Chapter 18 #2
“Come here,” he said to Becky, folding her in his arms and tucking her head under his, and just letting her lean against him and cry. He figured that’s probably what she needed. That, or at least to know that someone cared, that someone was there for her, and that she wasn’t doing this by herself.
He was imperfect. Very, very imperfect. He had made a lot of mistakes, and he was sure in the future he would make a lot more. But he would be here for her. However she needed him, if she let him.
She cried for a while, and he let her. Even when she stopped, he didn’t move and just stroked her hair down her back, and laid his cheek on her head, and was content to just stand there. However long she needed to.
“Sorry,” she finally sniffled.
“Don’t be. I’m glad. Not that you’re crying, but that I could be here. You…need someone. This is an awful lot for one person to carry alone.”
“You lost her too. You have babies too. You’re taking this too.
Why aren’t you crying?” She seemed to be angry now, which was how Becky sometimes handled things when she was younger.
She’d outgrown that issue as she’d grown older, but he supposed with this trauma before her, she had reverted back to what she knew best.
“She wasn’t my sister. I loved her, but not like you did.
Remember the whole reason that you and I met was because you couldn’t stand to be separated from her, and you ran away from your foster home, which wasn’t a very good home, and were living basically in the wide-open area around Raspberry Ridge, trying to feed yourself, so that you could see your sister once in a while.
” He thought again of how fierce Becky was.
How loyal. How deeply she loved. “No wonder it feels like your heart is being broken. She was…part of your heart.”
“Yeah. That’s right. That’s exactly how it feels. That part of my heart is missing.”
“And Rita loved you just as much. I was sure of it. Her concern that last night when we were eating was all about you and her babies.”
“I don’t know if I can raise them. This is all so new. I am surprised I haven’t dropped one yet.”
“Every parent feels like that the first few weeks. Everything is new. Then, you have another one, and it’s all old hat. Then you have a third one, and you wonder what you thought was so hard about it. Except sleep. I don’t think you ever get used to not getting any sleep.”
She laughed a little, as he had intended, and he moved his face and kissed the top of her head.
She froze. He could feel her body under his arms, just still, like her breath caught in her throat and her heart stopped beating. Then, she pushed away. Not hard, not meanly, but like she’d realized what was going on and needed to keep that protective wall up.
“I’m sorry about that. Thanks for letting me cry. I guess I don’t know for sure that I actually needed it or not, but… I appreciate it.” She kept her eyes cast down. And then she turned to the couch. “Do you think we can pick her up and put her in her car seat? Or do you think she’s okay there?”
“I think she’s okay there, but we could put her in her car seat if you need to take a nap. We have a couple of hours until we need to leave to meet the realtor at Raspberry Ridge.”
“All right. I wanted to get some laundry done, so maybe I’ll do that while I’m waiting.”
“Becky,” he said, and she stopped in the process of turning away. “Please. Rest.”
“I can’t. If I lie down, I’m just gonna lie there and think about stuff, and I don’t want to do that.”
“Please,” he said. Knowing that she was exhausted, she had so much that had happened to her, and she just needed to get some rest. “You’ll feel better if you’re able to sleep for a little bit.”
“I know you’re right. I know I would feel better, but I’m not tired enough to sleep. I’ll just lie there, and things are going to go through my head, and I’m going to feel worse and worse, and I’m going to feel more tired when I get up than I did when I lay down.”
“I wish you would try.”
“I know how it’s going to go. And I’ll feel better if I’m busy. I’ll at least be able to keep the thoughts at bay.”
“Then let me help you.”
She laughed. “I promise you, I’m quite capable of putting a load of laundry in the washer by myself. You’re right, I’m tired, and I know you’re right that I would feel better if I would rest, but I just know that I’m not going to be able to right now.”
He let it go. She knew herself better than he did, but he also knew that a person could face things better if they were able to make themselves sleep for a little bit. And that’s what Becky needed now more than anything.
He moved around, knowing he had some work that he could probably do while the babies were sleeping, and there were other things to take care of.
He supposed that he just needed to let Becky go.
Do what she wanted to do. And realize that his right to ask her to do anything was severely limited.
She had been kind to him, but she really didn’t need to be.
And she didn’t even know the half of it.
How was she going to react when she found out the rest?