22. Lex
22
Lex
M y chest exploded into a thousand pinpricks of misery when Miri went down, but seeing Carter go shortly after her sent rage curling through my veins.
This isn’t supposed to happen.
“No!” Ivy scrambled to Carter’s limp form, but I didn’t need to see him to know what had happened. The king had murdered two people I loved. I kneeled next to Ivy and grabbed Carter’s hand, watching as the light drained from his brilliant indigo stare.
Those eyes had gazed up at me so many times with eternal warmth and sunshine. Without Carter Scott and Miriam Stuart in the world, there was no such thing as sunshine anymore. There was no air, no oxygen, nothing, and no one. I simply could not exist without these two people in my life.
How could she let this happen?!
The queen had said it would be my choice, my decision.
What the fuck is this?
Hot, angry tears spilled over my cheeks, and I watched as Ivy held Carter in her lap, rocking him back and forth while gut-wrenching sobs poured out of her. Miri’s body lay lifeless and pale a few feet away, the permanent blush on her cheeks now faded to a waxy pallor. The spiraling white and black clouds twisted around us faster, more violently, urging on the storm brewing inside me.
“Give in to me, Alberich,” Diana said. “Stop this madness.”
“Look at what you’ve done, Diana!” His voice came louder and angrier, almost demonic in its metallic pitch. “Look at the carnage you’ve wrought! This is your doing.”
Watching this maniacal motherfucker gut two of my beloveds hit me in the stomach, ripping apart my insides, a physical thing that nearly had me collapsing on that grass. But I had to keep going. We were supposed to be the strongest when we were together, but that didn’t matter anymore. There was no more together. Until the end. That had been our promise.
This was the end.
I had loved Miri and Carter as dearly as I could for as long as I could, and now I would follow them wherever they had gone. Pushing to my feet, I wheeled on the queen, sparks of this newfound green energy licking off me in thick waves, tingling through the ends of my fingers, crackling with each step I took.
I couldn’t manipulate it like Miri, and I couldn’t wield it the way Carter had to pull us through. Up until last night, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. We were human. We weren’t meant to have magic like this, but fuck it. When in Rome, am I right? And if these two assholes thought they could just kill my spouses with no repercussions, they had another fucking thing coming.
I stalked across that field like a villain out of a horror movie, covered in blood, stuffing my pathetic emotions deep down inside of my chest like I’d done for all of my pathetic life. I willed that icy exterior to cascade over me, cooling my rage so that I could think more clearly.
I had to get me and Ivy out of this. I had to fix it somehow.
I found Poppy squatting by a rock inside the vortex, her hands over her ears, a silent scream on her lips. A million things raced through my mind all at once. I could force her to take me back in time so I could prevent the king from taking my loved ones. I could make her teleport me to Siobhan, Donnelly, and Finn for help. But I landed on the worst option, the one that would reveal the monster in me.
I found an axe on the ground, perhaps dropped there by one of the Fianna during the initial blast, and I picked it up, closing the distance between Poppy and me with a few strides. Wrapping my fingers around her arm, I yanked her up and put the blade of my axe to her throat, staring up at the queen.
“Lex, no!” Poppy sagged in my hold, trying to get away from me, struggling against the weapon at her neck. I tightened my grip on her.
All of this mess started because of her, because of what she could do. We were right not to trust her. I lost Miri because of her. I lost Carter because of her. I would probably die because of her.
No.
“Diana!” I shouted, willing my magic around me, sucking up whatever remained of that green essence. “Diana!” My voice came out more mechanical that time, sounding like the king with its deep, sinister tones. “Stop this now, or I swear to all the fucking Gods, I will kill this changeling in front of you.”
Alberich laughed, and the sound skated down my spine with a mix of horror and vindication.
“You see,” he sneered. “Humans are all the same. Violent. Unpredictable. Do it, Alexei. Do it.”
“Is this who you are? Murdering an innocent child in front of its adopted mother?” Diana’s voice echoed inside my head while she spoke out loud to her husband. “Do not overlook your part in this, Alberich. All would be well if you would accept my terms.”
“Accept mine,” Alberich spat back. “It’s time we reconcile, Diana. It’s time we made peace.”
“Bring them back,” I said to Diana. “Heal them, and I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Lex!” Ivy’s voice came from somewhere behind me, distant and overshadowed by the rush of my blood and Poppy’s screams.
“Heal them?” Diana’s high-pitched cackle was damn near insulting. “ Even I cannot bring back the dead.”
The lie hit me in the gut so hard and fast, it nearly knocked the wind out of me. Either she could do it or…they weren’t dead. A spark of hope lit deep down inside, and I almost let Poppy go. But no, I had the leverage. Diana couldn’t hold me off, fight her husband, and save Poppy at the same time.
“Don’t lie to me, you fucking bitch!” The words spewed out of my lips like an avalanche from my personal stores of ice-cold fury. “ Tell me the truth! Can you bring them back?” I said this last part through our mental connection, unwilling to let Ivy in on my plans.
“Come now, Alexei,” Alberich taunted, using his magic to lash wisps of darkness out at both of us, but Diana blocked those with her corresponding white tendrils. “I took them from you. If you want them back, you must make a deal with me.”
“You know what that requires,” Diana chided, her tone patronizing and opportunistic. In our prior conversation, she’d said I was her counterpart, that she almost didn’t let me go the first time we’d met. Whatever she saw in me had prompted her advice about this battle. In the end, it would be me who decided the outcome. And here it is.
She flashed mental images of the rest of my life at her side, living in Faerie as one of her consorts. She showed me what their life would be like, how Carter would father children with both Miri and Ivy, how they’d live at the cabin part-time and at Aberdeen the rest of the year. They’d grow old together, they’d die together, and I would miss it because I’d given myself to the fairy queen to ensure it happened. It wasn’t what I originally had in mind, but if it meant Miri and Carter would survive, if it meant Ivy got to have a life with them…Fuck it. There were worse ways to go.
Reluctance squeezed my lungs as I refused to admit…perhaps I had been wrong. Perhaps there was a fate. Perhaps there was a destiny. The queen had known. Carter and Siobhan had known. I’d been the stubborn idiot that refused to admit it. But now, I no longer could. I had to reconcile what I knew about my existence with how it had all been wrong. This…This was the truth.
“I accept.” I said the words and tossed Poppy to the ground, glancing over my shoulder when I heard the rush of inhale from Miri first and then from Carter.
They weren’t lying on the ground, lifeless and rigid. They hadn’t been stabbed; they weren’t even dead. They pushed to their feet, completely revived and functional. I sighed, the weight of their loss lifting off my chest as I inhaled.
But my relief was short-lived.
“What did you do?” Ivy shoved my shoulders, her tearful eyes even more sorrowful. “What did you do?!”
“What I had to.” I glared at her, steeling my jaw as I prepared myself for her challenge. We didn’t have time for her to act like a pig-headed twat. We needed to move. The vortex had grown while we were fucking around, tearing up trees and decimating the ancient ruins. It had expanded past the veil, now encompassing parts of the human realm. My realm.
“You’re a fucking idiot!” Ivy banged her fists on my chest, nearly knocking the wind out of me. “How could you do that?”
Carter ran over to us, his hand in Miri’s, both of them as lucid and clear-headed as they were before any of this.
“What happened?” Miri shook her head.
“Did we…Did we die?” Carter’s eyes searched mine for the truth, but there was no time to explain. Ivy knew what I’d done, pain echoed out of her eyes, squeezing my heart with desperation.
“Diana,” Alberich taunted, tsking his teeth at her. “That’s cheating.”
“You forget your place, Alberich.” Diana’s commanding voice filled the space, cutting off any reply and reminding me we still had business left to handle. Just because I’d signed my soul over to the devil didn’t mean we were out of the woods yet. The walls around us were nearly opaque now, and the other fairies had long since faded from view. “Look at you! Look at the monster you’ve become!”
They continued to bicker, but I’d lost my patience for this farce. It stopped being cute four years ago, and now, I was done with this fairy-tale bullshit.