CHAPTER SIX
Amelia cut a piece of her roasted potato and chewed it, trying to enjoy it without thinking about how many calories it might contain. She hadn’t really eaten much that day, so she just wanted to enjoy the meal.
She’d somewhat gotten away from obsessing over calories and her weight, as her focus had shifted to trying to figure out how to live with her pain and lack of energy.
However, since Ben had returned, reminding her so much of her past life, the insecurity about the weight she’d gained and how she looked had come back in full force.
Cole and Annie had put on quite a spread, and there was a sliver of envy inside her as she sat at the table, surrounded by the laughter and chatter of children. Not because of their wealth or even the love they shared.
No, she was envious of people who had the energy to prepare even the simplest of meals for a group of people. There were days now when she barely had the strength or desire to prepare a meal for just herself.
Layla usually came over once a month, and together they made an assortment of freezer meals that Amelia could just pull out and heat up. Those were a huge help on days when the pain in her body kept her from being able to stand for very long.
Even now, she was exhausted from the day’s activities, and if she hadn’t told Cole she’d be there, she would have just crawled into bed to give her body a chance to rest.
She glanced around and spotted Ben at a table with his bodyguard and a few other men from the clinic.
He looked relaxed, laughing at something one of the men had said. His curls caught the fading sunlight, highlighting the golden strands among his brown hair. She quickly averted her gaze when he glanced in her direction, not wanting him to catch her staring.
"Are you feeling okay?" Annie asked quietly, leaning closer to her. "You've been pretty quiet."
"I'm fine," Amelia said automatically. "Just a little tired."
Annie nodded, though her eyes held concern. "You don't have to stay the whole evening if you're not feeling up to it. I’m just glad that you came."
Amelia managed a small smile. "Thanks.”
"I know you had a long week at work, and you've been helping with the clinic too," Annie said. "Everyone appreciates your help."
Amelia nodded, swallowing another bite of potato. She wasn't used to receiving praise these days. Compliments had once been a regular part of her life. She’d been complimented on her skating, her discipline, and her dedication. However, now compliments felt strange, almost uncomfortable.
A burst of laughter erupted from the table where Ben sat, drawing her attention once more. He was gesturing animatedly, clearly in the middle of telling a story.
He’d always been like that. So comfortable and at ease with people. Able to draw them in with a smile.
She’d been the opposite, even when she’d been at the height of her skating career. It had taken a lot of practice for her to become comfortable enough to not look stiff and uneasy when doing interviews.
During the couple of years they’d dated, she’d often wondered what he’d seen in her. What it was about her that drew him to her.
Now, watching him from a distance, she could see that Ben hadn't changed from back then. He still had that natural charisma, that ability to make everyone around him feel special.
They'd been so different, and sometimes, in the darker moments of her life, she wondered if she had been nothing but a curiosity to him. The quiet, reserved skater who'd seemed so different from him, the outgoing, popular boy who could be friends with anyone.
She pushed her fork around her plate, moving a bit of meat to the side. Her appetite had faded as thoughts of the past filled her mind. It was dangerous territory, thinking about what they'd once had, and what it had meant. Those kinds of thoughts led to nowhere good.
"Amelia?" Annie's voice pulled her back to the present. "Did you hear what I said?"
"I'm sorry, what?" Amelia shifted her focus back to Annie, embarrassed to have been caught in her thoughts.
"I was asking if you wanted some dessert. The kids are eager to have some, but I told them we needed to wait until everyone was done with dinner."
She looked down at her plate, noting that despite having a moment where she hadn’t felt like eating anything, she’d still managed to eat pretty much everything on her plate.
Her state of mind no longer seemed to completely dampen her appetite. If anything, there were times when the worse she felt, the more she turned to food. Good-tasting food was one of the small pleasures she had in her life these days.
“Yes, I’m done,” she said. “It was delicious.”
Annie smiled, then instructed the kids to help clear away the plates. “We’ll bring some dessert to the table, so just hang out here. We’ll be right back.”
Amelia watched as the kids scurried off with their plates, Annie following behind them.
With the table suddenly quiet and empty, she fidgeted with her napkin, folding it into a neat square.
Her body ached from sitting in the same position for too long, but she wasn't ready to stand up just yet.
The ache from sitting usually meant that she had to move slowly for the first few steps, bracing her hand on something.
Since that would draw attention to her physical issues, she decided to stay seated for the time being.
The kids returned quickly, their faces bright with anticipation. Annie followed behind them, carrying a tray supporting a plate of cupcakes.
"We’ve got chocolate cupcakes, some with peanut butter frosting and some with chocolate, and strawberry cupcakes with vanilla frosting," Annie announced, setting the tray down on the table. "I’m going to get dessert set up for the men but help yourself.”
Amelia saw that Ben had gotten up to help Annie and Cole clear away the food on the table. TJ and Dani were also helping, while the little kids were at the table with Amelia.
They were on their knees on the bench, eagerly choosing cupcakes for themselves. Amelia waited until they’d each made their choice before taking one for herself.
Usually she opted for chocolate, but the kids had taken all the chocolate ones. Though she loved fresh strawberries, when it came to strawberry cupcakes, they weren’t her first choice.
“Want to swap?”
Amelia stared as Ben sat down across from her, a chocolate cupcake on the plate he held.
“I know you prefer chocolate to strawberry,” he said. “Especially with peanut butter frosting.”
“You like chocolate too,” she told him.
“True. But I also like these strawberry cupcakes that Angie makes.”
“Annie didn’t make these?”
“Nope. Annie said that Angie dropped them off this morning when she came by with the kids.”
Ben reached over and took the small plate she’d set the strawberry cupcake on and swapped it with the chocolate one.
Amelia gave him a small smile, trying not to let the warmth of the gesture grow inside her. “Thanks.”
"You're welcome," Ben replied, his gaze lingering on her face. "I remember how you always went straight for the chocolate desserts."
A flutter of surprise warmed Amelia's chest. He remembered that detail about her after all these years? She carefully peeled back the wrapper on the cupcake, not quite ready to meet his eyes.
"I didn't think you'd remember something like that," she admitted quietly.
Ben shrugged, taking a bite of his cupcake. "I remember a lot of things."
Did he remember how she usually only ate half of whatever she took and gave the other half to him? Back then, it had been a rare thing for her to eat a whole dessert.
Some might have thought she was being too focused on her food intake, and they would have been right.
But she and Ben had had a discussion about it, and he understood that she and Lexi had worked hard to make sure that she was adequately fueling her body for what she needed it to do.
That meant eating plenty of good food, while restricting the food that didn’t provide the necessary nutrition for her body.
Lexi had experience with restrictive eating since she’d been a pairs skater, which meant she’d had to keep her weight down so that it was easier for her partner to lift her. She hadn’t wanted that for Amelia.
Her desire had been to help Amelia understand what her body needed in order to perform at its peak. However, she had told Amelia that she didn’t need to deny herself treats, but to just eat them in moderate amounts.
Because of that, she’d often shared desserts with Ben, and he was always more than happy to eat his and then whatever she didn’t want of hers.
She stared at the cupcake sitting on the plate in front of her. Would he expect her to eat only half of it still? Or would he assume from looking at her that she’d definitely eat it all herself?
“You better eat that cupcake fast,” Ben said. “Or TJ is going to swipe it off your plate.”
Amelia looked over at the young boy who returned to take a seat next to her, a small smear of chocolate at the corner of his mouth. He grinned at her, which brought a smile to her face too.
“You don’t get to take Amelia’s cupcake, TJ,” Ben warned. “Everyone gets to eat their own. No swiping. If you want another one, you need to go ask your mom.”
“She’s gonna say no.” TJ gave Amelia a curious look. “Do you want to share?”
“TJ,” Ben said. “No. She’s not going to share. These cupcakes are so good that there’s a no-sharing rule.”
And just like that, Ben had made it almost imperative that she eat the whole thing herself.
“Fine.” TJ heaved a dramatic sigh. “I’m gonna go ask Mom for another one.”
Amelia couldn’t help but smile. When she looked up at Ben, he gave her a wink.
“Figured I’d protect your cupcake since you might feel obliged to give him some.”
“Well, thank you,” she said with a nod. “Angie’s cupcakes are always worth protecting.”
“I definitely think so,” Ben agreed.