Chapter Sixteen
Isaac
“You need to discuss this with your mate.” Charlie handed me another cupcake, and Jamie sat a large mug of coffee on the table in front of me. “I’m happy to be here and listen, but this is a topic that Thomas needs to hear from you about.”
“And do it now, before it starts to eat at you even more.” Jamie joined us at the table, holding the monitor for the baby cam in his hand.
The twins were napping in their bedroom, but the monitor would alert their parents the moment they needed it to.
“As a fellow firefighter, I can tell you that I have seen the stress of partners ruin good relationships if there isn’t open and honest communication within the relationship. ”
“I know I have to talk to him about it.” I rolled my shoulders, the stress of worrying about my mate getting seriously hurt and that we may have lost a child I didn’t even know existed prior to the incident had made my body tense.
“I just needed to bounce it off someone I trusted first, to make sure I wasn’t being a dumbass. ”
“A jerk would have immediately demanded he give up on his career and not listen to his thoughts on the subject.” Jamie slapped me on the shoulder.
“You are just trying to find a way to let him know your worries and work with him to ease your mind. You even asked Charlie if he could give you the number for his therapist since she has experience with spouses of first responders. You are the antithesis to a dumbass at this point.”
“Jamie is right.” Charlie nodded. “You are trying to find your way through a new relationship. And this time, you need to not only worry about whether you two put the toilet roll in the same way but also figure out how to live with the idea that your mate does in fact face danger on a regular basis. But you also know that your mate follows the guidelines set to keep him as safe as possible while doing his job. You just need to rectify that within yourself.”
Finishing my coffee and cupcake, I said my goodbyes to my friends and headed home.
Their suggestions swarmed through my mind, and I rehearsed how to bring the subject up to my mate.
Thomas had been a bit emotional lately, mad that his chief wouldn’t let him go out on calls and upset that he saw reason in the decision as well.
I had been trying not to make waves in our relationship by mentioning my own fears but in doing so, I was giving myself abdominal migraines from stress, something I hadn’t had to deal with since my youth.
By the time I arrived at our two flat, I had a script in mind so that I wouldn’t flub this conversation.
“Hey, hun, I’m home.” I opened the door and found Thomas lying on the couch, feet propped up on a pillow and the television playing some new K-drama he had become addicted to this weekend.
“Charlie and Jamie send their regards. They hope you come by soon and meet the twins. I told them you would. It was just a bad morning with nausea today. Has it gotten better?”
“Hey.” Thomas waved his hand lazily before dropping it back down onto the cushion beside him. “Yeah, I feel a bit better after I ate a breakfast burrito.”
“I can’t believe that almost everything has been making you sick, but breakfast burritos and banana smoothies help you get through the day. That’s insane.”
“At least they are tasty things. I had a friend who could only eat Wheat Thins. I mean those are good, but every meal of every day for weeks will start to get to you.”
“True.” I pointed toward the kitchen. “Let me grab some water and I’ll join you on the couch.”
“Sounds good.” Thomas sat up and made room for me. “Grab me a banana while you’re in there.”
“Sure thing.” I got our snacks and water and took my seat on the sofa. “What have I missed?”
“Too much to explain.” Thomas exited the show he was watching and pulled up the main menu. “Let’s check out something neither of us has seen.”
We settled on a rom-com that was just released on streaming, and I found that the movie and just being with my mate, eased a lot of the tension that I had all month. I almost forgot that I had wanted to have a heart-to-heart discussion with him.
Almost.
The credits started rolling, and I turned off the television and placed the remote on the end table.
Thomas had faded into sleep about three fourths of the way into the story and was lying against me.
I couldn’t help but smile at his small snores and mumbles.
Moments like this filled me with a warm love for my mate.
I just closed my eyes and enjoyed being close like this, eventually falling asleep myself.
I woke when I felt my arm being tossed aside.
The dim light streaming through the living room curtains told me that we had napped most of the day and it was approaching dinnertime.
“Sorry, babe, for throwing your arm off me.” Thomas lifted himself from the couch and headed toward the hallway. “I gotta pee and it’s an emergency at this point.”
“No worries.” I rose as well, stretching my back and legs after lying in the same position for a few hours.
Walking to the kitchen, I evaluated our choices for dinner tonight. Deciding that I actually didn’t feel like cooking, I took out three take-out menus and would have Thomas choose the one we would order from.
“Takeout tonight?” Thomas entered the room and immediately spotted them on the table. “Chinese, Mexican, or barbeque ribs? That’s a tough choice.”
“And that’s only if you can handle those. If you need me to, I can whip you up a breakfast burrito.” Even if I didn’t want to cook, I would if it meant feeding my mate what he craved.
“No need.” Thomas picked up the menu of his choice. “I think Orange Chicken and pot stickers sound amazing tonight. Can we have an order of egg rolls and a wonton soup?”
“Of course.” I pulled up my phone and went to the restaurant’s app to place the order.
The paper menus were helpful when deciding on where to eat, seeing the options laid out in front of you.
But for ordering, I preferred the app over actually calling it in.
“Just tell me what you want and I’ll get it. ”
Once the order was placed, we went back to the couch to wait. Spice curled up in the spot between us.
“So, are you ready to tell me what you’ve been feeling uneasy about?” Thomas grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I know you have been fretting over something, but I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up. I’m done waiting though. So, talk.”
And so, I did.
“I’m worried about you. About what could happen.” I took his hands in mine, and Spice got up and left like he does when his humans get too mushy. “But I know that it’s my issue to resolve and I’m working on that.”
“Is it getting better?” Thomas tilted his head and bit his lip. “I don’t want to quit—”
“I’d never ask that of you.” I ran my finger against his finger.
“I know what being a firefighter means to you and I’d never expect you to give that up.
That’s why I’m sharing how I feel and am looking for a therapist who specializes in family counseling for rescue workers.
Because I want to stop worrying about these things and not let it rot away inside me until it becomes too big to ignore. ”
“I wish I knew how to make you feel less anxious.” Thomas sighed. “I know that this job is hard on families.”
“It is, but it’s worth it because it’s what you feel called to do.” I lifted his hands to my mouth and placed a kiss on his knuckles. I will figure out how to stop freaking out every time you go to work. I promise.”
“Hey, at least you have time to adjust to it before I ever see action again. I’m on this admin duty until my paternity leave begins and then will be out of work for about six months. I think we can work this out in that time frame. We’ll do it together.”
“We’ll do it together. Always.”