Chapter 30 Kip
KIP
“I’m sorry, you did what?” Dope asked, his brows furrowing as he reached for a rolled joint resting on the edge of his desk. He smoothed his burgundy shirt and shook his head.
“Choked her.” The words tumbled out before I could stop them, and I instantly wished I could take them back. But I needed their help. I needed to know what the hell was wrong with me.
Death leaned against the wall in Dope’s downstairs gaming and work room, arms folded, watching me. His black shirt and pants gave him an even more ominous appearance. Lethal. His gaze was sharp, focused, as if he was seeing me for the first time. Different.
I was different. I was falling in love with a girl I thought I’d killed. And years later, I was confiding in my friends in a way I never had before.
“She’s okay. I’m not.” I shoved both hands through my hair, gripping my skull like I could hold myself together. “Killing evil bastards is one thing. But hurting a woman?” I shook my head. “Fuck no. That’s not me. That’s never been me.” I toyed with the hem of my blue T-shirt.
“It’s not you,” Death finally said. “It’s against who you are. And nothing you tell me would change my mind. Something is fucking with you. What did Holland say?”
His tone was calm, calculated, but warmed slightly when he said Holland’s name. Maybe he was getting used to the idea of her being in my life.
“She said she needed to do some research. I told her about the heroin and my disappearing for days, how I had no idea what the hell you guys were talking about when you kept asking where I was when I disappeared.”
Dope leaned back in his computer chair. “Interesting. No wonder you were defensive as shit about it. You don’t remember anything at all?”
“No. But sometimes I’d suddenly find myself in an old, abandoned church or the basements of old buildings.”
“Here in Portland?” Death tilted his head with curiosity.
“Sometimes, but other times I was in Washington or Idaho.” I cleared my throat. “Holland asked if there was a particular feeling with the time loss. It’s hard to explain, but I wasn’t in control.”
“Like choking Holland. I mean, dude, save that shit for the bedroom.” Dope pressed the button of his lighter and fired up his joint.
My brow arched at him as Death chuckled.
“I’ll be curious what Holland finds out. Give her my number so I can help if she’s okay with that.” Dope started to type something on his computer, but I couldn’t make out the words on the screen.
I quickly relayed the rest of the events and what I’d seen and heard while in the so-called flashback. Shit, I wasn’t even sure what they were anymore.
“So, you couldn’t see any faces, but you recognized the voices?” Death pushed off the wall and joined me on the couch.
I didn’t know if they were flashbacks, dreams, or memories resurfacing through a fog of heroin and trauma. All I knew was they felt real. Too fucking real.
I pressed my lips together, the conversation lingering in my mind. “Yeah. Mother, Uncle, Pastor Pendleton. There were some others at the table too, but I wasn’t sure who they were.”
“For some reason, I don’t recall your mother’s first name. What is it again?” Death waited for me to answer.
Hell, I knew why he didn’t remember, but I didn’t want to get into that conversation right now.
“Her first name is Lily.”
For a fleeting second, Death’s entire body stiffened. “How did I not know that? The pictures of her with the Pied Piper … when I met with him and talked before, he mentioned a woman named Lily.” Death swallowed and his spine snapped to attention. “That he’d dated.”
The room fell into an unsettling silence as I struggled to come to terms with what he’d revealed. Shock slammed into me like a tidal wave.
“What the hell? My mother dated that fucker?”
“Yeah,” he growled.
Just the mention of the Pied Piper’s name set us all on edge. He was dangerous, manipulative. We were simply pawns in his elaborate game.
I leaned my head back and groaned. “Fuck. My. Life.” I looked over at Dope, his gaze narrowing, deep in thought. “Jesus. He’s been in your life since the beginning, and you had no idea.”
I shot off the couch, my anger rising to the surface. “Which also means that he might know Holland. As in he was there that night I killed someone. A young girl my age. With red hair and blue eyes.”
Dope swung around in his chair, his mouth gaping open and closed like a fish out of water. “Okay, this shit is getting more insane. You thought you killed a girl when we were teenagers and never said a fucking thing about it?”
“Mother kept me supplied with drugs to ensure I kept my mouth shut, remember?”
“Fuck. That woman has to go. Like I get that we don’t hurt females, but she’s a fucking monster, so in my book the bitch doesn’t count.”
She’s a monster, but so am I.
Dope returned to his computer, his fingers flying over the keys on the keyboard.
“Lily Lytton aka Lily Clemmons aka Lily Harrison.” He grew silent again and leaned closer to his screen. “It’s interesting what pictures people put on the dark web.” He glanced at me sideways. “Oh. Fucking. Hell.”
Death and I crowded around our friend, peering over his shoulder.
Dope smirked while he typed. “Old chat logs about girl after girl for sale. I can’t believe they thought this shit was safe.
But guess what? Some dumbass admin kept nightly backups, and they’re still sitting on an unsecured network attached storage.
It’s referred to as NAS for short. It only took me five minutes to find. ”
A chat log flickered on the screen with dozens of usernames. Threads about “new shipments.” And one photo.
My attention landed on the words and image from years ago, and my heart skidded to a fucking stop.
Her.
“They didn’t post her like they did the other girls—like a product,” Dope muttered, his focus on the screen. “They kept her hidden, passed around like some twisted secret.” He continued to scroll, his jaw tight.
Death leaned over his shoulder, reading aloud, “Love a sweet little redhead? Contact the Pied Piper.” He pinned me with a sharp look. “That’s Holland. Only younger. What the fuck is this, Kip?”
My vision blurred, pulse pounding in my ears as I stared at the image. Trying to convince myself what I was seeing wasn’t real, I blinked hard, but the screen stayed the same.
“It’s Holland,” I rasped. “We met once, but she was introduced as Samantha. That was the night I thought I killed her. I killed someone, but it wasn’t her.”
Dope let out a low whistle, leaning back in his chair, still zoned in on the chat logs.
“The Pied Piper was trafficking? Should’ve figured. But I’m shocked he didn’t cover his damn tracks.”
“Me too,” Death said. “But it’s in our favor.”
Dope frowned, his forehead creasing as if he was deep in thought. “Wait. Let me get this straight. Lily, your mother, dated the Pied Piper? And they ran in the same college circle with those other psychos.”
“Yeah.” I wasn’t sure what he was getting at.
Dope froze. His mouth opened and closed before he finally spoke. “Shit. Kip … you’re sleeping with Holland?”
A sour, burning knot twisted in my gut.
“She’s gorgeous,” I said, piecing together what he was getting at. “Wouldn’t you?”
Death’s hand dropped heavily on my shoulder, his words sharp as they landed. “Let’s hope she’s not blood, man.”
I stiffened, my goddamn heart stopped before it stuttered to life again. Dope sat forward again, tension crackling in the room.
“Think about it. If Lily and PP were swapping more than favors back then … then Holland could be more than just some girl caught in your mother’s shit. Dude, what if Lily is her mom too?”
The air felt thin, suffocating. I yanked my phone from my back pocket, thumbs fumbling across the screen. I didn’t even know what I was typing, just that I had to reach her.
Me:
I need to see you. Now.
I dragged a hand down my face, fingers digging into the back of my neck like I could claw the panic out.
Please, God—or devil, or whoever the fuck is running this show—don’t let this be true.
Don’t let the girl I’m obsessed with be my fucking blood relation.
That was a brand of fucked-up I wasn’t sure I could survive.
Not with the way I wanted her, the way I needed her.
Dope let out a shaky laugh, rolling his shoulders and popping his neck.
“Dude, you’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
I swallowed hard, my chest squeezing tight.
“Yeah. I haven’t told her yet, but yeah. For a while.”
Death exhaled, the sound like a damn funeral bell. “You might want to hold off on that confession, at least until you’re sure how she’s connected to you.”