Chapter Thirty-Five
Nova
“Mama sat Celeste and I down today and said that Dad might not live. I’m so scared.”
Otarn immediately collapsed to her knees upon arriving at the cottage, hunching forward and ripping off her mask as she began to sob.
Caleb let his mask fall to the ground as he knelt and grabbed her shoulders, tucking her head into his chest. Elders pulled his mask off slowly, laughing hysterically as he did.
Zura ran at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and hugging me tightly. “We did it. I can’t believe we did it.”
Hugging her back, I soaked in her words, willing myself to feel the same joy they did.
Instead, I closed my eyes and watched Elite Bargain’s head get split in half. I pictured her brain sagging out of her skull, parts liquefied and mingling with blood where it pooled on the grass. I felt her single eye watching me. Condemning me.
“Where are we? Is this where you’ve been hiding?” she asked as she pulled away, wiping her tear-filled eyes.
“I’ll explain everything. Let’s just get everyone cleaned up and fed first,” Az said, turning to smile my way.
I was the last one with my mask on. For some reason, I couldn’t will myself to take it off. It felt like the only thing holding me together. If I removed it, perhaps I’d unravel. Maybe it was my puppet strings, and if I cut it I’d collapse back into nothing.
“I better go get Desi. I’ll be right back,” I said. Az’s brows knitted together. I wondered if he knew. If he understood what we were in that moment. Or if it even bothered him at all that everywhere we went, death followed.
I turned and walked out the door, the sound of their happy words and thankful cries fading as I summoned my shadows.
The snow-painted mountain and rushing sea faded to the view of grassy fields, the rebel base not too far.
I took my time walking, fighting off the visions of everyone I loved dying.
Of everything that I touched falling apart.
I used to think the world was like a chess board, where each of us were only pawns.
But I wasn’t a pawn. I was a knight. A rook. A death sentence.
“Nova? Is that you?” My head snapped up, a clear view of the rebel base in front of me. Apparently, I’d crossed the wards without realizing. I turned my head, seeing Commander Maitoza where she stood just off to my left. “Are you okay? What are you doing here? Why are you wearing that mask?”
“Just looking for Desi. Do you know where she is?” I asked, feeling my body begin to shake. I was breaking, snapping, cracking.
The commander walked towards me, her head cocked to the side and her nose scrunched as her eyes scanned my mask. “She’s running a healing workshop.”
“Oh, okay. Will you tell her that I need her at the cottage when she’s done?”
“Of course.”
For a few heartbeats, I only stood there, my head aching and my chest burning. I thought of Celeste. What would she do? How would she push forward? She was so much better than me. Always making the right choices.
Fuck, I miss her.
“Commander?”
“Yes?”
I tilted my head, wrapping my arms around myself. “What did you think of my sister?”
If my question surprised her, she didn’t show it.
She wore her uniform, looking as pristine as ever, her face unreadable.
“I thought she was a uniquely loyal and determined person. She didn’t fight for the same selfish reasons as others.
Her first thought was of the greater good.
Of all my rebels, she was the most dedicated to the cause by far. She understood exactly how I felt.”
“Sounds like her,” I whispered, my heart racing in my chest. Something in me was snapping. Maybe my sanity?
Commander Maitoza pinched her brows together, taking a step closer to me. “She loved you very much, Nova.”
Violently, I shook my head, as if I could free the words from my mind. I didn’t deserve that kindness. “She hated who I’d become. She died loathing me because she knew exactly what I was.”
“And what are you?”
“Death.”
The commander pursed her lips, nodding slowly. “Magic is a poison. It taints you. Corrupts you. That’s not your fault. It’s a symptom of the illness.”
Stars, she sounded like Jonah. Like Celeste. Like me. We were better off without magic.
“I have to go. Will you send Desi to the cottage please?”
“Of course. Will you let me know if the stars change their minds about the cause?”
“Yes, absolutely.” I began to back away, my mind a raging storm, an ache beginning in my jaw. “You’re doing the right thing, Commander. I realize that now more than ever.”
“Thank you, Nova.”
Nodding, I turned and walked back through the wards. My mind continued to spin, the whispers of the stars growing louder as I shadow walked.
It was a risk. But what did I care? My boots scuffed against the floors, my mask suffocating. Only one elite guarded the doors, their eyes barely scanning me before they waved their hand, both doors opening for me. I walked in carelessly, practically dragging my legs.
No one was there, the large, open space void of life. On heavy feet, I walked forward, letting my knees fall at the end of the path before the stairs.
“You are about to do something with repercussions you cannot possibly understand.”
Laughing, I shook my head, tears streaming down my face and heating my mask.
This world needs to heal.
“Will you spit on us like this?”
I can’t keep doing this anymore. Everything I touch dies. Everything magic touches dies. We were never meant to experience your power like this. It’s unnatural, and the universe is punishing us for it. Punishing you, too, by inflicting misery and boredom upon you.
“It is not solely our fault it exists, and we were bored long before we blessed you.”
This isn’t a blessing. It’s a curse.
My fingers hit the cold floors as I leaned forward, my breaths coming rapidly and my bones aching. My head pounded, the skin beneath my necklace seeming to sizzle.
I missed Mama. I missed Dad. I missed Celeste. I missed the life I had before I ruined it all.
“Do you truly think they can win this war without you?”
I think they’ll be better off with me gone. And at least I can give them this gift before I go.
“What about Azazel Altair? What will he do in your absence?”
He’ll do what he did before I came along.
“But you love him. We see it. Feel it. Taste it.”
Sometimes loving someone means being willing to let them go.
“Do you say that in the hopes we’ll free you?”
Will you?
They remained silent for a few seconds, their consciousness floating amongst mine. Twirling and merging.
“Yes. We will let you go, if that’s what you want.”
See, you’re capable of change. And maybe that means you can do more with what you have. Perhaps you can find entertainment in things other than pain.
“This is how the faithful wish to please us. It is not our choice, nor is it the only way to receive the gift.”
Yet, you’ve been bored of it for centuries. That’s why you all chose me—why you chose to gift me such immense magic when I didn’t deserve it in the eyes of many. You knew the way forward had to change. Only all of you can divert the path.
They said nothing, though I suddenly felt lighter. My bones no longer ached. My head no longer throbbed. My skin no longer burned. As if they’d freed me of my pain.
Who will you choose next?
“No one. We think you might just be right. Perhaps the time has come for change—for something new and exciting.”
Thank you.
Sitting back on my heels, I rose my chest, looking up at the glass ceiling. I stared and stared at the stars, their faint hums like a soothing melody for once. Around me, the cathedral grew brighter as my chest began to glow.
“Thank you, Nova Tershetta. Know that you will be welcomed warmly into the infinite sky above. Here, you may finally rest and become one with us. With your parents. We shall see you soon.”
Goodbye. I smiled, tears and snot pouring down my face as I opened my arms and closed my eyes.
“Goodbye, Sweet Catalyst. Thank you for our chaos.”
My fingers tingled, the stars giving me one final gift before they left. Fire exploded from my skin, so hot that even the glass around me began to bubble and melt.
As the stars faded from my consciousness, the space they once haunted now forever empty, I breathed in the smoke and ash.
“No more shaytan. No more magic. No more poison.”
Around me, the Ether Cathedral burned, and Dajahim was better for it.