29. Alina
TWENTY-NINE
ALINA
“Lunchtime!” I say, walking into the studio. I raise my arms, showcasing the bags of burritos. It’s Friday, and Cory asked if I’d be willing to pick up something for the crew. I was content hiding out in the office, but he said my lunch would be covered, and I couldn’t say no to a burrito bowl.
Besides, I can’t avoid Chase forever.
He has me so confused, I can’t tell my head from my toes. Our invisible tether vibrates to life whenever I’m around him, and this time he isn’t the one trying to snap it in half.
I’m not sure how to handle a Chase that isn’t pushing me away.
It’s mystifying. One minute I’ll want to strangle him, hurt him as bad as he’s hurt me. Then the next, I’m convincing myself maybe we can be friends.
I set up the food on a clean table along the wall, grabbing my burrito bowl and sitting down in a fold-out chair in the corner. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on a construction site, and I had forgotten what the process looked like. Honestly, it reminds me of Daddy, but those memories hurt because that man doesn’t exist anymore, so I’ve tried to steer clear.
Now, after literally smashing down walls, I find myself wanting to sit in the middle of it, breathe it all in.
My stomach jumps when Chase enters the room. I tell myself to stop watching him, but I can’t look away. He takes in the room and all the food, and then our gazes lock. I’m mid-chew and I just sit there, staring at him. I can’t help it. For the thousandth time since he’s been back, my brain and heart war with each other.
It’s hard being around him.
But lately, at least some of the time, when he’s around I don’t think about the past, and when that happens, being with him is as easy as breathing. He quiets the doubts—the voices. But I can’t let myself go through this again. Not in general, and especially not with him.
Letting Chase Adams break my heart one time was foolish, but letting him in to do it again? Well…I think that might be catastrophic.
A couple of younger guys come in, and Chase’s attention is off me as they say something to him. His eyes crinkle as he throws his head back, his deep laugh causing me to cross my legs against the sudden ache flaring between them.
I look down at my watch, checking the time. I’m leaving early today to pick up Jax from the airport. He’s coming home for the next two weeks before he has to hightail it back to California, and I can’t wait for him to be here. Jax has been hard to get ahold of lately, so I haven’t had the chance to warn him about Chase. I won’t lie and say that I haven’t been avoiding him, too, because the thought of even broaching the subject makes anxiety cramp my insides.
Regina waltzes through the door right as I check the time again, giving me a passing glance on her way to the office.
Okay, I guess that’s my cue.
When I throw my trash away, I catch Chase leaning against the wall, watching me, his arms crossed and his square jaw tensing.
Fire blooms on my cheeks.
I can’t wait until this renovation is over and I can get some space. Right now, I can hardly breathe.
“Sweetheart.”
“Teeth!” I yell, running around my car to jump in his arms. “You’ve been gone for way too long.”
He sets me down, cupping my face in his palms and smiling wide. “Seems like you survived without me.”
“Barely.” I beam back at him.
Once we settle into the car, he chuckles and pats the dash of my Kia. “I can’t believe this thing’s still running.”
“Hey, you watch your mouth. She’s a labor of love, is all. You’ve done her proud and I ride her gently.” I side-eye him. “So how’s the big time, Mr. Hollywood?”
Jax sighs, tucking his shaggy blond hair behind his ears. “It’s different than I expected.”
“How so?” I keep my eyes on the road, merging into the line of cars trying to leave the airport.
“It’s a bunch of bullshit and red tape. The guy pulling all the strings, James Donahue, is a dick.”
I flip on my blinker. “Why are you workin’ with him, then?”
He grins. “Because at least he’s the biggest dick in all the land. All I want is to see my cars on the big screen, and he’s the way to make it happen.”
I nod. “Makes sense. His daughter still followin’ you around like a lost puppy?”
“She’s not so bad.”
I widen my eyes. “That’s quite the attitude change after spendin’ countless hours and texts complainin’ about her.”
“Yeah, well… It’s not like I want her attention, but you get used to it after a while.” He shrugs. “What’s been going on around here? Mom told me Sam’s having some retirement party?”
My grip tightens around the steering wheel, nerves making my stomach buzz. This is my moment to bring up Chase. “Yep. Life’s full of surprises.”
He raises his brows, his arm resting on his propped knee. “Is it now?”
“Mmhmm.”
“What’s up with you, Lee?”
“Why would you assume somethin’ was up?” My fingers tap on the wheel.
“You’re fidgety.”
I make a face. “Fidgety?”
He gives my fingers a pointed glance. “Fidgety.”
I keep my eyes on the road, my bottom lip raw from how hard I’m biting into it. “Chase is back.”
“What’d you say, sweetheart?”
I glance at him. “I think you heard me.”
“Oh, I did. But I swear you just told me Chase was back, so I need you to repeat it.”
Blowing out a breath, I say again, “Chase is back.”
I peek another look at him, gauging his reaction. Losing Chase was hard on him, too, and I’ve always felt a massive amount of guilt over the way their friendship ended.
He frowns. “Has he been bothering you?”
I force out a laugh. “What? No.”
“So, you haven’t seen him?”
“I have,” I say slowly.
“Sweetheart, I’m really trying to keep my patience here, but you’re not making it very easy with your cryptic answers.”
I swallow down the rest of my nerves, feeling them settle in the bottom of my belly. “You know how I told you Tiny Dancers is havin’ a reno done? Well…she hired Sam’s construction company and Chase is the lead on it.”
Jax scoffs. “He’s working with you?”
I cringe. “Not with me. Just…around me.”
“Big damn difference, Lee.”
“Look. I didn’t ask for this, all right, so don’t get a tone with me. But…it’s fine. He’s different than he used to be.”
Our night at the lake drops in my mind, and I smother the grin wanting to break free when I think about it.
Jax narrows his eyes. “Alina. Tell me you’re not falling for that.”
“Fallin’ for what?”
He waves his hand through the air. “For his shit.”
“There’s nothin’ to fall for.”
“Alina.”
“Jax,” I mock.
He blows out a breath, rubbing a hand over his face. “I want to talk to him.”
I flip the blinker and focus on turning the wheel. “That’s your prerogative.”
“It is.” He nods. “It’s also my prerogative to kick his ass.”
I snort. “Oh, please. What happened with him was a long time ago. It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t. Some things aren’t just about you.” He watches me, his forest-green gaze noticing my every twitch. “Just promise me you’ll stay away from him.”
My heart stalls. I can’t promise him that, and even worse, I don’t know if I want to. “Hard to do that unless you’re expectin’ me to quit my job.”
“You know what I mean, Lee. I don’t want to see you get hurt again. And he will . All he knows how to do is hurt people.”
The words strike a chord in me, ringing true. Staying away from Chase should be a no-brainer, but my feelings muddle and twist until they’re so complicated I can’t tell whether it’s my head or my heart making the decisions.
So I don’t promise, because I don’t want to be a liar.
Jax comes back to my place and we spend the evening hanging out with Becca. He regales us with tales from California and the soreness in my belly from laughing is a nice respite from the hollowness that’s usually there. There’s a different energy around Jax than before. Or maybe it’s just the way it feels between him and me. He isn’t clinging so tight, and I’m not sure what to do with the shift. All night I obsess over what’s changed, and while I can’t pinpoint it, I realize maybe I depend on him a little more than what’s healthy or normal. After Mama’s death, he wrapped himself around me and I never really let him take his arms back.
Maybe it’s about time I do.