LUCY
‘Ugh. I feel gross,’ she groaned, leaning back onto the plush pillows of their bed, wincing at the brightness as Mark’s phone flickered across her face. ‘This seasickness is so bloody annoying. Now would have been the perfect time to—’ To try to get into Rory’s cabin again.
Mark seemed to read her thoughts; he shook his head. ‘Luce … you’ve tried everything. Don’t you think it’s time to let this go?’
This was exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. She wriggled around to face him. ‘No, Mark, it’s the worst possible moment to let it go. Now, when I’m so close – physically close – his room’s right there. And after what he did!’
‘I know,’ said Mark, closing his eyes briefly. He looked pained.
Seeing the sadness in his expression, Lucy’s own grief and hurt and the injustice of it all came alive again in her body. She didn’t know how to bear it. She didn’t know how she had borne it, all these months, being in the same building as that man.
Mark ran his fingers down her cheek. ‘He’s a bastard. I understand why you hate him. Truly, I do.’
But you still want me to drop it. ‘We can’t let him get away with it,’ she tried. ‘Not after everything I’ve done – all the effort I’ve put in.’
Lucy’s eyes filled with tears. It had nearly destroyed her, making a career at Ashworth that was built on her secret; her lies.
She’d never really wanted to work there; never seen a future there.
She’d engineered her way into the company, reading everything she could find about Rory online, plotting and researching how to ace the interview.
It had almost killed her, working for that man for months, helping him grow his morally dubious empire.
She’d gritted her teeth, smiled and made conversation with him every day, laughed at his terrible jokes, asked after his family when he’d been responsible for tearing hers apart.
And she’d done everything she could over the past few months to showcase her work in the best possible light, to dazzle him with her cash-saving numbers, in the hope that she’d end up exactly where she was right now – on their bonus trip; in such close proximity to him for a week that there would be the chance to observe him and gather evidence in a way she couldn’t do in the office.
All with a greater purpose: to shine a light on the shadowy dealings she suspected, and to potentially uncover even more.
‘Yeah,’ said Mark, ‘I don’t know how you’ve done it, to be honest. Got the job there, kept all this inside. I wish you’d told me. You didn’t have to go through all this on your own.’
Lucy felt ashamed, now, that she’d hidden it from him.
She was riddled with guilt that she’d kept the details of her new job, her new employer, vague and imprecise all these months.
She’d had to withdraw from him, emotionally and physically, to be able to make it work.
She’d spent so many nights staying out late – wandering from cafe to cafe or bookshop to bookshop, then taking the Tube a few extra stops before coming home at midnight and going to sleep on the sofa, ‘so as not to wake’ him.
Then, most weekends, she slipped away to see Mum and Alfie, telling Mark it would only stress her brother out if he joined her.
She’d avoided her devoted, supportive partner all this time, because she was convinced that if he found out, he’d try to stop her.
Lucy was sure he’d have been too worried about her, about the impact on her mental health.
She was on a high dose of fluoxetine already since Mum’s injury and Alfie’s sectioning, when her anxiety had spiralled to terrible, crippling heights; Mark would surely have forced her to give up on her plan.
‘I was here for you all along,’ Mark said.
‘I could have helped.’ He swallowed. ‘But – I’m sorry, Lulu.
I don’t think there’s anything else you can do.
We already tried the lawsuit.’ It was true – they had, not long after the residents were evicted from Willowbrook.
They’d got all the victims’ families together, all the ones who wanted to sue, but even with the five families who wanted to take Ashworth to court, they could barely raise half the legal fees.
‘And we tried going to the press – I used all my contacts,’ Mark went on. ‘Every time we spoke to a reporter, someone’s editor shut it down.’
‘Yes, because Rory got to them,’ said Lucy. ‘He must have done – either him, or his lawyers.’ She puffed the air from her cheeks. ‘So you get it, then – why this was my last option? It’s why I wanted to get on this trip – and to tell you the truth, it’s why I didn’t want you coming with me.’
A flash of hurt crossed Mark’s expression. ‘I’m sorry,’ said Lucy. ‘I wanted to find some hard evidence while we were here. I didn’t want you working it out and trying to stop me.’ She wiped a tear off her cheek. ‘Like you’re doing now.’
Mark sighed and pulled her close for a hug. ‘I get it, Luce. But for your own sanity, your mental health – it’s time to let it go. It’s not good for you, holding onto all this anger. And Rory’s a dick, but he’s not stupid. He’ll have been covering his tracks …’
Lucy let out a sigh. ‘I know.’
Maybe he’s right.
Maybe she should face it: her plan had failed. Her idea – not even a very good one in the first place – had come to nothing. And she was suffering, the bitterness eating her insides like poison. ‘Do you think I’ve gone completely mad with all this?’
Mark chuckled. ‘Honestly – maybe a bit? But it’s okay. I get it. I love you, and Alfie.’
Lucy studied him. Now that her eyes had adjusted to the gloom, and with the pale grey light reaching through the windows, she observed the sharp profile of his nose, the soft curve of his mouth, the brightness of his hazel eyes. ‘I know you do,’ she said.
Lucy loved Mark too. But she adored Alfie. He was her little brother, and right now, today – like every other day for the past two years – he was under section in a grimy NHS psych ward surrounded by people who didn’t understand him. This very minute, he would be lonely, and confused, and afraid.
I can’t give up yet.
Just because this plan had failed, it didn’t mean that there wasn’t another way forward – a more drastic one. A more brutal one. She thought for a moment. I could go and find Rory now. I just need to make sure no one sees me.
She swallowed, then coughed loudly. ‘Actually, my throat is really dry – do you think you could go up to the galley and ask someone for a fresh bottle of water?’
‘Yeah, course.’
He kissed her forehead then got up and left the cabin, returning a moment later with two fresh bottles. He pushed the door closed with his foot, walked to the bed and handed her one. ‘Here you go.’
Lucy unscrewed the top and took a sip, then: ‘Anyone else about?’ she asked, as casually as she could.
‘I saw Sam in the passageway when I was coming back down. He was heading upstairs. Eleni and Nick are still sitting in the salon – Eleni said Talia was in the bathroom up there. Maybe she’s feeling sick …’
Lucy nodded. Rory’s alone. With the power out, there’s no CCTV. No one will see where I’m going.
Now’s my chance.
Lucy nodded, twisting her hands in her lap. ‘You know, now that no one’s around, I think I might go and read in the sky lounge for a bit. It’ll be a bit brighter up there, won’t it?’
Mark smiled. ‘That sounds good. I’ll come with you.’
She reached for his hand, squeezed it. She was grateful for him, for all his support.
He’s one of the good ones – the best. But still, for this she needed to be alone.
‘I’m so happy things are okay between us, and everything’s out in the open.
I’ll never shut you out again, I promise.
I just … I think I need a bit of space, on my own, to clear my head. ’
He shrugged. ‘Fair enough. Just keep your phone with you – the corridor and salon are well lit, but I dunno about outside …’
He believed her.
And Lucy’s poor, bruised heart squeezed again with guilt that she’d told him yet another lie.