Chapter 23 #2
“It wasn’t?” she asked, and while her voice was a little louder, it still held that note of pain or betrayal or whatever it was.
She deserved to feel it all. She deserved to have every piece of her anger directed against him.
He couldn’t sense any right now, but he was sure it was coming.
It was inevitable. How could she not be angry with him?
“I thought it was. I thought that was the end of it. I didn’t see her, didn’t talk to her.
It wasn’t like there were any kind of emotional attachments.
She just…didn’t like to be alone on the weekends, I guess.
I don’t know. I don’t really understand that mentality, and I knew that wasn’t the person I wanted to be.
No matter how financially devastated I was, I didn’t have to be morally devastated either.
Although…it’s too late to get back what I don’t have any more. ”
He paused for a moment, not wanting to dwell on that but trying to figure out how to say the rest. “Anyway. Not long ago, my lawyer was contacted by a lawyer that she had hired. Stella. Now remember, when we hooked up,” he cringed over the words, “I had nothing. Literally nothing. I was bumming out on her couch, and I didn’t even have money to give her for food.
So, she must have seen me somewhere and realized I now had money, and the note from her lawyer said that she had a son, and she wanted compensation. ”
“Oh my goodness,” Becky breathed.
“Yeah,” he finally said. Then he wished he wouldn’t have said it, because she pushed up and away from him and moved over to the other side of the couch, bringing her legs up to her chest and hugging them, facing him.
Her hair was messed up, her face red from leaning on him, and her eyes red rimmed from the funeral and being up with the babies the night before, and maybe they were filling with tears now, he couldn’t tell.
He watched her as he said, “I was aghast. It was not that long ago, and it was after I had seen you. You were all I thought about. You were the only one I ever wanted. Ever. Everything I did, I did it for you. I did it all with us in mind. Our future. I just knew you would always be loyal to me. There was never any question in my mind about that. Even though I didn’t talk to you. I didn’t worry about that at all.”
He didn’t mean to make her feel guilty, but her face changed, like she knew she hadn’t been loyal, and she looked down.
“I’m not knocking you. I’m just telling you how I felt.
There was never a doubt in my mind that you and I were going to be together.
I meant every word, everything I ever wrote to you.
It was all true. And then, I got this thing from my lawyer, knowing that I had a child.
And that was after I saw you again, and I knew I needed to tell you what had happened and why I hadn’t talked to you and tried to make things right, and then this big bombshell dropped in my lap. ”
“And what did you do?” she asked, and he didn’t know how she would react to this. But he hoped he had done the right thing.
“I told my lawyer that I would pay it. Whatever she asked, and the only thing I wanted in return was for her to give up all of her rights and to give me full custody.”
Becky’s eyes got big, and her mouth opened, and then she said, “But what if the little boy is attached to his mother? You’re going to rip his mother away from him?”
“I don’t know. I guess. I… I didn’t know what to do.
I just knew I didn’t want to co-parent with Stella.
Someone I barely knew and shouldn’t have been with.
Anyway, what’s lying on the counter over there is her lawyer’s response to my request. She’s agreed to it, as long as I agree to meet with her just one time.
I need to sign it and send it back to my lawyer, and my lawyer will facilitate a meeting between us, and I’ll find out what she’s going to say. ”
“You can’t take a little boy from his mother.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and then he said, “I wondered if she was even raising the child. Maybe she has her mother doing it or someone else, but you’re right.
I don’t want to step in and upend his world, but at the same time, I don’t want my child to be raised by a bunch of strangers, who do drugs while he’s playing with his toys on the floor in front of them. ”
Becky nodded and seemed to be able to understand what he was saying as he said that, and she didn’t argue with him anymore.
“Honestly, I’m not sure the boy’s mine. She said she had a paternity test done, and he is mine, but I don’t know how she would have done that.
I never donated any DNA for any tests.” He still wasn’t sure.
She could have taken it from him while he was at her apartment, but that would have been showing a lot of foresight and patience.
“You said she had been hooking up every weekend?”
“Yeah. Every weekend, she was with someone. Usually someone different. I think I saw a couple of guys come around a few times, but…sometimes she was with one guy Saturday evening and went to bed with someone else the next night. It was…kinda gross.”
“Yeah. Ouch. That’s gross and sad.” Becky hesitated. “So, you’re going to meet with her?”
“Yeah. As soon as my lawyer sets up the meeting.” He paused and then said, “Do you want to go?”
Her eyes opened big, and then she tilted her head as though she were thinking about it. “Yeah. I think I would.”
It was his turn to be surprised. She didn’t seem to be overly angry. In fact, he was hard-pressed to detect any anger at all, and…he definitely wasn’t expecting her to want to go meet with Stella.
“I don’t understand why you’re not angry with me.”
Her brows drew down, and she tucked her legs closer to her, drawing them to her and putting her chin on them.
“I’m not sure. But I don’t feel anger. I just feel…
sad. Maybe a little empty. I definitely pity Stella.
The idea that that’s a good life to someone.
How little you must value yourself to hook up with anyone and everyone.
Whoever’s available. That’s just kinda hard to wrap my head around.
Maybe that’s overshadowing everything, but…
I suppose the idea that you moved out. That you went to someplace dangerous and hard, that you knew that what you were doing was wrong, I don’t know.
It’s kind of hurtful that you did it while you weren’t talking to me, but it would have been worse if you had done it while you and I were still talking, you know? ”
He didn’t really understand why something would have been worse.
He thought she would be a lot more angry at him having sex with another woman than she would have been at him not talking to her for five years, but maybe she was just tired of being angry.
Maybe she was just tired of being disappointed in him.
Or maybe it was a delayed reaction, and when she thought about it for a while, then she would be angry.
“Regardless. I’m sorry. I have always loved you.
And I know I always will. Being with you is like coming home.
It feels right. Nothing else does.” He realized as he was saying it that it was the absolute truth.
Nothing else felt just right like being with Becky.
She had the ability to make him feel like he was home.
“That’s how I feel about you. I guess it took me a little while to figure that out.
But that’s exactly the way I feel. Being with you is like being home.
And I don’t want to trade it for anything.
” She paused for a moment, and then she said, “And I don’t want to get unreasonably angry at you for making mistakes.
Especially at mistakes you made five years ago.
” She paused, then looked at him. “Is there anything else you aren’t telling me? ”
He laughed. “No. No other women. Not even close. I learned my lesson with that, and I have a couple of ladies that I work with, but I have an office that is completely glass. Every wall. There’s a bathroom, but it just has a toilet in it.
There is definitely no room for any kind of, well, I suppose people could make room for what they want to make room for, but I promise you, for me, doing anything in that bathroom besides using the toilet is just gross, okay? ”
She laughed. “I believe you. I’ve had to think about things since the babies were born.
You never lie to me. I mean, you might have made promises that you didn’t keep, but you never tried to pretend they were something that you didn’t say.
You might have not wanted to tell me what you were doing, but instead of going completely silent on me, you could have lied to me.
There was nothing preventing you from writing letters to me telling me how well you were doing, and how much money you were making, and how you were traveling here or there.
But you didn’t. You didn’t lie. And I guess that means more to me than anything.
That shows me that you respect me enough to tell me the truth.
And there is something that is sadly sweet about you wanting to look your very best for me. I can respect that.”
“Thank you. I wasn’t sure that you would ever understand.”
“It took me a little while. Sometimes I can be slow.”
“Oh, Beckpet. You are a lot of things, but slow is not one of them.”
She laughed with him. And then he said, “Do you think that we could handle another kid?” He looked at the two car seats, quiet for now, but that had been a huge adjustment. “Bringing a three-and-a-half-year-old boy into the mix would be…crazy.”
“We have to handle what we have to handle. Good thing we bought a big house.”
She said “we.” That made his heart smile.
“Becky?”
“Yeah?” she asked, lifting her brows.
“Maybe this is not a good time to bring this up, but remember how I said I didn’t want to live with you?”
“I understand now.”
“I want to marry you.”
He was surprised when she didn’t hesitate, especially considering what he’d just confessed. “All right. That would solve all our problems. And if you’re trying to sell yourself, you did a good job of it last night. I could get addicted pretty fast to snuggling with you all night long.”
“I’m happy to hear it. Because I’m expecting that as soon as you say ‘I do.’”
“All right. You got it,” she said.
It was a little awkward for him to move across the couch, but he did anyway, and he took both of her cheeks in his two hands. She moved her knees and leaned closer.
“You know you just agreed to marry me, right?”
“I was hoping that was what that was, because if it wasn’t, I was trying to figure out how I was going to propose later today.”
“I think we’ve wasted enough time.”
She agreed, nodding.
And then he said, “I’ve waited a long time to kiss you. I don’t think I would have chosen a moment like this, but it feels right. Do you mind?”
“I want you to,” she said, putting both hands on his cheeks and pulling his face toward hers.
They shared a sweet, tender, almost bittersweet kiss.
One that tasted a little of sadness but mostly of excitement for the new beginnings that they were looking forward to.
It wasn’t going to be anything like he had thought it was going to be, but he had a feeling it was going to be better. Because anything with Becky was better.