Chapter 34
Kieran
I GOT THE STUFF TO E.
I read the message on my way to breakfast that morning. I smiled, feeling satisfied.
NICE WORK PHANTOM.
IM THE BEST
I slid my phone into my pocket and took a steadying breath.
Not long now.
The TVs were on again when I got to the cafeteria.
Footage was being beamed from Telluride. An army of Light soldiers was marching on the well-known dark town of Grayscale Villa, smashing through doors and dragging people out onto the streets for questioning.
They held handheld versions of the APA in front of them, running it over each person, detaining anyone with more than 50D polarity.
It was sick.
I knew what they were doing.
They were looking for the Equinox Front.
“As you can see, a large-scale raid is taking place to track down members of the Equinox Front who have been threatening civilians with the latest round of attacks on Light-centric cities.”
Threatening civilians.
Right.
Because that was what the Council always said.
Anything they didn’t like became a threat.
Anyone who didn’t bow became dangerous.
Anyone who spoke up became the enemy.
I clenched my jaw and moved past a few students clustered under one of the screens. Their expressions were blank—some horrified, some numb, some pretending not to care. Darkmoor did that to people. We were a school full of the unwanted, the unstable, the inconvenient.
I looked away and slumped down on my chair with my plate of soggy bacon and runny eggs.
People were looking at me uncertainly.
I guess my nasty resting face was on.
Maybe because I was pissed.
I don’t know why this shit kept happening.
Across from me, the cafeteria doors swung open and in ran Ash with a tray. Automatically, he began loading food into a ridiculous, towering pile.
I knew why, of course.
Seph stepped in just after him, Dev beside her.
This was a fucking development.
Not one, but two of my guys following her around like fucking puppies.
Dev sent me a glance that dared me to retaliate.
We hadn’t hashed out our fight yet.
But what could I tell him?
That I didn’t want Seph near any of them?
That I didn’t trust myself enough to be the one she leaned on?
That if she attached herself to Ash—bright, eager, worshipful Ash—she’d be safer than she ever would be with me?
That I was already in too deep, too compromised, too connected to the people trying to burn her world down?
Yeah.
None of that was exactly cafeteria appropriate.
Ash spotted me.
Brightened instantly.
Fuck.
He made a beeline—tripping once, catching himself, still grinning like a golden retriever with a winning lottery ticket.
“Morning, K!” he chirped, slamming his tray down across from me so hard the eggs sloshed. “Want some sausages? Seph likes them. I grabbed extra in case she wanted to share.”
My jaw ground so hard I thought a molar cracked.
Seph likes them.
He grabbed extra for her.
Of course he did.
Ash didn’t do subtle.
Or patient.
Or emotional boundaries.
He wore everything on his sleeve and half in his hair.
Seph caught up a moment later, moving slower, one hand tugging her sleeve down over her wrist, the other smoothing a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
Her silvery hair was loose today, like starfall down her back. She had forgone that hat, and that uniform…
That damn uniform.
It clung to her body like something indecent.
She pulled her sleeves down over her gloved hands and looked away when she saw me.
It was an instinctive gesture. One I had done to her.
Fear.
That’s what I felt when I looked at her.
And it goddamn killed me.
Her eyes flicked across the room—
—and hit me.
She froze.
Just for a second.
Long enough for me to catch the flash of something raw in her expression.
Hurt.
Wariness.
Distrust.
She looked away almost immediately.
Dev nudged her tray toward the far table—right in Ash’s line of sight, of course—and she let him guide her.
Ash whimpered, looking sad, before jumping up and bounding over to her.
In my pocket, something buzzed.
My phone.
I pulled it out and looked at the secure message that had come through.
I NEED MORE
“Fuck!” I cursed out loud.
It had been hard enough getting in there last time. Now I was going to have to go again.
And I couldn’t do it alone.
I placed my tray away and walked up to their table. Seph visibly tensed when I arrived.
“Good morning,” I said quietly.
She winced and nodded. “Good morning, K.”
Dev leaned back in his chair and glared up at me, as if waiting for me to attack.
Ash just growled, his eyes on Seph like a guard dog. If we threw down here, we would be answering to him.
“Dev, I need to talk to you,” I said finally.
He just stared at me with those dead green eyes of his. In his hands he held his blade, flicking it through his fingers like a threat.
“Ok,” he said finally, standing up.
And then he did a strange thing. He looked at Seph and he smiled. “Will you be ok?”
“I’m here. If anyone comes near her, I’ll just rip off their fingers.”
Ash shrugged, chowing down.
Seph looked at him, half amused, half horrified.
But I don’t think she realised he wasn’t actually joking.
Dev stood, blade still resting casually against his palm—even though nothing about him was casual. He jerked his head toward the hallway without taking his eyes off me, silently daring me to try anything stupid.
As we moved away, Seph’s shoulders tightened like she was bracing for bad news.
She didn’t trust me enough to think any conversation involving me ended well.
That shouldn’t have hurt.
It did anyway.
Ash scooted his chair closer to her the second Dev and I stepped away, body angled protectively, one hand hovering near the pulse point of his magic.
He was gearing up to fight.
For her.
For Seph.
I swallowed the bitter taste in my throat.
Dev and I stopped just outside the cafeteria doors. The hallway was empty, shadows long and quiet.
He didn’t bother waiting.
“What the fuck is going on now?” he muttered. “And if you’re about to lie to me, give me the courtesy of trying harder than usual.”
I pulled out my phone and showed him the message.
I NEED MORE.
Dev’s expression didn’t change—but his aura did.
A cold ripple of lethal intention rolled off him.
He snatched the phone out of my hand and typed a response before I could stop him.
NEW NUMBER. WHO DIS.
“Smartass,” I muttered.
Three dots flashed.
Then:
DON’T BE A DICK DEV.
Dev’s lip curled. “So Elliot wants another drop. Already.”
“He’s getting restless,” I said quietly.
“He’s getting sloppy,” Dev hissed. “And if he drags you any deeper—”
“I’m already neck-deep,” I snapped. “We both are.”
Dev’s jaw flexed.
We held each other’s stare for a long, long second.
“When will you talk to Seph?” Dev asked suddenly. “I told her to come tonight. You might get a chance.”
“Dev.”
“She deserves to know at least some of it. She has been through hell thanks to her own fucking father. She deserves to know something about what happened to you.”
This pissed me off. “You think I don’t know? I was there for three fucking years beforehand. I saw what that motherfucker did to her! Do you know what I would have done? If not for Sable warning me—”
“You were there and you did fucking nothing!” Dev yelled.
Around us a couple of people looked up at the sound.
I shoved Dev hard into an empty classroom and closed the door. “Lower your fucking voice.”
“No! Why should I? That girl out there is a fucking angel who didn’t deserve a single bit of shit she went through. And you were there, K. Why didn’t you save her?”
Something inside me ruptured so violently I saw white.
“I TRIED!” I roared.
Dev went still.
My chest heaved.
My hands shook.
“I tried,” I said again, quieter now but shaking with something feral. “You think I just sat there? You think I didn’t fight? You think I didn’t plan every fucking day for how to get her out? I watched him inject her. I watched him break her. I watched him call her a null like she was worthless.”
I dug my nails into my palms until I felt blood.
“She was sixteen,” I whispered. “Sixteen, Dev. And I couldn’t get her out without killing her.
Or getting her killed. You think I didn’t know Gideon would hunt her down the second she disappeared?
You think I didn’t know he’d kill Sable for it?
You think I didn’t know she’d run straight to me and blow every plan Elliot ever built? ”
Dev’s chest rose and fell in sharp, uneven breaths.
“You still didn’t save her,” he whispered.
I slammed my fist against the wall, cracking the plaster.
“I know!”
The words tore out of me like glass.
“I know I didn’t! I know I failed her! I live with that every fucking day!”
Dev flinched—not from fear, but from something that looked like grief.
I dragged shaking hands through my hair.
Dev’s jaw tensed, but he stayed silent.
“I was eighteen, Dev,” I whispered harshly. “Eighteen. No power. No leverage. No allies. If I grabbed her and ran, Gideon or Marr would’ve had a search team and a kill order on her within the hour. You know he would’ve. He has the fucking Council at his fingertips.”
I forced my nails into my palms until I felt a sting.
“She was sixteen. She could barely stand half the time. She trusted me. And I—”
My voice wavered.
“—I couldn’t get her out without her dying.”
Dev’s expression softened—just a fraction.
“So you left,” he said, not unkindly.
“I didn’t want to leave,” I snapped. “But Elliot had a plan. A long-term plan. He told me if I stayed, Gideon would kill me. And if I died, Seph had no one watching her. No one on the outside. No one pushing back against Gideon’s shit.”
Dev stared at me.
Really stared.
“And you think that excuses three years of silence?” he murmured.
“No,” I said immediately. “Nothing excuses that.”
Dev blinked.
Honesty from me always startled him.
I raked a shaking hand through my hair.
“You think I didn’t want to reach out?” I whispered. “I wrote letters. I just… never sent them. Elliot burned every bridge I tried to build. He said contact would get her killed. Or exposed. Or hunted. So I shut up. I stayed away. I watched from a distance.”
“And let her think you didn’t care,” Dev said quietly.
I swallowed. Hard.
“She was safer hating me than loving me,” I said. “Gideon would have used that against her. He uses everything. But at least he still wanted her alive. I knew that at least.”
Dev’s eyes flashed. “Alive? Do you know the kind of life she has had?”
I ran my hands over my hair. “I can guess. But what would you have me do? I didn’t want to risk her safety. I cared about her too much.”
Dev’s expression hardened.
“Seph doesn’t know any of that,” he said. “All she knows is you disappeared. You left her in hell and never looked back.”
My chest squeezed so hard I couldn’t breathe.
“I know,” I whispered. “Every day, I know.”
We stood in silence.
Breathing too loud.
Existing too painfully.
Finally Dev exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face.
“You need to tell her something,” he said. “Not everything. But something. Give her something real, K. Before she gives up on you completely.”
“I can’t,” I said instantly.
Dev stiffened. “Won’t or can’t?”
“Both,” I whispered.
Because the truth wasn’t mine to tell.