28. Ivy
28
Ivy
“A s you can see, everything’s been roped off for the royal wedding tomorrow,” said the talking head on the television. “And this is no normal royal wedding. There will be no grand parade and no horse-drawn carriages.”
“That’s right, Sidney,” said the co-anchor. “Princess Miriam has always enjoyed her privacy, and after the allegations about her and Representative Washington, she intends to keep her marriage to the prince of Monaco closely guarded.”
A sharp slice cut right through my chest, making my eyes burn. Sure, they’d been hurting since I’d woken up on my pile of books this morning, but hearing that Miri planned to marry that guy agonized me more than anything else ever could.
I should have tried to call her. I should have done anything except hide away in my apartment like I did. But every nerve in my body had been flayed open, and the exposure left me a crumpled mess on the ground. I had barely been able to tolerate her absence the first time. How she’d left again only made me seethe with injustice.
This was not the way it was supposed to work out.
Siobhan had promised that if we made it through the battle unharmed, she would ensure we got home safely. Where was the truth in that? She had lied. They all lied.
“Ivy?” Kit’s voice came from behind me, and I quickly turned the television off before smiling at her. She walked to stand next to me and sighed, wrapping an arm over my shoulder. “You need to stop torturing yourself.”
We had been invited to a family brunch this morning, which was just a fancy way of saying we’d have to run the Washington-Fairfax gauntlet and make nice faces until our cheeks hurt. Kellan and Anna wanted an update on their son, understandably, and I had run out of things to tell them. Yes, I was still in contact with him, and yes, he was still alive somewhere in the world, but no, he wouldn’t take their calls. All fabrications, of course, but what else was I supposed to say?
“She shouldn’t be marrying him,” I told Kit. “She should be here with me…with us.”
Kit stared at me with those ice-blue eyes, now even more alarming after everything that had happened. Neither she nor Jon would talk about their time under the king’s madness, but she had admitted it felt longer than it had been.
“I’m not poly, and I don’t understand a lot of what happened to us, but even I can admit, you four belong together.” Kit pursed her lips. “Want me to hack her phone? Find her location?”
“No.” I clenched my eyes shut and swallowed the burn. “No more. Let it be.”
Carter had convinced me to stop searching for Lex, but even my promise to do that had been an exaggeration. I still kept a running log of things to research in a hidden notepad on my phone, and when I had the time, I went through all of Lex’s old notes from the first time we’d been trying to break into Faerie. I was so sure that if I kept at it, eventually I would find something… anything …that would lead me to him.
He wouldn’t have wanted that. He’d told me to live my life, to marry and have kids and forget about him, to not let Evelyn control me anymore. But that wasn’t who I was. The least I could do was argue with him from the human realm and convince him he was wrong one more time.
Maybe I even lamented the way things had ended with Poppy. I’d loved her, too, once upon a time. The thought of never seeing either of them again pierced my soul and left me half the person I once was.
Kit grabbed my hand and led me back to the patio, where our families sat around the breakfast table. Jon, Abigail, Kellan, and Anna sat on one side, my father and mother at the ends, with me, Kit, and Henry on the other. Literally, the entire family…except for Lex.
His empty seat screamed with his absence, reminding me how I’d left him in Faerie, how I hadn’t done enough to fight for him. I could have brought Carter today. He’d offered to come, but I wouldn’t subject him to this lunacy. Lex and I had no choice; we were born into it. But I had sworn to protect Carter from the fallout.
“Now that you’re back,” Mother said, her icy gaze zeroing in on me, “we must work to improve your brand.”
I didn’t answer, just let her carry on with her rambling, as if any of it mattered. My brand, the Washington legacy, a Congress so full of bureaucracy, nothing would ever get done. My Green initiative had failed, and now my reputation was so far in the gutter, I would be lucky to get anything through in the upcoming session.
I looked again at Lex’s empty seat next to me, wondering how long they would let me get away with saying he was still in Fuji before they sent Uncle Dmitri to track me down and remind me how they handled people who lost their Romanov princes.
“Ivy, you must renew your attempts at the Green Deal,” Kellan said. “I have a few priorities I’d like you to add this time around.”
I nearly groaned at the reminder to keep fighting the good fight. Hidden away in our apartment, I could forget the rest of the world existed. I could forget that I’d been elected to office, that I lived the life of America’s Sweetheart. Lex and I were a power couple, our names synonymous with US royalty. I couldn’t just start walking around with Carter Scott, acting like the last four years of engagement to Lex hadn’t happened.
“Why not?” said the tiny voice in the back of my mind that had started to sound depressingly like my long-lost archnemesis. “You’re stronger than her. You live your own life.”
“Okay,” I said, too exhausted to fight anymore. When would this end? When would I be able to relax?
I glanced down the table at my mother, who smiled around her mimosa, her hair having long ago turned gray, the wrinkles around her face hinting at how hard being the president rode the person who held the title. Kellan, likewise, looked ten years older than he was, nearly two decades older than he had just four years ago.
Once again, I wondered—would that be me one day? Would I find myself sitting around the brunch table, planning out the lives of my children with such little care for their opinions about it? Would I create an environment where my family hid everything from me for fear of retaliation? Would I mess with their technology to keep them away from people I didn’t like or publicize lewd photos of them to ensure they did what I wanted?
No, I would never be her. I never wanted to be her.
“Once Lex confirms his return to the States, we’ll reschedule your wedding,” Evelyn went on. “The sooner the better. We wouldn’t want another scandal, would we?” She gave me a playful wink, but I seethed with frustration. It was her fault we had the photo leak in the first place. It was her fault that my spouses and I had lost so much time together.
So much for my outburst at our wedding. She’d pretended the whole thing hadn’t happened, that I hadn’t gone ripping through her mind on a rampage worthy of Dr. Charles Xavier. Maybe it embarrassed her, or maybe she thought she’d imagined the whole thing. Either way, it had been brushed under a rug and never discussed, much like every other skeleton in our closet.
“And what of Jon’s upcoming engagement?” My father gestured to my brother across the table, who raised his eyebrows and nearly choked on the piece of egg he’d stuffed into his mouth.
“My…uh…what?” Jon looked between Mother and Father, glancing briefly at me before back down at his plate. He grabbed the napkin to wipe his mouth and took a quick drink of champagne.
“Oh, that’s right.” Evelyn’s eyes glittered while she spoke. “We’ve struck a bargain with the Fitzgeralds. You’ll marry the youngest girl. What’s her name?”
Jon balked as I struggled to swallow the rage boiling up the back of my throat.
“She’s supposed to be my fiancée, and you don’t remember her name?” Jon shifted in his seat, gaze landing on me and Kit. “I thought we agreed the rest of the Washington children were allowed to pick their partners.”
“Hmm.” Mother’s eyes narrowed on my brother. “Do you think that’s wise, considering the women you’ve been known to date?” She said the word like Jon had been hanging out with rats instead of human beings.
“I don’t know what you mean.” He shook his head, narrowing his eyes. “If you’re insinuating something, be out with it.”
“Krista Karina? Heather McCall? B-rated actresses at best.”
“Well, they can’t all be Carter Scott.” Jon’s quip wasn’t aimed at me, but I choked on a laugh, regardless. Look at what had become of us, and compared to what Jon, Kit, and I had just been through, none of their political games were worth it.
“Enough,” my mother cut in. “I don’t understand where this is coming from. You’ve known this was happening since you were born. This is the price we pay to live the life we have.”
The price we pay…
She’d been spouting that nonsense since we were children, and likely even before that. When would I have paid my dues? What would be enough for her, for the world? Having her do this to me and Lex was one thing, but I wouldn’t stand here while she lined up my siblings and ruined their lives one after the other.
I didn’t want that. I didn’t want this. None of it. Suddenly, the pageantry and opulence seemed old, tired, and unnecessary. This place wasn’t warm like our cabin. It wouldn’t keep its occupants safe through the long winter nights nor stand to resist an evil fairy king. I may have come from her body, but I didn’t want to be a part of her world any longer.
Nothing in my life had ever been more clear to me.
Jon opened his mouth to respond, but I caught his gaze and shook my head, using an ancient form of sibling communication to tell him to keep his mouth shut: a glare and a grimace.
He sighed, grabbed his champagne, and chugged the rest of it while a plan started to form in the back of my mind.
* * *
I stared at the place on my palm where my oath used to be, remembering each curve of the scars, each tiny bump of marred flesh. In so many ways, I wished it was still there. I wished Lex was still with us, that I hadn’t left him to be the queen’s plaything. But most importantly, I wished I had done anything at all to keep Miri from walking out the door.
In eight hours, I’d lose her forever, and that hurt so damned bad, I struggled to breathe. Once upon a time, I’d made her a promise to never let her leave me again. I’d sworn I’d fight for her when she couldn’t, when she thought she didn’t deserve us. Perhaps I had let this go on long enough. Perhaps I ought to call her bluff.
“Are you ready?” My chief of staff, Giana, raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms, her wide brown eyes raking over me from head to toe and back up again. Compared to this time a few weeks ago, I looked the part of Representative Washington. I’d stuffed my feet into the designer pumps and I’d slipped on the expensive suit jacket. I’d even pulled up my politician mask, shoving my desperation so far down inside me, even I wasn’t sure the last few weeks had happened.
Now, I had to give a press conference about my wedding, Lex’s absence, and what I planned to do about the rumors of my sabbatical. Giana had prepared my speech, claiming that Lex was still on our honeymoon, that we planned to go forward with the wedding as soon as possible, and I’d return to the office on Monday morning. Short. Sweet. To the point.
Except reading the various drafts sent thick, gaping despondency straight through my chest, and it hadn’t let up since I’d agreed to this fiasco.
“Sure.” I nodded and followed her out of the green room and down the hallway, straightening my blouse as I took a slow, deep breath, exhaling through my nose.
Don’t think about Miri. Don’t think about Lex. Don’t think about Carter.
Even though that last person was waiting for me in the SUV out back, thinking about him would inevitably lead to the other two, and then the chasm in my chest would open so wide, I’d have difficulty containing it again.
“You remember your prepared responses, right?” Giana narrowed her brilliant gaze at me, and I nodded. “Good. After the time limit, I’ll get you out of here as soon as possible.”
The stage manager gestured to the podium, holding their hand out to guide me between the curtains. Cameras flashed as soon as I appeared, blinding me as I made my way to the center and faced the swarm of journalists in front of me. They shouted questions, one on top of the other, making it difficult to hear. I caught things like “Lex’s location” and “Miri’s wedding” and “are the rumors true about Carter Scott?”
I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat, visions of our life together flashing through my imagination. Miri’s beautiful mahogany gaze shimmered in the sunlight, flecks of gold and honey mixed with chestnut complementing the same tones in her curly hair. I thought of the way Lex used to hold me down and smack me around, and how we’d laugh at the marks afterward. I thought of Carter in the car, of his dedication to us, to me…his unshakable loyalty.
We were supposed to be unbreakable. We were supposed to be together in the end.
I opened my mouth to talk, reading the first few lines on the teleprompter.
“Thank you all for coming today. At least the weather’s held up.” The audience laughed, and I smiled, trying to seal up the cracks in my politician’s mask. I read the lines as they appeared, reciting the bullshit that had been written for me, the lies that explained why we’d delayed the wedding again and what I planned to do about it. “Once we have a firm date, you’ll be the first to know. With some of the names in this room, you’ll probably know before I do.”
Another round of laughter added insulation to my crumbling foundation, the chips in my fragile glass armor spider-webbing in every direction. I hated the words I was saying. I hated being up here. I always had. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and searched my mind for Lex, for any remains of his energy. We had been connected once, and even if I’d loathed it at first, I had grown to need it. Without it, I didn’t know how to live. I didn’t know how to exist.
I felt like that seventeen-year-old version of myself, facing Marcus’s death and realizing I couldn’t do any of this alone. None of it mattered. None of this mattered.
That younger version of me rose inside, the one that had blushed the first time Miri kissed her, the one that had run into Carter’s arms when he called her his favorite girl, the one that had secretly loved Lex Fairfax her entire life. She wanted to hide away from the world, to hide away from all of these sycophants that sucked the life out of her and her family.
What would she think of me?
How would she react if she knew I saved the world from a fairy king at the expense of Lex? What would she do if she knew I’d gotten up here to lie to the world and carry on like nothing happened?
It all seemed so…insignificant.
“I intend to return to the office on Monday morning,” the teleprompter read, and I knew I had to say the words, but they weighed a ton. My stomach churned at the thought of walking back into the Capitol, of facing all the maniacs that lived to make my life a nightmare. I’d tried so damned hard, and I just…didn’t want it anymore.
I didn’t want it anymore.
Fuck, perhaps I had never wanted it. This was my mother’s dream, and I didn’t let her control my life.
Those words…they made my shoulders soft. They eased the tension in my chest and evaporated the clenching in my gut.
“I intend to return—” I murmured, more to myself than anyone else.
Could I return? Could I finish what I’d started?
“Representative Washington,” someone said, clearly taking advantage of the silence in my pause. “Princess Miriam is getting married in only a few hours? Any comment on that?”
I had a million comments, but none of them mattered, either. Nothing mattered. Only my loved ones. Only being happy and joyful, and none of this had ever brought me joy. Not being in front of the cameras. Not answering their questions. Not being a part of the Washington family.
I took a deep breath and thought of Lex’s last words to me.
“You live your own life, understand?”
“Yes,” I said, more to the version of him in my head than to the audience, but they took my affirmative statement to mean I had a comment. When I opened my eyes, they hung on my every word.
I had spent twenty-six years crafting this mask for myself, putting it on every day for their amusement because I’d been told I had to. I couldn’t be in love with Miri because my mother said I couldn’t, because I was supposed to marry Lex and play the part of Ivy Washington, America’s Favorite Political Animal.
But this version of me, the one that had defeated a fairy king and lived with the wreckage of what little I had to show for it, had more backbone than any of the previous iterations. Ivy 2.0 was going to live her own damned life.
“Miri and I…” I paused, taking one last deep breath before pulling the pin from this grenade. “We’ve been in love with each other since boarding school. I’ve loved Lex Fairfax since before I could remember, and all three of us love Carter Scott more than anything else in this world.” The collective audience gasped. “I know the perverted stories you will spin with what little information I’m willing to give you, but I love the three of them. And they love me. And I would argue that the world needs more of that, not less.” Somewhere across town, my mother’s jaw was on the ground. My ancestors were rolling in their graves.
Good.
I was doing things my way from now on. I would stay in Congress, but only so that I could keep fighting on my terms. These vultures couldn’t have anything I wasn’t willing to give them.
“I’ve gotta go.”
Questions hurdled at me faster than I could hear them, but it was too late. My heart had been set free. My conscience weighed nothing for the first time in my life. I walked off the stage to an astounded Giana, her eyes the size of entire planets.
“What did you do?” she said, grabbing my shoulders.
“I’m sorry for the added stress I’ve just caused you,” I said. “But I’m not keeping them a secret anymore. We can spin this however you want. I’m tired of hiding.”
She balked like I’d slapped her, blinking a few times before grabbing my shoulders and staring me dead in the eyes.
“Do you know what you’ve done?” she said.
“Not a fucking clue,” I replied with an enormous smile. “But it feels great.”
“You’re out of your mind.” Giana laughed and pulled me into a big hug. “You have to get to that wedding before she says I do.”
I nodded and held her tighter. “Thank you, Giana. For everything.”
“Ugh, your mother is going to kill both of us.”
“I don’t care.” And I meant it with every part of my being.
I’m going to get my girl.