Chapter Fourteen
From the number of times, I have paced back and forth in my room, there is probably a path on the floor.
I cannot decide if I should meet Draven to work on the case tonight or not. I keep going back and forth in my head on whether it is a good idea. I start to walk toward the door to go to his study, but stop and turn back around, deciding it is probably not a good idea.
I have been going back and forth for the past hour.
The way he fled that room today left me feeling empty. But at the same time, I am glad he left because I do not want to know what would have happened if he hadn’t.
On the other hand, I am rather embarrassed of the state he did leave me in. The fact that I let a simple graze along my face and lips get me that carried away.
I reach my hand up to touch my bottom lip and then slam it back down to my side. That has been at least the tenth time I have touched it.
That goes to show how long it has been since another person has even touched me. I let a small caress almost ruin one of the only friendships I have made here.
We certainly cannot ever touch each other in that way.
It is apparent that we are forced to be married, but for me to like it, is not an option.
For me to share feelings with the person I am forced to give my life too would be intolerable.
I could never let it happen. Him and I can never be more than what we are now.
It is the only chance I will get another life out of the one I am living.
I do not want to be a queen subjugated to marrying a man who does not even want to be a king. Certainly, he feels the same way. He probably does not want to ever share feelings for me other than as a friend.
To be placed somewhere with no control over any given situation and liking it, liking him, is absurd.
I start to laugh at loud. The fact that I even thought he would feel that way toward me is comical.
That is why he left so quickly. He was uncomfortable and did not want it to go any further, so he did the right thing.
I should be thanking him actually. He seems to be the only one with his head screwed on straight in this situation.
That is exactly what I am going to do. I am going to march upstairs to that study and thank him for being mature about the situation.
When I am done thanking him, he will say he is glad I feel the same way.
After all is said and done, everything will go back to how it was before.
We will not have to worry about it happening ever and again, and we will sit down and solve this case.
That is what matters, and what is most important. Not the wedding, not us, not the sparring. The case.
I step in front of the mirror and brush my hair. Feeling disheveled, I smooth out the top of my hair with my hands and apply some tint to my lips. My cheeks are already flushed.
I can do this. After I go speak to him, everything will go back to normal.
After I am done giving myself a pep talk, I turn and march right out of my bedroom door. I do not let myself even look back or give myself the option to turn back around. I walk with determination in my step.
Once I reach Draven’s study door, I stop. I place my hand on the handle, but as I go to turn it, I pull away.
What would another day before speaking to him hurt? Just to make sure everything has calmed down. I think it would be best.
I turn around and right as I take a step to leave, I hear the door open.
I pause and take a deep breath in. “Draven, we really should talk about earlier.”
I spin around to face him but standing in the doorway is no one other than Ludwig himself.
“Oh. Hi,” I say awkwardly.
He bows. “My lady.”
“Do you know where Draven is?”
Ludwig tilts his nose up higher than it already is. The fact that it can even go any higher is impressive in itself.
“His Highness has left with his father to attend an event at Faeria Castle,” he replies.
You have got to actually be kidding me.
“Oh right. Yes, the event. I knew about the event. I completely forgot he told me about it.” I fake laugh.
Ludwig just stares at me. He does not laugh.
“Do you know when he left?” I ask.
“He left about an hour ago.”
He left about an hour ago. Well, that is just great isn’t it.
“Perfect, thank you. Have a good night,” I say.
I quickly turn and walk away before he replies back to me. I race back to my room, rip open the door, and slam it shut behind me.
How absolutely humiliating. I cannot seem to embarrass myself enough today. An event in Faeria. I certainly knew nothing about it. Draven never mentioned that he would be leaving. Not that he has to tell me when he leaves, but still. An invitation to go with him would have been nice.
Not that I would have went with him, but still.
I stomp into the bathroom and run a hot bath. I pour every ounce of bath soap into the tub and dump an entire basket of rose petals in it. This will make me feel better. It will at least help remove the scent of him that I feel like is branded into my skin. Every time I turn my head, I smell it.
I want it gone.
When I step into the bath, I scrub my face and body until it is pink. After I finish scrubbing, I melt into the water until I feel it hitting the bottom of my chin.
The water eventually goes cold.
I sigh. I better smell like roses by the time I get out of here. I think I have managed to scrub every bit of his touch off me. I am going to get out of the bath, get in bed, and sleep it off. I will feel better in the morning.
After slipping into my night gown I get under my sheets, wrapping them around me tightly in comfort. I try to ignore the dull ache in my chest at his unannounced absence.
He keeps a lot from me it seems.
First, he did not tell me what was wrong with him today, certainly the reason for his odd behavior, and now he did not mention he was leaving. Who knows how long he will be gone for.
I huff and pull the sheets over my head, closing my eyes.
How easy it was for him to just leave.
? ? ?
I am running through the woods, not knowing where I am running to. I look down and see that I am barefoot in a white gown. My feet are bleeding, pain shooting through them with every step. Something tells me to look behind me, but I am too scared. I hear footsteps chasing me.
“They are coming,” a voice says.
I feel familiar panic start creeping into my chest as I run even faster.
I look forward and see a light.
It is small at first, but it continues to get bigger and brighter. I squint my eyes at the intensity of it.
My skin starts to tingle and then, it starts to burn.
When I look up again, the sky has started to turn a light pink. The pink starts to rise, bleeding into the navy blue night.
The light in front of me is not just a light. It is the sun.
I am outside with the sun coming up, in nothing but a gown, and I am burning. I look down as smoke starts to come off my arm, my skin bubbling up on the surface.
I try to run faster but my legs start to slow down. No matter how hard I try to pump them to go faster, they feel stuck. Almost like I am freezing in place.
If I do not move any faster, I am going to die.
I see a tree to the left up ahead that has a bit of shade and I drag myself over to it. I lean against it, feeling relief for a second.
Hands grab me around my waist, pulling me tight to their chest. I look down and see that they are not familiar hands.
They are not the hands I want to see.
“I told you I would find you. You cannot hide,” they whisper in my ear.
I jolt upwards in bed with a scream, my chest heaving up and down. I grip the sheets between my hands desperate to feel something. My nightgown is drenched with sweat. It clings to my skin as sweat beads across my brow. Lifting my hand to my forehead, I wipe it off.
It was just a nightmare. I am safe in my room and it was just a nightmare.
The door between me and Ivorie’s room swings open as she rushes in.
“Solene, is everything alright? I heard you scream.”
I nod my head as I breathe heavily. “Yes, I am okay. I just had a nightmare.”
“Oh, I am so sorry. I will get you something to help.” She rushes back into her room.
I sit upward in the bed, still trying to catch my breath. Looking up at the clock, I see that it is three in the morning.
Ivorie walks back into my room with a wet washcloth and what I presume is a tonic of some sort. She places the washcloth over my forehead. I grab the bottle from her hands and tip the tonic back, draining every last drop and not caring to ask what it even is.
“How long have these been going on?” she asks.
“This is the first one. I am not sure where it came from. Probably just a fluke,” I lie.
I know exactly where this nightmare came from.
I look up and see Ivorie staring at me with concern.
“I am okay. I promise,” I say.
She nods, still not convinced.
I plaster the most reassuring smile I can conjure up across my face. “I am going to try and go back to sleep. Thank you for coming in.”
She gives me another stiff nod. “Knock on the door if you need anything.”
She turns and leaves the room as I tuck myself back in under the covers. Sleep tries to pull me under once more, tugging at my eyelids, but I fight it.
Too scared to go back to sleep, I stare at the wall for the next four hours.
My skin still feels as if it is burning.
? ? ?
I get out of bed when the clock hits seven. Breakfast is in the room by eight.
Ivorie and I eat our breakfast and then head out on our morning walk together as usual. I make a point to talk about everything but my nightmare last night.
As we circle the last of the garden, we move to head back inside, but Ivorie stops and turns to me.
“Solene, we must talk about something.”
“Okay,” I say nervously.
“So, the wedding is fast approaching, almost two months away now.”
How could I ever forget about the wedding that no one is letting me forget about.
She continues speaking, “You need a wedding dress ordered, very soon.”
“Oh,” I say.