Chapter 19 #2
“I might not have admitted that when I was younger. I thought…other things…were more important in a relationship. A romantic one anyway.”
She grinned a little and then was kind of glad that her back was to him, because she didn’t think before she asked the next question. “What were other things?” Even though she thought she knew the answer.
He huffed a little. “A teenage boy, hormones, need I say any more?”
She laughed. “I guess I would say that’s important too. But I definitely think that the talking probably gets left by the wayside more than that.”
“I think that’s spoken like a woman. Because, from my perspective, that ,” he said, emphasizing the word with a humor that made her smile, “is probably more important to a man than talking.”
“Really?” She wasn’t sure she agreed with that, but she wasn’t a man, so her opinion was hardly expert or even semi-knowledgeable.
“Yeah. Really. I agree about talking. Although so many times we hear about communication, and I don’t really see that as a necessity.
I see it as important, but not more important than kindness, consideration, and even sacrifice.
A lack of pride, a desire to put the other first. Those are all things we read about in the Bible. Communication isn’t really in there.”
“Good point. But that ,” she emphasized “that” the way he had, and she could practically feel him smiling, “is.”
“It sure is,” he agreed and didn’t say anything more.
“I’m not sure how we got on that subject, though, because we were talking about our parents.”
“Yeah. And saying how they had the communication thing down, but I’m not sure about that .”
“Oh. No. Don’t. Please. We are not going to discuss our parents and that in the same sentence.” She gave an exaggerated shiver, which she really didn’t have to fake.
“That is something we agree on,” he said. And was quiet for a bit.
“I feel a little bit guilty,” she said.
“Why?” he asked right away.
“Because my mom has asked me multiple times how our relationship is going, and… I’ve been on the verge of admitting that we don’t really have one.”
“It’s made me feel uncomfortable as well, although my dad hasn’t asked. I guess that’s the difference between men and women.”
“Possibly. But yeah, I’ve been on the hot seat a couple of times, and… I don’t like lying. Or deceiving. And I feel like I’ve been on the verge of having to do both multiple times.”
“I guess the remedy for that is to come clean.” The oars dipped in and pushed twice more before he spoke again. “I don’t like the idea of the guilt, although I love the idea of the fact that our parents are closer now than they were.”
“Same. But I honestly think that we could probably lay off and they’ll be fine. I think they like each other well enough that they don’t need us anymore.”
“If they even did to begin with.”
“Good point. I’ve spent a little bit of time wondering if they were together because of us, or if I was just giving myself more credit than I deserve.”
“That is a legitimate question.”
They were quiet again with just the dip of the paddle and the occasional sound of their parents’ laughter carrying across the water. They didn’t stay right with them but gave them privacy and space.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did,” she said easily, smiling, because she always thought it was funny when someone asked if they could ask a question.
“Sorry. I’ll take that as a yes. Although, you might not appreciate me prying. Maybe I should have specified it’s a personal question.”
“Go right ahead.” She didn’t know that everything in her life was an open book, but she couldn’t think of anything off the top of her head that she wouldn’t be willing to discuss with Trevor.
“How long did it take you to get back on the water?”
She knew exactly what he was referring to.
“It was the year after. I didn’t go back in the rest of that summer.
And I didn’t want to go in the summer after, but…
My mom really thought it was important that I did.
I’m glad she made me, because growing up beside the lake, there’s so much enjoyment there.
But… I would never do it without a life vest.”
“We shouldn’t have to begin with.”
“Standards were different back then. We weren’t doing anything everybody else didn’t do. Not that I’m defending it, because I agree, it’s just…it wasn’t like we were being rebellious.”
“Yeah. That was the incident that made me determined that I would never go on the lake without one.”
“I never figured out what happened,” she said.
He didn’t pry, and she appreciated that. She didn’t want to rehash everything while they were in kayaks on the water. The water underneath them wasn’t deep, but it was well over their heads and measured in dozens of feet rather than single digits.
“I guess I have another question similar to that one.”
Similar to how did she ever get back in the water again? Or how long did it take her to get back in the water?
“Okay,” she said, leaving it open-ended so that he could ask whatever he wanted.
“How long do you think it’ll take you before you’re ready to date again?”
Whoa. That was unexpected. It took a minute for her to shift gears in her head.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought of dating again. She just…hadn’t thought about it lately.
“When it first happened, I didn’t think I would ever date again.
I…don’t think I ever wanted to beg my husband to take me back.
After all, he cheated on me, and I really didn’t want to go back.
But I wanted him to not cheat, you know?
To take it all back. I wanted to find out that it was wrong, not true.
I wanted to die at times too.” She said the last bit very softly, because it wasn’t something she discussed with just anyone.
In fact, Trevor was the first person she had mentioned it to outside of the counselor that she’d gone to for five sessions be fore she quit.
“I think I can understand. I can’t even imagine how terrible it must have been.”
“You know a little bit, because I did it to you. Sometimes I wondered if I was reaping what I sowed. I never cheated on you. I promise you that. But I did leave, and my focus was on me, and I didn’t think a whole lot about how I was hurting you.”
“It did hurt. I felt like…I wasn’t worth anything. I wondered what was wrong with me that you wouldn’t love me. That I was such an easy thing to toss aside.”
“You weren’t. I thought of you for a long time after I left.
Even when I started dating the man I eventually married, he never measured up to you.
But I was determined in my heart that I would never go back.
It…took a lot to bring me back to Raspberry Ridge.
God really had to pile it on me before I saw the light. ”
“I guess you’re stubborn.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.” She laughed a little, even though she wondered if she had gone back to Raspberry Ridge immediately, if she would have been able to avoid all the pain. But then she would have avoided the lessons too, and they’d already had that discussion.
“You didn’t really answer my question.” He spoke after they’d been quiet for a bit.
“I guess I don’t know how to answer. I told you, at first I was determined that I would never…” She let her words trail off. How was she going to tell him that he was the first, and most likely only, person she would even consider dating after what happened?
That after being married to the man she had been married to, he looked so much better than anyone she even knew.
To have a man of character and convictions, who was also considerate and kind, who took care of his dad, and who made sure that he took care of her as well.
Who cared about honesty and integrity and didn’t care what other people thought of him. Except for her, apparently.
“Now?” He prompted after her voice trailed off and she didn’t start speaking again.
“And now, I guess for the right person, I’m ready.
” She took a deep breath, continuing to paddle, thinking, and choosing her words carefully.
“I thought about this a lot. I know people whose spouse has cheated on them, and they would never have guessed it. With mine, I think I should have seen the handwriting on the wall. I should have known before I even married him that he wasn’t a good person.
But I know preachers who have cheated on their wives.
Pastor’s wives who cheated on their husbands.
Good people, people that no one thinks would ever do anything wrong, who abandoned their spouse and family, either with someone else or just because they couldn’t take it anymore, I guess.
I don’t think there’s any way to know. In life, we just don’t get a guarantee. ”
“That’s it. The truth. We don’t get a guarantee.”
“No. We don’t get a guarantee that we are going to be happy, that life is going to be easy, that people are going to do what we want them to do, that they’re not going to hurt us, that we’re not going to get sick, that our family isn’t going to suffer, that we won’t have friends who are going to die, or that we’re not going to go through tragedy.
There is no guarantee. The only guarantee we have is that God is with us.
And that He’s going to work everything out for our good and His glory. ”
“Yeah. You’re right.” He swallowed and then said, “That, and if we’re faithful, our reward is in heaven. That’s a guarantee too.”
“Right. We don’t have a promise of earthly riches. While we do have the promise of a heavenly reward.”
“Exactly. You’re right. I think we go through life thinking that we should have a guarantee. That somehow God owes us peace and tranquility and blessing and ease and all those other things, but He doesn’t. He just doesn’t.”
“No. And I suppose that’s a roundabout way of saying that at first I decided I was never going to date again because how can I trust someone?
” She let out a breath. “And then I realized that I can trust someone just as easily as I did before, because I have just as much guarantee—none—about the person being faithful as I did before. It’s just a matter of making sure that I’m with the person God wants me to be with.
But even then, that person might do things that they shouldn’t, even though I’m completely in God’s will. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. It does, although I’ve never seen it like that before.”
They were quiet for a bit. They’d gotten to the edge of Blackberry Bay, where the sheltered area met the wider expanse of the lake.
They needed to turn around. The way they were facing, Grace had to turn her head and look past Trevor sitting behind her in order to see her mom and his dad.
She didn’t do that. She looked out on the lake, thinking about all the tragedy that it had seen but how that was tempered by all the beautiful things it had been witness to as well.
People getting married on the shores, families vacationing and enjoying the water and waves and the sun and the fun.
Sure, there had been shipwrecks and tragedies like she’d endured, but the good always outweighed the bad. Always. It was just a matter of perspective.
“I think it’s time to turn around. My stomach is growling and feels like it’s time to eat,” he said after they slowly drifted forward for a while, without saying anything.
It seemed both of them were enjoying the warm sun on their faces and the cool breeze, as well as the peacefulness of the water.
There was just something about being on the water that was soothing and grounding.
“I think you’re right. I’m thirsty anyway.”
“I have water back in the cooler, or I have a warm one here.”
“I can wait,” she said as they started to turn their kayak.
As they turned, she saw that their parents had already made it to shore and had found a nice site for them to eat their picnic lunch. The cooler was in their kayak, but the basket with the blanket and some nonperishables were with them.
“They’re so cute together,” Grace said as Don held his arm out for Gita, and she took it. He steadied her and helped her climb up the bank. It wasn’t super steep, but to see them taking care of each other like that just made her heart happy.
“My dad really is infatuated, I think. I feel like their relationship might be moving pretty quickly. We could hear wedding bells by the end of this year, maybe even sooner.”
“Do you really think so?” Grace asked, shocked. Of course, she realized that they were truly serious about each other, but as far as she knew, her mom hadn’t even told her sisters yet.
“Sure. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know. I mean, my sisters are coming on Saturday, and I think that’s when Mom is going to tell them. It’s a little crazy to think that they could be married…married.”
“I didn’t mean to shock you like that. But look at them. They’re…so in love.”
“No question. And I don’t think Mom could have found a better person. Your dad’s pretty awesome, even if he does call her Gita Baby.”
“Doesn’t she like it?”
“I think she loves it. To be honest, it makes me cringe every time I hear it, but then to see my mom’s face, and the love on it, and the adoration… He knows exactly what she wants, and he’s given it to her.”
“I think my dad learned a lot from my mom leaving.” It seemed like he had more to say, but he closed his mouth, and they didn’t talk about it anymore, rowing toward their parents, the kayak hitting the edge of the bank. Grace was able to jump up and get out without getting wet.
She turned around and grabbed a hold of the rope, keeping the kayak on the bank as Trevor got off.
“Thanks. I can pull it out of the water,” he said.
“I’ll give you a hand. Because there is enough stuff in the back for both of us to carry up. Maybe we’ll only have to make one trip if we both do it.”
“All right. Thanks,” he said.
They pulled the kayak out of the water and got the cooler which contained their drinks and the meat to make sandwiches, along with some vegetables Grace and her mom had cut up earlier that morning.
It was such a happy, fun time as they laughed and carried things up.
Trevor said something about working up an appetite and how Grace’s muscles were going to look like a bodybuilder’s, since he made her do most of the work, and Gita had laughed and made a muscle and said that she was going to look like a bodybuilder too.
They spread the food out on the blanket, settling down on the ground, with Trevor saying grace before they ate.
Grace didn’t think a day could get any more perfect.