Chapter 5 #2
I suppose it could have been worse. He could have been overly interested in the 3D model of the female reproductive system on the counter or in the posters on the wall depicting fetal growth month by month and the progression of a baby’s head through the birth canal.
Personally, I’d been actively trying to avoid eye contact with that last one since entering the room. There was absolutely no part of me that wanted to visualize the destruction childbirth would wreak on my vagina. It was bad enough that I was headed toward that moment myself.
Maybe. Possibly. Depending on how this appointment went.
Yes, I was still firmly rooted in denial, even though I still hadn’t gotten my period and had taken to hugging the toilet bowl most mornings. Pregnancy couldn’t be the only condition or illness linked to those symptoms, right?
Keep dreaming, girl.
There was a light knock before the door cracked open, and the doctor stepped inside the room. With a smile on his face, he introduced himself, “Hi, Ro. I’m Dr. Levy. How are you feeling this afternoon?”
“Anxious,” I answered truthfully on an exhale.
“Perfectly normal.” Hooking the rolling stool with his foot to bring it closer, Dr. Levy sat down. “We ran a urinalysis that confirmed your pregnancy, but I’d like to perform an ultrasound to get an exact estimate of how far along you are and determine a due date, if that’s all right with you?”
Swallowing thickly, I nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
I was so on edge that when movement caught the corner of my eye, it startled me so badly I levitated about six inches off the exam table. I gasped, my hand flying to my chest, willing my rapidly beating heart to settle.
It was only John, but with my mind elsewhere—namely, debating whether I should continue with this pregnancy—I’d forgotten that he had accompanied me to the appointment.
He stepped up to my side, drawing the attention of Dr. Levy.
The doctor extended a hand. “The father, I presume?”
“That’s correct,” John confirmed as they shook.
“This is John,” I said, since he hadn’t bothered to give his name. Maybe he was nervous too.
“Nice to meet you, John.” Setting down the tablet containing my chart, Dr. Levy pulled on a pair of latex gloves before prepping the ultrasound machine.
John leaned in, keeping his voice low. “Are you sure you’re comfortable with a male doctor poking around”—his eyes shifted to where my thighs were now spread wide with my feet in the stirrups—“down there?”
I reached for his hand. “I’ve found that men are far gentler than women.”
“Really?” He pulled back with an arched eyebrow.
A lift of my shoulders had the paper beneath me crinkling nosily. “At least, that’s been my experience. The female doctors I’ve encountered in the past have had the mentality of ‘suck it up; I’ve been through it too’.”
Lips pressing together, he hummed, considering my preference for a male doctor in a specialty dedicated to women’s reproductive health. “Guess that makes sense.”
“You two ready to get a peek at your baby?” Dr. Levy’s voice cut into our hushed conversation.
My grip grew tighter on John’s hand. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
The doctor pulled the long, wand-like probe from its holder before rolling a condom over it and squirting gel at the tip. Then he moved to insert it between my legs.
“Whoa!” John shouted. “What the hell do you think you’re doing with that?”
His over-the-top reaction to the apparatus used to conduct the ultrasound broke through the tension hovering over me like a storm cloud, and I couldn’t hold back a snicker.
Before Dr. Levy could explain, John leaned down to hiss in my ear. “That thing looks like a dildo, Ro. He even put a condom on it! Please tell me he’s not planning on putting that where I think he is.”
“Afraid so,” I confirmed. “And trust me when I tell you there’s nothing remotely pleasurable about it.”
Eyes wide, he straightened. “Does it hurt? Because if it does—”
“No, just slightly uncomfortable and a little awkward, is all.”
Shyly, I turned my attention back to the doctor poised between my open thighs, the transducer held in one hand.
“Sorry about that.” Heat flooded my cheeks.
“Don’t think anything of it.” Dr. Levy gave my foot a reassuring pat. “It’s a common reaction from male partners, especially the first-timers.” Giving the wand a wave, he asked, “Are you ready to proceed?”
I dipped my chin. “Yes.”
“A little pressure,” he warned.
Unable to help it, I sucked in a sharp breath at the intrusion, and John tensed beside me.
“I’m okay,” I reassured him.
His lips twisted to the side, like he wasn’t sure I was telling the whole truth about that.
“All right, let’s see.” Dr. Levy spoke, tapping away at the keyboard affixed to the ultrasound machine while he angled the probe inside me in different directions. A smile formed on his face as he turned the monitor in our direction. “That’s your baby.”
Taking in the black and white image of a kidney-bean-shaped object—no, person—wiggling around, my chest grew tight and my vision grew blurry. In an instant, I fell in love, and all the reasons to terminate this pregnancy flew right out the window.
“Oh wow,” John breathed out in wonder.
“You see this little flicker right here?” Dr. Levy pointed to the center of the tiny life-form. “That’s their heartbeat. Nice and strong, which is what we like to see.”
I felt the press of lips to my forehead. “Our little miracle is perfect, Ro.”
“Uh-huh.” My eyes were glued to that screen, watching on as the doctor took measurements.
“I’d put you at a touch over seven weeks with an estimated due date of February 24th,” Dr. Levy announced.
“And make sure you have your tire chains ready because at that time of year, the weather conditions can be unpredictable on the mountain pass between here and the hospital. Wouldn’t want you to end up having an unassisted homebirth during a snowstorm. ”
Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Doc.
The ultrasound wand was removed from between my legs as the machine spit out a strip of black and white pictures of our baby, which Dr. Levy handed to John.
“Everything looks good from where I’m sitting.
Make sure you stop at the front desk to schedule your next appointment.
They’ll also give you a few pamphlets that outline what to expect during your pregnancy, contain a list of activities and foods you should avoid, and describe situations in which you should seek medical attention immediately.
Do you have any questions for me before I leave you to get dressed? ”
“Uh . . . “ This was a lot of information all at once, and my brain was too busy trying to process that there was an honest-to-God baby growing inside me right now.
I looked to John for help, and he gave my hand a gentle squeeze as he addressed the doctor. “If we think of any between now and our next appointment, is there a number we can call?”
Dr. Levy stood from the stool. “You can submit any questions you might have via message in the patient portal. Those go directly to me, and if I’m not in the middle of a delivery, I check those every hour or so.”
“Great. Thank you.” John crossed the room to shake the man’s hand once more.
“My pleasure. Take care, Ro, and I’ll see you in four weeks,” Dr. Levy said on his way out of the room.
When the door latched softly, I let out the breath that had been caught in my throat during the entire exam. John was staring at the strip of pictures in his hands, but when he lifted his head, the most breathtaking smile stretched across his face.
Placing the pictures on the counter, he moved toward me to cup my cheeks. “Do you have any idea how happy you’ve made me?” With his forehead pressed to mine, he breathed, “All my dreams are coming true.”
The pure joy lighting him up from within eased some of the nerves swirling around in my belly, but still, I confessed, “I’m scared.”
John pulled back, his thumbs stroking soothingly over my skin. “It’s okay to be a little scared when staring down the unknown, but we’re going to face it together. It’s you and me, Ro.” One of his hands dropped to my still-flat stomach. “We’re a family now.”
I had mixed emotions regarding the families I’d been a part of in the past.
To O’Malleys, I was a bartering chip, a means to broker an alliance with another powerful mafia family.
To the Bellinis, I was a vessel to carry the heir that would lead the next generation of their crime syndicate.
But with John and our baby, maybe I would finally get to experience a loving home.
That spark of hope was enough to chase away the darkness surrounding my past, and for the first time since seeing those two pink lines, I allowed the tiniest bit of excitement to creep in.
I was going to be a mom.