Chapter 15 Holland
HOLLAND
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the floor curled up, shaking with tears streaming down my face.
My demons had finally caught up to me, and I was losing my fucking mind.
I was a broken mess just pretending to lead a good life.
All I wanted was to be happy … safe, but that desire had overruled my common sense.
Leaving the past behind was a joke. A cruel, twisted fucking joke.
My phone chimed, and I scanned the room until I located it on my nightstand. I didn’t even remember leaving it there, but I was searching for intruders and cameras when I got home. I wasn’t paying attention to anything else.
I tapped the screen and frowned at the message.
Monster:
I have to cancel.
“Great,” I muttered to myself. No explanation, nothing about when he could help me. Was he always this unreliable?
I pressed my palm to my forehead, struggling to steady my breath.
On the brink of losing my grip on reality, there were only two people I could turn to for help—Dad and Mom.
But with Cooper and Draco lurking, the fear of being tailed kept me rooted in place.
Yet, if my parents were in danger, they had to be warned.
Dad could protect them, and I desperately needed his help now.
Torn between staying put and risking everything to reach them, I felt trapped by my indecision.
That was what phones are for. Realizing I hadn’t checked my cell for any signs it was bugged, I hurried to my laptop and Googled what to look for.
There weren’t any indicators that I’d noticed.
The battery wasn’t draining faster. I wasn’t hearing clicking noises or static while on calls, and the websites didn’t look any different.
Satisfied my phone was safe, I sank onto the floor and leaned against my bed before I tapped the FaceTime button.
Seconds later, Dad’s smile lit up my screen.
The soft hue of the light blue walls was a clear sign that he was in his office.
When I was younger, we would spend time there, and he would let me perch on the corner of his expansive mahogany desk.
The rich wood had a deep, glossy finish, and the room often smelled faintly of books and polished leather, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere.
“There she is.”
“Hey, how are you and Mom doing?” I chewed on my thumbnail instead of fidgeting. I had too much pent-up fear and adrenaline to sit still for long. Especially with the upcoming conversation.
“Your mom is at book club, and I was looking through some old recipes.”
“Anything good?” My mouth watered with the idea of his homemade pasta.
“Maybe some pastries? What do you think?” He looked at me over the top of his reading glasses.
“Only if I get some.” I smiled at him.
His expression turned serious while he removed his glasses and set them on his desk. “Your eyes and nose are red. Have you been crying?”
I gave him a half shrug. “It was Ally’s anniversary Thursday. I was so busy I almost missed it.”
“I’m sorry, honey. Do you need to talk about it?”
I leaned my head back on the mattress, pausing as uncertainty washed over me before I focused on him again.
“Yeah, there are some things I need to tell you. I’m torn about whether to ask you to keep them from Mom.
Please, use your discretion. I trust you’ll take care of her like you always do, but the weight of this is heavy.
” I tucked my hair behind my ear, feeling the conflict tug at my heart.
“I will. I promise. Some things your mom doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t serve anyone for her to work herself into a frantic, emotional mess.”
I couldn’t help but grin. Even when she had every justification to fall apart, she always managed to pile on extra layers of drama, turning every situation into a theatrical performance.
Clearing my throat, I started, “I love you, Dad. You’ve been a rock for me ever since I stumbled through the parking lot to you and Mom.
I love Mom too. She took care of me, loved me even when it was difficult to put up with me.
Over the years, I’ve considered telling you both the truth, but I was scared that since I was only thirteen you would try to find my real parents, and that couldn’t happen. ”
Dad’s expression filled with compassion. “You didn’t have to say anything, Holland. When we found you and asked if we could call your parents, you were so terrified you puked … all over your mother’s shoes.” His soft chuckle filled my speaker, comforting me.
“You never told me that. So many details are hazy, but others are crystal clear. I’m not even sure how I ended up at the mall. I was exhausted and most likely dehydrated, delusional at times. I just kept going until I found someone I hoped I could trust.”
“The screaming nightmares were another sign that even though we were breaking the law, you were safer with us until you were ready to make a decision about your parents. We had to trust the signs and what you were able to tell us. Over time, you became like a daughter to us, and we love you as if you are our own. There wasn’t a difference in our minds. I hope you know that, Holland.”
Tears blurred my vision. “I do, Dad.” I brought my knees up and propped the phone against my legs. “My real name is Samantha. Somehow, I had enough clarity to give you a different name, and that’s how I became Holland.”
He nodded. “We know. You talked in your sleep. We loved the name you chose for yourself, though, so we never brought it up.”
My brows shot to my forehead with his revelation. “You never said a word to me.”
“Your mom and I talked about it, and we were concerned if you realized that you were sharing information with us when you were sleeping … well, that you would run. We didn’t want to take a chance. Plus, I won’t lie, it helped us understand the gravity of the situation better.”
I bit down hard on my lower lip, trying to grasp the magnitude of his words. They had prioritized me, shielded me from harm. My heart pounded violently in my chest, a relentless drumbeat echoing the intensity of my emotions—gratitude, regret, grief, and a flicker of hope.
“It was my desperate attempt to stay safe while daring to carve out a new life,” I confessed, inhaling a breath that trembled with my uncertainty.
“Ally, my sister, and I were just two girls. One moment we were lost in laughter and teenage chatter about boys with our friends, and the next, everything shattered—our world plunged into darkness. I only remember waking up in a cold, unforgiving cell, the bars mocking our freedom. We were either knocked out cold or drugged into submission. I can only assume it was the latter, as they forced pills down our throats daily to keep us pliant, to rob us of our will.”
I didn’t miss the slight wince Dad tried to hide.
“I’m not sure how much time slipped by, and for some reason our captors kept us together.
Horrible things were done to us. We were sold like cattle, violated, and starved until our spirits were crushed.
We became nothing more than rag dolls, used and discarded, minute by minute in a nightmare that never seemed to end. ”
Dad remained silent, soaking up my words as I shared my shattered past. His eyes shimmered, wet with unshed tears, and the sight hollowed me out.
Each confession seemed to carve into him, but he held the line, knuckles white against the armrest as though bracing for impact.
My pain became his, and the devastation in his gaze was almost worse than reliving it.
Yet he never faltered—he loved me too much to look away, too much to let me drown alone.
“I could hardly recognize Ally anymore; her once vibrant red hair had turned into lifeless strands, dull and nearly brown. Her skin sagged from her skeletal frame, and her once-bright blue eyes were now vacant and hollow. Sometimes, we didn’t even realize we shared the same room, as if we were ghosts haunting one another in a dazed, drug-induced fog.
” I looked away, bombarded by the memories.
“But when the haze lifted, and clarity returned, Ally and I whispered our desperate plans for escape. We vowed to hide the pills in our pillows whenever we could fool them into believing we’d swallowed them.
We thought that was their mistake, giving us a dirty blanket and pillow with a case on it.
” I paused, my heart shattering in sync with Dad’s silent tears. “I’m sorry, Dad. I can stop.”
He removed a tissue from the box on his desk. “No. Don’t you worry about me, honey. I’ll be fine. It just kills me that you and Ally lived … Is this the first time you’re telling someone what happened?”
I gasped for breath, my sobs clawing at my throat, rendering me speechless for what felt like an eternity.
Even in therapy, I hadn’t disclosed as much as I had to my dad.
Eventually, I managed to gather my composure enough to force out the words.
“Yeah. It’s excruciating to talk about, but I have no choice. ”
“I’m here to listen as long as you need me.” He nodded and encouraged me to continue.
Forcing myself to go on, I said, “There was no real way of marking time, but by our weight loss, I was thinking at least three months. Whenever I wondered if our parents were looking for us, I got sick to my stomach, like something was horribly wrong, and we were better off not seeing them again.”
His head jerked back. “Do you think they were the reason you and Ally were taken?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I don’t have proof, but my gut says I don’t need it. It’s why I never told you about them or had you look for them.”
A furious blush crept across Dad’s cheeks, a sign that his blood pressure was rising. “It’s a good thing I never met them, I would have made them pay for what they did to you girls.” His jaw clenched with his words.