25. Alina
TWENTY-FIVE
ALINA
“Your brother’s comin’ home.”
My fork is halfway to my mouth, but I place it back down without indulging. “I’m sorry?”
I blink across the table at Daddy. He says it so casually, like Eli visits all the time.
“Elliot’s comin’ home. Popped the question to that girlfriend of his, and she wants to meet the family, see where he grew up. Maybe look at our church to get hitched.”
My mouth is gaping. Did I fall asleep and wake up in some alternate universe? I would swear Daddy’s three sheets to the wind already, but he’s not slurring yet, so I know that isn’t the case. “Eli’s gettin’ married ?”
Daddy nods, shoveling forkfuls of dinner into his mouth.
“Here?”
“Yes, here. Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe ’cause he hasn’t been home to see us since Mama died?” The words rush out, and I curse my lack of filter. Dang it.
Daddy’s eyes darken. I flinch from the sound of his fork clattering to the plate. His chair scrapes back as he walks to the cupboard next to the sink, taking out his trusty friend Jim Beam and starts refilling his glass. His third since dinner started.
“Daddy, don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
“Enough of what? Speak plain words, girl. I don’t have time for your riddles.”
“You know what.” Nerves make my stomach churn, but I say what I need to say anyway, because one of these days maybe I’ll get through to him. “Mama wouldn’t want this for you.”
He spins around, leaning his back against the counter as he brings the tumbler to his lips and takes a big gulp. “I try to share the good news that Elliot’s comin’ back around, and all you wanna talk about is your mama? Well, guess what, Alina, she’s dead. She ain’t comin’ back. We were drivin’ to your recital when we lost her forever, yet here you are sitting here with me. Family forgives each other, so you better find it in you to do the same with your brother. Although, you can’t blame him for not wantin’ to be around you when you’re the reason his mama is gone.”
I focus on my breathing. In and out, the same way I do every time he throws these accusations at me like serrated knives.
He doesn’t mean it. It’s not your fault.
Blinking back the tears, I murmur, “I just worry about you.”
He grunts, his nose already back in his glass, taunting me with his disregard.
And so it goes.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about Eli coming home. I’m mad he told Daddy first and didn’t think to include me, though, so I stomp outside, pulling up his name on my phone and pressing send before I can second-guess myself.
“Hey, Lee.”
“Married, Eli? Really?”
I hear his heavy breath on the line. “Pops told you?”
“ Yes , Daddy told me. What the heck, you can’t call and tell me yourself? Gotta send the town drunk to do your dirty work?”
“Don’t call him that,” he snaps.
“Well, it’s the truth, Eli. Not that you’d know about it.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Don’t get me started on what’s fair.” Pure, hot anger blazes at his careless words. Must be nice out in Florida, with his fancy girl and his fancy life. “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. You gonna tell me about your girl? Sarah, right?”
“Yeah, Sarah. And there’s not much to tell.”
I snort. “Not much to tell? You sure do sound real wild for her.”
He sighs. “Wild’s the last thing I’d want to feel. You’ll meet her soon, we’ll be down there in three weeks.”
“Three weeks ?”
“Pops didn’t tell you that part?”
“Daddy doesn’t tell me much these days, Eli.”
He hesitates. “Anyone else know I’m coming back yet?”
“Who cares? I’m sure the town will roll out the red carpet the same way they used to. They won’t care you’ve been gone for years, they’ll only care that you’re back.”
I lean against the wall and temper the rage, telling myself it will be nice to have him home, but it’s hard to convince myself.
After the phone call with Eli, I’m irritated and in no condition to be around Daddy, so I go home instead and draw a bath, my muscles whining for relief. Dipping in the water is instant relaxation, and I lean back, submerging myself. My fingers accidentally brush against my breast, and I suck in a breath at how sensitive it feels. I repeat the motion and my nipples tighten, a spike of pleasure shooting straight to my core as I lightly tease my nipple.
It feels good.
I continue the soft touch, closing my eyes and imagining Logan here, his touch skimming up my sides and urging me to come for him, and my body heats, face flushing as my stomach tightens. Suddenly, Logan’s voice shifts, growing deeper, huskier. My hand slips down between my legs and starts to circle my clit lightly, pinpricks of pleasure lighting me up as Logan’s imaginary hands change into calloused fingers and rough touches, the same way Chase felt as he gripped my hand the other day. A moan slips out as another burst of pleasure runs through me.
My circular motions against myself pick up speed, and I give in to the visions of Chase being the one to urge me on, his palms gripping my body and his hot breath whispering against my neck, telling me how perfect I am and how much he’s missed me, how good I look when I’m about to come. I move my fingers down, slipping them inside myself and starting a slow motion, in and out, while my palm continues to rub against my sensitive bud.
My core clenches, the muscles fluttering.
Water sloshes as my hips push forward for more friction, and warmth spreads from my chest, around my back and down my spine, pooling between my legs.
I bite my lip and my thighs tremble.
My breathing picks up as I picture Chase behind me, his hard chest against my back, his corded muscles wrapped around my waist while he holds me in place and plays me with his fingers. Whispers dirty words in my ear.
I want his hands all over me.
His arms surrounding me.
His tongue tasting me.
His thickness inside me.
“Come for me, baby, show me how good it feels.”
My back arches at the memory of his voice, and I lose control, exploding into a thousand pieces. The wave of my climax washes over my body, my center pulsing as white-hot bliss surges through my veins.
Reason slowly filters back to me, and as the euphoria fades, disgust takes its place, sitting on the back of my tongue like sour grapes. I just masturbated to thoughts of Chase.
Nausea surges up my throat, and disappointment settles heavy in my center.
My bath is ruined from my complete lack of self-control, so I drain it and slip into my coziest pajamas, curling under the blankets.
I set my alarm so I don’t miss brunch with Becca in the morning and send up a quick prayer that Chase won’t be in my dreams.
God doesn’t listen.
The next morning, I pull into the parking lot of the diner. I haven’t talked to Becca since last week’s Saturday brunch, even though she’s been blowing up my phone. Avoidance—I’ve realized—is my go-to when it comes to telling my friends about Chase. But she’d kill me if I didn’t show up today, and I don’t think I can keep it in anymore. I’m no good with secrets.
She texts me as soon as I park.
Should I even bother waiting for you today? You’ve gone radio silent… wonder why that is?
Parking now! Just been busy.
I rush inside. Becca’s glaring down at her phone, sitting at our usual spot in the back corner, and I slide in the booth across from her, a smile plastered on my face.
“Hey, girl.”
She purses her lips as she gives me the once-over. “She lives.”
I wave her off. “You know it’s been crazy with the new job and all.”
“Mmhmm.” She sips from a mimosa and eyes me over the rim. “How is the new job?”
“It’s all right. Nothin’ I can’t handle. I was lookin’ forward to all the cute little kids in their leotards, but she’s havin’ renovations done, so there’s nobody there except for me most days.”
“Mmmm. Sounds thrillin’. An introvert’s paradise.”
I laugh. “I don’t mind it.”
She doesn’t reply, and the silence makes me uncomfortable because it’s not like her to not always have something to say.
The conversations from the tables around us fill up the quiet.
I fidget, taking a deep breath and vomiting out the words. “Chase is back.”
She raises a brow. “I know.”
I groan, throwing my head into my hands. “Dang it. How’d you know about that already? Is that why you’re bein’ so weird?”
“Ran into him the other day.”
Guilt crawls around in my chest. “I just didn’t know how to bring it up.”
She watches me for a few seconds, her eyes growing hazy before she snaps into focus. “I get it, I guess. We all have secrets. How’d you find out he was back anyway?”
“He’s the contractor doin’ the reno at the studio. Caught me totally off guard when I walked in on my first day, and he was just standin’ there, lookin’ perfect like the years have been good to him.”
“What?” She laughs. “That’s some twisted sort of luck. I bet Jax lost his shit when you told him.”
My head drops and that guilt sprouts vines, wrapping around me like ivy and squeezing. The napkin I’m tearing apart becomes the most interesting thing in the world.
“Alina May…tell me you’ve told Jax.”
“I swear, I’m gonna call him tonight.”
She scoffs. “Girl, you better.”
“Oh, and you’ll never guess what else,” I say, desperate to change the subject.
“Does it have to do with you, Logan, and a bottle of lube?” She grins.
I roll my eyes. “No, you deviant. Eli’s comin’ home.”
She jerks, her body stiffening. “What?”
“I know, right? The audacity of him never ceases to amaze me. Daddy dropped the bomb on me last night at dinner.”
“What?”
I nod and make a face. “I know. Get this, he’s gettin’ married .”
“What?” Her voice is quieter now.
“Are you broken?” I joke. “Is that all you can say?”
Her arm wraps around her stomach, the color draining from her cheeks.
My brows furrow. “Hey, are you okay?”
She shakes her head, her fiery curls whipping around her face. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just those damn mimosas always fuckin’ me up.” She musters a hint of a smile. “I’ll be okay, nothin’ good food and some water won’t fix.”
I frown at her. “If you’re sure.”
Becca winks, taking a chunk of bread from the basket in the center of our table and starts rambling about how wild the high schoolers are these days compared to when we were kids.
I relax, knowing the Chase conversation is tabled, for now.
When I call Jax later that night, he doesn’t answer.