19. LUCAS #3
I thought fast, not wanting to get him any more upset on what should be a happy day for him.
“Maybe Eli or Evelyn have tools? I’ll go knock on Eli’s door.
” Max couldn’t get up to the third floor, but even if he could, my jealous side didn’t want him in Eli’s space.
Without waiting for Max’s approval, I headed out of the room and up the stairs, just wanting to get this over with.
Eli answered my knock quickly, pulling the door open with his usual easy grin. “Hey, Lucas. What can I do for you?”
I pulled out my hair elastic and re-did my ponytail, needing to do something with my hands. “We were wondering if you had a Phillips head screwdriver? Turns out we need one for some of the furniture, and we didn’t realize.”
His smile widened, and he held the door open wider, waving me in. “Of course! I’ve got a whole toolbox that I use to do small repairs around the house for Evelyn. What size do you need?”
Screwdrivers came in sizes? I gave him a helpless look and held my hands about eight inches apart. “Uh, like this?”
His laugh was booming in the uncarpeted room.
“I meant head diameter, but I’m guessing you don’t know?
” I could only shake my head. “I’ll give you the quarter-inch.
That’s the most commonly used and should fit most size screw heads.
” He turned and started digging in the back of his closet, unearthing after a few seconds a yellow toolbox.
He dragged it out into the room and flipped it open, then began sorting through an overwhelming—at least to me—variety of tools, many of which I couldn’t even guess the function of.
Suddenly, my masculinity felt very tenuous.
I wasn’t particularly strong; I didn’t know tools.
The only thing I was good at was inserting IVs in a moving ambulance, and that didn’t come up a lot on first dates.
Eli interrupted my self-recriminations by turning and handing me a screwdriver. “Here ya go. Everything going ok down there?”
I waggled my hand from side to side in a so-so gesture. “Meh. We’ve only had three or four fights since we started, so considering it’s Ikea, I guess we’re doing ok?”
He laughed again and patted my shoulder. “Sounds about right. Remember, let me know if you guys need any help.”
The hell I would. I could do this on my own without having to bring in the guy who wanted to take Max from me. “Of course,” I lied smoothly. I gave him a wave and turned to go, then paused, surprised, when he caught my arm.
“Look…” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.
“Are you sure you and Max don’t have a thing?
Because I’m still getting that vibe, and I don’t want to get my hopes up if he’s just going to shoot me down.
Plus, I don’t like pissing people off, and you kinda look like I piss you off. So I was just wondering.”
Hell. What did I say to that? “You don’t piss me off,” I finally settled on lying.
“It’s just...yeah, ok, I sort of have a crush on Max.
But he’s free to date whoever he wants,” I hastened to add through gritted teeth, reminding myself that it wasn’t my place to lay claim to him.
“I couldn’t say whether he’d shoot you down or not, though. ”
Eli nodded knowingly. “I get it. Like I said, I don’t want to piss you off, so I won’t push. But uh...why haven’t you made a move, if you’re crushing on him, if you don’t mind me asking?”
I could hardly say it was because I was increasingly sure he was only interested in fucking me, not dating me.
Max’s sex life was his own business and I wasn’t going to share it with someone outside our little bubble.
“It’s...uh…” I stammered. I shoved my hands in my pockets, suddenly unsure what else to do with them.
“It’s a long story, but the short version is he’s not interested in anything more with me. ”
He cocked his head to the side and studied me, looking dubious. “You sure? Because he watches you, you know. I noticed it right away.”
He watched me? When? How? I fought the urge to shake Eli and demand answers.
You didn’t go taking the guy who was six inches taller and probably fifty pounds heavier by the lapels and giving him a shake.
“Pretty sure,” I said with a sigh. “It’s a long story.
” And one I didn’t particularly want to tell to this near-stranger.
Eli studied me for a moment longer. “You watch him just as much,” he informed me gently. “It’s kind of cute watching you both stare, but only when you think the other isn’t looking.”
How was it cute watching me moon hopelessly over someone who didn’t want me?
Was this guy trying to prick my pride? I pressed my lips together, trying not to let the angry words spill out of my mouth.
“I think you’re probably reading more into it than there is,” I finally managed to tell him.
I had no intention of getting into this any further with Eli.
But then, before I could stop myself...“Max has had plenty of time to tell me how he feels if he feels something, but he’s been all about getting out of my apartment as soon as possible instead.
” Why were these words coming out of my mouth? What was I saying?
He wrinkled his nose skeptically. “Are they mutually exclusive?”
“Huh?”
“Are they mutually exclusive, him feeling something for you and him wanting to move into his own space?” he explained. “Because not everyone is comfortable living together right away.”
“But we already live together,” I protested. Had he not picked up on that?
He shook his head. “But not, like, as a couple, right?”
“Um...sort of yes, sort of no?” Oh god, there I went spilling my guts to him again.
He’s your competition, Lucas! Don’t give him ammunition!
But there was just something about Eli and his open, kind expression that made the words keep coming out.
“We’ve been, uh, sleeping together. Literally.
For a while.” There, I hadn’t told him we were having sex, so it was ok, right?
Eli blinked in surprise. “I thought you just had a crush on him?”
“I do,” I agreed. What part of this wasn’t clear to him?
“But...you’re already sleeping together. But you’re not together, together?” he said slowly, clearly trying to work out what the fuck I was talking about. “Are you sure?”
I snorted. “Am I sure I’m not in a relationship with Max?
Yeah, yeah I’m sure.” Moments when we were oddly couple-y with each other notwithstanding, I thought.
Those never came to anything, and I always managed to explain them away to myself.
Just because he kissed me gently at times when sex wasn’t on the table didn’t mean he had a thing for me.
Eli still looked skeptical, but he nodded.
“Ok, man. You’d know better than I would.
But seriously,” he added, face sobering, “I think you have a shot with him. I hate to say it, because it means I probably don’t have a shot with him, but I think you’re both cool, and, like I told you initially, I’m not interested in stepping on any toes.
If he wants you, I want him to have you. ”
If he wanted me, he was more than welcome to me. Unfortunately, he’d shown no sign that that was the case. I sighed. “If only. Look, I’d better get back down there.” I waved the screwdriver at him. “Thanks for the loan. I’ll get it back to you as soon as we’re done with it.”
He slapped me on the back. “Take your time. And really, give some thought to the way Max looks at you, ok? Just be open to it.” He grinned. “And if you decide not to go for it after all, be sure to let me know.”
I suppressed the urge to growl possessively and instead let myself out of his room. I went back down the stairs on autopilot, unable to get Eli’s words out of my head. Max watched me? Eli thought I had a real shot with him? What did it all mean?
“Dude, I thought you got lost,” Max announced when I walked back into his room with the screwdriver.
“Nah.” I shook my head. “Just got into a conversation with Eli.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? About what?”
No way in hell I was telling him the truth about that. “Oh, just stuff. He was telling me how he does repairs around the house for Evelyn.” Technically, not a lie.
“Ok, well…” He held out his hand to show me the screws we needed. “Let’s put that baby to work.”