CHAPTER 1
*20 MONTHS LATER *
“Our new routine”
Aaron
My wife was coming home late again, but that had become the norm in recent months. I barely saw her. When she wasn’t out working, she was working in her home office. The few times we talked, it was about our jobs and how our day had gone.
One would think that after spending all day without seeing your partner, you would have more to answer than: “Well, a lot of work, as always.”
I missed my wife at all hours, every day. It was a void that did not close despite the fact that it had become the rule. Not only did I miss Maya as a wife and lover, but I also missed her as a best friend. It wasn’t that I missed sex—I mean, that, too—but I missed just being with her more.
I missed the feeling I had when we looked at each other and synced up. I missed laughing with her and feeling desired by her. Loved by her. I missed her smart eyes and dazzling smile that only a couple of fortunate individuals could see.
Sometimes, I thought I was the only one still in this relationship. In these past months, we gradually became roommates instead of husband and wife—the type of roommates who hardly exchanged words.
I knew that my wife was pulling away from me because of the pain. I knew that if I was having a hard time, she was drowning. But there was no way she was going to hold my hand or seek a professional to help her out. Over and over again, I had asked her to see an expert, but she kept reassuring me that she was okay.
I looked at the clock on my cell phone again—another night I was going to have dinner alone while she was having dinner with her asshole coworkers around. I was jealous of them, and I had no problem admitting it.
They spent hours with her, while I missed her in our home. I had never been the jealous type, except when it came to Maya. With her, I was greedy.
Tired of feeling sorry for myself, I grabbed a Tupperware and filled it with Maya’s dinner. It was a horrible excuse, but I was going to use dinner as a way to see her at work. After twenty minutes, I was standing in her work’s parking lot. The last time I was here, I broke the news to her that led to our distance in the first place.
There were only half a dozen cars left in the parking lot, and the only illuminated floors of the building were the third floor and the entrance. I got out of the car with the food and headed for the building with as much confidence as I could muster.
“Good evening, Aaron,”
Sud, the building’s janitor, greeted me.
Sud was a middle-aged man who was always smiling. He had wrinkles around his eyes and lines around his mouth, was bald, and had a very pale complexion. He was also Maya’s co-worker who I liked best.
“Hello, Sud. Long time, no see. How is your husband?”
“Wonderful. Sidrah and her husband are staying home, and we’re constantly fighting over who’s holding my Ansley.”
Ansley was born three months ago and was Sud and Drew’s first grandchild. The few times I had seen one of them, they did not stop talking about how eager they were for their granddaughter to be born. Now that she was finally here, they must be living in a cloud.
“I can imagine. Say hello to everyone.”
“Sure. It was nice to see you again, Aaron.”
I got on the lift, and before the doors closed, he said, “And take care of Maya. Your girl works too hard.”
That comment relieved some of the pressure in my chest and the ghosts in my head. Maya was a hard worker, and just because we were going through a rough patch, it didn’t mean she didn’t love me.
Maya was going through a lot, and it frustrated me that she didn’t want to lean on me during these difficult times, but I had to understand that this was her way of dealing with what had happened.
I knew that our relationship was worth more than anything in the world, that she was worth it. If I had to keep carrying the weight of our relationship until she was better, I would. I would fight for both of us. I would show her that I wasn’t going anywhere, no matter what.
I got out of the elevator and didn’t see anyone. I went to Maya’s office, but she wasn’t there. I walked to the small kitchen, and there she was, sitting with her back to me while Theo, one of her coworkers, was smiling at her. Neither of them turned to look at me. My head didn’t process what they were talking about; I was too busy watching how the two of them were having dinner, sitting across from one another.
I knew from the first time I saw Theo that he was attracted to my wife. He was always looking at her, trying to get her attention and asking her advice on whatever case he was working on. And he was always checking her out.
At first, I didn’t see him as a threat; my relationship with Maya was solid. In fact, I saw him as a creep. Maya and I grew up together, and we’d shared experiences that defined you as a person. We were there for each other during the bad times.
There had been no one else for her, and I always believed it would be forever. Because I knew in my soul that it would be like that for me. I never considered Theo a threat because I didn’t consider him the type of man my wife would find attractive. I thought I was her only type. She was my only type.
Was it the same for her?
How often had they been having dinner together in the last few months while I waited for her at home, if only to say goodnight?
I heard a laugh; Theo was throwing his head back as if what my wife had said was the funniest thing in the world. Theo looked up, and that’s when he saw me. He looked me up and down, stopping at my hands. His gaze was smug. That’s when I remembered that I had brought the homemade meal.
I felt humiliated and hurt. Defeated. Very easily, I had said that I could bear the weight of both of us in our relationship. Maybe she didn’t want to go on with it anymore. My heart was racing, and my hands became extremely cold. It was like someone had opened all the windows.
“Aaron, are you okay?”
My wife’s voice sounded worried. I focused on her, stopping all those horrible thoughts. She was in front of me, looking me in the eyes. Then, she started to look at my face slowly, then my body, until her eyes stopped on my hands. I tried to hide the food behind my back. “Is that lasagna?”
I needed to get my shit together, but my wife was focused on me for the first time in who knew how long. I became the Aaron who didn’t know how to form more than a couple of stupid sentences in front of his eternal crush.
“Yes,”
was my incredible reply. Maya still looked at me, but with a less tense stance. “But you already had dinner, so…”
“I actually haven’t.”
She turned around and gestured to the table. “That’s Theo’s dinner.”
When she turned around to face me again, I checked if she was lying—she wasn’t. Everything was on Theo’s side.
I felt stupid jumping to conclusions so fast these days. I had known Maya almost all my life; in fact, I didn’t remember a moment when she wasn’t in my life.
Tragedies and betrayals tended to change people, and these days, my wife was hidden so deep inside herself that sometimes I didn’t recognize her.
I needed to keep my head cool if I wanted to win the war.