Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
What the hell am I doing? Chase asked himself.
He’d just asked the woman he loved to marry him. The woman who didn’t love him back. Who didn’t see him as anything more than a friend, which was embarrassingly clear from the way she’d been kidding around about his sex preferences.
But still, he said it again. “Seriously. We should get married.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“I’m not joking.”
“I just… No.”
She got up from the couch, and he followed her into the kitchen.
“Think about it. This could work. If we got married, you’d have my health insurance.
I’m a cop, and that could help with defending your right to custody if CPS becomes an issue.
And I could file the paperwork to adopt Haley, in case anything happens to you—which it won’t—but, you know, in case. ”
Ruby whirled around, her expression pure shock. “You would do that? Adopt her?”
“Yeah.” The more he spoke, the surer he was.
This could help them. This could protect Ruby and Haley both.
These two people that he loved. “I mean,” he said, “if you’d want me to adopt her.
It’s a big deal. I know that. Not just for me, but for you.
It’s giving up some of your rights, and you’d never take that lightly.
You know I’d never try to undermine you in any way. ”
Ruby just stared at him.
“Why?” she asked.
“What do you mean, why?”
“You’re not human, Chase. Nobody is this selfless.”
Fuck, you’re right. I’m not that selfless. I’m in love with you. I want to do freaky things to you.
But really? He expected nothing from her. Not when it came to loving him back or absolutely anything else.
“It’s what I said. So I can help you. And help Haley.”
“Do you even realize what you’re saying?” Ruby threw her hands up as she paced. “You’d marry a woman who’s been arrested for murder? What are your bosses going to think? And everyone down at the station?”
“I don’t care about anyone else. I care about you and Haley and Devon and this family.” The only real one I have.
“This is bizarre. My life has officially gone sideways.” Ruby sat at the kitchen table, fingers tapping on the surface.
Chase walked around the room, trying to find the words he needed. Because he did know why he wanted to do this.
It wasn’t about his attraction to Ruby. It went much deeper. To the scarred parts of him he didn’t like for anyone to see.
“My mom left when I was eight. My younger sister was six.”
Ruby looked over at him. “You have a sister?”
“I don’t like talking about my family.” He rested his back against the wall, hands in his shorts pockets. Chase had never told this story to anyone. Not even Devon. He’d always deflected questions about his childhood when anybody asked.
“Our mom got tired of putting up with our dad, so she packed up a few suitcases one day while we were at school and he was at work. Drove away. I got home and found her side of the closet empty, drawers cleaned out. She was just gone.”
It had been a long time, and it didn’t affect him so much anymore. But it still wasn’t easy to discuss.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It is what it is.”
His mom had often seemed distant, and Chase had wondered what he could do to make her happier. After she’d left, he’d felt like it was his fault, until he’d realized it was really his father’s. But his mom’s love for her kids hadn’t been strong enough to overcome her hatred for her husband.
“Was your dad abusive?”
“Not physically. Just an all-around asshole.” Nothing had been good enough.
Growing up, Chase hadn’t heard his father utter a single kind word to his mom.
“Maybe she thought she wouldn’t have been able to keep us.
Or didn’t know how she’d manage on her own.
” He shrugged. “We got a few birthday cards from her. A few calls over the years. That was it.”
His sister preferred to act like Chase and their dad didn’t exist. She’d moved to Florida. Maybe that made it all easier for her to bear.
Chase still spoke to their father about once a month, even though his dad only ever made him feel like crap.
When he’d made corporal in the Marines, his father had asked why he wasn’t a staff sergeant yet. The day he’d graduated from the police academy, his dad had asked why he didn’t do something “impressive” like joining the FBI. No matter what he did, his dad thought he should’ve been better.
So no, his dad wasn’t abusive. But he had a way of chipping at your soul until you doubted you were worth anything at all.
“You deserved better.” Ruby got up and reached for his hand.
“Maybe so. But that’s why I want to help. Because you would do anything for Haley. This is what family is supposed to do.”
Ruby looked thoughtful. Her expression didn’t give anything away.
“It wouldn’t be forever,” he said, because he was realistic. Someday, she’d want to marry someone she actually loved. Of course she would. “Just until you’ve cleared your name and you’re confident about keeping custody of Haley.”
“Is this even…is it possible it could work? A fake marriage?”
“It wouldn’t be fake.”
Her eyebrows shot up.
“I mean, as far as you and I were concerned, it wouldn’t be the real thing. We’re friends and nothing about that would change. I wouldn’t expect…”
Ruby snorted. “Good to clear that up.”
Chase felt his skin heating. “I don’t need to ask women to marry me just to get laid.”
“So that wasn’t some weird come-on?”
“If I was coming onto you, you’d know.”
“Oh, would I? Is there a role-play scenario involved? Whips and chains?”
He held his breath until she cracked up.
“Your ears are so red right now.”
Chase shook his head. He went back to the coffee table and grabbed his beer. Sipped it.
Most of the time, he was pretty open about sex. About what he wanted.
Chase bet he could make Ruby enjoy the experience a lot.
But Ruby wasn’t just some woman. With her, everything was different. He was different. He felt like he always had his heart on his sleeve, ready to get crushed. How could she not see it?
God, he was glad she didn’t see it.
Because this offer wasn’t about his feelings. If she said yes, his feelings were going to get buried way down deep.
“We’d have to live together,” she said.
“Probably. If we want to make it look right.” He shrugged, sitting in the chair next to hers. “The world’s not fair, Ruby. But we have to exist in it. I want to give you every possible chance to come out okay from this.”
“And Devon didn’t put you up to it?”
“Devon? No. God, no.” Taking care of his sister probably hadn’t included marrying her. “He might be pissed.”
“Then that’s a slight vote in favor of this plan. I don’t need big brothers calling the shots for me.” She eyed him, conveying her meaning.
“I don’t see myself as your big brother.” Believe me. “It’s up to you. Just think about it. The offer stands, and I’m not going anywhere.”
They were both quiet for a minute. Ruby sat beside him. “No one’s ever asked me to marry him before.”
Chase took a swig of his beer. “Hope the next proposal you get is better. This one was lame. I didn’t even have a ring.”
“It wasn’t that bad. You meant well.”
Ouch. “I’ll take that as a no?”
“You said I could think about it. And I plan to.”
To Chase’s surprise, Ruby rested her head on his shoulder again. Second time in one night.
As friends, they had sometimes talked for hours. He’d held her daughter, changed dirty diapers. Shared meals. But before her arrest, they’d never been touchy-feely like this.
In some ways, it had been better not crossing that line. Because having her this close, smelling her coconut-vanilla shampoo, set off an unbearable ache in his center.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “For offering.”
“Any time.” They sat there in silence as Chase drank his beer, feeling like an idiot. A hopeless, lovesick fool. But he also didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world than right here.