Chapter Sixty-Six
Rylee
I love him.
T he cold wood of the bench seeps through my leggings, and the chilly air stings my skin. I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, just staring at the water. I shift slightly, trying to get comfortable, but the silence stretches awkwardly between us. In front of me, the lake ripples under the sunlight.
My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I wrestle with the words I don’t know how to say. Part of me is still angry, and I have every right to be. But another part just wants the version of my mom I used to hope for. I steal glances at her, hoping she’ll be the one to speak first, but her gaze stays fixed on the water. When she doesn’t say anything, I exhale through my nose before breaking the silence.
“You look good.” I turn my head to look at her.
Her lips twitch into the faintest smile. “This place has been helping me.”
“That’s good, Mom. I’m happy for you.” And I mean it. No matter what happened between us, I’ve always wanted her to be happy.
“Thank you, and how’s Luna?”
“She’s doing great.” My chest warms at the thought of my sister’s laughter.
Another long silence stretches between us.
“Were you and Dad ever in love?” The words tumble out of me before I can stop them.
Her eyes remain on the water, as if the ripples might hold the answers. I wonder if she’s even heard me.
“You know the story about the curse.”
Yep, I’ve heard it more times than I can count.
“Because of that story, I was always afraid of love. I had relationships, sure, but they were just for fun, nothing serious. Nothing real. Until I met your father.” Her lips curve into a small, bittersweet smile. “Your father… he worshipped me. He didn’t give up, no matter how high my walls were. He loved me so much that I started to believe that the curse wasn’t real. And I loved him back. We were happy, so in love. We got married, and then we had you.”
Her voice cracks, and a lump builds in my throat. “Then what happened? Why did he leave? Was it because of me?”
Her head snaps toward me, eyes wide. “No, baby. No.” She grips my hand tightly, as if willing me to believe her words. “And I’m so sorry I ever made you believe that. Your father didn’t leave because of you. He left because of me.”
Her hand loosens and falls back into her lap. “Even though I loved him and I knew he loved me, this voice was always in the back of my head, telling me it wasn’t real. That it couldn’t last. That he’d leave eventually, just like everyone else. And that voice, it poisoned everything. I became jealous and paranoid. Picking fights over the smallest things. I pushed him so hard that I destroyed the best thing I ever had.”
Her eyes drift back to the lake. “If we’re cursed, it’s not to be unloved. It’s to believe we don’t deserve it. To sabotage ourselves. I think my great-grandmother felt guilty for not being brave enough to choose the guy she loved. She convinced herself no one else could love her like he did, and that belief infected everything. It turned into this fear that got passed down to all of us. But you, baby…” Her hand reaches for mine again. “You deserve love. To love and be loved. I’m so sorry if I made you feel like you didn’t. I thought I was protecting you. That man loves you, Rylee. I can see it. In the way he talks about you, how protective he is of you. Please”—her voice cracks—“don’t sabotage it. Don’t let fear take this away from you.”
I turn my head toward the water, blinking back the tears that threaten to spill. My chest feels tight, too tight to speak, but I force a small smile. It’s not much, but it’s all I can give her right now.
“For years, I did the same thing. Built my walls up so high that no one could get in. I convinced myself I was happy, and maybe I was, but I also denied myself something basic. I neglected my heart the same way you neglected me, convinced myself I was weak for wanting more, for yearning for connection, for love.” I take a breath, forcing myself to keep going. “But ?I craved love. Not just the love I have for Luna, or for Mia.” Even for you. The words catch in my throat, but I push past them. “I mean the kind of love where someone looks at you like you’re their entire world. Where someone is always there for you, no matter what.”
My mind flashes to Luc, and how he has always been there, showing me love. I just refused to believe it. Because what if it wasn’t real? What if I let myself fall, only to find there was no one there to catch me?
But it is real. I see it now.
“I need time for us to work through things. But I want to try.” I take her hands in mine. “I still want full custody of Luna. But I’ll let her visit, spend time with you. You can come visit, too. Maybe we can try family therapy.”
She lets out a shaky laugh, her tears mixing with a smile. “I’ll do anything and everything to be a family again.”
I nod. “Okay.”
We sit there for a few more minutes, still staring at the water.
“Tell me more about Lucien.”
My heart races at just the sound of his name.
I glance at her and back at the water.
Lucien Kingley. Where do I even begin?
“He’s the man who built ballet studios in his homes for me because he saw me dancing ballet once. The man who flew my sister to my wedding because he knows how much she means to me. He’s my moon. My everything.” I smile to myself, playing with my nails.
“I love him.” I finally say those words out loud. “I love him so much.”
I can’t wait to tell him when I see him again.