15. Fifteen
fifteen
GINGER
If these women aren’t good enough to grab Elliot’s attention, then I need to find one who is, because he has to stay away from me. When we kissed in the woods, I’d been a heartbeat away from shredding my own clothes to get closer to him. It’s a miracle my willpower even made an appearance.
Davis, our illustrious host, is alone in his trailer when I barge in. He sits up in bed, lowering the book he’s reading. He glances at me over his reading glasses. “Am I late again?”
I cut right to the chase. “You’re close with Jenna Gibson, right?”
“We keep in touch.”
“Are the rumors true? Are she and Eric on the outs?”
“They’ve still got some counseling to get through.” Davis studies me like I’m an ancient scroll of papyrus. “Why?”
“Do you think she’d consider—reconsidering?”
The book on Davis’s lap threatens to slide to the floor as he leans toward me in surprise. “Pardon?”
I swallow hard. “Like what if she had the chance to come back and make another run at Elliot. What do you think she’d say?”
Davis’s face lights up like a kid seeing Disney World for the first time. “You’re serious?”
“Am I standing here? Yes, I’m serious. Elliot’s drifting. Did you see him today? He’s completely disengaged.”
“I figured he was tired. I’m tired.”
I give my head a firm shake. “It’s not that. These women aren’t doing it for him. I want to bring out their competitive side. I want to see Elliot working— torn —like Jenna was last season.”
Davis strokes his chin, intrigued. “I’m not sure what Lavonne would think about that. Much less Elliot.”
I wave a hand between us to erase Davis’s better judgment. It’s totally irrelevant. “We want to tackle real-world relationship issues, right? What’s more real than two exes trying to work it out? A second chance. Think of the contrast between what you used to want versus what you think you want versus what’s actually good for you. It opens up a whole conversation we’ve never had on the show before—people deal with this stuff all the time, and you and I both know Lavonne would kill to put her two cents in.”
Davis nods thoughtfully, seeing the light of my haphazard, yet possibly brilliant plan. “You’re right.”
Desperate to get to the point, I press. “What do you think? You think Jenna would be interested?”
“I could reach out to her.”
“You are on good terms, right? Because if you’re not, I can find someone better to DM her.”
Davis dismisses my snarky remark. “We’re fine. But should you run this by Marlon? Her contract hasn’t expired yet. She’s still going through the motions of trying to make the engagement work.”
“If she’s interested, I’ll talk to Marlon. So maybe don’t get her hopes up. Be subtle, like you do. You know?”
He grins, clearly appreciating my nod toward his excellence at his job. “I’ll let you know when I hear back from her.”
I could literally kiss him, but I beam instead. “Thanks, friend. Want me to have someone fix you a s’more or something?”
Davis grimaces, giving his head a disdainful shake. He’s too fancy for s’mores. “But call me when you break open the good liquor.”
Leaving his trailer, my mind buzzes with the brilliance of my plan even as anxiety gnaws at my insides. Filming continues near the campfire between the women, Elliot, and The Panel while they toast marshmallows and exchange stories. He’s smiling, relaxed, engaged—exactly what I asked him for.
But the spark still isn’t there. A year ago that wouldn’t have been a problem, but all of a sudden Marlon wants all sparks all the time, because he thinks America does, too. If I’m honest with myself, it was a thrill last year, watching Elliot and Jenna come ever closer on their collision course of falling in love. I was only jealous because it all looked so romantic—a journey into love I’ve never taken myself.
I can’t imagine what it would take to give someone so much power over me. Just hand over my heart and hope they take good care of it. No fucking thanks. I don’t even trust my own mother to make me soup.
Elliot’s a good guy, though—worth fighting for. While Jenna might not deserve a second chance at him, he deserves the happy ending we guaranteed him. My only job is to deliver it.
ELLIOT
“Come in.” Michelle answers my knock on her trailer . I sneak inside, careful not to let the door bang shut. Production has wrapped for the day, but it doesn’t mean this tiny violation of the rules won’t come back to bite me. I was careful to wait until everyone retired to their tents or trailers before I crept over to Michelle’s.
Without makeup, she looks more like the confused kid I’d met in high school, less like the scariest member of my Panel. She tsks . “You shouldn’t be sneaking around in the middle of the night.”
“You’re still up.”
She lifts her legs to allow me to sit with her on the tiny fold-out sofa. Her back rests against the kitchen counter, a Kindle on her lap. A cozy robe engulfs her slight frame. Mindlessly, I take one of her feet, set it on my lap, and rub it through her fuzzy sock.
“Way to go on that zip line today,” she says.
I meet her narrow-eyed gaze, noting the suspicion in it. “Thanks?”
“What’d she say to get you up there?”
“What did who say?”
She jams her heel into my thigh. “Your ballbusting producer, jerk. You know who I’m talking about.”
I don’t remember much about it. I was in a steady haze of panic on the edge of that gorge, but I do remember when Ginger took my hand. “Same kind of thing you would say, I guess. ‘It’s not that scary. You got this.’”
Michelle’s knowing smirk fades slightly. “And here I thought I was the only one who could get you across that ravine.”
I give her a look that says I know better. Michelle wouldn’t have gotten me on the zip line. She wouldn’t have even tried. I wanted her to come over so she could yell at Ginger for trying to make me do it, the same way she scared off some jerk who offered me cocaine once at a party in college. I wanted her there for backup while I ran to lock myself in the crew’s truck.
Ginger’s surprising show of patience gave me the space I needed to come to terms with my near-certain death. At least I wouldn’t have been alone.
“I just needed some light shaming. Anybody could have done it,” I say.
“If you say so.”
I shift onto my hip to face her more fully. “I didn’t come here to talk about Ginger.”
Her eyes light up. “Someone catch your eye? Are you trying to influence my decision? You naughty boy.”
I give it to her straight. “This isn’t working.”
She responds with an eye roll and dramatic sag of her upper body. “Ugh, Elliot. It hasn’t even been two weeks.”
“I don’t like these women.”
Michelle flips her Kindle over and gives me her full attention. “Where’s this coming from?”
“Do you?” I ask. “Like them?”
“I’m keeping an open mind, babe. You should be, too.”
I grimace. “So you can see me marrying one of them? Raising kids with her.”
She scowls.
“You can’t see it at all, can you?”
“I saw it with Jenna,” she says.
There it is. I sigh. “Jenna’s not here.”
“If you would open yourself up a little, you might find what you had with her again.”
Jenna hasn’t even crossed my mind. I’m stuck on the memory of Ginger’s face in the forest, the words she didn’t say, and of course the way every glance she sends my way fills me with raging lust. I can’t get her out of my head. None of these women come close to competing. Jenna may have opened my mind to the possibility of a lasting partnership, but in the end, she must have seen I wasn’t as into her as I was into the idea of everything magically working out.
Her rejection still hurt when it came, and I don’t want to be the one rejecting someone else this time around. I was a fool to think I came here for any reason other than to be in Ginger’s orbit again. I don’t want some random life mate. I want her . “This was a mistake.”
Michelle swipes her foot off my lap and sits up straight. “You’re not quitting. I won’t let you. We’ve come too far.”
“It’s not working, Michelle.”
“Listen to me, Elliot Hale. You need to open up your heart. I know it hurts. I know it’s hard. I know you’ve walled it off ever since your parents’ divorce, but you said this is what you wanted. You committed to it, and so did I. Now you need to invest in the process. Invest in some of these women. Let them in. Talk to them like you talk to me. You might even find one you like more.”
At this point, I’d settle for anyone who would actually listen to me. But there’s only one woman on my mind anymore, and she isn’t an option. If I stay, I’ll be settling. Big time.
Michelle needs to come to terms with it the same way I have. I take a breath, prepared to tell her the cold, hard truth, but she gets a solid grip on my hand and speaks first.
“I want you to fight for this. I want you to dig deep in that passionate soul of yours and let someone in. Let a few people in. Put your actual heart on the line for once.”
“Look, Michelle...”
“I swear to God, Elliot, whatever upset you have to deal with along the way is worth it. You’ll never have an opportunity like this again. You want to look back and say you half-assed it? No. Get out there and find what you’re looking for. No holding back. No apologies.” She gives my hand a tight squeeze, her intense gaze bearing down on me. “No regrets.”
An electric shock jolts my brain. It’s like she resuscitated it. My heart pounds with renewed purpose. I’ll never have an opportunity like this again. “You’re right.”
“I know.”
And I know exactly what I have to do.