Chapter 15
Ididn’t know where I was going. I just kept following the path ahead as the raindrops relentlessly pounded into the glass.
Jedidiah was quiet, and I didn’t have anything to say either. I was angry. How in the hell did this moron always get caught between the Carrion Clan and me?
His white knight syndrome was getting on my nerves. I didn’t want to fuck Kaito, but I needed that asshole on my side. He would never give me back what’s mine if he didn’t trust me. Jedidiah was fucking up everything I’d worked so hard to achieve.
How did Kaito know where I was?
There was no way he’d kept tabs on me for two years and just now decided to pop up like the snake he was…no. He got off on tormenting me…hell, anyone, from the shadows, too much to stop now. That meant someone told him.
Was it Jed?
That was the only conclusion I could think of, but why? And how? How did he know them? Or me, for that matter?
I looked over at my priest, holding his side in pain and looking out the window.
“Are you alright? Did you know those guys?”
He looked confused, the crease in his eyebrow hidden under the grimace. “No? I thought you did. Who are they?”
I shook my head.
I didn’t detect a lie, but the man was a literal priest for ten years to hide his wrongs. If anyone was a pro at lying, it was Jedidiah Franklin.
“Just some thugs at the bar.”
Jed caught my wondering gaze and put his hand on my wrist, a light touch that still felt like lead.
“Are you okay?”
I swallowed. Questions like that were dangerous, and often had an answer that didn’t satisfy anyone, so I just nodded.
“I’m so sorry they got to you. Did they…hurt you before I got there?”
Not this time.
“No,” I said, clipped and not allowing for more questions.
The rest of the drive was quiet, lingering with an electricity buzzing with unasked questions and distant answers.
We arrived at the church, and I sighed.
I don’t know why this is where I was led, but here we were.
“Sayuri? Why are we here?” he said softly, and I didn’t answer.
I didn’t have an answer. I guess the church weirdly made me feel safe, or maybe it was the stupid, drunk priest who ran it.
Inside the doors, I was instantly swamped with the smell of incense and old wood, but under that was the sharp tang of blood and alcohol clinging to Jedidiah and my own clothes from being so close to the fight.
I hadn’t expected to fight Kaito like this.
Now he was bruised, bleeding, and trembling in his own mess of fuck ups of the night.
We both were.
He deserved the pain.
Yet…I couldn’t deny the way my pulse quickened at seeing him this vulnerable and the lines etched in his face of discomfort, even though he tried to hide it.
“Come on, Jedidiah.”
I led him to the bathroom. Every step was another crack in my anger. His whimpering of pain did not make me happy like I thought it would, at least not happy in the way I could understand. It made me…antsy.
“Not, Father anymore then?” He mused in his drunken slur, following suit.
“Nope.” My hand pressed firmly against his arm to steady him because he kept wobbling the closer we got. I could feel him shaking through the bruises, each breath ragged and quick.
In the upstairs bathing area of the church, I sat Jedidiah down on the little stool by the sink. The blood soaked into the white cloth under him, and I sighed.
“Why did you have to fight a random stranger, Jed? How are you going to explain your injuries at Mass on Monday? Three days isn’t much time to heal.”
He laughed, but it turned into a grunt of pain. “You’re asking why I saved you from being raped? What monster would stand by while that happened?”
I turned my back on him.
“A lot of people would, Jedidiah.”
The knob squeaked in the shower when the warm water released, and I was careful not to splash, as I ran it over my hands first, washing off the blood still caked on my skin. The warmth should have comforted me, but instead it only reminded me of the heat radiating from his body and mine.
“Who the fuck have you seen that allowed that?”
His curse caught me off guard, and I spun around. His arm was caging me between the shower glass door and his body. The proximity felt too warm, and I cleared my throat, blinking up at his rage-filled eyes.
“I…I don’t know. What does it matter to you? You are a priest. Not a martyr for damaged women.”
Jedidiah huffed, not at all happy with my response, but I didn’t care. He was drunk as a skunk and likely wouldn’t remember anything from tonight. I didn’t have to put on a mask around him right now.
“You parade around here with your arrogance disguised as compassion. You sympathize, but empathy is beyond you. You tell yourself you care and will make a difference in the wrongs of the world, but when it matters? You step away.”
Jed’s anger was fading, and confusion swam in his eyes, but I wasn’t done.
“That woman…Miranda. You give her false hope every damn day. You tell her she can be free of her abuser, that she has a voice for her and her innocent child stuck in the middle, but you know there is no saving her. Not really. That woman and her son alike are no more than products of what happens when society turns its back, so they don’t have to feel discomfort.
The world will set you on fire to keep itself warm.
Her dick of a husband is the police chief who runs this backward town, and yet you encourage her to speak up. ”
I paused, trying to rein in my anger.
“For what, Jedidiah? So he can shoot her in a fit of rage one day? Her son will be alone without her. What do you truly expect her to do? Leave her husband and run into the sunset with her child? That doesn’t exist!
Men like Jack will hunt her and her kid down their whole lives.
Freedom for them will never mean peace. It will be complacency in life replaced by a constant fear of when he’ll finally come back to take them out.
He doesn’t love them. He owns them. That was what an owner does when their pet misbehaves.
Miranda and Ronan Saint Clare don’t have a future.
They have a gravestone already carved for them…
Jack was always the one who would determine when they would be buried in it. ”
Jedidiah was silent.
He looked at me as I began to clean and disinfect his wounds. I couldn’t look at his face. I didn’t want to see his eyes and the tears flowing down his cheeks. He needed a wake-up call, whether or not he would remember it tomorrow.
“You’re right, I guess I…I just want to be someone she can feel even a moment of peace with.
I know her life is hell. I know how much she and that little boy go through under Jack’s abuse, but I refuse to shut her out like everyone else.
She can come to my church to have even a moment free of that monster. ”
I sighed, my eyes fixating on the blood seeping into the white sweater. It was sticking to Jed, like these memories that wouldn’t let go of me.
“Your moments of freedom are just nails in her coffin. The faster she learns how to pacify her husband, the quicker she’ll be able to manipulate him and keep her and her son truly safe from him.”
Jed grabbed my hand, stalling my cleaning.
“You can’t accept abuse for the hope of freedom, Sayuri. That’s not truly living at all, you are already damned if you live like that.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. What did this asshole know about being trapped? He lived a cushy life under his lie. No one was hunting him. He was free.
Not anymore.
He would know exactly what it felt like to be caged and have no way of escape. The only difference between him and me was that I had someone I had to live for. Jedidiah could let them kill him and take the easy way out. I had to survive.
For the one thing that made me feel human.
I started cleaning the cuts on his arms, gently scrubbing away the dried blood and grime. My hands were careful, but firm, trying to push away the anger so I could accomplish this simple task.
“If you are waiting for me to apologize for saving you, I won’t. You can call me arrogant, but I’ll always help someone who needs help. I won’t just sit there. You needed my help, why do I feel like you’re angry at me for being a decent human and stepping in?”
“You really like running after damsels in distress, huh?” I grunted, my voice low and teasing, though my chest was tight with discomfort from his words.
“Why do you always have to put yourself in danger? What makes you think you’re some kind of prince or hero to anyone?
It doesn’t look like you’re a very good savior. ”
He made a wet, broken sound. A laugh, but it cracked halfway and showed the true vulnerability behind it.
“Ha…prince…” he slurred. The words barely made it out, but they vibrated against the tiles. “Not…not exactly…”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Not exactly?” I repeated, leaning closer. My fingers pressed a little harder into the bruises along his shoulder, and he flinched.
He shook his head, his voice as heavy as his head.
The words were spilling in an uneven torrent, not making sense and vastly different than the tangent he had earlier.
“I…I used to…clean her up after her…my…after…men. She…she…she…” He trailed off, swallowing hard.
“She was…a prostitute. I…I had to…had to make money. To protect her…from that…from that work. Had to. I had to be there for her…I joined them because I had to…I didn’t want to… I…I….”
I froze mid scrub. The soap and water ran down the drain, and Jed’s body leaned into me deeper. The silver stream in the dim light made my stomach twist. My mind reeled at what he meant.
He…did all that…for her? For who? A sister? Mother? Lover?
“I…I had to make sure she was… safe.” His hands shook as he lifted them briefly, as if showing me the invisible weight he carried. “Couldn’t…couldn’t let her go through it alone. Not again. I guess that’s why I can’t handle seeing men…hurt women…”