17. Chapter 17
Acouple of months after we started going to counseling, it became clear that our setup at home, as I”d been told by my family, was fucked up. It wouldn”t be, the therapist said, if Iris was okay with staying divorced, but the fact that she was seeking reconciliation to the point that she worked with Sophia to sabotage my relationship with Aurora meant that we had to move.
Sophia was doing much better. In fact, she”d stop having meltdowns and was behaving like the kid I remembered. Counseling helped. She could, in the weekly meetings, tell Iris when she screwed up, and Iris, who was required by our divorce amendment to show up for the sessions, or we”d be in front of a judge, hated every minute of it.
”This is humiliating,” she told me while we waited outside Dr. Ryan”s office, where she was meeting with Sophia. She spent an hour with our daughter and then we spent an hour as a family. It worked well, and Sophia talked to us about the things that bothered her.
”What is humiliating, Iris?” I asked wearily.
”Listening to my daughter accuse me of being a bad mother,” she bit out. ”And you”re the good father.”
”Iris, you need to stop pressuring her to fix our marriage. The one that has been over now for four fucking years.” I dragged a hand through my hair, detesting every minute I had to be in Iris”s company. I wish I”d seen a counselor while we were getting divorced, so we could”ve created healthy boundaries earlier on. This was my fault, and I was getting my ass kicked because of it.
What didn”t help with my state of mind was that I couldn”t get over Aurora. I”d tried. In the past month, Beau and I had gone to Miami Beach when I had a meeting, and there was plenty of pussy available, just not any I was interested in. I was like a lovesick fool, wanting the woman whom I”d treated unfairly and disrespectfully. She”d loved me, I knew that and felt it, but I”d been a selfish fuck, and she didn”t trust me any longer. But as she said, I hadn”t trusted her either when I believed she was capable of doing what Sophia had said she’d done. It didn”t help that I decided to get drunk and be an asshole at the ball.
”I don”t understand why wanting my family back together is such a bad thing,” Iris continued.
”Because I don”t love you, and I don”t want to be married to you, and nothing you do, or Sophia does, is going to change that.” I”d said a variation of this to Iris numerous times.
She crossed her arms. ”Well, I”m not giving up.”
”Fine, then we”ll take this to a judge, and you can have supervised visits with your daughter. Iris, we have her for another few years; let”s not make them miserable for her, yeah?”
”Fuck you, Gabe.”
I sighed. It seemed like all our conversations ended with her cursing at me.
This week, the therapist wanted Sophia to talk about how guilty she felt for lying to me about Aurora. I”d told her there was nothing to forgive. I didn”t blame her, but her guilt was eating her up.
”I didn”t ask you to call her a gold digger, Sophia,” Iris snapped.
”No, Mama, but you called her that,” Sophia said sadly, ”I feel really bad, Daddy.”
”Sweetpea, let this go, will you? It”s alright. You”re not to blame for my relationship ending with Aurora or with your mother,” I soothed.
”What would make you feel better, Sophia?” Dr. Ryan asked. She was in her fifties and was a no-nonsense psychologist as Luna had told me. She didn”t let Iris do her dance or let me get away with my shit, either. She called it as she saw it, and I respected her for that. And the fact that Sophia was being helped as much as she was meant I was indebted to Dr. Ryan.
”Can I apologize to Aurora?” she whispered.
”Absolutely not,” Iris snapped, getting off her chair. ”You will not talk to that slut.”
”Iris, sit down,” Dr. Ryan said sharply. ”And don”t use that kind of language in front of your daughter. When you talk about a woman like that, you demean her, and that”s not acceptable.”
”Oh, please, she is a slut.”
Sophia had tears in her eyes. ”I don”t have to talk to Aurora, I guess.”
Fuck me!Iris had been manipulating this poor child, and I”d been too much of a righteous ass to see it.
”If you want to, we can set that up,” I said, looking at the therapist for confirmation, which she gave me with a nod.
”No way.” Iris sat back down, breathing hard. ”Sophia has done nothing wrong and—”
”Iris, stop talking right now,” Dr. Ryan interrupted. She never lost her temper and always stayed calm, which rattled the hell out of my ex-wife. ”Sophia did do something wrong. You saying it is not, is confusing to her. Like we have discussed previously, you have to start being transparent with Sophia.”
”I am,” Iris smiled. ”And that girl Gabe was seeing is a gold-digging slut.”
Dr. Ryan sighed. ”Gabe, I”m happy to write a report that Iris”s influence is detrimental to Sophia”s mental health and well-being if you wish to take her to a judge.”
”You bitch,” Iris growled.
Iris was losing her ever-loving mind, I thought.
”Iris,” I whispered, ”Sophia is now old enough to stand in front of a judge and tell them where she wants to stay.”
Sophia licked her lips and looked at Iris. ”Mama, I love you, but it”s becoming too hard.”
”Sophia, I”m your mother.”
”I know.” She began to weep, and I pulled her into my arms.
”This is you, turning my kid against me,” Iris accused both Dr. Ryan and me; and left the office.
I held Sophia and looked at Dr. Ryan, who smiled at me. After my daughter calmed down, Dr. Ryan asked if Sophia would be okay if she spoke to me alone. ”I just need to make sure he”s okay as I do you.”
I liked that about Dr. Ryan; she was always honest about what she was trying to do. It made Sophia trust her, which was vital in such a relationship.
When we were alone, Dr. Ryan grinned at me. ”Well, how are you feeling, Gabe?”
”Like shit. Like this is my fault. I should”ve never set our lives up as I did. I thought I was doing the best for Sophia, and now I find out that I fucked up big time,” I admitted.
”You”re a dedicated father, Gabe. And you have an authentic relationship with Sophia. Your ex-wife”s lack of self-awareness is not your fault,” she said. ”We”ve now met eight times in the past two months, and I can tell you that things are not getting better with Iris. She appears to be devolving. I hate to say this, but you need to move your home sooner than later.”
I”d been searching for a place to buy without any luck in finding something suitable. Perhaps I should settle for a temporary house now and figure out a more permanent solution later.
”Okay.”
”Is Iris still coming into your home unannounced?”
I shook my head. ”She can”t. The door is coded, and she doesn”t have access. But she does come every day to see Sophia, but only when I”m home.”
”And during her week?”
”I talk to Sophia every night to check in with her. She puts on a good act of being happy, but I know she”s feeling like shit.”
”My goal is to do what”s best for the child, and usually that means having both parents involved. However, if this situation with Sophia continues, you may have to consider petitioning for sole custody,” Dr. Ryan warned.
”I know.”
”But you don”t want to.”
”Sophia is going to carry even more guilt, for hurting her mother. I just wish Iris would get her head out of her ass.”
”I do this a lot, Gabe, and I can assure you that Iris is not going to change,” Dr. Ryan confirmed what I already knew. ”Will you be able to set up some time and space for Sophia to talk to Aurora?”
”What do you recommend?”
She took a deep breath. ”I don”t know Aurora, so I don”t know how this meeting will go. It may damage Sophia further.”
”Aurora is a sweetheart,” I said, ”She”ll not hurt Sophia.”
”Do you know your eyes light up whenever you say her name?” she asked.
I frowned. ”Do they?”
”Yes. This relationship was important to you.”
”Yes,” I choke out because losing Aurora was almost physically painful. Worse, knowing that I”d hurt her, wounded her, was torture. I understood Sophia”s guilt because I carried the same and then some.
”Any chance of reconciliation?”
I let out a short bark of laughter. ”I don”t think so. I lost her trust.”
Dr. Ryan nodded. ”I”m going to let you decide if you want Sophia to meet with Aurora. And whether you want to be there during this meeting or not.”
”That is if Aurora agrees to meet with Sophia.”
”From how you talk about Aurora, she seems like the kind of person who wouldn”t want a thirteen-year-old to carry needless guilt.”