Chapter Thirty-Seven
Nova
“No matter how many fairytales I read, none of those love stories could ever come close to Mama and Dad.”
Someone was humming.
Was it the stars? Did they hum in the sky? When did they get so deep and raspy?
All I saw was darkness, but perhaps that was what it was like in the sky. Did I have a body here? It felt like it. I moved what I thought were my fingers, startling when they skimmed against fabric.
Slowly, I opened my eyes, blinking rapidly as the harsh light flooded my vision.
Where am I?
“Nova?” His voice was hoarse, brittle even.
Looking over, I saw he’d already been sitting up, his eyes trained on me.
Bandages littered his body, his bare chest covered in dry blood and what looked like raw skin.
I shot up, feeling an immense amount of pain in my side, back, and chest. No one else seemed to be in the cottage, even Death noticeably absent.
I had no clothes on, but I was too tired to hide as my brain worked to catch up.
“What happened to you? How did I get here?”
“I pulled you out of a fire that I’m nearly positive you started.”
Oh.
Still groggy and exhausted from what I imagined was rather intense healing, I let my face fall into my waiting palms. “Why would you do that, Az? You could have died.”
“You would have died, Nova! What were you thinking? Did you think at all?”
“Of course I thought! I do nothing but think! I’m trapped in a mind that tortures me every day.
There apparently is no limit to just how much I can think and rot within my head.
” I looked up again, feeling tears beginning to pool in my eyes and not caring.
“So, yes, I thought. I thought of how much better this world would be if there was no magic. I thought of how much harm I’ve done.
I thought of each person who died because of me! ”
Though I’d quite literally yelled at him, Az only stared at me with wide eyes and parted lips, as if stunned. I glared at him, trying to understand what angle he was taking. When his hands reached up and cupped either side of my face, I froze.
“Your eyes.”
“What about them?”
“They’re…” he trailed off, shaking his head and smiling softly. “Nova, they’re golden brown again.”
That was when I heard it. Heard the lack. The emptiness. My mind was void of whispers or a floating consciousness that didn’t belong to me. I pressed my palm into his, my head blissfully, wonderfully vacant.
“The stars, they’re gone,” I whispered, disbelief making my voice more breathy.
“Were they angry?” he asked, his tone bordering on panicked as he rushed out the words and pulled his hands away. “Did they punish you?”
“No, they understood. They helped me light the fire,” I mumbled, pressing my hand into my chest. They were gone.
“You’re telling me that the same stars that led me straight to you, also helped you with your ridiculous, selfish, dangerous plan to burn down the cathedral?”
“Those traitors.” I couldn’t believe they told him where I was. “They swore they’d let me go. They even said they’d welcome me into the sky. What a load of garbage.”
Az shifted, his entire aura changing. Suddenly, there was the man I knew a year ago. His face was tight, his jaw ticking like a clock. He looked…murderous.
“Do you mean to tell me that you were actually hoping to die in there?”
“What did you think I was doing?”
“How stupid of me. I thought you were being you and doing something dangerous for the sake of sending a fucking message! I thought you were stuck or scared or anything other than trying to kill yourself!”
I reared back, oddly scared of his wrath.
“Do you understand what it’s like to have people continuously die just for their proximity to you?
” I was trying to stay calm, but it was hard when his fury seemed to stoke mine.
He opened his mouth, but I immediately cut him off.
“Let me rephrase. How would you feel if Caleb, Priya, and Quinn all died because of you? How would you feel if we hadn’t gotten them out of there and they were murdered in cold blood to send you a message? ”
For a few seconds, he said nothing. He only thinned his lips into a line and looked at me. When he finally did respond, it wasn’t with the anger I had braced for.
“I’m so sorry for all you’ve lost. I can’t imagine what it must be like to suffer so much and still be expected to go on. Selfishly, I’m still going to ask you to stay. Stay with me. Be with me. Choose life. Because you’re the thing I can’t live without.”
“We’ve already talked about this.”
“No, you’ve talked about why you can’t, but not why you don’t want to. I think that’s because you do want to. And why, when the world is falling apart around us, can’t you choose what you want for once? You were willing to die, why are you still unwilling to love me?”
“That’s not what I said!” Stars he was being so unfair. So impossible.
Azazel threw up his hands, letting his head fall back for a moment. “Then what did you say? Because I’m getting pretty damn tired of you not saying what you mean! Just for once, give me a real, honest answer!”
“You want the truth? You want me to admit it? Fine! I love you, Azazel! Stars, are you happy now?”
“Yes, actually! I am!”
And then he grabbed my face and pulled me into him, kissing me with bruising pressure. It hurt in the most perfect way. His lips were chapped and his skin where I touched was hidden away behind wrapping, but I still reveled in the feel of him.
“Stay with me,” he mumbled against my lips. “Don’t leave me. Don’t run or hide. Be here with me. Fight with me. Cook, clean, argue, laugh, and dance with me. We can have this, Nova.”
Could we? Could I keep going knowing I was killing everyone I cared about? Could I be that selfish?
“Everyone I love dies,” I whispered. “I kill them.”
He shook his head, his face scrunching. “No, Nova. That’s not true. You don’t kill them. Even if you did, I’d die a thousand times over if it meant I got to be with you. Stay, please.” He kissed me softly, pulling away immediately after. “Stay.” Again, he kissed me and leaned away. “Please stay.”
Tears were streaming down my face now, the sound of his hoarse pleas making my chest burn and my heart race.
“Change Dajahim with me. Let’s make a better place where we can be happy. Together, we can create a world that would’ve been worthy of your mother. Of everyone who died wishing for something greater. Stay with me, Little Void.”
Conviction gone, I nodded, pressing my mouth into his.
Instantly, he wrapped his arms around me.
Everything hurt, and yet pleasure circulated through my body.
My face was soaked in tears, bandages rubbing against barely healed skin.
All around us was so much pain, but in his arms my heart steadily filled with love.
A different love than what I’d felt with my family. One built on slow nights and quick mornings. On burnt pancakes and chasing cats. One with a dark past and an unknown future. A love that scared me.
“Say it again,” Az moaned into my mouth, our teeth clicking. He yanked me onto his lap, both of us hissing in pain. I felt his cock grow beneath me, against me, and I concluded that we were either desperately in love or potential masochists.
Smiling, I said, “I love you, Az.”
“I love you so much, Nova.” He brought our lips back together, his fingers sliding down my stomach and between my legs.
Too eager to wait, I gripped his cock and plummeted down onto it. His fingers stuttered on my clit, his head falling back against the wooden headboard. Stars, he just felt so good.
Perfect. That was how we fit—perfectly. Just as he’d said.
I grabbed the headboard on either side of his face, holding tightly as I rose, slamming back down onto him. He moaned loudly, lifting his face to stare at me.
“I was going to take it slow. We’re both recovering, you know.” Though his words were scolding, his bright smile and dark eyes told me he was exactly where he wanted to be.
“Do you want me to stop?” I asked teasingly, lifting again. I hovered there, seeing how long he’d take to budge.
“Are you challenging me right now? In bed of all places?” he bit his bottom lip lightly, his dimples deep on either cheek. When he sat up and pulled my chest to his face, I almost sank down in my own needy desire.
“I’ll always challenge you.”
“Good.”
He grabbed my hips and forced me down. I yelled in pleasure, doing my best to keep up with the brutal rhythm he was setting.
Tongue leading, he brought his face to my bouncing breasts, sucking and biting his way across them.
He then moved one of his hands back to my clit, rubbing so quickly it almost felt like vibrations.
I let my head fall back, ignoring the brutal burn in my thighs from the position, reveling in the pleasure that built.
Wetness pooled between us, smacking sounds growing louder. Desperate moans began to escape me, my orgasm so close I could bite it. Instead, I leaned down and bit Az’s neck, feeling as he tensed inside of me.
“Fuck, Nova. I need you to cum. I need it now.”
As if the raspy demand was all I needed, I shattered around him, screaming as I barreled back down on his cock. He pushed me up and pulled me down a final time, calling my name as his release poured inside of me.
In that moment, I felt…alive.
Our lips met again, my arms around his neck and his looping behind my back. Our tongues wrapped, embracing too. Bliss was everywhere, so strong I struggled to contain it. My mind was a mess of pain and fear and passion and love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.
I didn’t know how I’d do it, but I was going to survive for him. Even if I had to defy the stars themselves.
Out of nowhere, he lifted me, laying down at the same time. The abrupt move left me hovering over his chest, my knees tucked into his underarms.
“What are you doing?” I asked breathlessly.
“I’m preparing myself.”
“For?”