Chapter 13
Addie
“Where the hell are you?”
Rhythmic thumping and laughter in the background distorts Caro’s bold laugh. “I’m at a drum circle.” Her eyes are glassy with the effects of alcohol.
“Are you being safe?”
“Yes, Mom.” Caroline grins through the phone. “No, I am safe, I promise. Check it out.” She holds up her fist, and it looks as if she has cat ears on her knuckles.
It takes me a second to figure out what she’s showing me. “Are those brass knuckles?”
“Sure are. I haven’t taken them off my fingers since I got here. I don’t think anything’s going to happen, but I’m ready if it does.”
“Oh, Caroline. You’re a mess.” I laugh.
“And I’m having fun doing it. So what’s up? How are you?”
“I had my first man-made orgasm,” I blurt out.
The words have been bubbling up for days after my date at the ball fields with Michael.
At first, I needed time to process on my own.
Then he swept me up into the best kiss I’ve ever had, and I’ve been dying to tell someone.
I’m not sure how much of our relationship needs to stay a secret—it’s one of the many things we need to talk about—but I’ll explode if I don’t get an outside perspective on this.
It looks as if Caroline’s brain is frozen for a second, then she blinks. She doesn’t say a word as the video begins to bounce around. A door closes, and the music abruptly shuts off.
“Okay, spill,” she says once her face fills my screen again.
Now that I can see her, she looks freaking adorable.
Her brown hair is tied up in two space buns.
Wispy pieces of hair hang down to frame her face, which is decorated with sparkly stars and adorable glittery swirls.
She’s posted up in her van, where she’s painted her own artistic spin on The Starry Night around her bed.
The words come pouring out of me. I tell Caroline everything, from going over to Michael’s house to writing a list of limits, as well as how incredible the sex was when all he did was use his fingers.
The only thing I don’t go into detail on is his issue with hands or why he’s into kink. Of course, she already knows most of Michael’s history, so I imagine she can guess the reason. We all grew up together; there was no hiding any of our histories.
But the details are Michael’s and Michael’s alone to share.
I end my long-winded rant with our make-out session under the bleachers of the baseball field.
Caroline squeals, falling over into her bed with dramatic flair. It makes me laugh, and the weight of holding in this secret lifts immediately.
I hadn’t realized how much hiding this relationship has taken its toll on me. I’m not sure I’m ready to tell everybody, but I also needed someone to know.
“This is incredible,” Caroline says. “I always wondered if that man would be a kinky fucker, and he sure is.”
“Caroline!” I scold.
She giggles like mad before finally calming down and taking this seriously. “I really am happy for you, Addie. Are you guys, like, dating, or is he your boyfriend? What’s the deal?”
I blow out of breath. “That’s sort of where the problem comes in.
I don’t have a clue. The idea of Michael Montgomery being my boyfriend is so farfetched that I almost can’t even say it.
” I’ve dreamed about being Michael’s since I was twelve, and yet the moment I get a chance to be with him, I’m terrified.
“What if he really only wants to be with me for sex? I mean, I am still a virgin. Some guys have a weird thing about taking a girl’s virginity. What if he’s just waiting around for me to give it up to him, and once he has it, he’s going to move on? What if—”
Caroline interrupts me. “Okay, hold up. First of all, you and I both know that Michael would never have touched you if he only wanted to take your virginity. He loves you, and he loves Ryan way too much to be that kind of jackass. Secondly, given his kinky proclivities, communication is the key to that lifestyle. That’s the only thing that they say makes relationships work.
Even if the relationship is only sexual, communication is the most important part.
Michael isn’t a guy who’s going to skip over talking to get to the good stuff.
If this were just sex, he would’ve said so. ”
Logically, I know Caroline’s right. Michael wouldn’t have touched me with a ten-foot pole if all he wanted was sex. I don’t know how he found partners before me, but he’s not lacking in female attention. Any woman would throw herself at his feet in order to get him into their bed, myself included.
“The other thing you have to keep in mind,” Caroline continues, “is that Michael doesn’t date.
I’ve never once seen or heard anything about him having a girlfriend.
He may not even know this needs to be a conversation.
To him, it’s probably just a done deal. You’re his.
End of story. But you need to bring it up to him because he can’t know that it’s bothering you unless you tell him.
That’s the whole point of talking about your limits before and after a scene.
Neither one of you is a mind reader, so you have to tell him exactly what you want. ”
I nod my head, knowing Caroline’s right. We’ve broken the seal on deciding to be in a relationship. Purely sexual or not, we’ve already done it. So now it’s time for me to buck up and actually talk to him about what I want.
“Ugh. I know you’re right,” I tell Caroline. “I’ll make sure we discuss it before we see each other again.” I narrow my eyes at her. “Now, tell me how you know so much about the BDSM lifestyle.”
Caroline mimes whistling as if she has no idea what I’m talking about. “I read lots of books.”
“Mm-hmm. Sure you do.”
“Hey, I do. They’re all romance books, but I read them, okay?”
“And you have all this knowledge because of books. You didn’t have a special, kinky instructor to guide you through this kind of stuff?”
Caroline makes a face, her shoulder sort of raising in a shrug. “Well, I mean, sure. I might have had a teacher or two tell me how this lifestyle works.”
I gasp. “You asshole! How could you not tell me that?”
Caroline starts giggling. “I don’t know. It just happened, and then it sort of happened again, but with an additional guy…and it was no big deal, okay? Let’s move on now.”
“Two guys?” I screech.
“Shh! I’m not talking about it.” Her cheeks are bright pink as she palms her face.
“This is not the end of this discussion, missy, but I’ll wait until you get home and can’t escape my clutches.”
Caro grins at me. “Fair enough. Tell me what else has been going on. How’s baby Nina? And Carson and Ginny?”
“Nina is so cute. You need to come home and meet her.”
“I swear, I’ll be there soon. I’ve almost finished these paintings, and once they’re done, I’m getting out of the desert. It’s so hot here. I need my beach again.”
“We don’t live on a beach.”
“The beach at the lake, duh.”
I crack up. Caroline has always been a hoot. She’s a free spirit who loves hard and plays harder.
As we talk, a text pops up on my phone.
Michael
Meet me at the lookout in half an hour.
“Ooh,” Caroline says. “Somebody just got a sexy text.”
Now it’s my turn to blush. “Michael just asked me to meet him.”
“Girl, you’d better throw on that black bodysuit we bought together and go get another orgasm.”