Chapter 13
The place that Van ended up taking us to was right down the street from Bluebird Cafe. I didn’t even catch the name before Van was ushering me inside, telling me to trust him.
Considering the fact that he was keeping his burly hand right on the small of my back, I’d follow him anywhere.
It was a nice place, full of life and energy.
No one had swarmed us as we had piled out of the car and entered, and no one was bothering us as we stood and figured out where we could sit.
I really wanted to blend in, so I asked Van if he minded if we sat at the bar.
When he agreed, we made our way over and took our seats on the provided barstools.
Surprisingly, I hadn’t been noticed. At least not yet. Everyone was too busy burying their woes into the bottom of their chosen beverages, and I hoped it stayed that way. I wanted to let loose, just like my therapist had suggested. And there was a slew of vodka cranberries with my name on them.
The bar was dark and dimly lit, which probably helped with the fact that I was going pretty incognito. Music played softly in the background and laughter would trickle into the air every so often as conversations blended together.
I leaned back against the cushioned back of the barstool, braiding my legs together underneath the bar to get comfortable. Van looked completely at home here, giving the bartender a nod as he passed by.
“Been here before?” I asked, my smirk letting him know that I already perceived the answer before he could speak it.
“Once or twice.” He said nonchalantly, gripping his tie from underneath the collar of the white button up he wore beneath his suit jacket and loosening the tie. “It’s a nice place to just sort of be, you know?”
I sighed. God, that sounded nice. What did just being look like, anyway? I’d been so removed from that for so long I wasn’t sure I could even attempt to fake it. But more than anything, I wanted to. I yearned to just set aside the vibrant aura of Alistair Finn and just be Alistair for one night.
The bartender coming back to us saved me from diving deeper into my thoughts.
He took my order of the vodka cranberry I’d been thinking about since we’d hoped into the rideshare.
I was eager to see what Van ordered, because truthfully, I didn’t know that much about him beyond what little I’d learned about his job history during his interview.
Maybe tonight I’d finally get a glimpse into what made him tick.
So when he ordered a tequila soda, I was already getting a vibe.
A safe choice, but also one of intention.
No extra sugar, high alcohol content. Van really seemed like the kind of guy who was no nonsense and knew exactly what he wanted.
We made a quick cheers and then savored the first sips of our drinks.
God, that was good. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d even drank, let alone gotten drunk.
I wasn’t too much of a drinker, because of my past, but I loved the occasional cocktail or glass of wine to make life a little more interesting.
The mixture of the vodka with the delicious sweetness of the cranberry juice was quenching my thirst while also making me want more to drink.
Closing my eyes, I breathed in a little easier than I had before we’d gotten here.
Maybe I could do this, just exist in a space without worrying about work or what my mother was up to or anything like that.
Maybe I really could just be myself tonight.
“For what it’s worth,” Van’s velvet voice tore me from my thoughts, my eyes opening and finding his in the stool next to me. “I’m really proud of you.”
While the praise went straight to my heart and made my face flush, confusion wormed out of my pores. “For what?”
“For pushing through. I know it’s been a weird couple of days, because of that phone call.
” He’d been skirting around mentioning the phone call ever since he’d witnessed my breakdown about it.
I was glad he’d kept quiet about it, but him bringing it up now didn’t bother me.
Maybe the alcohol was already loosening me up.
“But you’ve been so focused since then. Not missing a beat at rehearsal, not losing steam.
Even when you’ve had to take a call from the police about what happened, you’ve been so…
strong.” He shook his head, as if he couldn’t believe the strength he believed I possessed.
“It’s been really inspiring to see. I just wanted to let you know that it hasn’t gone unnoticed, in case no one else has brought it up to you. ”
No one else had, but I wasn’t mad at that fact.
He was right. I had been really good about just pouring myself into rehearsing for tour.
I was finally getting the moves and cues down at this point, and even when I had to get an update about the still unknown whereabouts of my mother, I kept trucking along.
I just hadn’t realized that anyone, least of all Van, was taking notice.
“Thank you.” I said, tears collecting at the sentiment before I banished them and refused for them to fall. I wasn’t going cry tonight, no matter what. “That means a lot, Van. I really appreciate that.”
His smile was the brightest thing I’d seen since the phone call, like it lit up the dark space of the bar around us like a beacon of light. “You’re welcome.”
“I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with so much of my personal life lately,” I mentioned as I took a healthy sip of my cocktail. “That isn’t what you were hired for, so I apologize for that.”
“It’s all good.” Van said between his bright smile. “I’ve enjoyed it, being there for you. I just hope it’s helped.”
“It has, believe me.” The glance I gave him maybe wasn’t appropriate for an employer and their employee, despite being off the clock together, but I wanted him to feel how grateful I was, even if it was only through my stare that he truly felt the words.
Just the whisper of blush decorated his cheeks, and it was adorable to see.
Even cuter was the fact that he thought that taking a hefty swig of his tequila soda could cover up the reaction his face was having.
I was just thankful to have Van in my life, safety reasons aside.
He was a good guy. It hit me, and not for the first time, that I didn’t know much about Van.
Now, with alcohol easing the inhibitions between us, was as good of a time to get to know him as any.
“You’ve learned a lot about me and my past.” I queued up the change in subject by downing the rest of my drink and swiftly signaling for the bartender to get me another.
When the bartender gave me a nod while he was serving someone else, I turned back to Van with a tempered glare. “Tell me more about yourself.”
“I suppose it’s only fair.” He chuckled, staring into the confines of his glass, the clear liquid bubbling up when he swirled it around in his hand. “Well, I can start with something easy. Van isn’t my full name.”
Unable to contain my initial surprise, I glared at him. Not that I was really upset, I was just shocked because when I’d asked him for his name, he kept telling me repeatedly it was ‘just Van’.
“Well, don’t leave me hanging here in suspense.” I chuckled.
“I don’t usually go by my full name because it’s not exactly a traditional sounding name, and then there’s my work. So it’s just made it weird in the past.”
My intrigue level couldn’t have been higher after a preamble like that. “Okay…”
The bartender came over with an already made vodka cranberry for me, giving me a slight smile as he slid the glass over and retrieved the empty one from where I’d left it. I thanked him kindly and took a sip of my new libation.
Van looked weirdly out of sorts as he prepared himself to utter the name he’d been given at birth. I wasn’t sure why he was acting so nervous, like just me hearing the name was revealing too much about himself. But I waited patiently until it looked like he wasn’t riddled with apprehension.
“My full name is Vanguard.”
Vanguard. I didn’t understand his hesitation in telling me. It was a perfectly wonderful name.
“What’s wrong with Vanguard? It sounds strong.
” I said, feeling the alcohol animating my reaction in real time.
I was already talking with my hands more and waving them around like that somehow emphasized my point to him.
“You’re a strong looking guy. I think your parents did a great job naming you. ”
He just stared at me, like I wasn’t getting it but he was allowing me the time for it to come to me.
So I rolled his name around in my mind a few more times.
Vanguard. Vanguard. By the tenth time, I still wasn’t seeing the issue with it, but by the eleventh, my eyes went suddenly wide and locked on his.
The truth must have been radiating from them, because he gave me a single nod.
“Wait, you’ve made a name for yourself in the field of being a bodyguard and you have guard literally in your birth name?”
“Exactly.” Van said, rolling his eyes and taking a final gulp of his drink.
He quickly ordered another one as the bartender went by again.
“After the third individual that hired me as security mocked me for it, I started going by Van from then on. As a child, my parents called me Van all the time, so it wasn’t something foreign for me to go by.
I was just tired of the loose jokes thrown my way and the talks of ‘oh you were born to do this then’ and so on and so forth. ”
That made sense to me. I didn’t know what it was like to have a name connected to the job you wanted to pursue, but I could at least understand the notion of being expected to like something because of your upbringing or where you came from.
That’s why I was glad I was very rarely associated with my family.