Chapter 19
“Move that fine ass, holy man!”
Jerry called from outside the parish, and I sighed. Why the fuck was I even doing this? I should let it go, file the night away as a drunken mistake, and move on with my life the right way, but…
Her voice haunted me. Every time I breathed, it was like the dark shadow was whispering sinful thoughts into my soul. I wanted to damn it all for her.
Beep.
“Jed! Get a move on!”
Fuck me.
I groaned and checked my outfit in the mirror. I didn’t look like a priest. I looked like a man, and this new me was just weird to see.
Jerry and Dawn were waiting in the truck. Jerry threw his thumb back to let me know I wasn’t getting passenger princess privilege this time.
This was a calculated attack, and I hadn’t realized this drive was a glorified intervention, complete with locks and no escape option, until we were cruising down the highway.
“Jed, we are very worried.”
Fuuuuck.
Dawn was such a good woman. I hated disappointing her, especially so callously with the situation I found myself in.
“I mean, honestly, your request was odd, but I still found Ramona at the last minute, and then for you to treat her so poorly—”
I felt like my mother was chastising me with a softer tongue. All the while, Jerry nodded and kept quiet while his wife drilled me a new asshole.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Cross,” I said sheepishly, avoiding her gaze in the visor mirror.
“What has gotten into you, darling? You left all that silliness behind. You built yourself back up to be better and stronger. You can’t go losin’ that for an illusion.”
I started to speak, but Jerry cut in.
“He’s got a crush that is warping his brain. You know how stupid I was around you when we were kids, Dawn. Don’t be too hard on the boy.”
The way Dawn and Jerry spoke made me feel years apart from them, though, despite the physical age difference not being far off, my life choices and where I was in my life were way behind theirs.
It weirdly made sense.
“I’m sorry. I know I haven’t been myself. I just need to figure out what happened to me last night before I can move forward with…uh, better choices.”
Dawn sighed and shook her head. “And if you find this gal that gave you a good time?”
My cheeks flushed at her version of crude speaking.
“I will apologize to her for my actions.”
Dawn studied me, and I felt even warmer than before. A bug under a microscope wasn’t even close.
“Hmm, I suppose that’s a start. What if she finds out your identity, Jedidiah? Did you account for this when you were enjoying her kindness?”
Kindness? Sucking my dick was hardly kind. Or was it a blow job? I couldn’t fucking remember. All I knew for sure was the feeling I had when I was with her.
“I…I am not sure. I guess I deserve it if she tells people what I have done.”
Jerry shook his head. “No, you fucking don’t, and you aren’t goin’ out like this. You will apologize to the girl and live your damn life. Don’t let guilt ruin what you built.”
I sighed. Lie. Of course. I always had to lie. The ‘life’ I have built is nothing but a fairy tale—one without a happily ever after.
When the club’s familiar neon lights shone in the distance, I breathed a sigh of relief.
Dawn couldn’t grill me anymore. At least not until we left.
We parked the car, and all the overwhelming scents hit us like a freight train.
The bass was vibrating through the ground, and I smoothed out my sweater.
“Hey, mother fucker!”
I jolted, turning toward the mammoth of a man at the doors who was running at me. Jerry and I had our fists ready, waiting on instinct to deflect the hit.
The man clapped me on the back and laughed. “Ooo scary. I’ll warn my mommy you like it rough.”
Jerry quirked a brow at me, and I shrugged, smiling awkwardly at the man in front of us. Dawn held her heart and followed us inside the bar.
Why did she come to a place like this? She didn’t exactly fit the atmosphere.
Dawn and Jerry, together and so stupidly smitten, were the weirdest pairing ever. A jaded soldier and a perfect southern belle didn’t make sense at all, and yet they were so perfectly placed it was like one didn’t exist without the other.
Maybe it doesn’t have to make sense if you’re in love.
Red lights flickered across the sweat-streaked walls, and the smell of cheap perfume and spilled liquor choked the air. Jerry nudged me with his elbow, grinning like he already knew I was going to lose the rest of my sanity in this mindless task.
“You sure you wanna do this?” he yelled over the music, his voice cutting through the bass. “You look like hell, man, and smell like last week’s specials.”
“I am hell, Jerry.”
He chuckled. “And what’s hell smell like? You got a patent for the fragrance?”
I took a whiff of my shirt, shrugging. “Apparently, whiskey and blood with a hint of semen.”
Jerry raised one of his big salt and pepper eyebrows at me, and I waved him off.
“Hell doesn’t smell like roses, okay, asshole,” I said.
He snorted, shaking his head. “Comforting. Real comforting. Well, go get ‘em, tiger. I am goin’ for a drink. Haven’t had a damn date night since Maria was made.”
I grimaced at the imagery. No, thank you.
When Jerry led Dawn away to the bar in the back, I pushed through the crowd toward the dancers. A round guy with a beer-stained shirt gawked at me.
“Whoa…you—you the dude from last night that beat the shit out of the blood crew!” he slurred, jabbing a finger at me. “Man…you were wrecked, bro. Totally gone. Who got you home instead of a ditch?”
Blood crew?
“Dunno, maybe I did,” I said, my voice low and sharp.
His friends burst out laughing, spilling drinks over the sticky floor. “Ha! Yeah, right, man. Saw you face down in the alley with that lady. We were all lucky you didn’t bring your mitts this way.”
I ignored them, scanning the room. Empty faces that didn’t spark a lick of memory mocked me. I was wearing a T-shirt, and it was weird seeing my tattoos. I was so used to covering them with my robes.
They didn’t mean shit.
It was from another time, but the way these guys eyed me down cautiously clearly showed they knew what they meant, even in a place like Monticello. The influence of The Black Onyx reached far.
“We ain’t got no beef, bro. We didn’t see you if you didn’t see us.”
I sighed and shook my head, wondering why my idiot ass didn’t wear a sweater as I had before. I wasn’t in the right mindset. When I got dressed, it was more mechanical function than thought. Now I could see the error in that decision.
Add it to the fucking pile, why don’t you?
I caught sight of blurred movements on the dance floor, like ghosts, but despite how many people I spoke to, no one remembered anything. They didn’t know anything, or they weren’t interested in relaying that information to a damn gangster.
I didn’t blame them.
Did the woman know who I was, too? Not a priest, but who was I truly? I’d definitely been naked. She had to have seen the ink on my body, and if she were anything like those dumbass men, she would know.
Maybe that was why she ran.
Jerry leaned close, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “You’re wasting your charm, Casanova, on these assholes. They don’t know shit. Wear my damn jacket, would ya?”
I gave him a crooked grin, accepting the garment.
“Charm? You call this a charm? I’m goddam cupid in this leather jacket, baby. They’re lucky I don’t crush their skulls with my love darts.”
Jerry snorted, clapping me on the back. “Yeah. Your love darts are what got you into this mess, ya igit.”
When Jerry scurried off to find Dawn again, I took the opportunity to work the room like a predator. Every glance and slurred word bounced off my nerves, though.
A blonde with a cigarette tucked behind her ear sidled up beside me. Her body looked like she was painted with sequins. My eyes darted to her eyes, and I gave her a lazy smile.
“Hey,” she said, her voice low and cautious. “You’re that guy, right? The one who—shit—I don’t even…yeah, last night. You were gone, totally out of it. People are saying you belong to some fancy gang in the big city. Is that right?”
“I think you should ignore gossip, darling,” I said. “Why don’t you tell me what you remember from last night. Was I with someone?”
She blinked and shrugged it off. The ash from her cigarette fell into her drink. “Not telling. I know better than to get involved with your folk, pretty boy. Just…you were a mess, man. Couldn’t even stand up. If you wanna find your lady lover, why don’t you go drown your sorrows?”
I slammed my fist on the counter. “Jesus fucking christ!”
The woman squeaked and ran off. Jerry came back over and shook his head at me. Apparently, his date night consisted of scolding me when I fucked up, which was what we were talking about, so that was all the time.
“You swap your darts for knives? What are you thinking? Relax, Jed.”
I didn’t relax.
I ignored my friend and continued on. I pressed and cornered anyone I got my hands on. Every lead ended in dead air or shrugging shoulders. My anger coiled tighter with every wasted word, and the annoyance became a buzzing in my veins.
A short guy with a patchy beard stalked over, grinning like he’d discovered a secret, while I rubbed a spot on my temple, feeling a migraine.
“Man…Last night. You…you were out there. Face smashed into pavement, but you got the girl. That was nuts. She was kinda hot, I mean, in the exotic type of way. How was that? I may have a go.”
I grabbed him by the collar and pressed him against the wall. “What do you know about the girl?”
He flinched. “I…I dunno…some woman dragged you out of the alley after you put the beat down on the city thugs. I didn’t see what you did. Not like I followed you. She had that long dark hair, and she was real tiny, like those game girls and shit, okay!”
I released him, and he fell on his ass.
My heart hammered.
Long dark hair, small stature…that checked.
What the fuck did he mean by a game girl? That was the only thread I had, and it was slipping fast.