Chapter 23 #2
All of the sudden, the gravity of my reality felt like it had plummeted around me, sucking all of the air out of the room.
Suddenly all I wanted was to be alone, even if I had every support system around me at the moment.
I just needed to be alone for a minute to process and let out the pure adrenaline I’d been running on since I’d been kidnapped.
“Do you have Bas’ number?” When Troian gave me a quiet nod, I added, “Can you text them that they can come back up? I’m going to grab a shower and attempt to wash this long ass day off me.”
I was giving off a more aloof attitude than what I was actually feeling. I didn’t want Troian to feel even more guilty than he already did about what had transpired.
When my twin gave me a small smile and a nod, I mirrored the sentiment as he pulled out his phone.
Without another word in fear that I would break if I felt my brother’s stare on me a second longer, I made my way back to my bedroom and the subsequent bathroom that adjoined it.
After grabbing a fresh towel from the closet within the mostly white bathroom, I turned the water on and let its sounds flood into the space.
I let the water start warming as I stared at myself in the mirror.
Dried blood was still caked into the crevices of my nose, not realizing it unless I looked a little too closely at my features.
My eyes drooped like I hadn’t slept in years as opposed to just last night.
My clothes were ruffled and were adorned with random blood drops that the floor of the warehouse didn’t manage to catch.
I sighed at my reflection. I looked like I’d been through a fucking hell of a night, void of any levity or happiness.
It was still hard to believe that just this morning I’d been shopping with Bas.
Yesterday felt so fucking long ago that I just needed for time to reset.
Tomorrow was beckoning me and I was hurrying it along in response.
Tomorrow would have to be infinitely better.
Tomorrow wouldn’t have all this hurt weaved into it and I was desperate to be in such a space, both mentally and physically.
Needing the warmth from the shower, I made haste in peeling the articles of clothing that had clung to me since everything had happened. I turned the shower on and stepped inside before the first sprays of water descended down on me.
Once the warm water started hitting my skin, I closed my eyes and exhaled a breath I hadn’t thought I was harboring.
The last bit of breath shook out of me and I started sobbing.
Remembering the experience I’d been forced to live through hit me all at once, and it was too fucking much.
I toed the line of letting my emotions out but not wanting to be too loud as my loved ones piled back inside the apartment.
My chest heaved as the sobs spilled out of my mouth.
I could have died today and there was so much of my life that remained unlived.
I allowed myself the luxury of crying for the what if that hadn’t come to fruition at the warehouse.
I was so thankful to be alive, but living through this made me realize that I’d been living so much of my life on autopilot.
I was still working at the club and while I still enjoyed what I did and loved dancing, it was never supposed to be my path in life.
It was a means to an end, to make as much money as possible.
Now that I didn’t have to worry about money nearly as much, it was time to reevaluate my work at Downpour.
A forceful breath exited my body as I finished letting out the sobs that needed release.
Now that I’d stared death in the face and lived to tell the tale, I wanted to figure out what the rest of my life looked like.
A change was desperately needed and I wanted that to be the next action I tackled.
But before I could tackle the next shift in my life, I needed to fucking sleep.
I quickly scrubbed my body clean, going over every inch of my body a minimum of three times before I was convinced that the body wash was accurately doing its job.
My skin itched from how hard I’d scrubbed my skin, but I wanted to trick myself into believing that my body hadn’t been through what it had.
I wanted the clean slate my survival had given me.
After about twenty minutes, I was satisfied with my mission and stepped out of the shower.
I took the towel off the counter and swiftly rubbed my body dry.
I glanced back at the mirror, glad that no more caked blood was looking back at me.
I looked much better, color returning to my face.
I looked more like me, but I recognized that in the handful of months since my brother had come back into my life, I looked different as well.
I was a brand new Thayer when that happened and I felt like another brand new Thayer now after my warehouse woes.
It was time to live my new life.
Wrapping the towel around my waist, I stepped back into my bedroom, seeing that someone must have shut my bedroom door.
As I walked over to the bed, I could hear the quiet chatter in the living room, glad that I wasn’t fully alone.
But looking down at the open invitation of my empty bed, I yearned to crawl into its confines and be swept up in unconsciousness.
Earlier, I’d been enthralled by the thought of eating, but now, sleep was quickly replacing it as priority number fucking one.
I grabbed a pair of boxers from my nearby dresser, slipped them on after tossing my towel to the floor, and then practically fell into my bed, pausing only to wrap myself in my familiar sheets and comforter. I was home, I was safe.
And now, I was tired.