39. Alina
THIRTY-NINE
ALINA
Chase and I kissed our way back together, and all I want is to drag him to my place and make up for all the lost years between us. Instead, he’s walking me to my door and leaving me there, just a big ball of pent-up hormones.
He says he’s trying to be a gentleman.
Regardless, I’m floating through my tiny apartment on a cloud, feeling lighter than I have in years. I had forgotten what it was like to become Chase Adams’s girl, and I’m basking in the happiness. There are still a lot of things that we need to deal with. Things I know we’ll have to work through, but I’m spending the rest of tonight lost in my joy.
Jax still hasn’t talked to me, and I know he’s been around town because Becca’s been keeping tabs on him. I call and text every day, but the only response is him saying he needs some space. It sucks, and I hate that I’ve hurt him.
I’m scared of what he’ll do when he finds out about Chase and me. I don’t want to lose him, but I’m no longer willing to give up my chance at happiness to appease somebody else. Not even Jax. That being said, I don’t want him to think I’ll let him disappear from my life like he hasn’t been the best thing in it. I grab my phone to send him a text. Again.
You don’t have to respond. I know you probably won’t anyway. That’s okay. I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry for hurting you. And I hope you’ll be at brunch on Saturday. I miss you, Teeth.
Sadness bubbles in my chest, breaking through my haze of happiness. I tap the phone against my mouth, praying for a response, but I don’t really expect one, so when it vibrates against my lips, I startle. My phone drops onto the ground and I lean down quickly to grab it.
Chase:
Made it home safe.
I smile.
Good. Is it weird if I already miss you?
No. Is it weird that I’ve spent the last eight years missing you?
My heart skips. I wish he had stayed at my place.
Are you free tomorrow night? My place is small, but it’s all mine. And it’s…cozy.
Damn, I wish I fucking could. I promised Anna I’d help her out tomorrow night with some planning for Sam’s retirement party.
I try to tamp down the disappointment because I’m happy he’s so close to his parents. I used to be pretty close to them, too. Anna was like a second mother to me, but after Lily ran away, things changed. When Mama died and Chase was gone for good, our families stopped talking altogether. Not that I noticed at the time, or would have cared either way. Still, there have been a few instances where I’ve seen Anna in passing, and the coldness in her eyes stings because there used to be only warmth.
My phone vibrates again, bringing me out of my thoughts.
How about Friday evening, you come over to my place and I’ll cook you dinner? Work on that whole “wooing” thing.
Yeah, that’s a good idea. You really need the practice. Will I see you tomorrow?
You couldn’t keep me away if you tried.
I bite my lip, grinning. This feels good.
My eyes are burning from staring at the office computer, and a headache is on the verge of turning into a migraine. I am beyond ready for this day to be over. I’ve been doing menial tasks, like usual, but for some reason, it’s harder than normal to be content with my job today. I’m stuck back here pushing papers when all I really want to do is teach dance. I heave a sigh and rub the palms of my hands into my eye sockets, trying to alleviate the pressure. My phone is on the desk next to me and when it rings, I don’t answer, just watch it move across the desk.
I snap out of my daze long enough to realize it may have been my boss calling, so I grab it and light up the screen.
Jax.
It’s three in the afternoon. Hardly a time where I’d be able to answer, which is probably why he called right now. An alert pops up letting me know he left a voicemail and my lips purse, my insides twisting at the thought of what it will say. I think I’ll wait until I’m home to listen, just in case it’s something awful, like him never wanting to see me again or that I’m the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life. I don’t know if my heart can handle that kind of pain. Not when I’ve been so happy for the past twenty-four hours.
I think of Chase and the anxiety in my stomach unravels, the threads floating around until they twist up my insides for an entirely different reason.
My knees crack when I stand and stretch, my muscles burning. I’ve been sitting in the office for hours and I would kill for some caffeine. I make my way to the break room off the hallway and almost cry at the sight of freshly brewed coffee. I’ve just finished pouring myself a cup when hands touch my waist, making me jump. Hot liquid sloshes over the edge of my mug, spilling onto the Formica countertop.
My stomach jolts before settling with a simmer that blazes through my veins. I lean against the hard body that’s pressed against me.
“Do you have any idea how fucking sexy you look right now?” Chase’s voice rumbles in my ear, his nose trailing the length of my neck. Goose bumps blossom down my arms.
I close my eyes at the sensation and smile.
His fingers tighten and he pushes his hips into me. I can feel every single hard inch of him pressed against the back of my pencil skirt. How have I gone without him for so long? That simmer starts to boil.
Chase groans. “You like teasing me, don’t you? Prancing around in that tight little skirt, knowing that every man here is wishing they could touch what’s mine.” He traces the curve of my hips, moving up until he’s teasing the underside of my breasts. His hands rise and fall with each stuttered breath I take.
I glance at the open door. Anyone could walk by and see this. A shot of arousal rushes through me, my legs becoming unsteady from the rush. His thumbs brush over my nipples. The ghost of his touch tortures me. I wish he’d just rip off my blouse so I could feel him on my skin. He leans down, the tips of his hair tickling my shoulder as he bites my neck, gently. The thought that he might leave a mark makes a moan slip through my lips.
“Fuck, Goldi.” He rests his forehead on the back of my head, his breathing deep and ragged. I push my ass against him, desperate to feel how much I affect him. He groans, pressing his thick length into me, thrusting slightly. I’m slick between my thighs. I press my legs together, worried my wetness will drip down them from how turned on I am.
Footsteps make us break apart, and I lean forward, grabbing a napkin to look like I’m cleaning up the forgotten spill. Chase moves to my side, cocking his hip against the countertop.
Benny and a couple of other guys walk into the room. Suddenly the air is stifling. I can feel the heat in my cheeks, my excitement at Chase’s touch still surging through me, and I wonder if everyone else can feel the tension. I don’t dare look up to see.
Chase, on the other hand, is unperturbed. I sneak a glance at him and he’s smirking at me.
There’s muffled conversation, but for the life of me, I can’t tell what’s being said over the pounding in my ears. I take deep breaths, my fingers tightening on the soggy napkin I’m still holding. Benny and the guys are sitting at the small round table in the middle of the room. Chase has his arms crossed, and he’s still grinning at me with that knowing look in his eyes.
“What?” I try to scowl.
Chase’s smile widens. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Mmmm,” he hums. He steps closer, grabbing a mug and the coffeepot. His arm brushes against mine with the movement, and I suck in a breath. The fire in my body rages, still lit up from his earlier touch.
“You going to your dad’s tonight?”
I frown. I don’t want to think about Daddy or Eli right now. I’d much rather stay lost in my Chase bubble. “Nope. He’s got Eli here. What’s he need me for?”
Chase eyes me over the rim of his mug.
My throat tightens painfully. Eli hasn’t even tried to talk to me. I know he’s busy with Sarah and Daddy, but I thought he’d at least reach out. It’s sad, realizing you don’t know your own flesh and blood. His words from last night briefly run through my mind, but I brush them away. It’s not my fault I don’t know him. I won’t let him place blame on me for his distance.
Chase levels me with a stare. “I’ll be at Sam and Anna’s for most of the night, but call me if you need anything. Or if you just want to talk. Say hi. Let me hear your voice.”
I grin and his eyes spark.
He leans in close, placing his coffee mug on the counter. “I better get back to work.”
I glance at his cup. He didn’t even drink any of it. His hand brushes against my side, squeezing. He walks away, smacking one of the guys playfully on the back on his way out.
It’s not until I get home from work that I find the courage to listen to Jax’s voicemail.
“Hey, sweetheart. Sorry I’m just returning your calls. I’ve been…well, you know. Anyway—” He clears his throat. “I miss you, girl. I was hoping you were free tonight and maybe I could swing by to talk? I don’t know. Let me know.”
I fumble with my phone, trying to get my fingers to work properly long enough to call him back, but he doesn’t answer. Of course. We’re forever playing phone tag. I send him a text instead.
Yes! I’ll be home all night. You can stop by whenever. I miss you, too.
He doesn’t write back, but there’s a knock at the door a few hours later. I’m in pajamas—at the beginning stages of a movie marathon—a tub of ice cream in my hands. I jump, nerves making me jittery.
Jax has a soft smile on his face when I open the door, and the sight of him makes my panic dissipate. “Hiya, Teeth.”
“Hey, sweetheart. Big night planned?” He quirks a brow at my attire and I look down. There may or may not be a chocolate ice cream stain on my holey Sugarlake High dance team shirt, and I know my hair is a knotted mess on my head.
“Ya get what ya get. Wanna come in?” I open the door wider and he walks through, going straight to the couch and making himself comfortable.
Good. This is a good sign.
I watch him closely as I sit, folding my legs underneath me. He stares, his leg crossed over his knee, his arm thrown on the back of the cushions. He seems relaxed. I chew on my lip, waiting for him to say something.
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “You’re making me tense, sweetheart. Cut it out. I’m not mad.”
I look up from where I’m picking at my fingers. “You’re not?”
“No. I mean…I was. I was pissed you’ve been spending time with Chase, but I just needed a few days to lick my wounds. Once I calmed down, I realized how much of a dick I was.”
“Jax, I was the one who said things to you I can’t take back. You’ve been everything to me for so long, and I’ve taken you for granted. And I’m sorry—” My voice breaks. “I’m so sorry for how I’ve made you feel.”
His eyes hold mine, emotion pouring out of them. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t come to me. Like you couldn’t tell me about Chase.” He leans forward, grabbing my hands in his. “You’re my best friend, Alina May. I love you, and even though I wish like hell you were mine, I’ll live the rest of my life happy as long as you’re in it.”
Relief floods through me, dousing the burning ache in my gut. I squeeze his hands. “You deserve the everything kind of love, Teeth.”
He chuckles, pulling back, but I grip his hands tighter.
“You’ll find it someday. Mark my words, it’s gonna knock you on your ass, and I’ll be right there, front row. You just wait and see.”
A tear trails down his face as he swallows, and my heart twists. I’ve never seen Jax cry before.
“Damn, you’re a bitch. I can’t stay mad at you to save my life.” He laughs.
I want to grab his laughter and hold on for dear life because what I’m about to say might steal it away.
“There is somethin’ you should know.”
He groans, throwing his body against the couch and running his hands over his face. “Don’t tell me, Lee.”
“I have to.”
“You’re back with him, aren’t you?”
“I am, and I love you, Jax, but I won’t apologize for it.”
His hands drop into his lap, a sigh leaving his lips. “You don’t need to apologize to me, sweetheart. I just hope you know what the hell you’re doing. He doesn’t deserve you.”
I nod, knowing this was the way he’d feel. “The boy he was didn’t deserve me. But he’s changed, Jax. Truly. You should talk to him and you’ll see it, too.”
“Yeah, well… I’ll be at Sam’s retirement party next weekend, so I’m sure I’ll get my chance.” He grimaces. Clearly, he isn’t ready to forgive.
If I were a smart woman, I’d take this heavy moment between us and spill all my secrets. Tell him how Daddy’s a sea of struggle and I’m drowning in his wake.
But I don’t.
I’ve already seen the grief in his eyes tonight, I don’t want to see pity there, too. So instead, I press play on my remote, and we spend the rest of the night getting lost in tales with happy endings.