Epilogue #2
I inclined my head, silently conceding his point.
“Anyway, Michel was talking about a new material for prosthetic legs that’s supposed to be lightweight but strong as well as being moldable into feet made to fit specific types of shoes.
It’s super-expensive, but maybe it’s something to save up for; god knows my foot is always rattling around weirdly in my shoe. ”
We chatted over dinner about my prosthetic options—I’d recently visited my prosthetist, and he said I was due for a leg adjustment now that I had muscled up some—and some of the new equipment Lucas’s ambulance had taken onboard.
I nearly spat out a bite of my dinner when he told me a funny story about Rufus and Jules moving in together.
Apparently delicate, femme Jules couldn’t care less how they decorated their new apartment, but butch-seeming Rufus was demanding throw pillows and color-coordination.
I managed to hold my anxiety at bay for most of dinner by allowing myself to be distracted by our conversation, but as our server took away our dinner plates, I felt my muscles tightening again as the moment drew closer.
This would be it, and somehow I still hadn’t completely settled on what I wanted to say when I proposed.
I had the gist, but I’d figured the exact words would come to me in the moment, depending on Lucas’s expression and how the night had gone.
But now that the moment was almost upon me, I was drawing a fucking blank.
“Max? You ok?” Lucas asked, squinting at me over the candle in the middle of our table. “You look kinda like you’re about to puke.”
I was the soul of romance, clearly; I was making him think he made me sick. Suddenly I couldn’t wait another second. My plan had been to do it over dessert, but if I didn’t get the words off my chest now, they were going to choke me. I took a deep breath and met Lucas’s eyes. “I love you.”
He smiled gently. “I know, hon. I love you too.”
I shook my head. “I love you so much. You’ve changed my life, Luc.
Since the moment I met you, nothing has ever been the same.
Everything’s brighter and warmer. You taught me how to adult in a way I’d never done before even though I’d been an ‘adult’ for ages.
You taught me how to fight lovingly and fuck angrily, and how both of those things could be wonderful. ”
Lucas was watching me with shining eyes and a half-open mouth. I took that as a good sign.
“When I’m with you,” I went on, “nothing hurts, even when everything hurts. Every day, I can’t wait to hear your key in the door at five o’clock just so I can get another glimpse of you. I want that feeling all day, every day. I want to be with you. Permanently.”
Lucas gasped. “Do you -”
I reached out and grabbed his hand in my shaking one.
“Permanently,” I said again. “I know we promised each other forever long ago, and I meant it then, but this is different.” With my free hand, I dug into my pocket until I found the little box.
I drew my hand out of my pocket and raised the box to the tabletop.
“I want forever to be official. I want to fight about who’s taking whose name, and about where to hold the wedding—”
“Wedding?”
“—and about what rings to pick,” I went on, ignoring his interruption.
“I want to have all those fights with you, because it will mean you’re there and you care about me the way I care about you.
I’d rather fight with you than make love to someone else, because you’re it for me.
You always have been; it just took me this long to try to pin you down so I could keep you.
So…” I took a quiet, deep breath. “So, Lucas Gustafsson, will you marry me?” I flipped open the box to show him the matched silver rings that sat inside.
Lucas’s hand was covering his mouth, and his eyes were shimmering with tears. “Oh my god,” he said faintly.
Was that a good oh my god or a bad one? Shit, I couldn’t tell. I couldn’t tell whether he was about to cry because he was so happy or because it distressed him to have to let me down. I dropped my eyes to the ring box and started fiddling with the circles of metal, unsure where to go from here.
“Max, look at me,” he said in a quietly resonant voice.
Unable to disobey, I raised my eyes back to his to find him smiling behind his hand. Smiling was a good sign, right? I managed a weak smile back.
“I love you,” he said, sounding like he’d never been more sure of anything. “And I’m not sure why your proposal talked so much about fighting, given that we rarely do it -”
“Shit.” It had, hadn’t it? I sucked at this.
“- but I share the underlying sentiments. I’d rather do just about anything, no matter how bad, with you than have supposed good times with anyone else. I want you to always be in my life, and if you want that to be official, then I want it too.”
Was he saying what I thought he was saying? I chewed the inside of my cheek to keep from bursting out with the question.
“So yes, Max.” He dropped his hand, now smiling widely. “I’ll marry you, happily. Anytime and anywhere you want.”
“Oh, thank god,” I breathed, making Lucas laugh loudly. Heads around the restaurant turned to look at us and the noise we were making. “Thank you, Luc. I swear I won’t ever disappoint you.”
“Of course you will, eventually,” he retorted, “but that will be ok, too.” He leaned over the table to press his lips against my cheek.
“Thank you for taking a chance that first day and saying you’d stay with me.
Thank you for staying. Thank you for holding onto me when I made it difficult. Thank you for loving me.”
I turned my head slightly, bringing our lips together. “Anytime, baby.” And then I pulled back and slipped the ring onto his finger. Applause broke out among our unexpected audience.
A few people wolf whistled. Our server bustled up to the table, grinning. “Can I interest you gentlemen in dessert?”
I looked at Lucas, who was regarding me with hot eyes. Suddenly all I wanted was to get him alone. “I think we’ll take that dessert to go.”