30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
Beau
M ira stepped out of Savannah Lace's front door. She didn't stop when she saw me waiting. She just kept walking, her shoulders tense but her pace steady, as if she could pretend I wasn't there by keeping her feet moving.
Well fuck that! I wasn't going to let her pretend that I didn't exist, that we didn't exist.
I fell into step beside her, not saying anything at first. The streets were calm, not too many people around—just a few couples walking hand in hand, a few people rushing to get to wherever they were going. Life was carrying on around us, but between Mira and me, it felt like time stood still and had since I fucked up.
"Pari misses you," I said after a few minutes, my voice low. "She's not asking for you during the day anymore, but every night…she won't sleep without your song."
Nothing. Not even a glance.
We kept walking. The pavement beneath our feet felt uneven, a couple of cracks in the old stone sidewalks, but Mira moved with a purpose, like nothing could trip her up, nothing could break her focus.
"She hums the lullaby to herself sometimes," I continued, my throat tightening with every word. "It's like she's trying to hold on to whatever part of you she can."
Still nothing. No flicker of emotion. No sign that my words were making any impact.
The sun hung low in the Savannah sky. After Pari went to bed, Mira and I used to sit on the porch of my house on such evenings with a drink, talking, sharing, loving. I'd blown it all up out of sheer stupidity.
I watched her out of the corner of my eye as we passed under the oak trees, their shadows casting patterns across the street. She looked thinner, paler. Her hair was tied back in a tight knot, and there were dark circles under her eyes that made her seem even more distant. She wasn't just ignoring me—she wasn't even there. She was a shell, and I didn't know how to reach the woman I loved anymore.
I cleared my throat, and tried again. "The food you're making at Savannah Lace…people are talking about it. Luna's your biggest fan. She won't stop going on about the samosas you made. Stella's been singing your praises as well, and Aurora's entire family fights over your pesto."
Mira stayed silent, her gaze fixed straight ahead, her steps never faltering. She clutched her bag as if it was the only thing anchoring her to the present.
"Hell, even Nina can't stop talking about how good your menus are, and she's hard to please," I added, hoping maybe mentioning Nina would get a reaction. "You've built something there, Mira, in a real short time, and that, too, without a proper kitchen. People love what you're doing. But I've got to say, I miss your cooking. So do Pari and Roxy."
It was like I wasn't even speaking. She moved like a ghost through the fading light, untouched by my words. She didn't slow, didn't stop. Just kept walking.
We crossed through the intersection, and the sound of a few birds calling to each other echoed above us, but all I could hear was the sound of her shoes against the pavement, and the aching silence between us.
I clenched my fists. I wanted to reach her, to break through whatever wall she'd built around herself, but nothing I said was getting through. She was a million miles away, and it was killing me.
"I miss you," I whispered, the ache inside me feeling like it had taken up permanent residence. "I miss us ."
We turned onto Jones Street where Nova's apartment was. It was quiet, except for the rustle of the breeze through the Spanish moss hanging from the oaks that lined the sidewalk.
We arrived at Nova's building, an old, beautiful structure with ivy creeping up its walls and wrought iron balconies overlooking the street. It looked like something out of a postcard, a perfectly preserved piece of Savannah's history. In the evening light, the building seemed to glow softly. The air held a lingering warmth, but it did little to ease the cold silence between us.
Mira stepped up to the door and pulled out her keys. She still hadn't said a word.
"Mira," I tried again, my voice breaking, stepping closer to her. "I'm sorry. For everything. For not believing in you, for pushing you away. I'm so fucking sorry, darlin'."
Without looking back, she opened the door, and stepped into the hallway, the warm light from inside casting a soft glow on her face. For a split second, I thought she might turn around, that she might give me something— anything —that showed she was still in there, that there was hope .
But she didn't.
She walked into the building, shutting the door quietly behind her.
I stood there on the street, staring at the old wood door, my heart pounding, like I'd just run a marathon.
I stuffed my hands in my pockets, my fingers curling into fists. The streets around me felt too quiet, too still, like the world had moved on, and I was stuck here, frozen in place.
I wanted to break down the damn door, pull her back, make her see that I needed her, that Pari needed her. But standing outside that door, I feared that Mira wasn't just shutting me out. She was shutting the whole world out.
Well, I wasn't going to give up. I'd finagled my work schedule so I'd be here every day when she left Savannah Lace. And thanks to Rachel, Nina's EA, I knew exactly when Mira left work.
We were all worried about her—and I was fortunate that her colleagues and my friends were willing to help me bring her back to the land of the living.
I walked down the street to where my car was parked. Pari was with Roxy. We decided not to hire a nanny because Roxy wanted to take care of my daughter herself—and she wanted Mira back so she could look after her, too. She'd stopped blaming me but that was because I was so fucking pathetic without Mira that she felt sorry for me.
The mood in our house was dull—despite Pari who was happy and talked about Miramashi but now without the tears. She looked forward to listening to the recorded lullaby every night. I did as well. I played it again and again while I lay alone in the bed in the guestroom, where I'd spent the best nights of my life, missing her, craving her, wanting her.
The moments right before I was fully awake, I'd forget that she was gone, and I'd feel immense peace and joy. Then I'd turn to look at her beautiful face on the pillow next to mine and it would hit me—I'd lost the best thing in my life.
It was nearly three weeks after I started walking silent Mira home that I finally caught a break. I'd just dropped her off and was walking to the Rogue Water Tap House close by to meet Gabe and Noah.
I'd texted Roxy to remind her I'd be home in an hour or so for bath and bedtime with Pari. She told me to enjoy my evening and not to worry about my daughter. But how could I not? My life had become a cycle of work, worrying about Mira, and taking care of Pari—but not necessarily in that order. Still, I'd agreed to meet Gabe and Noah for drinks.
The Rogue Water Tap House was packed, like it always was on a Friday night. The low hum of conversation filled the place, undercut by the deep thrum of bass-heavy music bleeding from the speakers. The air was thick with the smell of fried food, beer, and something sweet—probably from that cocktail menu they'd been pushing lately, the kind of drinks that came in glasses way too delicate for a place like this. Not that I'd ever touch one!
Gabe and Noah were already seated at our usual spot in the corner, a high-top table that gave us a good view of the bar and the rest of the room. They had a pitcher of IPA between them, froth spilling over the lip of their mugs.
I slid into the seat across from them.
I poured myself a beer, took a long pull. Bitter. Cold. It didn't hit the spot, but nothing would. Not with the way my heart hurt.
"You look like hell, man." Gabe leaned back in his chair, drink in hand.
"I feel worse than I look." I set the glass down hard, not caring if the beer splashed over the edge. "Mira's completely shut me out."
Noah leaned forward, forearms on the table. "No crack in the wall?"
"I just walked her home again . I kept talking, and she kept walking, silent as a fuckin' tomb. It's like I'm speaking to a damn brick wall." I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the tension there, the frustration winding tighter with every word. "I don't know what the fuck to do. I keep thinking she'll at least want to see Pari, but I get nothing . Nova gets nothing. Stella is pushing. Aurora is pushing. Nina is asking me to give her time. It's a cluster fuck!"
"Nina's right. But then she always is. You gotta give her time." Gabe drank some of his beer. "You can't force it."
"Time for what? To watch her slip away?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "I'm just so…." I trailed off, jaw clenched. What the hell was I even saying? I hated sounding like this. Weak. Desperate. But that's what not being with Mira was doing to me. The guilt I felt for hurting her was gut wrenching. Seeing the damage I'd caused made me hate myself.
Mira had been this happy, positive woman with a big heart, and now she was closed off. Knowing it was my fault made me feel worse.
"How the mighty have fallen," Noah remarked.
"Right?" Gabe agreed. "Remember the days when he was with more women than we could count? Look at him now! He hasn't even looked around to see that there are two women at the bar who probably want a menage a trois with him."
"You guys want to show me some sympathy?" I quipped.
"Hey, I've been where you are. I got the T-shirt." Noah raised his beer glass. He'd gotten into some serious hot water with Stella and the world at large when he'd made a sex tape to blackmail her father. Now, that had been a clusterfuck.
"And you were there when I crashed and burned," Gabe reminded me.
True! Gabe had insulted Aurora in front of all of Savannah at a charity ball, and I'd had to drag his ass out of there, threatening to beat said ass if he ever pulled a stunt like that again.
"You assholes are so smug," I admonished, flipping them a finger.
"'Cause we won our fair maidens." Noah smiled with self-satisfaction.
"Who are you calling a fair maiden?" a voice behind us said.
"You, my love." Noah rose and gave his wife a hug and then a kiss.
"No, you're staying," I heard a woman's voice. "Just because he's here doesn't mean you have to leave."
I turned to find the woman and saw someone I didn't know. She looked Middle Eastern and was dressed to the nines. She had her fingers clasped around my Mira's arm.
"We're out for drinks," Aurora explained. "Celebrating a new contract."
Mira looked like she was ready to bolt.
"Everyone, this is Zahra Delacroix, she just moved here from California, and started at Savannah Lace as an architect," Luna introduced their new colleague, the one who was not letting Mira do a runner.
While introductions were made, I watched Mira. Her head was down, and she looked irritated as hell. Good! That was better than the blank look she gave me every day.
"We can get a bigger booth—" I began but Stella waved a hand to shut me the hell up.
"We're going upstairs. And you should stay downstairs," she warned.
Gabe grabbed his wife's hand and tumbled her onto his lap. Prick! I wish I could do that with Mira. I wish…fuck, right now I'd take her looking me in the eye and calling me a prick. I'd take anything .
The women went their way, and I watched as Mira climbed the stairs to go to the second floor.
"We should go up," I suggested.
Noah tapped the side of his mug with his fingers. Gabe overthought shit. Noah, on the other hand, was always quick with some bullshit advice. "You gotta stop chasing her, Beau. Let her come to you. Women don't like being cornered."
"You forced Stella to get engaged to you." I slumped on a chair. "And I'm not chasing. I'm trying to fix things. There's a difference."
"Yeah, yeah." Gabe grinned. "Speaking of men who want to fix things…."
Dominic Calder waved, and came over to us. "This town is seriously small. I'm meeting Anson for drinks and dinner ‘cause the Savannah Lace ladies are out on the town celebrating. You should join us."
"Can't," Gabe said apologetically. "Gotta get home to the kids."
"I gotta get home to the kid…." I paused to look at my watch. "In about five minutes so I can do bed and bath time."
Dom curled his lips. "You've all become so fucking domesticated."
"Don't be cocky, asshole." Noah stood up then. "Your time will come. And, apparently, so will mine… soon ."
I raised an eyebrow. Noah grinned. "She's not ready to tell anyone but they're gonna figure it out when she orders a fruit juice or some shit."
We all congratulated Noah on Stella being pregnant. This could've been my life. I could be telling my friends Mira was pregnant, not right away, but in a few years. Instead? I was drowning my fucking sorrows.
"I'll join you for drinks. Need to catch up with Anson and take advantage of the fact that my wife is our designated driver for the next nine months," Noah added.
I sat down alone with Gabe after Noah and Dom left.
"Is he dating Luna, yet?" I asked.
Dom and Luna had been circling each other for years .
"Nope. She's treating him like a friend . And he's hangin' around with Camy Channing, tryin' to make Luna jealous."
"That's not gonna make Luna jealous, it's gonna piss her off. She hates Camy," I pointed out.
"Well, Camy is special," Gabe said amused.
Camy Channing was heiress to the Channing Sugar empire and was known to not be the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree.
"Regardless, this is progress. A few months ago, he was the enemy," I remarked.
Gabe laughed. "I wish she'd get her head out of her ass. You think you're suffering, imagine Dom, he's been pining over the same woman since they were kids."
"Yeah, well, at least Luna talks to Dom. My situation is far worse." I took a pull of my beer. "I fucked up, Gabe."
"Yeah," he agreed. "She needs to heal, man. She tried to end her life, that's not something you get over on a weekend."
I didn't say anything for a minute, staring into the foam at the top of my glass. The bar around us buzzed with life—people laughing, clinking glasses, like they didn't have a care in the world. Good for them. They weren't dealing with a woman who wouldn't even look them in the eye, like I was some kind of ghost she'd already forgotten.
"We were so fucking happy," I muttered, more to myself than to them. "And I ruined it."
"People shut down for a reason, Beau. She's protecting herself."
I looked up at him, my jaw tightening. "From me?"
He met my stare and didn't flinch. "For now? Maybe. Maybe the whole world. I don't know the history, just…you know, bits and pieces. She's been through a whole hell of a lot of trauma her whole life . She needs to break free."
But what if she can't? What will Pari and I do then?
I looked away, downing the rest of my beer in one long gulp. The glass slammed against the table, harder than I meant to, but I didn't care. I felt the IPA's bitterness scrape down my throat, but it didn't do a damn thing to lighten the weight pressing down on me.
"I got to go home." I rose and pulled out my wallet.
Gabe waved it away. "I got this."
I was about to leave when I saw Mira looking around, probably for a restroom. I couldn't not speak with her. I was about to take a step toward her when someone crashed into me and gave me a hug.
"Beau," Fallon cried out. "It's been so long."
Fuck my life!
I pushed Fallon away. "Stay the fuck away from me," I said as clearly as I could.
"What?"
"Yeah." She'd hurt Mira, and I was never going to be friends with her again. I stalked after Mira, who was all but running to the restroom.
She opened the door, and I stepped in with her. The bar had one of those " we don't care who you are, just wash your hands " gender-less bathrooms.
"I'm not with her." I closed the door and leaned against it.
Mira looked at me pointedly.
" She hugged me."
Mira kept staring.
"I'm with you ."
She cocked an eyebrow, and I wanted to beat my chest. I got a reaction! Hallelujah !
She licked her lips then. "I have to pee, Beau."
I didn't care if her bladder was full, but she'd finally talked to me for the first time since that phone call where I hung up on her after she sang to Pari.
"Go right ahead."
"I'm not going to pee in front of you."
"I'll turn my back."
"Beau," she protested.
"You're talking to me, and I'm not gonna take the chance you won't after you pee."
She sighed. "Please, go wait outside, and I'll come talk to you. Okay?"
"Promise?" How the mighty had indeed fallen!
"Yes," she said exasperated.
I gave a prayer to the heavens, and a thanks to full bladders everywhere, and stepped out of the bathroom.