31. Summer
Summer
“Hey.” The one-word greeting was uttered so softly that I barely heard it over the running water echoing off the tiled walls.
I lifted my head from where it rested against my knees, tucked to my chest, blinking at my best friend crouched just outside the glass wall, with gritty eyes.
The shower was the only place I allowed myself to cry. And since that’s all I felt like doing, I’d spent the majority of the last three days letting the hot water wash my tears down the drain.
Gabi’s forehead was creased, her expression full of concern. “While I appreciate you putting my tankless water heater to the test, you’re turning into a prune, babe.”
I shrugged. “Who cares?”
She sighed, trying a new tactic. “I got takeout from that sushi place around the corner. Ordered extra California rolls just for you.”
“Not hungry.”
“Summer, honey, you need to eat something,” she pressed.
The mere thought of food was enough to turn my stomach, and I swallowed down the wave of nausea.
“I said no, Gabi.”
“All right. All right.” She held her hands up in surrender. “Wanna lie down for a bit? Try to get some sleep?”
A shudder rolled through my body as I shook my head.
Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was the bullet hole through Rico’s forehead or the tapestry of blown-out brains belonging to my attacker painted across the sidewalk.
Sleep was an open invitation to nightmares, where I would be forced to relive that horrific day in vivid color. Therefore, it was out of the question.
“Summer, you’re starting to scare me.”
I almost snorted. She couldn’t begin to comprehend the terror I’d experienced. And I prayed she never would.
But instead of continuing to argue with her, I pushed to my feet on shaky legs. “Fine. I’m coming out.”
“Here. Let me grab you a towel.” Gabi scrambled to the linen closet before returning with a plush sheet of terry cloth.
“Thanks,” I muttered, letting her wrap the thick fabric around my torso like I was a child.
“I laid out some comfy clothes on the bed. Want me to brush your hair?”
Her offer to perform the most basic of self-care tasks made me realize how much of a burden I had become to my best friend. It wasn’t fair that I’d shown up at her door, seeking refuge while I sorted out my thoughts over what a life with Matteo really meant, but there was nowhere else for me to go.
“I can handle it.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line, almost like she wasn’t sure that I could.
“Seriously, Gabi. You don’t need to hover.”
That was enough to get her to leave me in peace. I toweled off, wringing the excess moisture from my hair before dragging a brush through it. Then, I pulled on the pair of pajamas that were the softest thing I’d ever felt against my skin and climbed into bed.
My e-reader lay discarded on the nightstand.
While my days were spent crying in the shower, the only way I made it through the endless nights alone was by escaping into fictional worlds.
Though, romance had been cast aside in favor of historical fiction because I couldn’t bear the thought of a happy ending right now.
Not when I thought I’d found mine, only to be proven very, very wrong.
I had just reached for it when a knock sounded on the door, and Gabi poked her nose in once more.
Bringing her cell phone into view, she said, “It’s for you.”
Tears burned behind my eyes, and my voice broke when I said, “I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”
That was a lie. I yearned to see his face and hear him tell me how much he loved me.
Although I was a hollow shell without him, I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I would spend the rest of my life constantly looking over my shoulder.
There would never come a day when his enemies wouldn’t see me as a way to get to him. I would always be a target.
“It’s not Matteo,” Gabi announced.
My brows drew down. “Who else would be calling your phone looking for me?”
She shook her cell. “Care to find out?”
Now she had me curious. “Um, okay?”
My best friend stepped into the room, offering me her phone. “It’s a video call.”
That information had my eyes bulging, and a hand flew to my damp hair. “What?”
“Just take it.” The rectangular device was pressed into my hand. “I’ll give you some privacy.”
Cautiously, I turned the screen around to discover who was on the other end of the line.
One of the two most beautiful little girls in the entire world stared back at me, and I choked back a sob as I uttered her name. “Bianca.”
“When are you coming home?” she asked.
Blinking furiously, I lifted my gaze to the ceiling before answering honestly. “I don’t know, sweetheart.”
Her lower lip trembled. “You said you wanted to be my mommy.”
Goddamn, those words were like a knife through my heart, and I began to bleed out.
“I do.” Turning my face, I discreetly wiped away the traitorous tears that slipped down my cheeks.
“Can I come see you? I promise I’ll be good.”
“Maybe,” I whispered, my voice growing hoarse as my throat closed up.
Bianca fixed me with a scowl. “Maybe means no.”
“Is your daddy there?” As much as it would hurt to talk to him, it wouldn’t come close to the agony of trying to explain this very complex situation to his daughter.
She glanced to the side. “Papa?”
His rich timber filtered through the speaker. “Go play with Cookie, principessa .”
Bianca disappeared, and Matteo came into view, the sight of him making my heart twist inside my chest.
He looked rough. His hair, which was overdue for a cut after our time spent abroad, stood out in every direction.
There was a significant amount of scruff lining his normally clean-shaven jaw.
Dark purple circles rested beneath dark brown eyes that appeared dull, like the light had been snuffed out of them.
Swallowing, I rasped, “You’re not playing fair.”
Matteo showed no remorse. “I never will when it comes to you.” He blew out a heavy breath. “She misses you. We all do.”
The floodgates opened, and tears streamed freely down my face.
Did he think I didn’t miss them desperately? Because I did. Every minute of every day. And the pain of it was like having my heart ripped out of my chest.
“If you’re agreeable, I can send her for a visit.”
I let out a watery scoff. “Is that where we’ve found ourselves? Brokering custody of your daughters?”
“ Our daughters,” he corrected.
“Come on, Matteo,” I chided. “We both know I don’t have any rights.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Look. I’m not going to beg you to come home because you said you needed space, and I’m respecting your wishes. When you do decide to come back, I want it to be because you’re ready, not because I guilted you into it.”
Wry laughter fell from my lips. “I’d be more inclined to believe that if you hadn’t used a four-year-old to pull on my heart strings.”
“They don’t deserve to lose a second mother because of me. So, I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn’t happen. Even if that means Gabi and Enzo become the go-betweens shuttling the girls back and forth.”
“I need to find a way to pull myself together first.”
His eyes slammed shut. “Summer, I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. Me too.”
I hung up because there wasn’t anything else left to say.
And only then did I let myself fall apart.
I spent a restless night tossing and turning. All I could think about were those two little girls who depended on me, who had opened their hearts so freely to claim me as their mommy after only a few short months. And how did I repay them? By cutting and running when things got hard.
That wasn’t fair to them. Hell, it wasn’t fair to me. They’d given me purpose, and being without them now, life felt meaningless.
The longer I stayed away, the longer the people I loved suffered. And my heart couldn’t bear the thought of hurting any of them a single moment longer.
Yes, Matteo’s world was full of danger, but separating myself from him wouldn’t completely eliminate the possibility that a tragic event might befall me in the future anyway. Every day, people without ties to the mafia became the victims of rape, muggings, drive-by shootings, and human trafficking.
Ultimately, I came to the realization that while a life without him—and his girls—might be safer in the long run, it would be completely meaningless.
They were my family. The loves of my life.
And I didn’t want to spend even one more day separated from them.
Gabi stared up at me from her perch on the living room couch in surprise when I emerged from the guest bedroom, fully dressed, with my hair and makeup done.
“Uh, going somewhere?”
When I reached where she sat, I bent down to give her a tight hug. “Thank you for everything.”
“Does this mean . . .”
Pulling back, I nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of my lips for the first time in what felt like forever. “Yeah. I’m going home.”
She stood. “Need a ride?”
“Nah. I have a feeling there’s an SUV or two permanently parked outside this building.”
A knowing grin flashed on her face. “You would be right about that.” She gave me a pat on the arm.
“Getting a little sick of those goons giving me the stink eye every time I step outside, like I’m personally responsible for their boss’s wife leaving him.
So if you could get them to beat it, that would be great. ”
She didn’t need to tell me twice. I bolted from her apartment, tapping my foot impatiently during the entire elevator ride down to street level. Rushing through the lobby, I pushed through the glass doors and onto the sidewalk.
With my head on a swivel, I clocked one giant black SUV across the street, another parked halfway down the block. Opting not to cross midtown traffic, I hustled my butt toward the one on this side of the busy street.
A quick tap on the glass startled the beefy man in the passenger seat, and his eyes widened when he realized who was trying to get his attention.
He opened the door and stepped out. “Mrs. Bellini.”
“Can you take me to the penthouse?”