62. Lily
SIXTY-TWO
LILY
I’ve never been to a graveyard, and it’s… cleaner than I expected. Prettier. I wanted to bring flowers to pay my respects to Mrs. Carson, but the truth is I don’t have the money, so I ended up gazing at her tombstone, a heavy ache in my heart, whispering my words of gratitude for all the ways she taught me how to be a good person.
And I thank her for making Lee, for bringing her into my brother’s life, because even though the hurt isn’t fully healed between us, it’s clear as day to see how happy she makes him. How absolutely meant for each other they are.
“So,” Lee says, twisting toward me in the passenger seat of her car. “Where to now?”
My fingers twist in my lap. There’s a cookout happening at her place later today, with everyone coming. Jax, who flips cars for a living, has some big movie that’s being released featuring his work, and Blakely managed to get an early copy. The plan is to eat dinner and watch it on the projector screen we’ve set up out back.
I shrug. “Don’t we need to head back?”
She smiles at me. “We do. But I want to talk to you first for a minute.”
My stomach twists.
She reaches out and grips my hand tight. I let her, my heart growing heavy from the thickness in the air.
“I’m sorry,” she says.
My chest pulls, my wide eyes glancing up to her. “Why are you sorry?”
“For a lot of things.” She lifts her shoulder. “But mainly because I hurt you, and I know it.”
I glance to the side. “That was years ago.”
“Doesn’t matter. Doesn’t change the way my actions made you feel, does it? They’re still valid, they’re still…” She trails off, her teeth sinking into her lower lip. Blowing out a breath, she tries again. “The truth is,” she continues, her eyes shining with unshed tears, “I’ve always been a little bit selfish.” Her voice wavers and my lips curl up at her words, because yeah , she has been. “And over the past year especially, I’ve had to come to terms with a lot of the things I’ve done and how they’ve affected the people around me.” Her fingers squeeze mine. “The people I love most in the world.”
The walls of my resentment shake as her words pelt against them.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Chase and me.” Tears roll down her cheeks and she wipes them away with the back of her hand, closing her eyes as she leans back against her seat. “But more than that, I’m sorry that I let you down as a friend.”
“Lee, you?—”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s true, Lily. I knew there was somethin’ wrong with you. I knew you needed help.”
My throat tightens, memories of my teenage years causing the old scars to pulse like fresh wounds.
“And I kept pushin’ it to the side, more worried about my damn self. And then…” She shrugs. “It was too late.” Her hand comes up to cover her mouth, her forehead wrinkling as she breaks into sobs, her shoulders shaking. “You were already gone.”
A ball blazes in my chest, surging up through my esophagus.
“I’ve spent years tryin’ to come to terms with the fact that I let you down. But there’s nothin’ to come to terms with other than the fact that I’ve always kinda been a shitty friend.”
I bark out a laugh, her cursing catching me off guard.
“But we all have to learn from our mistakes and try to grow from ’em, right? Ain’t that the point of livin’?” She looks at me, her eyes red and watery.
I stare back at her, a sense of peace washing over me realizing that she’s right. Staying mad is staying in the past. And I don’t want to live there anymore.
“What is it your mom always used to say?” I ask. “About forgiving?”
She sniffles, glancing down at her lap, swallowing around her tears. “Forgiveness is divine, Alina May.”
My vision blurs as I nod, my eyes looking at the ceiling of the car. “Yeah. Well. I forgive you, Alina May. And I hope you can forgive me too.”
Lee chokes out a strangled noise, reaching across the console and wrapping me in a hug. It pulls at the wounds on my right side, but I ignore the pain, sinking into the grace of growth.
Wind whips through the open windows, blowing our hair into tangles, and Lee leans back, wiping under her eyes. She giggles. “I think Mama agrees with us. Whenever the wind blows here, I like to think it’s her, givin’ her seal of approval.”
* * *
We’re smack-dab in the middle of a barbecue. Chase and Eli are manning the grill, my baby boy is bouncing on Mason’s lap as he sits next to me, his arm around my waist. Blakely is taking live shots to post on her Instagram, showcasing the spread. I’ve been enraptured by her today, watching her explain to strangers on the internet how she’s been struggling all week, knowing she’d be surrounded by this food today.
She’s young, but I’m envious of her strength.
Sam and Anna are chopping vegetables in the kitchen, and Lee’s father, Mr. Carson, is sitting right next to me.
“This might not be my place,” Mr. Carson says suddenly.
I turn to look at him, my brows rising. Mr. Carson and I were never super close. He was always heavily invested in Eli’s basketball career, so it was Lee’s mom who I bonded with. But he was still there—still a part of my childhood. I can’t even imagine what he’s been through after losing the other half of his soul.
“But I know about your issues with drugs.”
My stomach tenses. Okay, blunt, but I’ll take it.
He leans in closer. “I’m an alcoholic.”
Sadness weighs down my chest, but there’s the spark of recognizing a kindred spirit between us, a sense of relatability that no one else here could possibly understand.
“I’ve made horrible mistakes. I’m sure you can relate.” He smiles thinly. “But I go to meetin’s three times a week, and you’re always more than welcome to come with.” He clears his throat. “If that’s somethin’ you’d wanna do.”
I nod, swallowing around the lump in my throat. “I’d love that, Mr. Carson. Thank you.”
He grunts, leaning back in his chair, and I grin as everyone is corralled for dinner.
Becca shoots up from her seat as everyone else sits down, her finger coiling around a strand of her red hair. “Wait, I have.…um…I have somethin’ I wanna say before we all dig in, please and thank you.”
Everyone’s attention moves her way, and she swallows audibly, her hands visibly shaking as she turns to Eli, who’s looking at her with a raised brow.
“My family never showed me the right way to love. They never taught me what it looked like.”
My chest squeezes in sympathy, remembering her preacher father and her mom who never gave any of us the time of day. I wonder if they’re still running the town.
She turns toward Eli, her hand caressing the side of his face. “But then you came along. And you showed me what it meant to be loved. To be cherished.” Her eyes water and she smacks her hand against her forehead. “Damn, I swore to myself I wouldn’t cry. My point is that you loved me when I didn’t know what it meant, and I did a shit job at lovin’ you back.”
Baby Chase giggles from next to me. “She said a naughty word,” he whispers loudly in Mason’s ear.
Mason chuckles, his palm coming to rest on my thigh and squeezing.
Becca pushes back her seat and bends down in front of Eli. There’s an audible gasp in the room, Lee’s hand coming up to cover her heart. Blakely’s holding up her phone like she’s recording.
“I’ve spent every second tryin’ to make up for my mistakes. And you, Elliot Carson, are the most amazin’, lovin’, most forgivin’ man on the planet.”
Lee’s eyes meet mine and she winks.
Forgiveness is divine.
Becca reaches in her pocket and pulls out a ring box, opening it to what looks like a platinum band. “I’d be the stupidest woman on the planet to not make sure you’re tied to me forever.”
Eli laughs, his eyes watery as he cups her face. “Rebecca Jean, are you proposing to me?”
She shrugs. “I’m nothin’ if not unconventional. Eli…if you stay with me, baby, I’ll give you the world.”
He grips her behind the neck, drawing her into a deep kiss, uncaring that the rest of us are around.
“I take it that’s his yes,” Jax says.
Lee wipes under her eyes, puffing out her cheeks and squeezing Chase’s hand on the table. “Well, I might as well add to the moment and tell y’all that we’re expectin’.”
Eli pulls away from Becca, turning to his sister. “Expecting what?”
She puts her hands on her belly. “A baby, of course.”
I knew it.
Anna squeals. “Two weddin’s and a baby!”
Mason leans in, whispering in my ear. “We better get to work. Can’t have your family showing us up.”
I raise a brow, but my heart skips in my chest, my stomach flipping.
He leans in and kisses me, and I close my eyes, getting lost in everything that he is.
Baby Chase giggles. “Ewwww, stop it.”
I grin, leaning over Mason and smothering kisses on Chase’s face instead, before sitting back and digging into the food, a lightness suffusing its way through my chest.
Three hours later, the sun has set, and we’re lying in the makeshift theater out back, the baby monitor in my hand, my head in Mason’s lap.
The movie is in its final scene, Jax beaming from ear to ear as we watch his life’s passion play out in front of us—getting his cars in the movies, the way his dad always dreamed.
Suddenly, his mouth pops open, his eyes growing glassy as he stares at the screen. I turn my head, curious what has him looking so emotional.
There’s a dedication right before the ending credits.
For James A. Rhoades.
Jax’s father.
My gaze goes back to Jax as his hands grip at his necklace. He turns, cupping Blakely’s face, tears streaming down his cheeks as he whispers words only she can hear.
My eyes continue moving along the backyard: Chase and Alina—his arms wrapped around her waist, his hands resting on her belly; Becca and Eli—his brand-new engagement ring shining on his finger; Sam and Anna—holding hands, watching the family they thought they’d never have grow before their eyes; and Mr. Carson—a man who lost his wife but somehow managed to find a way to come back stronger.
I relax in Mason’s arms, feeling content. Peaceful. Happy. And happiness is a funny thing. When one person has it, it spreads like ivy, winding its way around everyone else…if only they let it grow.
And this moment right here is happiness .
I close my eyes, knowing that this is just the beginning of a life full of joy.
And it starts right here, in Sugarlake, Tennessee, beneath the stars.