27. Christina
Christina
27
Something has happened and I have a sinking feeling that this all somehow involves me. Both Nico and Enzo left early this morning, as did Albert. Mom woke me up at seven and told me we needed to be ready.
Ready for what? Why is she even here so early? I thought she was going to be gone with Albert until much later.
I watch, yawning, as she paces restlessly around the living room. I’ve never seen her like this.
She’s normally very composed. Right now, she looks…nervous.
A growing sense of suspicion knots in my stomach. This is not how I imagined spending the morning after such a magical night.
Last night was… everything. I’m still exhausted but going out with the guys was beyond incredible. The way Nico and Enzo twirled and dipped me across the dance floor, their touches gentle and romantic, made me feel like I was in a dream.
A small smile tugs at my lips as I remember the events of the night. I’m still not sold on Mafia life being a good thing but… they’re pretty amazing.
I look back to my mom, who is radiating stress in waves.
"Are you okay?" I ask tentatively, hoping she'll confide in me.
“Yes. Just waiting until Albert gets home,” she says, still pacing.
“Okay,” I exhale, drinking my coffee and turning my attention back to my phone, desperate for a distraction.
I scroll through social media, looking at all the pictures from last night. My entire feed is filled with beautiful dresses and happy couples. As I’m scrolling through, I come across a familiar picture.
Enzo uploaded a pic of the three of us dancing. The lights are playing across our faces and we look so damn happy it hurts. I hover over it and heart it. The caption just reads one word.
“Forever.”
Be still my freaking heart.
I scroll some more and see another familiar face.
Julia.
I gently swipe my finger over the glossy photos of Julia, her radiant smile and sparkling eyes making my heart ache slightly. And she has a date, standing arm in arm with a handsome boy in a tuxedo. They both look breathtakingly beautiful.
I miss her.
My mom is still pacing and I haven’t heard from the boys this morning so I decide to take the time to do something that will help me.
I set down my coffee and pull up my messages.
The last text Julia and I exchanged was from ages ago. I regret pushing her away when my life imploded but I just didn’t know what to say.
I start typing out something heartfelt, only to delete it moments later. My fingers hover over the keyboard as I chew on my lip, trying to find the right words.
Finally, I settle for a simple message: You looked stunning last night! I can’t believe I missed you when we were there! Let's get together soon xx
I hit send and watch the screen anxiously, hoping for a response. It's been over a month since I've talked to any of my friends, and the distance between us is starting to feel permanent.
Living here among all this wealth has the nasty side effect of making me feel like a stranger in my own skin. My reflection in the polished table makes me question who I've become. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I can't help but feel disappointed in myself.
I should have tried harder to keep those relationships. What kind of person just drops their friends when they move?
My mother plops down in the chair across from me, looking anxious and pale.
"Mom. You look terrible. Are you sure you’re okay?" I ask again. I watch her, worriedly.
She shakes her head and sighs. “No, sweetheart. Albert will be home soon and he’ll explain.”
I want to kick the table in frustration. I didn’t ask her about Albert. I wanted to know about her.
Instead, I sigh and look back at my phone. My mother is starting to sound like a broken record. It's really killing my vibe. I take a slow sip of my coffee, the warmth seeping through my body and momentarily calming me. The door to the garage slams shut and it jolts my mom into a rigid stance.
Something is definitely wrong.
I carefully set down my mug and look around, suddenly on high alert.
Albert walks in, bending down to kiss her on the head before taking a seat next to her.
"Meredith, darling, Did you tell her yet?" he asks abruptly.
Oh no, this can't be good.
"No."
"Tell me what?" I shift my gaze between them, feeling a sense of dread wash over me.
My mom lets out another sigh before speaking hesitantly. "Christina..."
"What?"
"Albert and I..." She pauses, swallowing hard before continuing. "We have something we need to discuss."
"Okay..." I urge her on, a knot forming in my stomach.
"Do you remember Jimmy Cosa Jr?"
"Yes..." Why the hell is my mom asking about Jimmy? Oh God, did something happen to him?
"Well," my mother shifts uncomfortably in her seat once again. "He's a nice boy...man," she quickly corrects herself. "And... well..."
She looks to Albert for support but he remains silent. "I know this may come as a shock, but in Albert’s…. culture…. arranged marriages are quite common."
"Okay?" I say, my heart racing frantically. “But you and I, we’re not part of Albert’s… culture. So what does that have to do with me?”
I lean forward and try not to panic.
Albert looks at me with a stern expression. “Christina. You became a Venitti the minute your mother and I got married.”
I open my mouth to respond but my mother interrupts.
"We've agreed, Albert and I, that you'll be engaged. To Jimmy."
"Excuse me?" I can't have heard her correctly. I blink and try to process the words coming out of her mouth.
"We think a year-long engagement would be nice; with a wedding next spring," my mother says, quietly. "Time is ticking," she adds.
Time? Time for what? I’m just at the start of my life. I have nothing but time.
That's hardly any time at all for something as significant as marriage – it's like my life has an expiration date.
“What if I say no? I’m a legal adult. I can choose to marry or not.” I ask, frantically.
“You’re getting married, Christina. To Jimmy Cosa, Jr. That’s final.” Albert says sternly.
“This is not a negotiation. Jimmy is a good boy. He’ll take care of you. I’ll see that he purchases a ring suitable for your standing and that the prenup is solid so you will be protected.”
My mother nods in agreement. I can’t believe she’s going along with this.
“But what if I say no?” I ask again.
Albert leans forward. “This is what your role is in this family. Accept it.” His words are laced with threat, and it chills me.
Or else doesn’t need to be said.
My mother reaches for me, but I shake off her hand. “Christina, this is important, honey.”
Important? I feel hysterical. What about me? What about what I want? When is that going to be important?
"You can't do this to me," I manage to croak out, unsure if I'm speaking to myself or her. My mouth is dry, making it hard to swallow.
"No," I whisper, chest constricting with such intensity that it feels like it might crush me before anything else.
I don’t want to marry Jimmy. I don’t want any of this.
“We’ll plan a formal announcement, probably sometime next week. A photoshoot, of course.
Once you have your ring.” Her voice drones on. "The plans are set–"
My hands are shaking as I reach for the coffee cup. I can’t make my fingers work and I watch as it tumbles to the ground, brown liquid seeping into the white rug.
I double over, my arms gripping my stomach tight as I struggle not to vomit.
Breathe in, breathe out.
I look up to my mom for help, but nothing. This can’t be happening.
Images of Enzo and Nico flash through my mind, giving me hope. They would never let Jimmy have me.
But as I look around, I don’t see them anywhere.
My mother continues to talk but I can no longer hear the words from her lips.
My mind is just echoing with the same phrase, over and over. Engaged to Jimmy Cosa. Wedding in Spring. Engaged to Jimmy Cosa. Wedding in Spring.
“Albert and I have already discussed the logistics, but you’ll have final say on some of the décor decisions, of course. Give it a shot, Christina. Planning a wedding is a beautiful time of life.” My mom says, patting my knee.
I cringe away and glare at her.
“You can’t be serious.”
“This is in the best interest of the family.” She says, firmly.
Albert nods, but before he can say something, one of his men makes an appearance in the room. He waves and they go to guard the door. I hear shouting coming from another room.
What now?
“We’ll need to pick out a date,” he says. “Pick a Saturday in June, Christina, or I will.”
Where are Enzo and Nico when I need them? They wouldn’t leave me alone…
“The prenup will be signed shortly, we’re just waiting on the final version from the attorney.”
No. This is moving too fast.
I slip to the floor and fold myself over into a ball. My head hurts and I bury my face in my knees.
I want to fight. I want to scream and yell and tell Albert and my mother where they can shove it, but I feel paralyzed.
Instead of fighting, I feel hot tears fall down my face and the sounds of the room come back into focus.
A door slams downstairs, and I hear more voices shouting.
“You’ll be free of all this,” my mother says, her eyes glassy with tears. “Safe.”
I look at her and I can read between the lines. She wants me out of here. If I accept this, I could absolve her of the guilt she must feel for bringing me into it in the first place.
“This is all your fault,” I whisper fiercely. “You did this to me. You put me in danger in the first place. I never would be in this position if it wasn’t for you.”
She pales and reaches for me. “Christina.”
“Save it.” I snap. “You made your choice and didn’t think of me then, so why should you claim to be thinking of me now? If you make me do this, you’re dead to me.”
I shake my head. Too much has happened in the last couple weeks.
I could never be free of them. Never. Not even if I wanted to be.
I swallow back the sob that threatens to escape from my throat. Marrying Jimmy won’t make me free. It will only trap me in this world without the ones that keep me safe. It will put me in even more danger.
“This isn’t fair,” I say. “I’m an adult. Wasn’t it enough that you tried to steal my dreams from me with your shitty life choices? You had to steal my happiness and love too?”
“Life isn’t fair,” my mother says, sharply. “And you’ll do what you’re told.”
The shouts grow louder and hope blooms in my chest when I hear Nico.
“You can’t fucking marry her off,” he yells. “She doesn’t belong to you.”
“The fuck I can’t,” Albert shouts back, “Calm the fuck down, right now, boy.”
“She’s ours,” Nico’s voice grows louder. “She’s fucking ours.”
I need them. I need them right now. I urge my legs to let me up but my body is still in shock, refusing to move.
I strain my ears to listen, but another door shuts and their fighting muffles.
No. No. Come back. Save me.
I cry harder.
“Christina, look at me,” my mother snaps, her voice bringing me back to the present.
“Please.”
“I don’t want to be free,” I say, the words coming out like a whisper. It’s the first time I’ve admitted it out loud and it is terrifying.
But it’s true.
My shoulders shake. If freedom means leaving them, then I don’t want it.
Besides, short of locking them up in a dungeon somewhere, there’s no chance they’ll let this wedding go through without a fight.
I have to believe they would never, ever abandon me.
An announced engagement won’t change a thing.
They’ll still love me. Want me. They have to. Nico has said it only once - when we thought I was pregnant. My heart blooms in my chest. I know Enzo must feel the same too. Right?
“What? What are you talking about?” My mother asks, sharply.
I look up with tear-streaked cheeks. “I’m in love. I refuse to marry Jimmy.”
“No, Christina. You can’t refuse. Tell me you understand that” she says, patiently. “You can’t.”
I shake my head resolutely and her eyes widen with fear.
“No, mom. I’m telling you. It’s too late. I love someone else.” Technically, two people.
“Oh, Christina.” She holds me tighter. “Shhh.” She starts to stroke my hair. It reminds me of when I was little. “I’m sorry, honey,” she whispers, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry.”
My shoulders slump as I lean into her touch, my body desperate for love, for safety.
I don’t know who she assumes I’m in love with, Enzo or Nico. I doubt she’s imagining it's both of them. I hiccup. Too emotional to explain myself.
“It’s going to be okay.” she says, hiccupping herself from emotion. “Calm down.” She holds me at arm’s length, attempting to lift my chin and wipe away my tears. “Take a deep breath, that’s my girl. Let it out, it’s all right.” She strokes my head, wiping her own tears away with her other hand.
“Listen to me,” she says. “I’ll talk to Albert. Everything is going to be okay. I’m sure.” She swallows hard. “Mafia men marry and have mistresses all the time. I’m sure we can find…”
“What if he freaks out?” I say, the only words I can manage. I hold my body tighter. “What if no one wants me now? What will Albert do to me?”
“Okay. Okay.” She brushes my head. “It’s okay. Deep breaths.”
The aftershocks of the cries linger, but the tears slow, allowing me to blink and look back at her.
I use my moment of strength to make sure that she understands. “I’m not giving them up.”
She raises her eyebrows when I say them but she doesn’t say anything. She just brings my face to hers and kisses my forehead.
“I love them, mom,” I say. There it is. The truth. Ugly and shameful. But it’s free. “I love them so much.”