not now, not ever. “Have a safe trip home,” she said, unable to resist being completely cold to him.
His throat bobbed. “You too.”
She opened the door and walked into the bright sunshine to her rental car. Only when she got inside and drove off down the mountain did she allow herself to cry.