Chapter 33
The barrel of the rifle was already pressed to Jed’s face when I swung my leg over him.
What hell am I doing? How is this going to help?
Snow crunched beneath my boots as I straddled his hips, pinning him against the fallen pine we’d been using for cover. The bark dug into his shoulders, and my thighs bracketed him, steady and sure. The rifle angled upward, the cold metal resting just beneath his chin.
“Don’t move, ōkami,” I whispered.
The forest breathed around us. Pine sap and frost filled the air, and the continuous flurries continued to fall faster the longer we stayed here. Somewhere beyond the ridge, the wolf tracked the perimeter of our patience.
Jed didn’t flinch.
He looked up at me as though the weapon didn’t exist between us, his pale eyes so trusting, and that itself was damning.
His hands rested loosely at my waist, not gripping or claiming. Just there. Warm through the layers of our winter gear.
Present.
“You’re supposed to be watching the tree line, Mortifera, not my eyes,” he said quietly.
“I am.” I huffed, not at all caring about any beast but the one underneath me.
“You’re watching me.”
I adjusted the barrel slightly, pressing it firmer into his skin. “Maybe I’m deciding if you’re the bigger threat.”
A slow smile curved his mouth.
“If I were,” he murmured. “You wouldn’t need the gun to disarm me, Sayuri. You have had me on my knees for some time now.”
The wind shifted, carrying the faint, musky scent of the Mortiferal somewhere far too close for comfort.
But I didn’t look away from Jed.
“Safety is off,” I reminded him. “Why aren’t you afraid?”
His gaze dipped briefly to the weapon, then returned to my eyes. “You’d shoot me? Why?”
“I can. People don’t need a reason to take and kill.”
“Do you have a reason to harm me, baby?”
I faltered at that, and tears sprang in my eyes before I could stop them.
“I…”
That question lingered, and I couldn’t feel that way.
Jed was going to die.
Maybe this way…at least he wouldn’t suffer. I could give his body to Kaito and get Jujiro returned to me. My finger rested near the trigger, close enough to make the threat real and end everything.
But I couldn’t.
He had a loaded weapon pushed in his face, and instead of fearing his demise, he was telling me that he would not protect himself.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
That was the most honest answer I had given him all season.
His hands moved slowly, sliding from my waist to the sides of my coat. He didn’t pull or force it off me. He was testing whether I would allow it.
I did.
“You’re shaking,” he said softly. “Are you scared, Sayuri?”
“It’s cold.”
“You know that’s not why you’re trembling.”
His thumbs brushed against my skin, under my sweater, and my breath hitched before I could stop it. I hated that he noticed. I couldn’t shake my resolve. I had to do this.
The wolf howled in the distance, scattering my thoughts.
Jed’s eyes never left mine.
“You hear that?” he murmured.
“Yes.”
“It’s circling now. Like you’re their prey.”
“So are you.”
His smile widened, just a fraction. “You climbed on top of me. Was I supposed to reject the offer?”
“Only you would have a gun shoved in your face and think it was an invitation, ōkami.”
“Are you denying me, then?”
I shifted my weight slightly, pressing him harder into the fallen tree. The rifle remained steady against his face.
“No.”
He tilted his head just enough that the barrel slid from his chin to his jaw and cheek. “Good to know. So, I have your permission to make your beautiful eyes roll back again?”
I gulped, but didn’t answer.
How is this turning out so…wrong?
Right?
I don’t know anymore.
Because I love him and I hate that I do.
Because he had once been a man who ran from a war, and now he knelt in snow beneath me like a penitent sinner daring me to absolve him of the sins he created for me.
“You distract me too often,” I said quietly.
“You look good, frazzled. That soft flush spreading across your cheeks. It’s gorgeous on you.”
“You make me insane, Jedidiah Franklin.”
“Now you know how I feel.”
Snow fell from a branch overhead, scattering around us in a soft white cascade. The forest remained silent, as if it were waiting for something.
Jed’s hands moved again, this time slower, his way of asking. One settled at the small of my back under my shirt, and the other rested lightly against my thigh, sliding my shirt up over my belly button.
“Tell me to stop,” he said.
The challenge was quiet and intimate.
I swallowed hard, my response coming out like a broken whisper.
“I…can’t.”
His grip tightened, and his thumb traced a small pattern near my pants line, slipping his fingers into the hem, and out again. He was patient. Exploring the edges of my resistance.
“Looks like my brain matter is still in my skull,” he observed.
“You’re not moving away. I can still shoot you.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
The honesty in that nearly undid me, the tears spiking more and more sharply.
“What do you want, Jedidiah?”
He smiled widely, adjusting me to lie on the spot where he had just been. My rifle was still pointed at him, still aimed and ready to end this charade I couldn’t fall deeper into.
“Let me show you what I want, Sayuri.”
I couldn’t understand what he meant, and then he was unbuttoning my pants and slipping them down my legs. I should have kicked him off, or hell, blown his head off, but I didn’t.
“Close your eyes and tell me what you feel.”
I tried to rid the lump in my throat to no avail and obeyed his command.
I felt him slip down to my waist, leaving soft, wet kisses as he did.
“What do you feel?” He pushed, pulling my pants completely off my legs, and replacing the chill with the warmth of his body. His big, strong arms gripped my hips and fought off the chill of the winter air.
“I feel…warm.”
“Good. How about now?”
I focused on the sensation. He was sliding his fingers down my stomach, kissing my thighs, and circling my chastity belt.
“I feel…kisses.”
“That’s right, baby. Can I have your key? Will you allow me to take this off of you and let you feel some other sensations?”
I gasped, and my hand instinctively went to the key linked to my rosary. I tried to calm the shaking in my hands as I fumbled with holding the gun and retrieving my key.
“You are so beautiful, Sayuri. So smart and creative. I promise I won’t hurt you. I will honor this gift.”
I couldn’t focus on his words because he was opening my cage and sliding it off of me.
“Are you ready?” he said, and my breathing was so erratic it was hard to concentrate.
“Y-Yes.”
“Good girl. How does this feel?”
At first, there was nothing, just him shifting on the ground to better situate himself closer to me, and then I felt it.
His mouth.
He was kissing my vagina, running his tongue along my sensitive flesh, sucking and circling my clit like the beast he was. I couldn’t breathe. It was too much and not enough at the same time.
“I, oh…I can’t—Jed. I—”
Jedidiah picked up his pace, this time adding one of his thick, skilled fingers. I felt the fullness when he entered me, and the heat pooled low, warming me despite the cold air.
“You got this, gorgeous. There is no one to interrupt us now—just you and me. Let me feel my beautiful acolyte come on my mouth. Let me taste all your sins, Sayuri. I want to drown in your orgasms.”
His words were too much. The combination of his fingers thrusting in and out, and the suction and wetness of his tongue. I had never felt like this before. I was not going to last.
I gripped the barrel tighter, aiming it at him, and opening my eyes to seal the threat, but Jedidiah was smiling between my legs. His soft beard was damp, and he had the biggest smile on his face as he looked into the opening of the weapon.
“Go ahead, Mortifera. If I am going to hell, it’s because I am tasting heaven.”
Agh! Damn him. I can’t! I can’t kill him.
He was destroying my resolve.
And I’m going to—
“Jed! You are…the devil—”
My orgasm coated Jedidiah’s face, and this felt even stronger than the one in the church. This man was making me crumble into a puddle.
“The devil, huh?” He chuckled, licking his lips and fingers like the treat was too good to waste.
“The cosmic irony of that statement.”
I shook my head, trying to regain my composure. Jedidiah was already pulling back on the chastity belt and locking it.
“Thank you. I have wanted this for a long time.”
I felt so strange. This man was an enigma. Held at gunpoint yet chose to make me come.
Why?
A branch snapped in the distance, and we both froze.
Instinct sharpened my senses, and I lifted my gaze toward the tree line, snatching the rifle from the ground and pointing it into the area. My breath slowed, and my ears strained for movement.
The wolf was closer than before.
Jed’s voice dropped even softer. “You’ve got this.”
“I know.”
“Not me. You.”
“I know.”
His hand slid a fraction higher along my back when my pants were put back on, his fingers splaying against me as though memorizing the shape of my spine and unwilling to stop touching me.
“You’re in my line of fire,” I murmured.
“Then don’t miss.”
I looked back down at him. This would be so easy—an accident.
“You trust me that much, Jed? Did my orgasm go to your brain?”
“I trust you more than you trust yourself.”
The weight of that pressed harder than the gun.
“You shouldn’t,” I said.
“Well, I do. I also see you so much differently than you do. I admire what you consider flaws. In your beauty and your way of thinking.”
His eyes searched mine, but not for weakness…for permission.
I shifted slightly, the movement subtle but intentional. My knees tightened, a bit wobbly, as I crouched beside him. The rifle lowered just enough for me to study him better.
He noticed my scrutiny.
“Like what you see, Mortifera?”
“You’re arrogant.”
“No,” he said, his gaze steady and unwavering. “I’m honest and hopeful you see me the way I see you.”
The wind cut across the ridge again, and the wolf moved closer. I could feel it in the air. The way prey senses a predator long before it actually sees it.
“You’re reckless,” I told him.
“I’m tired of pretending I don’t want you.”
The words hung between us like the flurries.
I could have stepped back or moved away to re-establish the distance that kept us safe.
Instead, I leaned forward just enough that my breath brushed his lips.
“You don’t get to want me without consequence,” I said.
“Then punish me.”
His lips smashed into mine in a claiming kiss that left me breathless.
When I pulled back, I stood, but he didn’t move. I could see the man in front of me. The man who had once fled violence and now chose to kneel beneath me in the snow rather than run.
The wolf emerged at the edge of the clearing. I first saw it out of the corner of my eye.
It was massive, a gray majestic beauty watching us only a short distance away. My entire body shifted instantly into stillness. The rifle lifted in one smooth motion.
Jed felt the change in me and turned.
“There.” He breathed just inches away from the gun, but trusting me…
“Don’t move,” I whispered again, aligning my shot with the wolf.
The wolf stepped forward cautiously toward us, his amber eyes tracking our slight movements.
I steadied my aim as my heart pounded in my chest.
Jed’s hands slowly left my body, allowing me space to get a better shot as the wolf continued to move closer.
He was giving me full control and trusting me to take it. The crosshairs aligned with the wolf’s shoulder, and my breath slowed.
Inhale.
Exhale.
The forest held itself still while I looked at Jed again.
His voice was barely audible beneath me as he murmured, “You’ve got this, baby. Take the shot. It’s yours.”
Every single snowflake is individual. Despite the thousands that fall from the sky, every single one is unique.
My choices were like the snowflakes. Every decision I had was unique, and it would stick to the ground or dissolve before anyone even knew it existed.
For the first time since I’d come into Jedidiah’s life, I pressed the gun to his face and surrendered something fragile and dangerous that only he had been given from me…
I made a choice that I knew would stick to the ground.
The only question remained.
How long would it take before it melted away, taking me with it?