Chapter Ten
When I get into bed that night, I cannot sleep.
I took a sleeping tonic, but it is no match against the thoughts that are consuming me.
I am not sure how I got here and what led to this, but this cannot be what I was meant to do with my life. This cannot be who I was meant to become.
I continue to toss and turn back and forth finally lying on my back once more, looking up at the ceiling.
I was happy back at home. At least I think I was happy.
Although I had no family, I had plenty of friends.
I had a best friend that felt like a sister.
I liked my job. It paid the bills and I loved to help people.
That was my favorite part about it. The fulfilment it gave that I changed someone’s life or even saved it, was enough to keep the bad parts from overpowering the good.
But maybe, I was just going through the motions. I had no goals. I was just getting up and taking it day by day. I do not think I was truly living, only just surviving.
Quite like I am doing now.
When I was in nursing school, I wanted to be a labor and delivery nurse. But then, one day when my parents were driving up to school to see me, they got in a car accident.
Both of them died.
In order to make sure no one else died if I could help it, I became an emergency room nurse. The busyness and adrenaline rush every shift masked the continuous pain I felt every day. I would not know if the pain is still there because some time along the way, it turned to numbness.
Both of my parents died immediately on impact. There was no pain for them, it was quick.
But it was not quick for me.
I spent years of my life feeling the pain for them. Years I spent blaming myself for their death and I still do sometimes. It was me who they were coming to see after all. If I never asked them to come up for my graduation pictures that weekend, they would still be alive.
But that is not how life works.
That is like thinking if me and Gracie never went out that night, she would still be alive. That I would not be here. I would be home in our apartment, sitting on the couch with her and eating ramen for dinner.
Life can change in a single second.
I do not know how one single second of change, led me here.
? ? ?
The next morning, I wake up slowly and lie in bed for a while, thinking about last night.
I think of everything Draven and I talked about in the garden. How he made sure to let me know that he would do whatever it took to make me happy here.
I did not react the way I should have toward him. This is not his fault, and he is not to blame. I was cold and impassive to one of the only people who has showed me any type of kindness here.
He has become one of the only people I can rely on. My friend.
Somewhere between the training and case work, I stopped wanting to find a way to escape and started wanting to spend time with him instead.
I glance at the clock and see that it is still earlier in the morning, almost eight. I slide out of bed and knock on Ivorie’s door.
“Ivorie, it is Solene. Can I come in?”
The door handle turns and the door pushes open. Ivorie pops her head into my room and looks at me with a squint.
“Oh sorry, did I wake you?” I ask.
“No, that is fine. I am just not used to you being up this early so I was well… being lazy.”
I laugh. “You are probably the least lazy person I know.”
We sit there for a moment in silence.
“Would you like to eat breakfast with me this morning and maybe just talk?” I ask.
Ivorie steps into my room. “Is everything alright?”
“Yes, I promise I am fine. I was just wondering if you would give me some company. I feel like I have not seen you recently.”
Ivorie grabs my hand and squeezes. “Yes of course, let me get dressed and I will be right in.”
I decide to just stay in my nightgown for the morning, not wanting to leave my room right now anyways. I walk over to the seating area and sit down on the couch. My muscles are sore and protest as I sit, but this pain feels good.
Ivorie walks in dressed for the day wearing her usual uniform of a long black pants and a white button-up.
“I would like to try something different for breakfast this morning,” I say.
She nods with a smile. “Okay, I will order something different for you instead of your usual blood. I am glad your appetite is heavy this morning.”
“Order something for you too. I want you to eat with me as well.”
She nods. “Okay, I will do that.”
About fifteen minutes later, a kitchen worker brings in various breakfast items for us. Blood of course for me, but there are also different types of berries, spreads, and bread.
I have been told that most human food tastes like ash to vampires, but not all of it. I have yet to really try anything other than blood and meat, so the anticipation I feel excites me.
Ivorie sits down next to me. She ordered French toast with fruit for herself. I look at her plate with longing and sigh, then turn to look at the spreads in front of me.
It is obvious that they are just blood that has in some way been turned into different jellies and preservatives. Some are mixed with fruit and some are plain.
I shrug. Someone at least tried to change things up.
I reach down and choose a spread that has some type of fruit seed in it.
I pick up a small piece of bread and spread it on there, taking a bite.
The spread and fruit unleash a rush of flavor together that tastes amazing.
The bread on the other hand, does have an ashy flavor, but the other textures and tastes mask it well. I sit back and moan in appreciation.
Ivorie laughs. “The fruit in that spread is my favorite. It comes from a specific tree that grows in the Whispering Woods.”
The fruit looks very similar to pomegranate seeds, but it is a deep violet color instead.
“What is it called?” I ask.
“Lock seeds,” she replies.
“Cool,” I say through a mouth full of food.
We continue to eat breakfast and a question that keeps coming up in my head demands to be asked.
“Hey Ivorie, how do vampires have babies?”
She stops chewings and puts her fork down, giving me a confused look.
“Do you mean that you do not know how someone comes with child?” she asks.
I bust out laughing, almost spitting my food out. “Let me reword that question for you. Also no, I know how someone gets pregnant.”
Relief flashes across Ivorie’s features.
“I mean like how hard is it for a vampire to become pregnant. Do they have trouble with fertility?”
She nods as she chews. “Ah okay, I understand what you are asking now. Yes, it is very hard for a vampire to conceive. It can take many years, even hundreds, for a female to become with child.”
Some tension in my chest eases.
“But,” she keeps going. “In newly turned vampires, it is much easier to conceive. It happens within quite a normal time frame, like in the Humanrealm. But the longer the vampire is settled, the lower the chance.”
Damnit.
Well actually, I am not entirely up shits creek.
I just need to make it past that time frame. I am not in any way worried about Draven hurting me or forcing me to do something I do not want to.
I am worried about the king.
But now that I think about it, he did not once use his terrible magic on me last night. Even when I got up to leave, he left me alone. I wonder if this has anything to do with the conversation I had with Draven about his father using his powers on me.
“Is there a reason you are asking this? We have contraceptive tonics. I can make you some if you need them,” she asks.
I look at her in horror. This has taken a turn for the worst and now she probably thinks I am doing inappropriate things with the prince.
Not that I ever would do inappropriate things with him.
Well, we are technically engaged so I do not think I would be judged for inappropriate actions with the prince.
Would I?
I cut my thoughts short and blurt out the first response that comes to my head. “No reason, just I feel like I do not see any vampire children running about. I guess that is what they are called.”
She looks at me with concern. Probably because of the way I just responded to her question.
“Oh okay, I see. They are called Fledglings,” she says.
I nod in response, but I do not discount the shudder that racks through my body at the word.
Ivorie and I continue talking over breakfast and she tells me stories about her family who live in town. We talk about visiting them the next time we go. A pang of grief settles in my stomach at the thought of seeing her surrounded by family, but I still want to, nonetheless.
I finally finish eating, feeling like my stomach is filled entirely too much.
“What if in the mornings we do this, then start to go on our walks in the garden again? I want to start getting up earlier and being productive.”
She looks up at me and smiles. “I would like that very much. I cannot walk today, but we can start tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
I glance over to the clock on the wall. It is about two hours too early to meet Draven. I could go downstairs in the training room and work out some before he gets there. That way I can give my muscles some prework and maybe I will do better this time around.
After I help Ivorie clean up breakfast, I step into the bathroom to freshen up for the day.
I brush my teeth and hair, then Ivorie braids it into a Dutch braid that goes around the top of my head like a crown.
She pins it in place so it does not move even an inch as I shake my head to test it.
I do not bother with any makeup, knowing I will sweat it all off.
I put on my training leathers, having acquired multiple different pairs since my first set. After I slip on my boots, I say my goodbyes to Ivorie for the day and head off to the arena.
When I reach the doors, I open them and halfway step inside, cautiously looking around the room. When I confirm that no one is inside training, I step all the way in.
I walk over to the weights in the corner of the room and get to work.