Chapter 10
Thanksgiving dinner went by lazily, full of love and laughs and warmth and unrelenting comfort. I almost wished I could have seen the event through Van’s eyes. He didn’t know how much I cared about all these people.
Like how Aunt Cheryl continued to brag about her sweet potato casserole being better than Meredith’s, which always made the sisters buck at each other in protest. Kit’s cousins, Barry and Bertram, were twins that were indistinguishable from one another, and they liked to dress the same to confuse the family.
It never worked, but it was a fun repeated gag that kept everyone light and full of laughter.
Or how Uncle Pete, Cheryl’s husband and the twins’ father, demanded that someone challenge him to downing a beer the fastest. Van surprised everyone by taking him head on and fucking winning, something that Uncle Pete refused to let go of, joking that he was no longer welcome in any McKendrick household.
Hours went by, eating good food and it reminded me that just a few short months ago, this was normal to me. Being normal was something that felt so foreign to me now, and I’ll admit, I missed it. Just because that wasn’t my life anymore didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy the ride while I was on it.
Saying goodbye was an entire production, something that was another instance of normalcy.
It took forever for me to convince Meredith and Clark that I was going be okay walking out of the door into the world again.
I think the fact that Van was with me only sped up the process slightly, because it took less than an hour to say goodbye.
Kit walked us outside, freeing us from the rest of the family and he held out his hand again to Van.
“It was great to meet you, Van.” They shook hands again, just as Van pulled out his phone and gave me a nod.
“I’ll order us a car to take us back to the sprinter place so we can head to the airport.”
“Thanks, Van.”
As soon as Van stepped away from the front door and ambled across the lawn, just out of earshot, Kit wagged his eyebrows at me.
“Bodyguard, huh?”
“Don’t start.” I chuckled, resisting the urge to wag my finger in front of his face.
Kit shrugged. “He’s cute.”
“He’s on my payroll.” I reminded him.
His shrug doubled over this time. “Doesn’t change the fact that he’s hot.”
“So is he cute or hot?”
Clutching at his chest, Kit guffawed with purpose. “Anyway,” The look in his eyes soured severely, and I wasn’t sure I liked the way he was looking back at me. “I’m sorry about what Mom said. I asked her not to bring yours up.”
Ahh, so he’d heard about the little slipped mention of my mother that Meredith had done. I wasn’t mad, so when I gave him a flippant look, it was exactly how I felt about the situation.
“It’s fine. I’m just glad she’s gone. Did you ever found out anything more about the trailer?”
I’d asked Kit to look into whether or not the trailer was even still in her name or not. I needed to know if, for whatever reason, I needed to do something with the now abandoned structure or if it was at the town’s mercy.
“It’s in her name. I guess she got it changed over a few years ago or something.” Kit commented. “But that just means the owner of the lot can have control of it now. I just need to give them a call and we can go from there.”
“Okay, good.” Van started walking back over to us, and I kept my voice low so that he didn’t overhear anything. The last thing I wanted was for him to hear this particular conversation. “Just keep me updated.”
“Will do.” Kit’s smile made me feel better about the situation, even if it wasn’t far from being dealt with.
“Car’s almost here.” Van solidified, shoving his hands into the front pockets of his slacks. The cold here was really getting to him and I couldn’t blame him.
“Well, I’ll let you both go.” Kit nodded, swarming me in his arms. His hug was tight and warm, making me homesick all over again despite the place I considered home being just a few feet away.
“Call me if you need anything.” He whispered into my ear, and I could tell by his tone of voice that he was referring to me needing the emotional support.
I appreciated his words, but they also stung with the undertone of my own inadequacy.
Coming out of the hug, I was determined not to let my mother win. So much so that after we finally bid farewell to Kit and he disappeared back inside the McKendrick home and the car that Van had ordered from rideshare, I had a plan.
Van and I piled into the car, and before Van could reiterate that we needed to head to the airport in Charlotte, I leaned forward in my place from the backseat and said, “Can we take a small detour to 177 Spider Way?”
The look I got from Van was one of pure shock, but I ignored it in favor of the confusion spreading over the driver’s face. “Spider Way? That’s only like two minutes away?”
“I know, I just have to make a quick stop there. I’ll pay the charge for the extra stop, of course.”
Me agreeing to the extra money was all it took for the driver to agree, giving me a nod as he pulled away from Kit’s family home and taking us in the direction of the trailer park of horrors I’d once been lucky enough to escape from.
I was shocked Van kept quiet the entire ride there, not questioning what I was doing.
But I felt his eyes on me the whole time, piercing me silently with his spurned stare.
I was thankful for the quiet. We needed to get on the next plane out of Charlotte, but I figured we had enough time for me to see the abandoned trailer for myself.
Maybe seeing it for myself would make me feel some sort of closure.
I was hoping so, anyway. I was tired of staying away because of my mother.
I needed to confront the past in order to secure my future.
If nothing else, I was hoping it would qualm my thoughts and let them settle if I saw the trailer again.
Spider Way hadn’t changed in the twelve years since I’d left.
There were about thirteen different trailers within the Spider Way Trailer Park, all lined up but facing a multitude of directions based on the layout of the land they sat on.
177 Spider Way, the one that had once been my least favorite place on earth, was one of the inner most trailers, sitting on an unkempt lawn with spare car parts littering the front yard.
That hadn’t changed in twelve years either, I see.
How the hell the landlord hadn’t gotten fed up with how selective my mother was with her yard baffled me.
But I didn’t dwell on it. When we pulled to a stop, I asked the driver to wait a few minutes.
As I got out of the car, I noticed that Van was swiftly following.
Somehow, despite the reason why I’d wanted to come here, I appreciated that he wasn’t allowing me to do it completely alone.
I slammed the car door shut and pulled my trench coat a little closer as the breeze picked up, walking forward until I was just two steps away from entering the overgrown lawn.
Van settled in beside me, clearing his throat but remaining silent.
I sighed a heavy breath and looked over the emptiness that seemed to radiate from the space.
The yard had nothing but the spare junk from a car long forgotten in it, a leftover project that was never finished from Carl, one of mom’s many boyfriend’s following my father’s death.
No, it wasn’t Carl. Maybe it was Rod with the affliction for cars.
Or was it Ethan? I couldn’t keep them apart in my head, unable to keep track of my mother’s dating life when I’d been forced to deal with it first hand.
Seeing the vacancy of the place weirdly made me feel better?
Like the universe agreed that no one deserved to live trapped behind its doors of horrors.
It still was a feat that I’d been able to leave this place at sixteen.
Granted, it hadn’t been much of a choice after what had transpired, but I was proud of myself for getting out.
Phoebe was great, but Spider Way was the infected gash on her face that needed to be lasered off by any means necessary.
“You okay?”
My head whipped over to Van. I’d been so deep inside the confines of my head that I’d momentarily forgotten that he was beside me, looking at the husk of my former life while I inwardly contemplated my next move.
I tried to shrug it off, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t believing a single strand of what I was offering.
“Yeah.” I said solemnly, like I wasn’t just mentally jumping hurdles or reflecting on my past. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Alistair, I know I haven’t known you very long.” Van’s stance shifted more toward me, so that his side profile was no longer facing me, but rather his stoic chest was a beacon in my vision. “But even I can tell when you’re lying. Even to yourself.”
Fuck, was I really that transparent?
“This place almost killed me.” I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper as the truth slipped by my lips without much restraint.
I turned away from his gaze, unable to look into those so blue, almost purple eyes that were radiating such concern in them.
I took in the plain view of the trailer again, sighing before I spoke again.
“My father died when I was in elementary school. After that, life took a downward spiral.”
A flash of memory seared against my mind so fast that I had to close my eyes and wince, almost as if closing them quickly would kept them from seeping out and allowing Van to see.
He didn’t deserve to be served up my trauma.
When I opened my eyes again, he was giving me that same soft, patient look that almost made me start crying.
Van was a stranger to me and he already looked at me with more care than I had ever gotten from the woman who had kept me chained to this trailer for so many years.
“My mother is a horrible person.” I said simply, like it wasn’t the source of my greatest grief. I kept going on for fear of not being able to get it all out at once. “A masterful narcissistic manipulator. And now she’s finally left Phoebe.”
I’ll give Van credit. He didn’t seem particularly affected by my words. What impressed me more was he let my words breathe before responding.
“And now you want to come back home?”
Another sigh tumbled out of my chest. “I don’t know. Part of me does but the other part, the realistic, business-centric side of me, knows that it would make work ten times harder if I lived in Phoebe instead of Nashville.”
Van nodded. “I know you’re career is important to you.
And I say this as the latest person employed by you, but you have to do what you think is best for you.
You’re a big star now, Alistair. You know you could fly anyone from the studio out or fly yourself back to Nashville if you wanted to.
Just because it seems difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t the best thing for you. ”
Tears danced behind my eyes at Van’s words.
No one in my life had ever said something so…
simple yet perfectly sound in the way of advice.
Granted, I hadn’t been so messed up in the head as I was lately, except for when I’d first started gaining fans and my music was taking off, but the solution then was to lean into it.
I wasn’t so sure I could lean into the fact that I was done letting my mother and my memory keep me from the place I’d always seen myself.
Nashville was wonderful, but it wasn’t Phoebe. Maybe the reason I was so attached to Phoebe was because when I wasn’t at Spider Way, it was amazing. I loved everything about it, except for the place staring back at me right now.
I sniffled, unable to keep my emotions from completely bleeding out of my body.
I saw the whisper of a smile on his face before I turned away and stared back at the trailer.
He was right. I needed to do what was right for me, even if it was hard to do.
I’d done the hard thing before, leaving Phoebe as a teenager and I’d made it out the other side alive.
Hell, I was thriving. Doing what I’d always wanted to do with my life.
My hair followed me as I careened my head wildly to the left, away from Van and the trailer park.
I’d been struck with the intense feeling of being watched.
You know that feeling when you can just feel eyes on you?
The sensation was crawling all over me, like invisible spiders trying to dig their way out of my skin.
But when I looked around the trailer park, even honing my sights on the surrounding woods, I couldn’t see anything but wind slightly shifting the orange and red leaves around.
“What is it?” Van questioned, looking beyond me to try and be a witness to what had alerted me. His face was scrunched up in confusion when he came up empty handed.
“Nothing.” I said, clearing my throat, giving one last glance at the trailer. “I’ll think about what to do.” The smile I gave him back was full of gratitude, shining like gold amidst the darkness of my earlier demeanor. “Thanks, Van.”
“Of course.” He nodded, ripping his hands out of the pockets of his slacks and gesturing back to where the rideshare was idling patently. “Should we go or do you need more time?”
I knew we needed to head back to Charlotte so we could hit the airport.
Tour rehearsals were going to start in a couple days and I needed to be back in Nashville to use the stadium’s rehearsal space.
I could loosely focus on music again while I thought about letting go of Spider Way and it’s web of horrible memories.
“No, let’s go.” I gave a glare of evil intent back at the trailer, looking it up and down like it was the devil himself. “I’ve given this place enough of my time.”