Chapter 10
Addie
The front door slamming feels like the final nail in the coffin of my past. There’s no going back after tonight. Michael and I are irrevocably changed.
I lean my head against the wood, ignoring the way it digs into the back of my skull.
My thoughts are a chaotic mess of holy shit and what the fuck are we doing?
To say tonight didn’t go how I expected would be an understatement.
I’m not entirely sure what I thought would happen, but it sure wasn’t getting fingered until I exploded.
I shiver at the memory.
“Ads?” Dad’s voice startles me, and I crack my head against the door. I have got to stop standing at the front door, contemplating my life choices.
“Ouch.” I rub the sore spot.
“Sorry, sweetheart.”
I wave him off. “It’s fine. It’s what I get for getting lost in my own world for a minute.”
He scans my face as if he knows something’s up. For half a second, I’m terrified that he’ll figure out I had my first sexual experience with a man tonight, but I discard the thought immediately.
I push off the door and make my way toward him. He’s got on plaid pajama pants and a white T-shirt. “It’s late. What are you still doing up?”
“I remembered a few things I want to talk to Max about tomorrow, but then I realized I left my phone in the kitchen,” he says. Max and Dad own a construction company together.
An indulgent smile fills my face. That’s so typical of my absent-minded father. He’s usually great about mitigating his ADHD tendencies, but it’s not always a foolproof system.
“So you’ve been up for the last hour messing around on your phone?”
Dad lets out a self-deprecatory laugh. “Busted.”
We move into the kitchen together, and he goes straight to the stove. Liquid gets poured into a mug as wafts of chocolate permeate the room. Dad sets the cup of hot chocolate in front of me before sitting next to me at the counter. I guess he also decided to have a late-night snack.
“You’re getting home late.”
I freeze. Normally, he doesn’t call me out on my movements when I come home. There’s a sort of understanding between my parents and me that even though I’m living at home again, they don’t typically question where I’ve been.
Dad reaches over to squeeze my forearm. “That wasn’t a rebuke or me trying to pry. It was just the first thing I thought to say.”
“I know. I’m just…not quite ready to talk about it yet.”
“You’re okay though?”
I give Dad a soft smile. “More than.”
“That’s all I ever want. You know that, right?”
“Of course.”
Dad leans in to kiss my forehead. “Good night, sweetheart.”
“Night, Dad.”
He starts to clean up, but I shoo him away. My head is too messy to go to bed yet. Doing the dishes is an easy thing to focus on while I try to get my thoughts in order.
The warm soapy water cascades over my hands. Each bubble that pops relaxes me further until the tension in my shoulders eases.
I had sex with Michael tonight.
The thought barely computes in my brain.
It was…everything I’ve ever wanted and nothing like I imagined it to be.
Michael’s intensity flows from him with every movement he makes.
Having his direct attention was overwhelming.
I think I could easily become addicted to the feeling.
If I’m honest, I already am. I want nothing more than to go back over there and kiss him again.
I have no idea how I’ll ever be the same.
A little bit later, I’m lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, when my phone pings with a message.
Michael
How are you feeling?
Me
I’m fine. Why?
Tonight was a lot. It would be understandable if you were having second thoughts.
I suppose I’m having thoughts about doing that a second time, but I’m not questioning my decision.
Which part would you like a repeat of?
All of it. The way your fingers felt inside me was mind-bending.
Noted. You did well tonight. I was proud of how you didn’t even flinch your hands from the armrests.
I was partially holding on for dear life, but I will admit there were a couple of times I almost let go.
Next time, we’ll use other means of keeping your hands in place.
Tease.
Go to bed, Trouble. I want you well rested.
Yes, Sir.
Are you being a brat?
What happens if I am?
Consequences you won’t care for.
Hmm. I wasn’t, but I think we need to talk about these consequences.
We will. Good night, Adalaide.
Night.
I quietly squeal while I clutch my phone to my chest. I can’t believe this is happening. I read through our text exchange a few times before I set my phone on my nightstand.
Michael explained the importance of aftercare to me while we cuddled after my orgasm.
Hearing from him just now solidified how much it’s truly necessary.
I hadn’t noticed my anxiety building while my mind was busy spinning.
Getting confirmation that we were still on the same page now that the endorphins had worn off was exactly what I needed to stop overthinking everything.
Tonight was intense.
Given our history, it would’ve been understandable if one of us started to freak out. Before, I’d have said I didn’t need much in the way of aftercare. Now that I’ve experienced it, I know it’s going to be imperative for my mental health.
What’s even more comforting is how much I trust Michael to give me exactly what I need.
His whole focus was on me while I was at his house, both before and after my orgasm.
I’d believed that was all the aftercare I’d need, but he knew that checking in with me would be important.
It proves I’ve chosen the right person to explore this side of my sexuality with.
There are so many questions we still need to answer, and even more discussions to be had about what’s happening between us. The one thing I don’t need to question is if I’m safe with Michael.
I’ve never once doubted his ability to take care of me. It’s one of the many things I love about him. Our new dynamic isn’t any different.
Michael will do anything to ensure I’m safe and happy, no matter what becomes of our relationship in the future. It’s why I didn’t balk at the idea of wading into a sexual relationship before a romantic one.
He’s the only man I’ve ever trusted to take care of my heart if I give him my body. It may still end up broken, but it’s not going to be because of Michael’s carelessness.
If anything, Michael will end up caring too much.
And isn’t the old saying, if you love something, let it go?