Chapter 33
How was it possible to be both incredibly happy and deeply fucking annoyed at the same time?
Life with my pack was shaping up wonderfully, but now I knew Tyler was out there spreading lies about me, had been cheating on me with one of my clients, and, if I had still been reliant on them, would have cost me a lot of business.
I’d thrown myself into work over the next week in a valiant attempt to avoid thinking too much about it.
Fucking Tyler.
Before everything went down, I had considered Jenna a friend.
Not a close one, but I’d always liked her.
At least I found out about the double betrayal when I was in a safe environment.
I wasn’t sure what the hell I would have done if I’d found out while I was still with Tyler and had no way to really get out.
Odds were pretty good I wouldn’t have been brave enough to approach any of my pack without a crisis to motivate me.
I checked another room off my list, moving to the next to make sure everything was in place.
Painters were following along behind me, and once the paint had dried, a team would come in to hang curtains, install shelving, and give everything a cursory clean before we stocked up the kitchens with everything they would need.
Getting to choose tableware and appliances in the soon-to-be residents’ favorite colors, knowing that when they stepped inside this place would feel like home, scratched all my nesting itches. Many would be arriving with very little, and we made sure to provide for them.
Jude had gotten up corporate’s ass at Best of Nests so we could order what we needed instead of being forced into bulk purchases. It worked for some things, but certainly not all, and I was glad they finally saw reason.
“How are you doing?” Alve peeked in. “You can take a break if you need to.”
I bit down on my immediate guilt response. Every time I got irritated, Alve and Leo felt it.
“I’m fine, I promise. Just dwelling.”
“You do have a fair bit to dwell on.” He opened his arms in offering and I slipped between them, letting my ear press to his chest so I could listen to his heartbeat. “The first suite is all ready for your touch if you’re feeling up to it.”
“Sure, I’d love to see it.”
We navigated back down the hallway. The omega moving in there was a green girly, so I had designed her suite in varying shades of green with creams and browns to give her home a warm, earthy vibe.
“It doesn’t even feel like the same place.
” The painters had done a great job and everything was ready for its new home.
My first order of business was making sure that everything for the kitchen was sparkling.
I sliced open the boxes of dishes and loaded them into the dishwasher for a sanitize cycle.
No one wanted factory or shipping dust flavoring their food.
“You created a beautiful space, and I have no doubt that will be the case for every other suite in here.”
Alve’s pride filled my chest. I wanted to make him proud, and I adored being able to feel that accomplishment with my whole being.
I breathed him in, long and deep, releasing it with a sigh. “Okay, I’m ready to keep going. Props to Tiffany, because this is hard work.”
“The rest of the OHI team will be available soon. Once the painters get further along, it’ll be all hands on deck.”
The painters moved so quickly. I’d always taken way longer, but then it was just me, and I wasn’t a professional by any stretch of the imagination when it came to that particular task.
The ones who worked with the OHI prepped the suites three at a time, painted the walls, and moved on to more prep while the paint dried, before cycling back to finish up.
I had to keep ahead of them. With a thousand things to organize, I was feeling out of my depth, but determined not to let anyone down. I spent the next few hours absorbed in making sure the entire hall had things divided appropriately in each room, double checking every order.
“Quit working.” Nathan glided into the room and hoisted me off my feet.
“There’s so much to do,” I protested.
“You’ve been here for ten hours and it’s time to rest. Alve had to call us in after the fourth time you said you were almost done.”
“But—”
“No buts. The work will still be there tomorrow, and if you let yourself get too exhausted, you’re going to miss things and have to redo it later.”
I pouted, but he wasn’t wrong.
My pack was hovering in the hall when Nathan walked out carrying me.
“Omega acquired. Let’s roll out.” Nathan kept walking, the others following. “You’re taking time for our class tomorrow, too. It’ll be good for you.”
“If you want to go,” Jude said, falling into place next to us, “my parents are having a cookout on Saturday and my family really wants to meet you. We wouldn’t have to stay long.”
Nerves tumbled through me. I had bonded half the pack, so meeting families had to be a sooner rather than later step. “Do you think they’ll like me?”
“I think they’ll love you. I may have mentioned you a time or two, so I’m anticipating a lot of opinions. Good ones,” he clarified.
“I can meet everyone. I’ll be nervous as hell, but I’ve been a little selfish keeping all of you tucked away.”
“Recovering from a crisis demands selfishness,” said Leo. “You have to feel safe before we bend to family obligations.”
“Exactly,” said Nathan. “We’ll balance it all.”
We passed the evening quietly, my pack coaxing Pepper to lie on me during movie night so I was bound by the cosmic laws of the universe to not move.
Luckily for everyone, I didn’t want to move anyway.
Jude lay on his side, tucked between me and the back of the couch so he could hold me, and we both had our heads on Nathan’s lap.
Leo sat on a cushion in front of us, feeding me bits of popcorn every so often.
Poppy was in her now-usual spot on Alve’s lap, purring away while he stroked her fur.
This was the sort of thing I’d always dreamed of.
I’d never been surrounded by people who made me feel loved in the silence.
Growing up, and while living with Tyler, silence had meant something was wrong, but here, it meant we were comfortable.
I couldn’t even convince myself otherwise, because Alve and Leo were so content in the bond that my thoughts had no opportunity to twist themselves into knots, wondering if it was all an act.
Pepper ran her little motor in full loaf mode, eyes closed in bliss while Jude scratched behind her ears. They were happy here, too. My cats had always avoided Tyler, but they had adapted immediately to my pack, settling right in like it had always been this way.
I sighed, letting my fingers toy with the ends of Leo’s hair. How could something as simple as a movie night with my pack feel so monumental?
Nathan’s hand on my head startled me. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I was just musing.”
“About?”
“The future.”
“In a good way?” Jude asked.
“Yes. I know this isn’t our first movie night, but I sort of realized that this is what things will probably look like going forward.
I never got to relax in my living room growing up, and I spent a lot of time in my nest when I was living with Tyler.
My nest was my safe space, but now it feels like this might be my new one.
Not the living room itself, but all of us here. ”
“Good job, team.” Nathan grinned, his thumb lightly stroking my hair.
Jude chuckled, nestling closer. “I wasn’t a living room kid either, but that’s because my sisters hogged the couches. I’m glad to be part of your safe space.”
Alve reached for me, equally as unable to move as I was with a cat on top of him. I laced our fingers together.
Leo had turned so he could face me, a gentle smile on his face. “This is pretty much what I wanted for you since we met. I’d hoped I could be part of it, but I never banked on that. So long as someone made sure you were safe, I’d resolved to be content with that.”
“I thought it would all be a lot harder,” I confessed. “The bonds make everything easier. My anxiety can’t lie to me when the counterpoints to everything it might say are shining on me like a spotlight. I mean, it tries, but it can’t yell the way it used to.”
Leo brushed his knuckles over my cheek and gave Pepper some love too when she turned plaintive eyes on him. “What does your anxiety try to say?”
“You know, the usual.”
“You’re going to have to be specific. I’m blessedly not familiar with anxiety the way it seems you and Alve are.”
“Oh, um, just intrusive thoughts, I guess. That you secretly hate me, or resent being here, being bonded. That this is all going to collapse out from under me.” I swallowed hard. “That I’m too broken to ever be the omega any of you deserve.”
Leo looked horrified, and a pulse of panic slipped down the bond.
I suppose that was a normal response for someone who’d never had those thoughts float around their head on repeat.
He took my free hand in his. “I wish I could tell your thoughts to leave you alone because all of that is lies. I could never hate you, and I don’t resent you or the bond.
I’ve wanted a pack my whole life and I’m glad it’s this one, that we’re building a future together. ”
“Maddie,” Jude said softly, “I know you don’t have a bond with me so you’re going to have to settle for the words, but I swear none of that is true for me. I’ve been dreaming of you for years, and it doesn’t matter to me how much support you need to feel safe. I’m happy to be here.”
Nerves twisted in my stomach.
Alve squeezed my hand, reigniting the sensation of our connection.
“I won’t tell you to stop thinking that way, because I know you can’t control it, but my answer is the same as Jude’s and Leo’s.
I understand where you’re coming from. My anxiety whispers similar things, and I’ve had to rely on the bond to tell me the truth.
Every time we touch, the bond gives a little spark of happiness, so I never have to doubt how you feel.
It’s a difficult thing to deal with, and it may never go away, but I do believe it can get quieter with time.
Therapy and medication also help. I’ve done both, so if you have any questions, I’m happy to answer. ”
“I might, thank you.”
“You already know how I feel,” said Nathan. “I’m a happy camper over here with my new girlfriend and boyfriend. You’re stuck with me.”
I pulled in a breath and released it slowly, letting myself sink into my connections. The bond held only warmth, and the men around me offered the same. Maybe things wouldn’t always be this way, but was there anything wrong with enjoying it now?
Anxiety whispered that of course there was everything wrong with it.
If I didn’t worry, how could I be prepared for the inevitable end?
Except, I couldn’t deny that what I experienced right now was different than anything I’d ever had before.
Even if I ended up being the red flag in this pack, I wouldn’t do what others had done to me.
I wanted to be better. For myself and for them.
If this future was really mine to claim, then I had to do my best to not allow my anxiety to cheat me out of it.
Maybe I was still working on believing I deserved it, but they believed it, and for now, that could be enough.