Chapter 10
Ihad Leo’s number saved in my phone as “the arena” so Tyler wouldn’t get weird about it. What was I even supposed to say to him? How the hell was I going to handle it if Leo was a scent match, too?
Probably not well, all things considered.
Fantasizing about him was a far cry from pursuing something.
I glanced at Jude. His scent was hidden, and I didn’t dare hope that all this time he had been part of fate’s plan. I might be a little furious with myself if he was a scent match. Would I have pushed back on Tyler’s rule about packing up if Jude was my scent match and I had known it earlier?
I shook the thought away. One thing at a time. I dialed Leo’s number and held my breath, waiting for him to answer. It went to voicemail after a few rings and I was too nervous to leave a message, so I ended the call.
A second later, my phone buzzed, the arena name sliding across my screen. “Hi,” I answered, my tongue thick in my mouth.
“Hey, sorry. My phone was in my work locker and I didn’t get to it in time. What’s up? I was actually going to call you today.”
I swallowed the explanation ready to tumble out. “Call me about what?”
“Figuring out a schedule for your riding lessons. Things are a bit chaotic at Night of Knights with Chico, Dylan, and Eduardo taking early parental leave since Charlotte’s false labor. I was expecting to be in charge, but not for a few more weeks. Anyway, what were you calling about?”
“Tyler kicked me out.” All the details spilled out about what Tyler had done, and everything that had happened since. I probably sounded a touch hysterical by the time I got to the end of the story.
“Where are you now? Are you okay?”
“I’m at Alve’s apartment. I’m safe, but not particularly okay.”
“If you’re free, get your ass over here,” Nathan said loudly.
“Who was that?” Leo asked.
“One of my scent matches. His name is Nathan.”
“Why does he want me to come over?”
My cheeks blazed with heat. Leo deserved to know, and the curiosity had been prodding at me ever since I’d first caught a hint of his scent. “I think you might be a scent match, too, and we all want to be sure.”
He was silent for so long, I wondered if the call dropped.
“Leo?”
“Send me the address. I’ll shower and head right over.”
“Okay.” My fingers shook as I got the address from Alve and sent it to Leo.
Jude scooted over next to me and wrapped his arm over my shoulders. “Deep breaths, Maddie. We’re going to get it all figured out.”
I leaned into his embrace. Jude needed his scent contained for his job, but that didn’t mean I had to enjoy it, and it certainly didn’t help my curiosity.
I didn’t know Nathan or Alve. Having someone like Jude—who I had history with, even if it was in a workfriend capacity—might make all of this easier to take.
Did it even matter anymore? Tyler wasn’t around to lay down his edicts, and neither Nathan nor Alve seemed in opposition to each other.
I hadn’t decided on forming a pack with anyone, but if they didn’t mind, then maybe I would ask Jude—scent match or not—if he wanted to give things a go.
We might be better as friends, but I wouldn’t know that unless we tried something different.
This was ridiculous. Was I going to fight with myself the entire time? How often could I slip between the sweet fantasy of a pack and the sharp reality I was living in? I craved letting them take care of everything, no matter how much I acknowledged that wasn’t fair.
It wouldn’t be difficult at all to convince myself to let them, to abandon all semblance of independence.
“Don’t feel obligated to help me,” I said firmly. “I know a scent match can trigger an instinctual compulsion, but I promise I don’t expect anything from anyone.”
Nathan stood and parked his fists on his hips. “Yeah, well, expecting it or not, you’re getting it. If you really don’t want us to, then I’ll try to hold back, but if you’re saying that out of any misguided nobility, then I’m not listening.”
I blinked up at him, my lip twitching toward a smile at how confident and intense he could be. “But…”
“I’ve missed opportunities in the past to be there for someone who needed support, and I’m not doing that again.
I’d help you with or without the scent match factor, because Tyler is a fucking asshole and you don’t deserve how he treated you.
I’m not about to stand by and let you struggle for no reason. ”
“Nathan is right, Maddie. Let us help,” Jude said softly.
“If you want us to pull back when you’re more settled, we’ll have that discussion then.
Tyler kept you financially compromised your entire relationship, and that’s not your fault.
We both know you would have done things differently if you hadn’t been worried about exactly this happening. ”
“A crisis has different rules than the rest of life,” Alve pointed out gently. “I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with accepting additional support when things are falling apart. I can certainly temper my expectations.”
“Expectations?” I asked.
“I hoped for the chance to get to know you, even if you decided against a life with me.”
His blush was so cute.
I bit down on a whimper. All of them being reasonable made me want them even more. “I’ll think about it. Would you mind if I talked to Jude alone for a minute?”
“You can use the nest,” Alve offered. “Or would you prefer we step out of the apartment?”
“Nest is fine.” I peeked through my lashes at Jude and though he looked thoroughly confused, he popped right up when I stood, tugged him down the hallway, and closed the nest door behind us.
“What’s wrong?”
“Can you hold me for a little bit? I feel like I’m going to fall apart and it felt weird to ask in front of the others.”
“Of course.” Jude opened his arms, a soft, understanding smile soothing me.
I melted into his embrace and let myself sink. I wasn’t sure how much time passed while I worked up the courage to open my mouth again, but my feet eventually started to ache from standing on the hardwood.
When I stepped away, it was with enough reluctance that my movements were slow, knowing what I was about to say could bring even more crumbling down.
“I—” The words froze on my tongue. I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m going to feel stupid saying it.”
“No judgment,” Jude promised.
My heart was beating so fast it was abuzz in my ears, and my chest was too tight to get a proper deep breath.
“Maddie? Do you need to sit down?”
“I like you.” Those three words rushed out and my heart launched into hyperspeed.
“For years. I didn’t say anything because of Tyler, because it didn’t seem like there was a point, but I do, and I have, pretty much since we met, and I don’t want everything to be weird, but it’s gonna come out at some point.
Might as well be now. If it’s going to ruin everything, I’d rather be able to let that hope go because it’s not fair to hold onto an idea you’re never going to want. ”
Oh, god.
Now it was out there. My whole body braced for rejection, and I squeezed my eyes shut, holding my breath.
His burst of laughter didn’t sound mocking, but also didn’t make any sense. Warm hands cupped my cheeks. “Maddie, look at me.”
I peeked through my lashes and found his eyes shiny, his smile so beautiful, it made my chest ache. “You don’t hate me?”
“That’s not possible. How out of line would I be right now if I kissed you?”
Raspberry sweetness erupted out of me even before my brain could fully process the words.
Jude—my angel of a friend—wanted to kiss me?
My toes hoisted me up on instinct and his mouth dipped to meet mine.
I didn’t need him to be a scent match to want him.
I’d been doing just fine on that front for too long, only holding back because the alpha who had saved me from my family kept me to himself.
I locked my arms around Jude’s neck and poured all those years of tucked away longing into a kiss I’d thought for so long I shouldn’t want.
Keeping things professional between us had been a necessity, but it had never stopped me from watching the way his lips moved when he talked, or envisioning him pressing me into a mountain of blankets at the store.
Too soon.
But was it really?
I’d been a dog chained up in the yard and I was suddenly unleashed.
Jude’s hands slid down my body to rest at my waist and I thought I might melt out of existence. He felt exactly like I had imagined.
I pulled away to suck in gasping breaths and wedged my head beneath his chin so I didn’t have to look him in the eye. “You’re really, super sure you don’t hate me?”
His thumbs brushed gently along my ribs. “Are you asking because you would hate me if I were in the same position? Because I’ve been in the same boat.”
Wait. What?
I pushed away to see his face. “Same boat how?”
“I definitely had a crush on you from the first time you walked into my store.”
“Is that why you helped me?”
“Well, for one, helping you was part of my job, but yeah, at first I was excited because of the crush. But, once I had accepted your situation I was excited because you’re you.
Every day I saw you was a good one. It always killed me that Tyler didn’t appreciate you, and not just because I wanted you for myself, but because you really fucking deserve to be appreciated.
Not going to be mad that I finally get to do it this way, though. ”
Thousands of our interactions poured through my head. I thought I’d imagined the look in his eyes, and once I had developed my crush, while I couldn’t stop myself from seeking him out at the store, I had done my best to ignore anything that might indicate feelings.
“I don’t know what to do anymore,” I whispered. “I didn’t have a plan for this.”
Jude gathered me back up, resting his cheek on top of my head.
“You don’t have to know what to do. You also don’t have to worry about me.
I’ve been waiting for the chance to help you build a life without Tyler dragging you down, and whether you want me there long term or not, I’m still helping now. ”
“What do I do about the others?”
“Take it an hour at a time. Usually I would say day, but with the amount of things that have happened today alone, I think we need to go hour by hour.”
I hiccuped, my chest tightened again, and I buried my face against his chest. “I always wanted a pack.”
“Now you can have one.”
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“As long as the alphas you choose treat you like gold, I’m never going to mind. But also, don’t you dare ask my permission for that. We’ve had one kiss. You’re not allowed to fall back into the pattern Tyler pushed on you. Whether or not you have a pack is up to you, not me.”
“Okay.” I swallowed hard. “I do want a pack, but I don’t know the others yet.”
“You have time to learn them and decide if you want them around.”
A buzzer sounded from beyond the closed door. Shit. Had we been in here so long Leo had arrived already?
“Are you ready to go out there?” Jude asked.
“No, but I can’t ask Leo to come over and then hide in the nest.”
“Sure you can. The others can fill him in.”
I shook my head and slipped my hand into his. “I don’t have a lot of bravery left in me, but I need to know for sure if Leo is a match or not.”
“But not me?”
“I want you regardless.”
I almost wept at the joy that shone out from his eyes. Had anyone ever looked at me like that before?
Jude kissed me softly, first my lips, and then my forehead. “All right. Let’s get you some alphas.”