Chapter 16 #2
Finally, Devon went into the bedroom. Aurora lay in the bed, covers up to her chest, eyes staring at the ceiling. Her eyes darted to his.
“I changed the sheets. I was too tired to think of it last night.”
“Cool. Okay if I turn off the light?”
She nodded, and the room plunged into darkness when he flipped the switch.
Devon slid under the blankets, feeling the mattress give beneath him.
He had worn a pair of Chase’s shorts and a tee to bed.
The sheets were cool and smooth against his legs.
They smelled like detergent, but Aurora’s scent was there too, slightly masked by Chase’s shampoo.
Devon couldn’t help turning his head, trying to make out the shape of her in the dark. He heard her breathing. She was so close. He wanted to reach past those few feet and pull her toward him. Sink his fingers into her long hair, which just a moment ago had been splayed across the pillow.
Enough. He had to stop. This wasn’t like him, letting his mind run away from him this way. He’d already made the decision, and he knew what to do—usually, the follow-through was the easy part. But when it came to Aurora, he felt the urge to cross every line, just as long as it brought him to her.
He heard Aurora shifting against the sheets. Sitting up.
Every minute, the room was getting brighter as his pupils dilated.
She was wearing that T-shirt of Chase’s, and Devon balled his fists to either side of him, gathering the sheet in his fingers.
He didn’t like that so many things that belonged to Chase were touching her right now.
He wanted to pull that shirt off her, cover her with his body, claiming her as his and no one else’s.
But it wasn’t even that he wanted to sleep with her right now. He wanted to hold her, to hear her breathe, and to feel her heart beating against him.
“Can I ask you something?” she said.
He turned onto his side, facing her. “Sure.”
“What does the K stand for?”
“Oh.” Unconsciously, he touched the tattoo on his forearm. “It’s for my brother. Kellen. He was my twin.”
“Was?”
He swallowed. “He was killed about a year and a half ago. He was in the LAPD. Like our dad. There was a mass shooter at a grocery store, and Kellen was one of the units that responded. Didn’t make it out.”
A heavy weight settled in his stomach any time he talked about his brother. He felt it there now, like a chunk of iron pulling him down. Sometimes, it got so heavy that he didn’t know how he’d ever stand up again.
“I’m so sorry. Is that why you left the military?”
“Yeah. My mom couldn’t stand the thought that they might lose me, too.”
“No wonder you usually work the desk at my brother’s office.”
He nodded. “I got the tattoo right after I learned about his death. I liked carrying something of my brother on my skin, so that the world could see. Otherwise, I’m not sure anyone would’ve known.
Sometimes, I went weeks without saying his name.
It was too difficult. But I didn’t want anyone to think I’d forgotten. ”
She sighed, leaning back against the headboard. She had bent her legs, arms wrapping around her knees. “I thought my past was difficult, and I didn’t even lose anyone. I kept going on and on about being annoyed at my brother for such petty reasons, when you…”
He couldn’t stop himself from sliding his arm across the bed. His fingertip met her foot. He told himself that just that tiny bit of contact was enough, that it couldn’t hurt. It was all he needed. Just to be able to feel that she was there.
“Your pain isn’t canceled out by someone else’s. If it worked that way, then no one could ever feel sad, because there is always somebody else in the world who has it worse.”
Her hand covered his, their fingers entwining. “How do you do it? Stay so strong, even when you’ve been through so much?”
Fuck if I know. “I guess… I just keep looking forward. Focusing on what’s next.”
“That’s a good strategy. But it sounds kind of lonely.”
Devon wanted to disagree, but he’d told her he wasn’t going to lie to her anymore.
“And what’s the point of being lonely when someone’s right next to you?”
She pulled his hand up to her mouth and kissed his knuckles. He almost laughed, the action was so prim.
Then her leg stretched out. Instead of touching her foot, his hand was now against her thigh. Her skin was so warm and smooth. Without his permission, his fingertips traced upward, following the curve of her hip.
She was completely bare beneath the T-shirt—no panties, nothing.
His cock sprang to life, instantly so hard that his head swam from the loss of blood.
Every cell in his body screamed to keep going.
He thought he’d break if he didn’t slide his fingers between her legs.
He knew she’d be wet. She’d open up for him, moaning.
It would be so easy to pull down his shorts, push inside her, and take what she wanted to give him—
Devon rolled away and shot to his feet. “I’m not going to do this.” He was speaking more to himself than to her, reminding himself of his duty. He walked across the room and wrenched open the door.
“Devon, wait.”
He went out into the living room, shutting the bedroom door behind him. His fingers dug into his scalp, yanking at his hair in frustration.
The couch it is, he thought.