54. Jackson
FIFTY-FOUR
Jackson
I spent the rest of the day testing out the waters, slowly immersing myself into the public around town, worried there would be people hounding me for information, desperate to know if Blakely Donahue was the reason I came back.
But then I realized, this is Sugarlake . A town filled with primarily older generations who could not care less about celebrity gossip. There’s no need when there’s enough drama going around our small city streets to light up the whole town.
As I walk through the grocery store, perusing the shelves, my shoulders relax because nobody questions a thing.
“Be still my beatin’ heart.”
My stomach jumps at the voice and I spin around, a smile growing on my face. “Rebecca Jean, how did I know you’d be the first person I’d see?”
She smirks, her bright red curls swishing as she shakes her head. “You’re an asshole.”
I raise a brow, pointing at myself. “Me?”
“You ignored my calls, dick , and then you come back here and don’t even tell us? Honestly, the nerve.”
Laughing, I drag her into my arms. “I’m sorry, Becs. I have a lot to make up for.”
She hugs me back, speaking into my shirt. “Yeah, you bet your ass you do. Does Lee know?”
Guilt weaves its way through the cracks as I think about how Lee doesn’t know. But with her knowledge comes questions, and I’m just not ready to answer them yet. “No, I just got in. Thought I’d surprise you guys.”
“Baby girl, I—” A tall man with honey-blond hair walks around the corner and my eyes widen slightly as they take him in.
Elliot Carson. Lee’s brother. I had forgotten him and Becca hooked up.
Eli’s voice trails off as he sees me, his eyes taking in my arms as they wrap around Becca’s waist.
His lips turn down and he slowly walks toward us. “Jax?”
Becca steps away and he pulls her into his side. His posture screams possession, and I smirk, amusement spinning through my chest that he thinks I’m a threat. Good.
I’m not, of course. Becca’s one of the only girls around here that I haven’t been with, but Eli abandoned Lee when she needed him the most, and I still haven’t forgiven him for that.
“What is this?” I point between them. “You two a couple now?”
Becca blushes and nods in response to my question and jealousy sears my insides as I watch her gaze up at him with love, him tipping up her chin and pressing a kiss to her lips like they’re the only two people in the room.
I dreamed of having that with Blakely. Of being able to touch her and kiss her in public. How fucking pathetic.
“Well, we’re having a family dinner over at Chase and Lee’s tonight and you’re comin’.”
I’m ripped from my thoughts with Becca’s statement, dread pooling low in my gut. I run my hand through my hair. “I don’t know, Becca. I’m tired. I was planning on spending tonight with my mom.”
She narrows her eyes. “You’re comin’, Jax. You’re part of this family, and now that you’re back, I won’t let you sneak off and hide.”
I huff. “I’m not hiding.”
“No?” Her hands go to her hips.
“Rebecca, leave him alone,” Eli chides.
She quirks a brow at him. “When have you ever known me to do that?” Her eyes come back to mine. “Is this about Chase?”
My chest pinches and I shrug, suddenly remembering why I avoided her calls. She’s so damn pushy and she sees everything .
She sighs, her finger twirling in the strands of her hair. “Yeah, I figured as much. Listen, I’m no fan of the man either, but he’s…he’s different now.”
“Good for him.”
“He is , Jax.” She pauses. “Come to dinner. Lee will keel over and die from happiness. She’s been missin’ you somethin’ fierce.”
“She just saw me.” I cross my arms.
Becca’s brows draw down. “For like, a day. That’s not the same thing and you know it.”
Sighing, I nod, knowing that once Becca puts her mind to something, there’s no getting out of it.
A few hours later, I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet, nerves tangling together in my stomach as I stand at the front door of Chase’s place. It’s ridiculous that even though I spent the best years of my life with this group of people, I feel as though I’m a stranger walking in, hoping they’ll accept me.
The door swings open and I come face-to-face with my ex-best friend. The one who left town and didn’t bother to mend our fences when he came back. His hazel eyes spark when they see me and he runs a hand through his jet-black hair, tousling the strands. He tips his chin. “Hey, man. Welcome.”
Resentment churns through my insides, my teeth grinding as I force a small smile.
He stands there for a few seconds, his eyes watching me, waiting for a reaction. But I won’t give him one.
Sighing, he moves to the side. “The girls are in the kitchen.”
I shoulder past him, animosity radiating off my body like lightning rods, and head to find Lee and Becca, hoping that being around them will allow me to relax. I paste a smile on my face, doing my best to hide my heartbreak behind the charm as I walk into the kitchen. “Ladies, have no fear, the sexy one is here.”
Lee turns around and squeals, running over and grabbing me into a hug.
Becca stands at the counter with a knife in her hand, smirking. “Good Lord, I did not miss your lines, Jackson Rhoades.”
I wink at her as Lee pulls out of my arms and smacks me in the chest. “How could you not tell me you were comin’ back?”
Because I didn’t plan on having my heart ripped from my chest.
Shrugging, I swallow, biting down the pain. “Surprise.”
Her eyes catalog my reaction, growing dark as she takes me in. Her lips pinch but she doesn’t say anything, choosing to walk back to the cutting board instead.
“So,” she starts again. “How long are you in town for?”
Sitting down at the set table, I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck. “For good.”
Becca spins back around and Lee stops mid-chop. “I’m sorry, what?” she asks, her voice rising.
My eyes meet hers, begging her to not push—trying to show her without words that I’ll tell her later, when we can talk alone.
“Things just weren’t working out in California anymore.” Nausea rolls through my gut as a sharp bite of pain drops through my middle.
Lee’s eyes darken, her shoulders slumping, and I can see in her gaze that she understands what I’m saying. She presses her lips together and clears her throat, resuming her cutting on the board. “That’s a real shame, Teeth. But we’re glad to have you home.”
Home .
Eli shows up not long after and then dinner’s ready, everyone sitting down and digging in. But my appetite is gone, lost somewhere between realizing that Blakely felt more like home than Sugarlake ever did and having to douse the irritation that cuts across my skin whenever I see Chase’s face.
Of course, nobody else recognizes the tension that stretches the air thin across the table. Or maybe they do, and they’re choosing to ignore it. Focus on the fact that I’m here, instead of admitting that none of them have ever recognized that Chase didn’t only leave Lee.
He left me too.
“So, tell us about California,” Becca says.
Lee’s eyes meet mine across the table as she shovels a bite of mashed potato into her mouth.
My gut churns, wanting nothing less than to talk about what I’ve left behind. “Nothing to tell.”
Becca’s nose scrunches. “Okay, weirdo. Keep your secrets.”
Eli clears his throat, standing up. “We’re stopping by Dad’s after this, Lee. Do you want us to take him some of this food?”
Lee smiles and nods, jumping up. “Yeah, let me put some in a container for y’all to take. Remind him I’ll be there tomorrow mornin’ to pick him up for his AA meetin’, okay?”
I sit back, happy to have the attention off me but a sadness presses down on my chest seeing that, while I was so focused on needing space, their lives continued without me.
As everyone starts to move around, Chase sits at the head of the table watching me, not saying a word. Suddenly, he stands up and walks to the fridge, grabbing two beers and sitting down in the seat next to me.
Silently, he slides one over.
My jaw tics, but I lean back in my chair and take small sips, the fizz burning as it slides down my throat. And for the first time since I stepped into the house, the knot in my stomach unravels the tiniest bit, because I know that out of everyone here, Chase won’t push me for answers. He won’t make me talk when there’s nothing I’d be able to say.
Just like when we were kids, he sits there in silence.
Keeping me company.
And whether I want to or not, I feel a little less alone.
Time continues to pass, and eventually I fall back into a routine.
But the days are long with nothing on my agenda, and while my mom’s company is nice, after so many days in a row, she’s driving me absolutely insane .
“Why don’t you take over the rent at my place?” Becca says, after I bitch to her and Lee at Saturday brunch.
It’s an old tradition, one that we used to do religiously every Saturday for years. Back then it was a way to keep Lee from sinking too deep in her depression. Now, it would seem, the two of them think I need the same type of help.
I still haven’t been able to bring myself to tell Becca about Blakely. Some wounds are just too painful and I’d rather forget altogether, allow myself the space to move on without her constantly being brought up in conversation.
My mouth screws up. “And live with you? Pass .”
“No, dumbass.” She rolls her eyes. “Eli’s been beggin’ me to move in with him for the past month anyway. Ever since he decided to claim me for himself.” She grins like the cat that got the cream. “I’ve been holdin’ off because Doc says it’s important to go slow, but…to hell with it, ya know?”
“Dang, Becca,” Lee groans. “Can you please quit talkin’ about my brother and your extracurricular activities? It makes me gag.”
Becca sips from her mimosa. “We’re all adults here, Lee. You don’t hear me complainin’ when you drone on about Chase fuckin’ you six ways from Sunday.”
Lee’s nose scrunches. “It’s still gross.”
“Can we stay on track here?” I cut in. “You’re just what? Planning to ignore your therapist’s advice so I can have a place to live?”
“I’m nothin’ if not a giver.” She puts a hand over her heart.
I chew on the inside of my cheek, contemplating her words. It would be nice to have a place of my own while I figure out what it is that I want to do.
“What are you plannin’ to do about work? You gonna flip cars again?” Lee asks.
My heart twists. The thought of working on cars makes my stomach roll. While I love what I do, the entire reason I worked so hard to get into the industry—to make a name for myself—was to see Dad’s dream come to fruition. And I guess, technically, I’ve accomplished that. I may not ever see them featured the way I’d like, but they’re there in the background, and that will have to be good enough.
But the passion that once flowed through my veins and seeped from my pores is missing, replaced with a fear that everything from the carburetor to the engine will remind me of Blakely.
And I’m doing all that I can to forget.
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’ll just take it easy for a while. Relax.”
Becca sighs. “Must be nice to be so loaded you don’t need to work.”
She’s not wrong. Despite what Blakely and everyone around her seems to think, being the best at flipping cars is an extremely lucrative career. One car can bring in upwards of $600,000. In fact, I took a pay cut to work for her father. But I’ve had several years to amass millions and invested wisely, my portfolio manager calling me once a month to keep me up-to-date.
Lee scoffs. “Like you’re one to talk, Miss Thang. Eli has more money than God. You’d just have to snap your fingers and he’d make sure you never worked another day in your life.”
I chuckle, shaking my head. “It’s so weird that you two are together.”
Becca balls up a napkin, throwing it at me. “Get over it. He makes me happy. Not all of us are meant for the bachelor life like you.”
I smirk, but her words strike a chord—sharp and out of tune, it reverberates inside of me, scraping under my skin, reminding me of how close I came to not having to settle for a life alone.
It’s been almost a month, and still, my broken heart beats for her.