Chapter 24 #2
“You shouldn’t. I’m pretty sure this was meant for you,” Owen said, gesturing to his coat. I shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t worry. Not my first time not being enough for someone.” A touch of bygone bitterness laced his words.
That stung. Owen had wanted more between us back then.
I was pretty sure we had been each other’s first. He had been so nervous, but I had never asked him.
He was mine though. He had never concealed how badly he wanted someone to hold on to as the world fell apart.
I thought of the cot I had treated Unit Seven on in that other closet, how the man before me had brought it there for the two of us.
He had created a place for us to stay together so he could tell me about his life before the war.
I had tried to stay…once. I hadn’t been able to stand it—to hear it.
His pain awakened the things I fought to ignore.
It was too much for me. So I had been ruthless and horrible.
It had nothing to do with his goodness. It was my brokenness. It always had been.
“Did you need something from the dead, Death’s Angel? Or do you prefer Beast now?” I whipped toward him. “Kumar.” He shrugged.
“It’s what the Force calls me.”
Owen exited the room. I followed him out. “I can see it.”
Of course he could. I shook off the image of him in that closet, anger painted across a kind face as I dismantled his benevolence.
“Sasha will always be my favorite, though,” Owen continued. “I see her more in your face now. Who’d have thought the brutality of the Force would be the thing you needed.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I told him, a bite finding its way into my voice.
Owen chuckled. “Still quick to scare, I see. Are you here about the illness? I can’t imagine another reason you’d want to pursue the dead.”
My brows pulled in as shock lit up my veins. “What illness?”
Owen wordlessly handed me one of the charts he carried.
I read the notes. Dread curled in my stomach. “When did this start?”
“A fortnight from the Kitchens. I thought you heard. It just claimed its first victim.”
The file he had placed in the room. I snatched the rest of the charts, the notes all the same. “How many?”
“Ten more were admitted today. It’s only the twelfth bell. We’re at nineteen. It’s moving,” Owen told me seriously. I worked to swallow. The Kitchens, where everyone went. It would move quickly.
“Where’s Kumar?” I demanded, harsher than I intended. I needed to see him.
“His office. I was taking these to him.”
“I’ll take them.” I didn’t wait for a response as I left him behind, walking as fast as my feet could carry me without running. I half-heartedly knocked before ripping the door open.
“How many more—” Kumar began but stopped, finding me in his doorway. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I want Levi released today,” I demanded before the door closed.
“Because of his score or the charts?” Kumar asked, leaning back in his chair. “Charts you shouldn’t have access to.”
I crossed my arms. “If you didn’t want me to have them, you’d change your system. I took them from Owen.”
Kumar smiled at me. “I am sure he was thrilled to see you.”
“He wasn’t.”
“You meant a great deal to him.” My brows disappeared. Kumar explained, “We are close, Owen and I. We talk.”
I cringed, mortified. “We were talking about Levi.”
“We were. Why do you want Mr. Williams out? The charts or his score?” Kumar asked again, surveying me as if my answer was the missing piece to something he was trying to solve.
“He can’t catch this,” I said, placing the charts on his desk.
Unlike the table outside, Kumar’s desk sat in pristine condition, nothing out of place.
Once I had wondered why the chart system wasn’t organized as well.
Now I understood it was a mess on purpose.
So things could exist outside our new rules.
“We will need the beds. All non-emergent patients will be released over the next forty-eight bells,” Kumar informed me gravely. “Regardless of Command’s orders.”
My chest felt tight. “What do you mean, orders?”
Kumar considered me over his glasses. “Force Commander Burdon informed the Ward that Williams wasn’t to be released until his stitches were fully removed. That the injury wasn’t suitable for the Force Sector.”
“That would mean at least a week longer. That would—” My mind raced. How could a Force commander do something like that? “That would make it so he couldn’t get care ever again. She’s—”
“Effectively ensuring his death.” The blue band felt heavy on my wrist.
My pulse hammered in my ears. After everything that had been done by our unit to save him, Burdon was killing his chances at life. Fury ripped through my insides. “Were you going to listen to her?”
“The information came from Dr. Uri. I will make sure Levi is released soon.”
Dr. Uri supported Burdon’s decision? What bigger games were at play?
“Can I just take him now?” I asked.
“You care for him?”
“He’s my partner.” It was the most I could say.
“I cannot let you take him now. You may, however, tell him. I do need to do this by the book with the paperwork,” Kumar told me, rubbing his hand down his face. He appeared tired in a way I’d never seen. “Even with that, there will be consequences for your choice.” He tapped a chart on his desk.
Of course he already knew what I had done. “I know.”
“The marks that were on Williams’s chart are too severe, Sasha.
His injury is too public to lie on the forms. I cannot save him from their system.
Which means I cannot save you if you take his place.
There will be no coming back from it. You realize that?
Everything you are working for—you will lose. ”
“I will figure it out.”
“I have no doubt that you will try. I will do what I can to help you. There are no written protocols for medics in the Force. We will use that.”
I thought of the names Rumi had asked about. “What if I just faked my death…disappeared. Is such a thing possible?”
A silence fell over us as I held his stare. Could I ask him about the names?
“Such a thing would be ill-advised, but not impossible. You are of better use to Haven alive, Sasha.”
I didn’t push. “Is it bad, the illness?”
“I believe it will claim two more souls within the next forty-eight bells,” Kumar confided, coming to a stand. “It’s just beginning.”
“Do you need help?”
“I will not ask that of you. You are a member of the Force now.”
“You didn’t ask. I did. We both know I don’t get ill. I could help.”
“Just because you haven’t gotten ill does not mean you will never fall ill. You are human. Focus on your mission above. Haven needs more time to get it right. Tell your unit not to come here, and tell Commander Hayes I will seek him out when it is the right time.”
“Right time for what?”
“He will know.” Kumar crossed the room, his hand landing on my shoulder. “Sasha, I am proud of how much you have grown. I wanted you to know that. Stay well.”
I turned away from his kindness. I was unable to accept it.
I said nothing as I left, moving quickly, desperate to tell Levi the news and to check on Damien.
I also needed to look at Tristian’s brow.
I slowed as I approached Levi’s room. More than Levi’s voice met me.
I froze, the other voice undeniably female.
I wasn’t doing this again. I strode forward, glancing in for just a second to find the blonde I had sparred with on his bed. Levi held a coffee in his left hand, his face light for once. Kumar would tell him soon enough. I carried on, weaving through the tunnels.
Thirty minutes later, Damien’s ankle was rewrapped and elevated once more with ice on it.
I didn’t bother asking Rumi how she came about getting the ice.
Damien swallowed several pills. I didn’t know what good it would do.
I felt tortured by the helplessness I harbored that left me restless.
I longed for anything to quiet the storm that I felt building beneath my skin.
Patrick sat on the couch next to Damien. Isla perched on the chair as they played cards. Isla had filled Patrick and Rumi in. Rumi sat on the mat, but her eyes were open for once as she watched the others. My helplessness reflected in that all-seeing gaze.
“Have you seen Hayes?” I asked her. I hadn’t bothered to remove my boots. Isla hadn’t said anything about it.
“The Exploratory Room. He asked us to come by before the shift,” Rumi told me. Her voice dropped. “The list?”
“I didn’t find anything. Your search is hopeless. The room is a mess. There are too many—” The word files caught in my throat. I couldn’t reduce the dead to a piece of paper.
“Even for someone from the Ward? Someone who’s been in that room a lot?” she asked. The others all laughed at something.
“Even for someone from the Ward. I doubt Dr. Uri himself would be able to find anything.” I twisted the blue band on my wrist.
“Okay.” Conversation done, her eyes landed on the bag I held. “Hayes was in a mood.”
“Jaxon cut his brow. I don’t know if he needs stitches.” I gripped the bag tighter. “Also, Levi will be released soon. You can tell the others. No one goes to the Ward. There’s an illness spreading.”
Rumi didn’t ask any questions, nor did she seem shocked by the information. But then, when was she ever shocked by anything? “I’ll let them know.”
I left, weaving back through the tunnels.
I approached the Exploratory Room door. Indecision lay thick on my skin.
We were two members down. What good had I done?
Tristian had a medic at the cost of his second and now his comm officer.
They had been a complete unit, a family, until he tried to cram me into the hole Lily had left.
I should go. But if Tristian needed care, I didn’t want him to go to the Ward, where illness was spreading.
I knocked. The door opened. Green eyes met mine, defeat in their depths. I froze as his gaze shifted immediately, scanning me. “What’s happened?”