Chapter 27
I spent my Wednesday morning in Grace’s office, reviewing preliminary floor plans for a project of mine. After going through revisions, I plopped onto the small sofa in the seating area by the window while she returned emails. I hadn’t moved in the last hour.
“Comfy over there?”
I chuckled at the hint of mirth in her voice. “Very.”
A knock came on her door, and she glanced up to see her assistant, Kari. “Mr. Carlisle is here to see you.”
Grace smiled. “Send him in.”
When Kari disappeared, I glanced over at Grace as I sat up. “I didn’t know you had a meeting with Luke today.”
She shook her head. “I didn’t.”
A few moments later, Lucas appeared in the doorway, smiling as he stepped inside, carrying some papers. Grace stood with her usual grin. “Hey. Sorry to just drop by like this.”
“No worries.”
Lucas looked over at me as I approached, greeting me with a smile. “Hey.”
“Hello.”
“To what do we owe the pleasure?” Grace asked.
“I just wanted to drop off this updated construction timeline for the Miami office for you.” When he handed her the papers, my and Grace’s brows furrowed.
Lucas’s company was expanding and opening another office, and he had a contract with LSID for any commercial projects they needed done.
As the lead designer assigned to them, I’d be heading to Miami once the construction was finished, staying for two months until its completion, all on Ashbourne Investments dime.
“Thanks,” Grace said with a smile. “But, um…you didn’t need to bring them to me. The general contractor already emailed these over to us last week.”
He smiled sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah…I figured they might have. To be honest, there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Oh?” She looked from him to me, then back to him.
“She can stay,” Lucas said.
“Okay.” Grace perched on her desk. “What’s up?”
“I know you do commercial and hospitality design…but do you do houses?”
I smiled, knowing exactly where he was headed with this.
“We do residential, yes, but we’re selective with the clients we do them for since it’s not our general area,” she answered.
Lucas nodded. “And how does one get on that selective list?”
Grace smirked. “Well, considering you’re already a big client of ours for your commercial needs, I’d say you’re already on it.” He grinned at that. “Is this for the property you bought?”
“Yes,” Lucas answered. “We had the plans drawn up and are planning on breaking ground this summer. I already know how you work and want to stick with people I can trust.”
Grace grinned. “I’ll get you on the schedule for a meeting to go over everything.”
That evening, I stepped inside my apartment, letting out a breath as I tossed my keys onto the counter before heading down the hall to my room to change.
I walked out a few minutes later and went to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of Moscato to wind down with.
As I took my first sip, my mind wandered back to Lucas showing up at the office today and the reason why.
Callie was starting plans to build her dream house. Soon, she’d be getting a ring from her dream guy. After that would come the dream wedding.
I sighed.
I’d been feeling like a shitty person as of late. I’d been feeling even more like a shitty friend.
Ever since Lucas asked me to help him with Callie’s ring, I’d been in this place where I felt like I was sinking into a pit of self-pitying quicksand.
I was beyond happy for Callie, and I loved having a front-row seat and watching all the pieces of her life fall into place because she deserved the world.
I loved that she had someone like Lucas—someone who loved her with every fiber of his being, who would go to the ends of the earth to ensure her happiness.
It felt like a constant reminder, however.
And I hated myself for feeling that way.
I hated that all these amazing and wonderful things happening to my best friend made me feel sorry for myself.
Even though I didn’t voice the thoughts out loud and never would, it made me feel like a bad person and a bad friend for even thinking and feeling them at all.
I told myself months ago that I needed to accept that all-consuming, earth-shattering, change-your-life kind of love wasn’t in the cards for me.
I’d done a pretty good job of forcing myself to believe that my personal life may be playing out differently than I imagined it would but that it was okay.
Life had a way of not going exactly how you planned it, no matter who you were, how much you wanted something, or how hard you manifested.
I was grateful for what I did have—a good job, a roof over my head, friends and family that I loved and who loved me in return. I had a good life—a great one, even.
So why couldn’t I let go of the notion of that one thing I didn’t have?
I’d never had a taste of it, never feeling anything close to what it was described as. So why did I feel like my life was lacking something I was unable to even relate to? How was it that I was craving and missing something I’d never experienced?
And I couldn’t help but question the why of it all.
Why hadn’t I found it?
Was there something wrong with me? Was I looking too hard? Was I not looking hard enough?
Maybe Wes was right that night when he said my standards and expectations were too high. Perhaps I was too much, to the point where I was deemed not enough or not worth the trouble, where only pieces of me were wanted rather than all of me.
No matter how much I wanted it, though, I’d rather wallow in the self-pity I hated to feel than ever be anything other than my true self or settle for less than what I felt I deserved.
I finished my glass of wine, letting out a breath as I reached for my phone and pulled up my messages.
Hey. Are you doing anything tonight?
WC
Nope.
Can you come over?
Be there in five.
I let out a breath, tossing my phone next to me on the couch as I ran my fingers through my hair.
For the first time in nearly the year since we made our deal, I messaged Wes for more than just sex.
I messaged him because, at that moment, I didn’t feel like being alone.