27. Theo
TWENTY-SEVEN
THEO
FALLING
Day 411
I wake feeling exhausted, as though I didn’t get a moment of sleep all night. And to be fair, I didn’t exactly sleep much. After Farron walked away from me last night, I found myself staring in the direction she disappeared in for a while, my mind tumbling over the way she looked under the moonlight and the different things she revealed to me about herself. It was only when I started to shiver from the late night chill that I snapped out of my stupor and hobbled back into my room.
As I lay in bed, I kept seeing her face—the way her eyes sparkled with intensity and the subtle way her lips curled when she spoke about her childhood dreams or laughed at my stories. I couldn't help but wonder if she felt the same way I did, if she was lying awake thinking about me, too. The moonlight cast shadows on my walls, transforming my room into a theater of my own imagination, each corner a scene from our encounter.
I tried to close my eyes and force myself to sleep, but my mind betrayed me, filling up with thoughts of Farron. I thought about the way she had opened up to me, sharing pieces of herself that seemed so private and guarded. It made me feel special, as though I had been granted access to a hidden part of her world. And yet, it also filled me with a sense of unease. What did it all mean? Was I reading too much into it, or was there something deeper between us?
My thoughts remained on Farron as the hours ticked by, and it was only as the light’s dawn began to seep through my window that my eyes started to drift closed. I release a groan inaudible to my own ears as I attempt to force my body into an upright position, knowing I can’t just spend the entire day in bed, though a part of me may want to.
I slowly stretch out my limbs, feeling the stiffness in my muscles, and crane my head from one side to the other, cracking my neck and releasing some of the tension there. My body protests every movement, each joint and muscle sore from a restless night. I eventually make my way out of bed, the cool floor beneath my feet a polar opposite to the warmth of the blankets I left behind. I get dressed, the simple act of pulling on clothes feeling like an arduous task– especially since I can’t put any weight on my foot–and then head towards the bathroom to freshen up for the day ahead.
The bathroom mirror reflects a tired face back at me, dark circles under my eyes serving as a testament to my sleepless night. I splash cold water on my face, the shock of it momentarily invigorating me, and brush my teeth with mechanical precision. Each action feels detached, as if I am watching myself from a distance, my mind still preoccupied with thoughts of Farron.
When I make it into the kitchen, I find that everyone’s already up before me, seated around the dining room table for breakfast. Adrian notices me first, a grin popping onto his face as he says, “Good morning, sleepyhead. It’s nice to see that you’re finally awake.”
“Sorry,” I sign back, offering a small, tired smile. “I had a hard time falling asleep last night.”
The conversation catches the eyes of everyone else at the table, who smile at me as I make my way over. The table is a picture to behold this morning, with plates of food spread out and mugs of steaming coffee. Kenji, sitting across from Farron, looks at me with a knowing expression. “We know,” he says, causing me to look at him in confusion. I don’t miss the quick glance he sends Farron’s way before returning his attention to me. “I heard you go outside last night, and you woke me up when you finally came back in. It’s why we let you sleep in.”
I’m not sure what to say to that, so I don’t respond at all, instead settling in next to Nora at the table and setting my crutch to the side. The scent of freshly cooked eggs and bacon fills the air as I grab a plate and begin filling it with food. My stomach growls, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten much the night before, practically forgoing food after being forced to try some of Miss Mabel’s hash. I can see the others speaking and interacting around me at the table, but I dutifully ignore them as I focus on my breakfast, willing the headache from my lack of sleep to go away.
As I eat, I feel the weight of fatigue settle into my bones, and I know it will be a long day. I zone out entirely after I work through my breakfast, my eyes focused on the coffee in my hand. I watch as the steam drifts lazily from the mug, before finding myself stuck on my reflection in the dark liquid. I startle when I feel a hand drop to my forearm and squeeze. I look up to see Farron looking at me with a soft smile and concern in her eyes. My eyes look over to everyone else, realizing that they’re all now clearing the table, about to tackle their duties for the day.
I turn back to Farron when I feel her tap at my hand, her fingers lingering for a moment longer than necessary. I watch as she deposits two pills next to me. She passes me a notebook and pen—making me realize I left mine behind in my room—and nudges me to look down at it.
“Some painkillers,” she wrote in her neat handwriting. “Should help with the headache I know you have right now. Take it and then meet me outside in the barn whenever you’re ready.”
I look up at her and give her a small nod in response, gratitude shining in my tired eyes. I pick up the pills and swallow them down with some of my now cold coffee, the bitter taste lingering on my tongue.
The room gradually empties as everyone disperses to start their day, Magnum following right behind Farron as she makes her way out. I sit at the table a while longer, my headache slowly receding as the painkillers begin to take effect. The silence that settles over the kitchen is a welcome contrast to the earlier bustle, giving me a moment to gather my thoughts. It’s not a literal silence, as in all the sound being gone, but a metaphorical one, an energetic one. One that I can feel in the air and across my fingertips that allows me to settle a bit.
Finally feeling a bit more human, I push back my chair and stand up, stretching my stiff muscles once more. I grab the notebook and pen Farron left me, tucking them under my right arm and my crutch under my left. Taking a deep breath, I make my way out of the kitchen and head towards the barn to meet Farron. The morning air is crisp and fresh as I step outside. The sun has risen higher, its warmth beginning to chase away the lingering chill of the night. I follow the familiar path to the barn, the gravel crunching under my good foot with each step.
As I slowly approach the barn, I see Farron waiting by the entrance, her silhouette framed by the large wooden doors, Magnum sitting at her feet. She’s wearing her usual red cowgirl boots and black hat, along with those goddamn jeans that mold to her thighs like they were made just for her. She looks up as I get closer, her expression softening into a smile. For a moment, the fatigue and uncertainty of the past night fade away, replaced by a sense of anticipation for whatever the day might bring. I give her an awkward wave as I make my way closer, pulling the notebook and pen out from under my arm and into my hand.
When I finally stand right before her, her gaze moves between my eyes as she seems to consider something, before she darts forward and pulls me into an unexpected hug. Her body is warm, flush against mine, and my face ends up in her curls as the scent of jasmine and coconut fills my nose. She holds onto me, and when she doesn’t make a move to step back right away, my arms tighten around her, giving her three big squeezes. I release her when she finally begins to step back, and she grabs the notebook out of my hand, hastily scribbling something down.
“I had a long night and could have used a hug. You looked like you were in the same boat. Now, today, I want to just relax and learn some ASL. You ready to teach me?”
I look up and give her a nod, a smile spreading across my face, which she mirrors at my response. She quickly runs into the barn, pulling out a large blanket before grabbing my hand and leading me in the direction of the lake as a cool breeze rustles around us.
We don’t get too far from the barn before we end up in a small field filled with a variety of wildflowers. The colors are vibrant, a mosaic of reds, yellows, and purples swaying gently in the breeze. Farron comes to a stop, dropping the blanket onto the ground before settling onto it and patting the space next to her as a gesture for me to do the same. I chuckle softly as I watch Magnum climb onto the blanket and turn in a circle a few times before he finally plops down, lowering his head and closing his eyes for a mid-morning nap.
I carefully sit down next to her, setting the crutch in the grass and taking a moment to absorb the surroundings. The blanket is soft beneath us, and the scent of the flowers mingles with the fresh morning air. The field is a not-so hidden gem, a pocket of tranquility and beauty. The wildflowers create a natural, romantic ambiance, their delicate petals fluttering like tiny dancers, and the lake in the distance only adds to the setting. My eyes land on a wild rose, its deep red petals standing out among the other flowers. Impulsively, I reach out and carefully pluck it from its stem, turning to Farron with a shy smile.
“For you,” I sign, pointing at my forehead and then at her, as I hand her the rose.
Farron takes the rose from me, her fingers brushing against mine, and begins to inspect it closely. Her eyes trace the intricate patterns of the petals, and a soft smile plays on her lips. The moment feels intimate, and when she looks up at me, I feel my heart swell.
She takes the notebook and writes something down before passing it back to me. “Why this flower? What’s the meaning, Mr. horticulturist?”
I smile before writing back my response. “It’s a wild rose. Not only are they beautiful and unique, but they actually have some uses. In the Balkans they make tea and jam a lot with rose hips, and it can help boost your immune system. They’re filled with lots of Vitamin C, and can be useful in treating colds.”
A large smile overtakes her face as she reads my response, and she hastily starts scribbling into the notebook again. “That’s amazing! Can you tell me more about any of the other flowers around us?”
I nod, but decide that this is the perfect moment to teach her the sign for ‘flower’ first. I write the word down in the notebook and pass it back to her. When she looks back up at me, I connect all of my fingers together, touch my cheek, and then cross over my nose to touch the other cheek. I repeat the motions again, and watch as she mimics them a few times .
I smile at her and look over into the field, taking in the array of colorful plants surrounding us. I carefully pick two more flowers to hand to Farron; one with small white blooms and a bright yellow one. She takes them happily, adding them to the wild rose and making a tiny bouquet of wildflowers for herself. Her delight is palpable, her fingers delicately arranging the flowers.
“The yellow one is St. John's Wort, which can be used to treat burns and other wounds. It also has antidepressant properties. The white one is Western Yarrow, and it’s also helpful for wounds as it can help stop bleeding. These are really useful to have around, Farron.” I write to her, excited to share my knowledge with her.
Her eyes widen with fascination as she reads my notes, her smile growing even broader. “It’s incredible how much you know, Theo.” she writes.
I feel my cheeks heat as I write a response and pass it to her. “Thank you, but I can’t take all the credit. Indigenous people have used these plants for centuries. Their knowledge and understanding of the natural world are what’s truly impressive. I’ve just learned a small part of it.”
Farron reads my response, her expression turning thoughtful before she nods. She looks up at me and the sun casts a golden halo around her, making the moment feel almost magical. The field around us, with its symphony of colors and scents, adds to the enchantment of the scene. She looks like something out of a painting, something too good to be true.
We sit in silence for a moment, the air between us charged with unspoken words and shared emotions. I can feel the warmth of her presence, the softness of her gaze as she studies me. Her fingers lightly brush against mine as she adjusts the flowers next to her, sending a gentle shiver down my spine.
Our eyes lock, and the world seems to fade away. The air feels thick with possibility, a palpable tension that neither of us wants to break. In this quiet field, surrounded by wildflowers everything else seems to vanish. It's just Farron and I, two souls finding something within each other in this beautiful landscape. The moment stretches, every second a glorious eternity, as we sit there, our gazes intertwined, the wildflowers a silent witness to the growing tension between us.
I reach out and gently touch her hand, our fingers intertwining naturally. The electricity of the moment intensifies, the simplicity of the gesture speaking volumes. Her eyes soften, her lips parting slightly as she takes a breath, and for a heartbeat, it feels like the world holds its breath with us.
Finally, breaking the silence, she gives my hand a small squeeze before reaching out for the notebook again. “Alright, Theo, enough stalling. Time to teach me to sign.”
I respond with a tender smile and a nod, feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude for this moment, for her. I take the notebook and write down “Lesson One: Name Signs” before giving it back to her. I watch as her nose scrunches while she scribbles down a response, her freckles drawing me in again. My eyes only move away from her when she places the notebook back on my leg.
“That’s the motions you use in place of spelling someone’s name, right?”
I smile as I write back a response. “Yeah. A name sign is pretty integral for those in the Deaf community to identify people. Sometimes people’s name signs are initialized, so they’re based on the first letter of someone’s name. Other times they’re descriptive, so the motion is based on something about that person, like a physical feature or personality trait. I want to teach you our name signs, and also the one that I’ve given you.”
Her eyes light up as she reads what I wrote, and I can tell that she’s excited to learn. I take the notebook back, turn to a clean page, and write out all of our names, along with a quick description of what the name sign is.
“Kenji– initialized. His name sign is a ‘K,’ touching his chest where his heart is.” I point to his name, and then make the motions. I take my index and middle finger in a peace sign, and rest my thumb between them before bringing my hand down and touching it to my chest.
“Adrian–descriptive. His name sign is the same motion as the word ‘silly.’” Just like with Kenji, I point to his name and then make the motions, my thumb and pinky pointing out in sort of a shaka shape, and then I shake my hand in front of my nose.
“Theo–initialized. My name sign is the letters ‘T’ and ‘H’ for the first two letters of my name.” I point to myself, and then do my name sign by tucking my thumb in between my index and middle finger, thumb pointing up and palm forward for the letter ‘T.’ Then I move into ‘H’ by extending my index and middle fingers together, and pointing sideways with my thumb tucked against my palm, my palm now facing me.
“Farron–descriptive. Your name sign is basically the motion for the word ‘freckles.’ Your freckles are the first thing I noticed about you.” She blushes a bit when I point to her name on the paper, and then I show her the motion. I curve my fingers to touch my cheeks and tap on them. Then I drop one hand and repeat it, to show her how I’ve been doing it.
We go over the name signs multiple times, Farron carefully watching my movements and trying to match them. She takes the notebook and makes some notes for herself near the names. Eventually, she seems to get the hang of it, and we move on to other words.
Over the next few hours, I lose myself in her smile and the way her face scrunches in focus as I teach her how to communicate with me. By the end of our little impromptu lesson, she’s retained more than I expected, and she places her hand in an open palm at her chin before moving slightly out and downwards, thanking me.
Then, in a moment that catches me off guard, she moves forward and places a soft kiss on my cheek. The touch of her lips is fleeting but electric, sending a shiver down my spine and leaving me breathless.
She grabs her little bouquet of wildflowers, her fingers brushing against the delicate petals, along with the blanket from the ground while I gather my notebook and crutch. Together with Magnum, we start making our way back to the main house. The path is familiar yet somehow different, each step infused with a newfound closeness between us. My eyes continue to stray over to her, the way her hair catches the sunlight, the gracefulness of her movements.
As we walk, a realization settles in my chest, unexpected yet undeniable. I’m falling for her, faster and harder than I ever expected to.