24. Savannah
Wednesday evening, I had the entire HEAT building to myself. Sam had flown back to Chicago after last night’s team dinner, Kat was on her way home to Gage and the cats, Logan apparently lived nearby and had left for the night, and Ben, Wheeler, and Bloom were going out for karaoke. Ben was not apprised of that last fact, and while I would have paid good money to see his teammates get him up on stage, I thought he could use some guy time, and I could use a few hours to myself.
I’d lived alone for six years, less the six months I’d come home to stay with my mom at the end of her life, so I was good at entertaining myself. I slipped into shorts pajamas at 7:00 p.m. and stopped by the kitchen for snacks. I carried chips, pretzels, and chocolate to the lounge and picked up the remote for the big-screen TV.
Out in the gym, there was a series of clicks as someone punched in the cipher code for the outer door. I hugged the remote to my chest and sat still, listening for evidence of whether the person trying to get in was friend or foe. This was the most secure building in town, but after what I’d gone through the past three weeks, my fear meter tacked high at the slightest provocation.
“Hi, Savvy. Are you downstairs?”
“Mai?” I went to the lounge doorway. “What are you doing here?” Suspicion dawned on me. “Did Ben send you to babysit me?”
She hung up her black overcoat inside the front door. “I haven’t spoken to Ben since last night.”
“Kat, then?”
Mai walked across the gym. “I come bearing a peace offering.” When she reached the lounge, she held up two bottles of wine. “Red or white? And we can start with one and move to the other.”
“Not for me. I have an early morning.” I sat back down on the sofa. I didn’t invite her to join me, but since I didn’t own the place, I also couldn’t stop her.
She plopped down a few feet away from me and set the bottles on the coffee table. “What’s going on early tomorrow morning? The operation is still Friday, isn’t it?”
“If you must know, I have a business call scheduled with a potential investor. If I can ever clean up the mess Devlin made, I’ll need an infusion of capital to get the company back on its feet.” That was more than I’d intended to tell her, but I’d spent so many years sharing all—well, most—of my secrets with her, so it all came tumbling out out of habit.
“That’s great news. Are you sure we can’t drink a toast?”
“I’ll pass.” I pulled a pillow out from behind me and clutched it in my lap. I plucked at the fringes on it. I shouldn’t ask what I really wanted to know. I should stay out of other’s family business. But this was Ben.
“Spit it out, Savvy.”
I glanced at Mai.
“I’ve known you for too many years not to know the signs. You have something you want to say to me, so say it.”
“You don’t really know that much about me anymore, though.”
She turned toward me and sat cross-legged on the sofa. “You’re right, and that’s on me. Life got busy. It seemed like we were never home at the same time, and it seemed like no time before I was out of college and in basic. But I’ve missed you, Savvy. I’ve always missed you. I feel like I’ve texted you books about my life. At least, the parts I was allowed to share. But you’ve barely told me anything about your life. I want to know. Tell me everything.”
I wanted her to know. I wanted her to be proud of me. “Well, you know about my business. Our company supports several local charities, which mostly means we write some checks and get invited to their fancy parties. I own a great condo, a nice car, and a closetful of shoes. Not going to lie, I miss my closet and my shoes. I…” I stopped. That was it. The sum total of everything I’d done, accomplished, and bought in the years since I’d left Maryland. “I have a few close friends I see a couple of times a week who keep me sane. And you know about my mom.”
She reached out and took my hand. I indulged in the comfort of it for a minute, then pulled away.
“That’s all there is to tell, but if you’re really here to make peace, there’s something you can tell me.”
“I want to make this right. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, as long as it’s not classified.”
I took a deep breath to gather my courage, then jumped right into the deep end. “Did you really say that about Ben, that you believed he’d cut and run?”
She shook her head. “Never. I don’t know where he got that idea, and if he’d pick up his damn phone, I would tell him that.”
I’d already done some digging, and now I’d caught her in a lie. “I talked to Kyle. He thinks Ben overheard him and Wheeler talking in the car after his fitness test when they thought he was asleep. Ryan told Kyle you asked him to fast-track Ben’s training so he wouldn’t have the chance to run away.”
Her eyes went wide. “He said what? How did…?” She shook her head. “Men can be idiots. I asked Wheeler to fast-track Ben so he could get in the field faster and get a taste of the action. If he had to spend weeks in training, most of which he’s already had, he would have been bored out of his skull, and then he would’ve...” Her voice tapered off and she looked at me. “I guess I expected him to cut and run. Shit.” She covered her face with her hand. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, Savvy. I didn’t even think about what I was saying.
“I know.” I believed her. My best friend had never been cruel. And she wasn’t wrong about Ben being a man of action. “It wasn’t only you he was hearing in those words, though.”
“My dad. I get that. Fathers and sons have their own issues, I guess.” She laid her hand on my arm. “You know I love my brother. I think he’s amazing. I’ll apologize, maybe remind him how proud I am of the man he’s grown up to be.”
It occurred to me that Mai might be the one person in the world who could help him with parts of his life that I couldn’t. “And maybe you could encourage him—encourage both of them—to talk this out. Like you said, men can be idiots. And stubborn ones, at that. They might need a little push.”
She grinned. “I can be a little pushy. Consider it done. And I think I’ve proved plenty of times over the years that I can be an idiot myself. Thanks for looking out for Ben was I wasn’t.”
“You’re okay with us dating?”
“I really am. And I’m thankful you have his back.” She pointed her finger between us. “Are we okay?”
I leaned toward her and pulled her into a quick hug. “We’re okay. And I missed the hell out of you.”
“Same. Now hand me some of those snacks because we have a lot more catching up to do. And no more of this boring stuff I can read in your online bio. I want to know the juicy details. Who have you dated seriously? Have you ever fallen in love? Had your heart broken? Who knows all your deep, dark secrets? The ones you’ve collected since high school.”
I handed her an unopened bag of chips and grabbed some pretzels for me. “If we’re discussing all that, I might need a small glass of that white wine after all.”
“The stories are that good, huh?” She jumped up and retrieved two glasses from the bar along the back wall. She poured small portions for each of us and pushed one toward me. “Okay, fortify yourself and start dishing.”
“I think you’d better have a drink, too, because the answer to a lot of those questions is Ben.”
Her smile held for another few seconds, then faded. “Wait, I’m confused.”
“Mai, this thing between Ben and me… This isn’t the first time. And it’s not a passing thing. Seven years ago, we dated for the entire summer.”
“And both of you kept this from me?” She threw back her glass of wine and set it back down on the coffee table. “I guess you didn’t need me to set you up, after all. Okay. I can deal. And here’s how we’ll do this. For tonight, I’ll pretend you’re not talking about my brother, if you’ll kindly not share any details about his sex life. Other than that, you can tell me everything.”
I sipped my wine, then sat cross-legged on the other end of the couch. And then I told her everything because I needed a woman in my life who could hold all my secrets for me, and Mai was still the sister of my heart.
On Thursday morning,I had my 6:30 a.m. call with my potential investor. It could have been described, at best, as potentially promising, but much hinged on Lamp;M being in good enough shape for due diligence checks in the next couple of months.
When the call ended, I went straight to the medical bay for a pre-mission physical. I’d signed paperwork to release my medical records to Dr. Bond, so barring any red flags in my history, the appointment would be quick and easy.
“Good morning.” She welcomed me into the medical suite.
The space was made up of two conjoined rooms. The front half looked like a regular doctor’s office exam room. The back half contained a desk and leather office chair, a few bookcases of books and journals, and shelves of what I assumed were medical supplies.
“Do I need to put on a paper gown?” I asked.
“Not today.” She glanced through the pages of my chart. “First, I’m going to draw some blood. You remembered not to eat, correct?”
“Nothing since dinner last night.”
She was gentle and efficient, and when she’d filled two small vials, she bandaged the small puncture and handed me a protein bar.
“I’ll run a few rapid tests on one of the samples and send the other one off to our private lab. Most of the blood tests are standard procedure and won’t affect your eligibility to participate in tomorrow’s operation.”
She checked my vital signs and eyes, ears, nose, and throat. After that, we reviewed my list of past illnesses, family history, and medications. “Low-dose estrogen birth control, over-the-counter multi-vitamins, prescription vitamin D. Any additions to or subtractions from the list?”
“Ibuprofen, but only occasionally, if I have a headache or strain a muscle during a workout.”
She made a note. “Okay. Date of your last period?”
“I have an app for that.”
I pulled my phone out of my jeans pocket and opened my period tracker. “It was…” Something was wrong. I scrolled up, then back down. “It looks like it was just over five weeks ago, but that can’t be right. Taking the pill, my periods are like clockwork.”
“You don’t recall missing any doses? Depending upon where that happens in your cycle, it can disrupt menses.”
“I haven’t missed any, and I’ve taken them at the same time every day for literally years.”
“Okay. There can be other causes of absorption interference and cycle disruptions. You haven’t taken any contraindicated medications. Have you had any digestive tract issues, stomach or bowel problems?”
“When I’m under extreme stress, I sometimes get bouts of vomiting. The last three weeks have been hell, so I’ve had a few bad days.”
“That probably explains it. And did you use secondary birth control?”
“I wasn’t having sex. I mean, not until recently.” I’d never been nervous discussing my sex life with a female physician before, but I’d never had a gynecologist who was a coworker of the man I was seeing.
She laid her cool, light hand on top of mine. “Savannah, everything we discuss here is strictly confidential, just as it would be in any doctor’s office. The only information I can or will share with HEAT staff or any other person outside this office is whether or not you’re fit for the upcoming field operation. That being said, if you’re uncomfortable, I can refer you to a local doctor to discuss whether there’s a concern.”
I trusted her, and her reassurances made me feel better. “I wasn’t being sexually active until a week before my period was due, and we’ve also been using condoms.” Except… I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Except the first time.”
Remaining seated on her stool, she rolled over to the counter and picked up a printed calendar. “What day was that?”
I cleared my throat. “Sunday night, a week and a half ago.”
“Right, then if conception did occur, this would be day eleven of gestation.”
I flinched at the words conception and gestation.
“Which means,” she opened a drawer and pulled out a small box, “an early pregnancy test will be over ninety-nine percent accurate.”
“Should I take it now?” I was so nervous, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to pee.
“No, you’ll need to test the first urine of the day. Read the instructions tonight, and you take the test first thing in the morning. If it’s negative, we’ll wait until Monday to see if your period starts, and if not, we’ll take a second urine test.”
“And if it’s positive?”
“I’ll be here to answer any and all questions you have. I can make recommendations for obstetricians who can provide services no matter what you choose to do. Oh, and the results of the test won’t affect your ability to go on the operation, and the operation won’t cause any harm to the embryo. They’re surprisingly resilient unless they start out as nonviable.”
“I had some wine last night. Do I need to worry about that?”
“If it was a small amount, it’s not a problem. Like I said, resilient.”
I closed my eyes and choked back a sob. I never thought I’d be in this position. I’d been careful about birth control and my health and my sex life. Until I hadn’t.
“Do not blame yourself. Even with perfect behavior, nothing short of abstinence and some sterilizations are 100 percent effective birth control.” Bond stood and hugged me. “And don’t think you’re alone. I’m here to help you every step of the way. If you decide to involve anyone else, I’m sure they’ll be supportive, as well.”
I appreciated her not mentioning Ben by name. I hadn’t yet decided whether I’d tell him about the test before I took it. And then there was Mai. There was a time in my life when I wouldn’t have considered facing a potentially life-altering event like this without sharing it with her. Friends like that were rare, and I didn’t currently have any in my life, including her. Maybe someday, if we really worked on it, but not today.
“Thank you, Doctor Bond.” I sat up straight. She handed me a tissue, and I wiped away my tears. “It’s just been a hell of a few weeks.”
“You’ve had a lot on your plate, to put it mildly. But do us both a favor. No catastrophizing, no list-making, no planning for the next twenty-four hours. We’ll have more information then, and you’ll know what decisions need to be made.”
“You forgot to say no worrying.”
“I don’t like to give advice I know my patients can’t follow.”
“Thank you,” I said again, and then I hugged her again. It was the only thing I could think of because I couldn’t do what I really wanted. I wanted call my mom.