22. Twenty-Two
twenty-two
GINGER
Elliot approaches the gazebo with measured strides, unable to take his eyes off the one who got away. With so much emotion darkening his features, he looks so handsome. A pang of regret echoes through my chest.
This is the absolute right thing to do for Elliot and for the show, but never in a million years would I have expected it to hurt.
It. Hurts. His slow march toward the love of his life puts actual, physical pain in my stomach.
Jenna lowers her gaze when he reaches her. “Hey, babe.”
“Hello.”
Hug her.
Their eyes meet a moment before Jenna reaches for him. Their embrace is awkward, uncomfortable to watch. Jenna’s fingers press into his shirt hard enough to leave marks on his skin, and Elliot gently taps her shoulder. He pulls away first, taking a step back and shifting his focus to Lavonne and Davis.
Ever the host, Davis spins the narrative. “This must be a surprise,” he says.
Elliot nods, jaw clenched, before latching back onto Jenna’s gaze.
“We’ll let her tell you in her own words, but Jenna reached out to the show to let us know things haven’t been working out between her and Eric. She’s here for a second chance, if you’ll have her.”
“That’s what this is?” Elliot blurts, his eyes wide with fury or surprise.
Fury , I think. It’s definitely fury. He’s pissed.
“Why don’t we have a seat?” Lavonne gestures toward the round bistro table at the center of the gazebo.
The four of them sit, Elliot across from Jenna, and wait for the cameras to find their new positions.
Lavonne kicks things off. “Jenna, honey, why don’t you go ahead and tell Elliot what you told me and The Panel yesterday.”
Elliot’s folded hands tighten on each other.
Jenna clears her throat and takes a deep breath until she’s sitting ramrod straight in her chair. “I can’t imagine what you must be thinking right now.”
Her words are met with complete silence. The tension on the hillside grows over seconds that last centuries. My stomach is in knots. I scan the nearby area for a flowerpot to puke in if it comes to that.
Finally, Jenna speaks up. “Elliot, I made a mistake. A huge mistake. Saying I’m sorry won’t cut it, so I want to explain.”
Elliot gives her a careful nod, his face devoid of all expression.
“After the show wrapped, I went through kind of a depression. So much had been happening, we’d all been having so much fun, and then it was all over. I started seeing Eric on a regular basis, but right from the start, I knew I’d screwed up. I missed you every day.”
Davis leans in. “Why was Eric your choice, Jenna?”
Like the reality star she is, she aims her answer at Elliot. “The Panel thought Eric and I would be a perfect match. Our values are so similar, we live in the same state—nothing had to change in my life to accommodate a relationship with him. But it was a conversation I had with my mom that got me feeling nervous about you.”
She inhales unsteadily and goes on. “My family liked you, but they convinced me you were too much like all the other men I’ve dated in the past—all the ones who left me heartbroken and hating myself.”
Duh . That’s the whole point of the show. The Panel keeps the star from repeating the same stupid mistakes they always make. Jenna always went for bad boys. Elliot was a bad boy—more or less—the baddest one we had that season anyway. He’s clickbait for women with poor impulse control, myself included.
But Jenna is no idiot, and her explanation isn’t exactly winning Elliot over.
Lavonne takes a swing at managing the conversation. After all, the goal is for Jenna to stay, not have Elliot kick her out without giving her a chance. “What do you think your Panel missed, honey? Why do you think they got it so wrong? And why did you go along with their decision if you wanted something else?”
Jenna addresses Lavonne, on her best behavior. “I think my Panel thought I wanted someone to take care of me. I was scared of my own feelings, and they were able to convince me Elliot wasn’t a safe choice. I was a mess—my feelings for him were—” She shakes her head. “I was afraid to follow my heart—this process is so confusing, and it digs up so many demons. But what I’ve realized since is that I wanted someone to care for, too. I wanted us to take care of each other . Elliot and I always talked about how we were looking for partners. Someone to dive into the future with headfirst and make sure the other didn’t drown, you know?”
Lavonne reaches out, her hand patting Elliot’s knuckles. “Elliot, do you have any questions for Jenna? Anything you’d like to say?”
“I’d like to know if I have any choices here.” He cuts a glance my way, and I flinch like it’s an actual slap.
“Obviously this is unorthodox,” Davis cuts in. “That’s why we wanted to speak with you privately before we move forward.”
Elliot casts a glance down the lens of every camera trained on him. “Right. Thanks for that courtesy.”
Fuck, we can’t use this. He’s supposed to be emotional, not a jackass. I send a hard stare Davis’s way, needing him to get control of Elliot.
Davis takes the unspoken note. “The Panel is on board with giving Jenna the second chance she’s asking for. We understand it may be awkward at first, so they’ve given her the equivalent of a save this week. Everyone agreed they saw something real developing between the two of you last season, and they’d like to give you the opportunity to reconnect. See if you can find that same spark again.”
Elliot glares at our well-meaning host. “So the answer’s no, Davis. Right? That’s what I’m hearing?”
Shit. “Can we—let’s take five.” I step into the fray as the camera lights go from green to red. “Elliot, a minute?”
He shoves away from the table and walks quickly back to the house, anger rippling off him like heat waves.
I steel myself and hurry after him.
By the time I reach the house, he’s pacing the sitting room. “We need you to calm down,” I say before he starts shouting at me.
“Fuck you.”
“Right, well...I can see you’re a little thrown by this.”
“Thrown?” He stops pacing and shoots me a hateful look. “Did you do this?”
Gulping, I can’t manage to swallow the huge lump blocking my throat. An urge to scream I’m sorry! rocks my body, making me shudder. But my feelings don’t matter. Bringing Jenna back is the right thing—the only thing. “For you. I did this for you . We’ve never had a second chance story, and this is beautiful, right? She still loves you. She came back for you.”
“You want me with her?”
“I want you...”
His head slants to the side, waiting for me to finish a sentence I’m afraid might be complete. “I want the happy ending.”
He gestures toward the gazebo. “How is this fair?”
It isn’t. It’s a mistake—a stupid plan based on my fear of losing everything. A bad judgment like so many other mistakes I’ve made with him this season.
I make myself sound convincing. “If you guys fell for each other last season like I know you did, and she says you did, then you owe it to each other to try again.”
“I don’t owe her anything,” he says, voice glacier-cold.
“You loved her.”
“She humiliated me.”
My eyes close at the searing pain in his voice. This is awful. When I manage to look at him again, his expression gives nothing away. Walls up, he’s shutting down. I sense it in every cell. For the first time in my career, I know I’ve gone too far.
“Marlon must be really impressed,” he says, like he’s reading my thoughts.
I exhale shakily, beyond ashamed, but before I can say another word, he shoulders past me, on his way back to the gazebo, where he does the job I asked him to do. A tear streaks down my face.
I wipe at it angrily before returning to do my job, too.
“Well, that was almost a total catastrophe. What did you say to chill him out?”
Kat plops down on the lounge chair next to mine by the pool. The crew is all set up for tonight’s elimination, but the women have another half hour to primp before filming starts. I’ve made it my goal to avoid Elliot since the sun set on the gazebo reconciliation, and since it’s chilly outside, I’ve been alone for the last several minutes.
We’ll be at the Hacienda all night, dealing with the women’s reactions to having Jenna back. It’ll be great TV, if we manage to keep it from turning into a shitshow.
“Nothing. He needed a few minutes to make up his mind about how he felt.” That’s all true enough.
“Doing it with Lavonne and Davis at the gazebo was smart. I looked at some of the footage. So beautiful. Romantic, actually,” Kat adds, sounding wistful. “Jenna was perfect.”
“Yeah.” She was. Is. Perfect.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I say. “It’s great. This is all awesome. Best idea ever. It’s gonna be a great season.”
Kat swings her legs over the side of her lounge chair and faces Ginger, her hands folded between her knees. “You’ve never liked Jenna.”
“No. I never have.”
“So why’d you bring her back?”
“We already talked about this.” Elliot’s lack of engagement, the show swirling down the drain. The audience.
“And I still think you’re full of shit,” Kat says bluntly, as is her way.
I cover my face, pretending it’s only to rub my eyes, not to hold in the intense anxiety pounding through my veins. I thought Jenna’s return would feel triumphant. But it feels like complete shit.
“You don’t do anything without calculating every possible scenario. You knew this could turn into a total temper tantrum. So what gives? Why do you want him to wind up with Jenna? Has he mentioned her to you? Is he not over her? Was this his idea?”
“It was a mistake. Okay? He didn’t ask to have her here—it was all me. I did this. It’s my fault.”
“Fault? What? No one’s blaming anyone. This is a great twist. I’m trying to figure out what went into it. Teach me your brilliant ways, sensei.”
I push myself up to sit. “I like him, all right? I want him to get what he came here for and more. He got devastated last time. She devastated him. If they can work it out—great. If they can’t, then he gets to move on with someone he sees a better future with, but he won’t know until he sorts through his feelings about her.” Too much emotion powers my words, and the effect isn’t lost on Kat.
“How much do you like him, Ginj?”
“It’s not like that!”
Kat blinks, taken aback, as I hurry to stand.
“Sorry. I’m sorry,” I apologize for shouting.
Kat stands with me, pressing her hands onto my shoulders. “Hey. He’s an amazing guy. You’ve been spending a lot of time together. I get it if there’s some jealousy or whatever.”
“Jealousy? No.” I shake my head, adamant. “ What? ”
Giving my arms a squeeze, Kat lets go. “You can talk to me. For real. I owe you, remember? If there’s anyone you can trust in this ridiculous place, it’s me. You know that, right?”
“I don’t need to talk. But yes. Thank you. You’re my girl. I got it.”
“I am your girl. And you’re mine. You’re stuck with me.”
Kat is rarely warm and fuzzy during working hours, but when she is, it feels like sunshine on a windy day, a miracle in the midst of this mess. I’m grateful to call her a friend.
“So what say we go set off a bomb in the elimination room?”
I pull myself together and prepare to ride this bomb blast straight into my future.