Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
The clerk stamped a form. “You’re lucky we’re not busy today. Might’ve been hard for the little one to wait in a long line.”
“Yep, lucky,” Ruby repeated.
They were sitting in the county clerk’s office, about one minute from getting married, and Ruby still didn’t believe this was happening.
“Mama,” Haley said. “Fower.” She handed Ruby the pink flower she’d just plucked from her hair.
“Thank you, bug. But those are supposed to stay in your braids.” She kissed her daughter’s nose.
Haley reached for the back of her head, grabbing another one. A white daisy. “Chay-Chay.”
He smiled and accepted it. “Haley wants me to look pretty too. Why didn’t you braid my hair, Ruby?”
“I will for your next wedding.”
Ruby had dressed herself and Haley in floral prints. It had seemed like the right choice for a wedding. Chase was wearing slim khaki pants and a light blue button-down that matched his eyes.
That morning had been chaotic. Finding out what paperwork they needed, applying online for the marriage license, and sorting out other logistics, which Aurora had helped with.
Chase had a day off work today already, so that hadn’t been an issue.
But in some ways, Ruby had felt like they were rushing so that nothing else could happen first. As if this marriage was her one hope, and the next terrible thing was waiting just around the corner.
“All right, just need your signatures here and here.”
Ruby was glad she had her daughter to hold on to because her hands were shaking. Her signature came out messy on the license.
Chase signed next.
“And the witness?”
Ruby’s mom stepped forward. They’d only been allowed to bring a single person, so Devon and Aurora were waiting outside.
The clerk beamed at them. “You’re a beautiful couple. A beautiful family, I should say.”
“They are beautiful,” Megan said emphatically. Ruby’s mother had been battling tears all morning. “And very strong and loyal and…” She sniffled, waving a hand in front of her face. “I’m sorry. It’s just overwhelming.”
Ruby looked over at Chase and found him smiling back.
“Chay-Chay.” Haley held out a sprig of baby’s breath to him. “Fower.”
“Thank you, princess.” He took it and stuck it behind his ear.
We’re doing this for Haley, Ruby told herself.
Shit. We’re doing this.
“Do you have the rings?” the clerk asked.
“Oh. Yes. Hold on.” Chase patted his pockets. “Here.” He pulled out two silver rings, one large, one small. Both simple. Ruby didn’t even know where he’d gotten them.
“All right,” the clerk said with a smile. “Time for the vows.”
Ruby handed Haley to her mother. They’d agreed not to use traditional ones, since this was hardly a traditional marriage. But all the romantic stuff she’d found online hadn’t been right either.
Ruby read the notes she’d jotted in the car on the way. “I promise to be your partner. To accept you and…care for you the best way I can. To be honest and loyal for as long as we’re together.”
She felt a tug inside her chest to be saying these things—because she meant them. And that was big and scary. Making these kinds of vows, even to a friend. Especially to a friend.
Then it was Chase’s turn. “I promise to protect and care for you and Haley, as long as you need me, no matter what comes our way.” The tips of his ears had turned red.
Ruby realized she’d been staring at him when the clerk said, “Ruby? Do you take Chase to be your spouse?”
“Oh. Yes, I do.”
He slid her ring over her finger.
“Chase, do you take Ruby to be your spouse?”
“I do.”
Hands shaking, Ruby pushed his ring over his knuckle.
“Congratulations. You’re married.”
They were holding hands. Ruby looked into his eyes.
For the first time in her life, she had no words. None.
Afterward, they went to Megan’s house for lunch. Aurora had organized a get-together, which she’d promised wasn’t a party. Ruby didn’t exactly feel like celebrating. But when they walked inside, Aurora had set out enough food that it looked like a party.
Max and Lana were here too. Lana squeezed Ruby’s shoulder. “Aurora told us the news. Is it okay we came?”
“Of course. I’m glad you did.”
“I want to say congrats, but I’m not sure if that’s right.”
“You mean, they don’t make a greeting card for marriages of convenience when the bride’s awaiting trial?”
Lana cringed. “The store was out.”
“We’re here for you,” Max said. “I’ve got our research team working hard on your case.”
“Thanks.”
Maybe it would’ve been easier if Ruby had written the words on her forehead. Thank you. She owed all of them so much.
Chase, Max, and Devon congregated together in the kitchen, digging into the food. Haley toddled over to stand in the middle of them, demanding the men’s attention. Ruby’s mom and Aurora were mixing up punch.
Ruby wondered if anyone would notice if she slipped out the back door. Or maybe went to hide in the bathroom.
Forty-two minutes in—Ruby had been watching the clock—Aurora grabbed a glass and tapped it with a fork.
“Thanks for coming today to show your support. Ruby knows we all love her, and we all know she loves us back. No need to say it again right at this moment. I have the feeling Ruby’s sick of the spotlight. ”
No kidding, she thought.
“Devon and I want to share a little announcement of our own. If it’s okay with you, Ruby?”
She waved for them to continue. “The less attention on me, the better. Go for it.”
“Chase?”
He nodded.
Aurora’s face beamed. “We’ve been keeping this quiet, but everyone’s together today, and mostly? I just can’t keep this in.” She rested a hand on her flat stomach. Devon put his arm around her, smiling. “Haley’s going to have a cousin in about seven months.”
Ruby felt her entire body go still. Lana and Megan both gasped.
“You got her pregnant?” Max turned a scowl toward Devon, who was very conspicuously not glancing in Max’s direction.
“Of course it was Devon,” Aurora snapped. “Who else?”
There was a lot more hugging and exclaiming. Haley was jumping around, enjoying the excited energy.
It was all just a little too much.
Ruby watched them for a while, and when nobody was looking, she snuck through the back door and went around the side of the house.
She hadn’t bothered to put on her shoes, and the grass poked between her toes. She rested her head against the brick wall, closing her eyes.
A few minutes later, she heard the soft rustle of footsteps in the grass. “Can I join you?” Chase asked.
“Sure. Just wishing I had a cigarette.”
“You don’t smoke.”
“I quit when I got pregnant. It was part of my whole rebellious, bad-girl persona before I was a mom.” She glanced over. “Never tell Devon.”
“We’re married now. We’re legally required to keep each other’s secrets.” Chase leaned against the brick wall next to her. “You okay? I didn’t know if Aurora’s announcement…if it brought up things for you.”
“Because I got pregnant at the age she is now, but I didn’t have anyone like Devon to care about me?” Ruby’s throat felt thick, and her nose burned. “Nah. I wasn’t thinking that at all.”
But she felt like she’d been rubbed with sandpaper today, and everything that touched her was too intense. Even that little glimpse of happiness.
“My mistake. I’ll go if you’d rather be alone.”
She felt his eyes on her. But unlike everyone else at the moment, Ruby didn’t mind Chase’s presence. “You can stay.”
“You look beautiful. I don’t think I said that earlier.”
“Everyone inside is pretending this is a normal, happy day. You don’t have to do it too.” Her fingers itched for that cigarette. Her eyes stung, and that lump in her throat just kept getting bigger.
“What makes you think I’m pretending?”
Exhaustion washed over her. Despair over everything that had happened, even though she was determined to keep smiling. For some reason, with Chase, she couldn’t manage it.
“I don’t want to feel like this.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m not myself anymore.”
“Do you want to get out of here?”
“No. I’m not running away.” But she needed something, and all she could see was him.
Ruby pushed away from the wall, wrapped her arms around him, and rested her cheek on his shoulder.
Chase was tense at first, but then his arms closed around her like he was ready to hold her up. She shut her eyes. Breathed in his forest-scented deodorant.
“Today, we hugged every other person inside the house except each other.” Ruby looked up at him. “Why is that? Do I smell weird?”
He smirked. “You don’t smell weird. If you want to hug more, we can.”
“So accommodating of you. Mr. Selfless.”
“You sound annoyed. Did I say the wrong thing?”
Everything in her head came spilling out.
“You’ve been my friend for a while now, one of my best friends, someone I could count on.
But I gave you my friendship back. And now, what do I have to give you?
I’m just…” She averted her gaze, blinking back tears again.
Damn it. “We’re doing this for Haley, and I know how much you care about her.
But I feel like I’m this black hole, and I’m taking from everyone. Especially you.”
Ruby pushed back from him. Even right now, she was taking comfort from him and didn’t know how she’d ever repay it.
A wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. “You’ve given me a lot. You make me laugh and think about things I wouldn’t have otherwise. You make me see the world differently. None of that’s changed. I do love Haley, but I also care about you.”
“But I don’t want your pity. Ever.”
“And you won’t get it. Honestly, I’m in awe of you. Always have been.” He’d said this so matter-of-factly that it didn’t sound patronizing. She almost believed him.
“You’re in awe of me? Is that why you don’t like to hug me? I’m intimidating?”
“You figured out my secret. But I hear you got married to a total idiot, so obviously you can’t be that awesome.” He leaned in and whispered, “Now’s when you say, ‘Shut up, Chase, I’m still awesome.’ Come on, say it.”
“I’m not saying it.”
“Not even for me? Mr. Selfless? You won’t give me this tiny thing?”
“Fine. I’m awesome.”
“Not bad, but try it again without the eye roll.”
“You’re a bossy husband, you know that?” They both laughed, and Ruby felt a little more like herself again.
“Your bossy husband thinks you need another hug.” Chase pulled her closer again. His eyes locked onto hers.
Suddenly there was this strange feeling in her center. Like she couldn’t get enough air. She still wanted something, needed it, and didn’t know what it was.
It definitely was not a cigarette.
“You didn’t kiss me after the ceremony,” Ruby said.
“You wanted me to kiss you?”
“Not really.”
He barked a laugh. “Okay. Thanks for letting me know? I guess.”
“But now, I kind of do.”
“Do what?”
“Want you to kiss me.”
His eyes darkened. “Oh.”
“Not like it would mean anything. I just want to do it once. To see what it’s like. Because otherwise, I’ll be wondering.”
He made a face. “That makes perfect sense.”
“Doesn’t it? We’re married. It seems strange if we’ve never even kissed.”
“Just this once, huh?”
“Yep. One and done.”
“Then I’d better make it good.” His voice had dropped low, and there was this swooping feeling in Ruby’s stomach that took her completely by surprise, and suddenly his hand was in her hair.
He dipped his head and pressed his soft lips to hers.
The kiss lingered, but he didn’t push, didn’t try to deepen it. Instead his lips moved to her chin, pressing small, gentle kisses along her jaw. Chase used the hand in her hair to angle her head back. He kissed where her chin met her neck, and Ruby heard a small whimper. Had she made that noise?
Chase let go of her. It took Ruby a moment to remember where she was. Her blood was rushing, yet she also felt a stillness at her center. Like she was completely steady for maybe the first time since the day that Mickey died. Maybe even before.
“How’d I do?” Chase asked.
“I’m pretty sure that was more than one kiss. But I’ll let it slide.”
He rolled his eyes, turning around to head back to the house. She smiled, watching him go.
The kiss—kisses—had been nice. She definitely hadn’t hated it, which was weird. But if a girl couldn’t get a decent kiss on her wedding day, when could she?