47. Blakely
FORTY-SEVEN
Blakely
Alina—Lee—was different than I expected, and as they leave out my front door, I feel a sense of peace that I haven’t had since hearing her name. They love each other, that much is clear, but Jackson doesn’t look at her the way he looks at me.
And I find comfort in that.
She’s genuine in a way that I only learned people could be when Jackson came into my life, and it makes me curious to know if everyone in their small town is just as nice, or if it’s something unique to the two of them and maybe that’s what drew them together in the first place.
For the rest of the afternoon, I bask in the relaxation that comes along with being able to hide away from the world, no one knowing where I am or what I’m doing. I try to sit down and watch something, but the only thing on is reality TV and it makes my stomach turn as their drama plays out on the screen.
None of it’s real.
I’m just as guilty, making people long for a make-believe world.
A few months ago, I never would have thought twice about it. I guess that’s the funny thing about life. It just takes a moment for your world to flip upside down. A shift in altitude that changes your view. Gives you a new perspective.
Sierra sits across from me on the couch, racks of clothing being brought in for me to choose from for the next two weeks. This is a routine thing. It takes hours, and usually I enjoy it. But now, just like with everything else that comes along with my job, I can’t seem to find the enthusiasm. Because really, who fucking cares whether I pick the crotchet crop top or the bright pink jumpsuit? The finished product everyone sees will be different than what it actually looks like anyway. A false perception, molded to trick the public, just like every other second of my life.
“So.” Sierra tucks her legs underneath her on the couch. “Let’s talk publicity.”
“Okay.” I nod, sipping from my water bottle.
“DJ Andelo’s team has been reaching out incessantly , wanting to hook something up between the two of you.”
I scrunch my nose, the memory of the handsy DJ from a few months back making me cringe. “What do you mean, ‘hook something up’?”
“I mean they want to put you two together out and about in public. Get people talking…asking questions.” She pauses. “I think it’s a good idea.”
My stomach constricts. “Like fake dating?”
Sierra clicks her tongue. “You two are both in the clubbing scene, and it would be great promo for both your careers. I wanted to run it by you first, but I’m about to call them back and say we’re on board.”
“No,” I snap. My voice comes out quick and sharp.
Her eyes narrow. “What do you mean, no ?”
I shrug. “I mean no , Sierra. It’s pretty simple. I don’t want to. DJ Andelo was hella gropey the one time I shared a stage with him. I’m not comfortable doing anything that involves spending one-on-one time.”
She rolls her eyes. “Guys grope, B. That’s what they do. Especially when you wear your cute little outfits and prance around on stage with your tits and ass in their face.”
My chest burns. “Excuse me? Are you saying it’s my fault he got handsy?”
“I’m saying you should know by now what to expect with who you are and the reputation you put out to the public.” She brushes a strand of hair from her forehead.
“You’re the one that picks my damn outfits, Sierra!” I shriek, pointing to the racks of clothes. “You think I want to be seen in this shit? I don’t care about any of it. Any of it.”
Sierra’s eyes widen and she sits back against the couch cushions, blowing out a slow breath. “Well…” she speaks slowly. “That’s something you should have realized before you chose this career, Blakely. And correct me if I’m wrong, but a few months ago, you had zero problems with any of this, and now all of a sudden you don’t care?”
My fists curl in my lap, wondering how we got so off track. My original plan was to dive headfirst back into the game. Make up for the lost time that was spent wasting away at my dad’s shop. But being back doesn’t feel as gratifying as I thought it would.
“No,” I sigh. “I do care, I just…don’t you think it’s all a little meaningless?”
“It’s that mechanic.” She spits the word.
My heart stutters, my eyes shooting to her face. “W-what?”
“Blakely.” Her gaze narrows. “Don’t play stupid with me, okay? Cut the shit and keep it real. I know . You really thought it was something you could keep from me?”
“No, but—” I shake my head back and forth, confusion tumbling through me.
How could she possibly know when we’ve been so careful?
I can only come up with one possible conclusion. Someone told her.
All the air is sucked out of my lungs. “How do you know?”
“That’s not important.” She waves her hand.
My fist slams down on my knee, my jaw squeezing so tight it feels like it’s bruising. “ How do you know, Sierra?”
With every second that goes by, the balloon of tension grows, waiting for her to say the words—a prick to ignite the explosion.
She sighs. “Kayla called and told me.”
Boom .
My ears ring from the fury that erupts in my veins, something dark and thick oozing from every orifice.
“She was worried about you.” Sierra moves in closer, placing her hand on my leg. “Both of us are.”
I snap, my hand reaching out and tossing Sierra’s away roughly, my body shaking from how hard I’m tensing my muscles to try and maintain control. I want to race across the city, hunt down that backstabbing bitch, and throttle her.
How could she?
My mind spins like a merry-go-round, lost in the madness, and I know that if I don’t get it together, I’ll crumble where I sit.
And I don’t want to crumble right now. I want to find Kayla and demand to know why.
I stand up so fast, my head spins, my fists tightening against my sides.
One. Two. Three.
“What are you doing?” Sierra asks, her voice rising in pitch.
“Leaving.”
“You can’t leave, Blakely. We have tons to do tonight.”
“I don’t care, Sierra. You’re spending your time trying to set me up on a date with a sexual harasser and telling me not to be with the man I love, and for what ? Because he doesn’t fit some bullshit standard?”
“That’s exactly why!” she screeches. “He doesn’t fit the standard, Blakely. Your standard. He’s too old and too middle income. It doesn’t look good. It won’t look good. When you started your career, you had two choices. Do you remember? You either become someone they can relate to or someone they wish they could be. And you chose the latter, so guess what, you can’t have everything you want. Because dating some nobody who is almost a decade older than you? That’s not something most people wish for.”
My hands reach up and tug on my hair. “This is so stupid.”
She shrugs. “It is what it is.”
Huffing out a laugh, I try to ignore the Mack truck that’s barreling through my insides going a hundred miles an hour. “Yeah, Sierra. It is what it is. I’m leaving.”
I walk away without a second glance.
The urge to head straight to the gym is strong, but the need to hunt down Kayla is stronger. So even though I told Lennox he could have the evening off, I stomp back to his cottage, the quickness of my blood pumping through my veins making my face hot with anger.
I can’t believe she told Sierra .
Maybe later, when my mind clears of its red haze, I’ll be able to look back on my friendship with Kayla and find where we veered off course so badly—when she became someone I couldn’t confide in and turned into this person who would go behind my back and ruin the only good thing I have in my life.
Or maybe she was always playing a role for me, the same way I play a role for the masses.
My fist pounds against the front door to Lennox’s cottage, waiting for what feels like hours until I hear shuffling and muffled voices.
Shit. Does he have company?
Sucking my bottom lip into my mouth, I wait, guilt pressing down on my chest for being so selfish. For running back here when it’s clear he’s taking advantage of the night off I gave him.
I turn around to leave just as his front door swings open.
He’s shirtless, his tattooed abs and corded muscles on full display. But that’s not what shocks me into stunned silence, my chest tightening and my spine tingling with suspicion. It’s his look of surprise that morphs into guilt as he stares at me.
He jerks his head in a nod. “Are you okay?”
“Hey.” I cringe. “I’m so sorry to bother you.” I gesture toward the door. “I just…I was hoping you weren’t busy and could give me a ride to find Kayla. I umm…” I pause, wringing my fingers together. “Never mind. I can wait until tomorrow.” Casting him a sheepish glance, I turn to leave.
I was so close to never knowing. But then I hear a different voice and I spin around, my heartbeat surging to my throat.
“Is that?—”
He stiffens, his eyes closing.
Shock forces me back a step. “Is that Kayla? Is she here ?”
The thought of her with Lennox reignites the fire in my veins and I shove by him, pushing the door open. He doesn’t put up a fight.
Kayla stands in the middle of his living room, naked, save for a white bedsheet around her body, her wide eyes staring at me across the space.
My mouth opens and closes a few times as my eyes bounce back and forth between them.
In any other situation, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But after tonight, all I can see is betrayal as it flows from her and soars across the room, wrapping itself around Lennox and binding them together. Emotion clogs my throat and stings the back of my eyes, my knuckles white from how tightly my fists are pressing against my sides.
One. Two. Three.
“Why, Kayla?” I force out.
She cocks her head, her lips turning down. “You know I’ve always liked him, Blakely.”
I cut my hand through the air. “Not that. Not Lennox. I don’t give a fuck about him. Why would you tell Sierra about us?”
Her eyes light up with recognition, and if I fool myself, I can almost imagine the regret that flashes behind her eyes. But it’s gone in a millisecond, replaced by a smirk.
“Why not?” She shrugs.
“I’m sorry,” Lennox cuts in. “You did what?”
I spin and face him. “Oh, she didn’t share that during pillow talk? I confided in her about Jackson, and she ran and told Sierra out of concern for me.”
Lennox’s brow furrows, his head turning sharply toward her. “What? Why would you do that, Kayla? That’s not your place.”
“Because she’s going to ruin everything .” She glares at me. “You don’t appreciate how things are handed to you on a silver platter when the rest of us are out here working our asses off trying to make it half as big as you.”
I nod slowly as I take in what she says, flashbacks of our friendship playing on a loop in my mind, showing me all the ways she’s been bitter over who I am.
“I’m looking out for you, Blakely. That man will ruin you. You can’t just go around secretly dating anybody you want and think everything will be okay.”
“Wow.” I laugh. “You’re saying this to me while wrapped in my bodyguard’s bedsheet. ‘Jake’ I presume. Pot, meet kettle.”
She breaks eye contact. “That’s different.”
“Oh?” My eyebrows shoot to my hairline.
“I love him,” she states, her shoulders lifting.
I grin, my face tilting toward the ceiling, the trembling inside of my body vibrating through my bones, making me feel unsteady. It’s a miracle I’m still holding it together when everything around me feels like it’s starting to collapse.
The curtain has been pulled, showing me that I’ve been living happily in my bubble for who knows how long, letting these people dictate my entire life when really, they’ve all been doing whatever the hell they want anyway.
I close my eyes.
“Blakely.” Lennox’s voice is a deep rasp.
I lift my hand, stopping him from speaking as I work on slowing down my heart rate, trying to regulate my breathing.
One. Two. Three.
Opening my eyes, I walk over to Kayla, my hand coming up and whipping across her face, the sharp sting of my palm satisfying every single cell in my body. Her head rolls to the side, a surprised gasp leaving her lips.
“What the fuck ?” she squeals, her hand covering her cheek.
I point at her. “That’s for making me think you were someone I could trust.”
I turn around, shouldering past Lennox, and slam the door behind me.